Should I really feel this way?

I hope OP realizes he is beign selfish.

What should a parent say when they see their kid heading in a wrong direction? There are two possible answers:
1- Good job, keep it up, I love you.
2- You are ruining your life.

The first one will result in a person who doesn't give a damn about anything - oh yeah, I've seen them, 'free food, free healthcare, free anything is all they care about.

The second one is the one I heard my whole life. Of course, like 99% of the population out there, I thought my parents were beign too harsh, and never really tried to please them one bit. Then college time came. Because of the sloppy grades I had, we coudln't get a scholarship - still, my parents told me not to worry, they would pay for it.

First couple semester, ok, I didn't realize what they were going through to pay for my college career - they never told me, I didn't care. All I knew was that I finally had some freedom and life was great without them interfering. My plan was to be an average student, and get out of school as soon as possible so I could move on with my own life.

But later, I realized life wasn't that simple, at least not for them. My dad, now in his mid 60s, should have retired by now. Instead, he works 6 days a week, from 7AM to 9PM. His hair color is no longer black, instead it's greyish/dark. Everytime I see him it saddens me, had I tried harder in school, like they always told me, maybe he could be enjoying life by now. Had I tried harder during my first few semesters in college maybe I could have graduated in 4 years, not in 5.

Been pushing really hard for the last 3 semesters, but frankly it's impossible to make up for the year I lost. It's impossible to make up for the scholarship I never won. Sometimes I wish time travel was possible so I could go back and do things right, but that's impossible as well.

I hope OP can one day see the good side of humanity the way I did, else, I really hope he can find that little black box that he is talking about so he can realize how miserable his life will be without others.

BTW OP, deleting your facebook account does not delete your friends. You may have isolated yourself, but that's not making things better for you, or care to tell us how your life has improved ever since you did that?

Deep down, you don't want to be alone, think about it, why else would you let the ATS community of your situation if you didn't care about humans. Remember, the community here is all humans(or who knows, maybe a couple aliens too, but for the most part humans ). Obviously you wanted someone to know about you, and though you said we are less than insects, you didn't tell a single insect your problems, you told us.

Anyways, that's all I got to say, but if it makes a difference, I'll also tell you that you can be a great person if you really tried to, no matter if everyone has been telling you otherwise your whole life.

Cheers!

You have every right to feel the way you do. Some of us have come from where you are right now, and there is no better feeling in the world than to know you that beat them. The best revenge is a good life. Never let anyone tell you what you are, because sooner or later you'll start listening to them.

reply to post by ldyserenity


Then I guess your other options are to look down the barrel of a loaded weapon and pull the trigger, jump, hang, or get in the tub with the hair dryer, just to name a few methods. Since you haven't done these things is obvious because you decided to whine about it on here. You had no encouragement, so you believed it, pretty stupid to listen to other peoples negativity if you ask me. If you really wanted to go to college, why didn't you move out if them claiming you as a dependant was getting in the way? Pretty simple that would have been and I don't care about the excuse, if you want something bad enough, the barriers are just an illusion.

So what are the excuses now? Do you still want to go to college? You still can you know, my mom didn't go back until she was 33, a friend of mine didn't go back until she was 46, and I've seen people on campus even older than that deciding that they are going to spend retirement going to college because they weren't able to when they were younger. Life is what we make of it and you have two options at this point judging by your attention seeking post, either just go ahead, quit screwing around and just kill yourself, or you can actually do something to make it better. Only you can make this decision, no one else.

ldyserenity, please get off the 'poor me' pity routine and realize that there is only one person on this planet that can determine the course of your life - and it isn't your parents, your friends, or anyone other than YOU.

To think otherwise is shifting blame off of yourself and on-to those around you.

So you screwed around in school and had to repeat a grade? Who's fault was that? Your parents claimed you as a dependent and you couldn't get aid? I suspect that there is far more to the story - and that you didn't research your options. There are millions of dollars out there for aid - get with an aid-specialist and get to work. People told you you're ugly? F*!k em! You are giving those people control over your life! Don't be so weak!

Let me tell you a story -

I know a kid that was raised in a devoutly religious family. So religious that if he missed one of the 3x a week he was supposed to be in church, he was grounded until the next church appt. When he got old enough, he started to question God and each time it was brought up - he was beaten.

He began to act-out against his upbringing at about 13. At 14 he was sent to a Christian school. At 15 he was sent away to a Christian boarding school and was introduced to drugs. At 16 he was expelled from boarding school and returned home where the bad behavior continued. His grades were crap. Once an honors student - he was now struggling with remedial classes and as a result - stopped showing up and just spent a lot of time stoned.

He was sent to drug rehab at 17. When he got out, his parents - still vigilent in their destructive ultra-religious ways - expected perfection, and the reality was far from it. He was arrested for loitering and prowling and as a result, this kid was kicked out of the house at a very young 17.

Nowhere to go - nothing to eat.

He spent some time sleeping at friend's houses, and wisened up and got a job as a laborer at a steel mill. In Florida. Put the two together - hot steel and 100 degree days in a warehouse with no A/C. Eventually, he rented a room out from a local, and lived there for 3 years - working the steel.

He decided to go to night school to complete his GED. He continued and got an education in television production.

Fast forward 15 years.

This "kid" now has a beautiful house, wonderful family, and is an Emmy winning videographer/editor.

That kid was me - and there's nobody to blame but ME. It wasn't my parents fault - it was my poor decisions. Yes, they could have done things differently - but they didn't. I MADE THE CHOICES - THEY DIDN'T.

Now quit your whining and get off your ass.

The world is at your feet - all you have to do is figure it out.

Spoiled American kid IMO.

He/She is mad because his/her parents won't pay for his/her college funds?
wow.

everyone goes through bad times, its up to you to make the best of it.

reply to post by LiveForever8


Thank you Liveforever8 for that pic. Exactly OP, get over yourself. How about prove all of those people wrong!!! How about get a school loan and pay for college yourself and PROVE THOSE PEOPLE WRONG!!!

Use how you feel as fuel for pushing yourself higher. PROVE THOSE PEOPLE WRONG!!! I bet you 100% you'll feel a lot better and you WILL be a lot better than you were before. You and I know you can do it. Quit complaining and show everyone how good you can be. That alone will throw it in there face and you'll walk away with a smile.

Q

seek help from a professional.

getting validation or advice off an internet forum for conspiracy theories and such is not the best choice.

remember that your entire world starts with you and your perception. If you need help in understanding, in making clear where you are at and what you can do in the world, then please, seek help from a professional and qualified person.
Many people are filled with loathing for others or for themselves.

the world doesn't really happen to you, you happen to it.
seek help.

I can empathize with how you feel. I myself went through some bad personal times some years ago, and I frequently considered not wanting to be alive. My personal anguish was intense, and I knew that my experience was all within ME, that the outside world couldn't truly relate to or comprehend what I was going through. Someone I respected told me to simply, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself". That angered me, and seemed an insult. At the time. Now, 21 years later, I can see that that person brought it down to brass tacks and didn't sugar-coat the message. Notice I said 21 years ago. Today I have a job that I love, I'm married to an understanding woman who loves me, and I enjoy my friends and playing music. If I had decided not to live, none of this would be a reality for me now.

I noticed that everyone ignored Liveforever8's post with the pic of the starving child and the vulture waiting for the child to die. That picture says more than anyone else has said in this thread. You either fight for yourself and your life, or throw in the towel. There is no middle road here.

LIFE IS TRANSITORY. OUR PLEASURES, OUR PAIN, OUR LOVES; ALL THINGS PASS IN TIME.

This is the human condition. People can be cruel and uncaring. Nature can wipe out your town with a tornado, or strike you down with a deadly cancer tomorrow. People can be loving and supportive. Nature can supply a cure for your cancer. The tornado can wipe out your town, but somehow MISS YOUR HOUSE. There are no guarantees or promises of happiness simply for being alive. You must create your own reality for yourself. What your life is and will be is now your responsibility. you no longer have the luxury of blaming others for what your life is. If you don't like your life, change it. And yes, get over yourself....and then throw a party

I'm eighteen, my girlfriend became pregnant intentionally, I dropped out of high school to work full time to support her and my unborn son.

Now my son is here; and I've applied for the airforce. I plan on taking a correspondence course to acheive the credit I needed to graduate- From there, I hope to apply for regional police forces and the RCMP in the second year of my three year contract.

Is this the life I wanted?
No. Heck no.

I had so much. I was a good rugby player, I had a great social life, I had a plan.

But life threw me a curve ball- So I swung for the fences.

And my girlfriend- Who got pregnant purposely?
I was fuming mad in the begining. I was dating a girl for nine months, who wanted to be with me even knowing my situation.
However, the mother of my child ruined it for me.

How do I feel now?

I forgive her.

I guess my point is, life takes us for a spin. It's never easy.
But if you don't fight for what you want, no one will hand it over to you.


To close this, I'll give an example from my family; if you'd like to read on, please do!

On my mother's side of the family, her cousins all came from nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

My second cousin set out, in the same situation as I am today.
He wanted more out of life, he wanted something better.
Despite having no education in the begining, he persued his education throughout his life. He has two masters to this day- And, owns a home likely close to 1-1.2 million dollars.
He is my inspiration.
I look at him and think, "Why not me?"

And why not me?
It's what I want, and I have every intention of getting there- Someday.


Sorry you feel the way you do OP, but I have no pitty for a sob story.
Life is rough. You either get rough with life, or get left behind.

Usually this is a sign that One is ready for ego death. It is a very advanced state and few ever get there. It is time for you to move beyond duality and to experience nonduality for yourself. Beyond good and evil, happy and sad, etc.

Your in this state for a reason, though it is a double edge sword. You can use it for ego death or spend the rest of your life in bitterness.

reply to post by ldyserenity


Hey, one last thing. Notice all those stars on the pic that liveforever 8 posted?

The reality of the situation is the world is a harsh place. Looking for and expecting sympathy (not saying that is what you are doing) will get nobody anywhere...maybe besides a sign on the side of the road asking for help...and there are a lot of good people that beg believe it or not, but nonetheless they are weak...be the person who helps the beggar. Dont be the beggar.

But I digress, having an outlet is important too, just keep your situation in perspective. Just the fact you are able to enter an online forum (presumably) from the comfort of your own home basically puts you in positions that over half the world only could dream of.

To OP:
I wish I could erase all the typical responses to your post from people who just want to hard-line you and have no real idea what it's like to feel this way!

I've felt exactly like you so many times. I totally hear you and understand! And I say that from a place of complete NON-judgment, as someone who's been there far too many times.

I've often felt myself that I don't want to be on this god-forsaken planet. It's true, we always have a choice. I've chosen to live out my natural life for as long as God wants me here.

I decided that as long as I'm still breathing, and the sun rises each day, there is always a chance for newness. But really it's a decision only an individual can make for themselves, as I'm sure you've already been told countless times.

Knowing that you have the power to choose your perception and reaction - and how you reframe the past and the people in it who did you wrong - can only help.

Also, it really is true that focusing on what you have to be grateful for, even if it's just a roof over your head, can really reframe your mind so that things feel tolerable.

The good news is we won't be here forever, so let's try to find whatever little joy we can while we're here.

There were many times in my life where I felt like I couldn't & wouldn't go on - but ultimately - it's a choice between life and death. If you're not prepared to end your life, which I sincerely hope you don't, then get busy living! In the end, those are your only two choices.

I spent years alone, lonely - and now, after too many years suffering - I actually have a good man in my life! And a decent way to make a living from home. Things DO turn around - even if you've suffered for 30 years!

You never know when that day comes when you wake up and things turn around - but it also has to be a decision you make and the way you frame your reality in your mind. It's all relative.

Many blessings and I hear you and support you!


reply to post by ldyserenity

reply to post by ldyserenity


So you want sympathy?

If you truly wanted the world to end, you wouldn't be telling "us" these things.

We don't hold the answer you are looking for though, you are.

reply to post by ldyserenity


I used to be like you, I used to feel the same way. after a while, I realized how it consumed me, just like its doing to you.

unfortunately, I also found it was just my way of going 'waaa waaaa waaaa why wont everyone do it my way' in a juvenile temper tantrum.

odd thing is, life is what you make of it. You can only be as happy as you let yourself. When you think the world has turned its back on you, it usually ends up that you've turned your back on the world, and this is the reaction you're seeing.

Disconnect yourself from the news feed, take a break, reconnect with yourself first before going back out there and seeing what life really is.

reply to post by moonzoo7

You either fight for yourself and your life, or throw in the towel.

I'll throw in mine. It smells like poo.

Still, no one gets it. When you have fought, and fought and fought and there's nothing left to fight with, your strength is completely gone, your will is completely gone- all that the peanut gallery can provide is 'don't be selfish, you twit'. I don't mean you, personally, but some of these other posters need a good slap across the face. Not an insult, or a threat... they just NEED one.

That pic? That is where people like her ARE- emotionally and mentally. The vulture is EVERYONE ELSE- the selfish ba$#()!s who think it's cute to fault her for her life coming apart at the seams. I am the same way- I am mentally and emotionally completely drained OUT. There's nothing left but existing, breathing, and little else.

Personally, I think the OP needs a big hug and to be fed cookies, and just be held by someone who loves her very much. I do too- but I lack anyone who even wants to begin to love me. Which, of course, is my OWN fault. BTW- the more the peanut gallery spits out that rhetoric, the more my remaining faith in humanity (which is already so low, i have to dig a hole to see where it is) drops.

well here it is.............

i agre with you! about 95% of humans are useless,destructive and no good. they f**k more things up in this world than anything. they also
are cruel to each other to the point of severe negative impact.

I was in your shoes at one time my friend, and it was not a nice feeling.
everything you have explained about how you feel? i was there.

But then one day after about 17 yrs of people being ignorant and stupid towards me, i decided to change EVERYRTHING about my existence. i ended up giving everything i had away,being homeless and living in the redwoods in n. california.i wont go into details of my excursions but they were life changing.

im pretty much the same today, but i am happy. because when you least expect it...the universe will answer, you just have to make sure your listening.

reply to post by ChrisBenoit


I feel ya in this post. Me and my girlfriend had all these plans of traveling the globe, she just got her BA, and was going to apply for graduate school, we had all these big plans, but now it turns out she is pregnant. She is 13 weeks and we first found out about it a couple of weeks ago. Does this ruin our lives? No, not at all. Was this the plan? Nope, we would have wanted this a few years down the road. But guess what, the plans change, and this isn't the end of the world, but the beginning of a new life not only for the baby but for us. We still plan to travel, it's just postponed and she still plans on continuing her education and I plan on going back to school anyway, but now I have a bigger motivation. Got to make the best of what you got and can do with it, not sit around whining about what you don't have.

CHOICE comes from self.

Emotions are Internal not external.

No matter what happens in life - YOU CHOOSE the next step.

reply to post by ldyserenity


I understand that you are hurting and that you are angry. Hearing about all the bad things that have happened to you, I don't blame you for being mad because you have a right to be angry about all that stuff. But holding onto that anger is only going to make your situation worse.

Maybe you should try to look at your unique situation as a personal challenge. In my personal beliefs, we all decided to incarnate on this Earth in order for our spirits to experience pain, joy and for growth that would not be possible in a non-physical plane of existence.

Imagine the joy and independence that you will feel when you overcome all of these struggles, and prove to everyone that has knocked you down that you overcame their obstacles.

Once you get to a certain age, you don't need anyone anymore. You have to pull yourself up from your own bootstraps. I know you can do that, because my own father did that. He went from being homeless to becoming a doctor. He did this by doing various small jobs so that he could feed himself, he later enlisted in the Army, and then they paid for his medical school bills. It is possible.

=)

reply to post by ldyserenity


I don't know your name. I have not seen you. But I share your story.

My life was misery. The failures in my life seemed to amplify to the point where I felt nothing was any longer achievable, but there is balance and symmetry in nature; and it is coming back in force.

Please live your life doing what you love, even if it's something small and no one else sees the value.

You will find yourself in that.