Should I really feel this way?

i wasn't going to say anything. so much for that idea huih. i just have a
question first off, if you respond, i'll probly have more. you've generated
an above average response w/ this thread. i'd say around 97% pos
reaction, from people who know what you are going through and simpathising w/ you. as far as i can tell genuine in thier articles.
how does this make you feel ?
not trying to analyse you,or pick your brain .just the short answer.
a few words or just one.
how do you feel about the fact that people can actually give crap
about you, when they havn't ever even met you?

Originally posted by theflashor
Life is what you make it. I have been # on, i have had a # upbringing do you see me whining about it? no! get on with it pal!

You are obviously depressed you need a new structure to your life somthing that is meaningfull to you. You must have ambitions? you need to crawl out of your hole, find a new crowd of people (people you can trust). Theres many different groups you could join.

I will also add that your own negativity does not help anyone else be happy either. Start changing your self before you wish for others to change!

Posts like yours iritate me because there is always somone worse of. So get over your past (like i have) and look to the future. As i said your future is what you make it.

Indeed.

Like a room of people who have balanced, positive energy bias and somebody enters who is depressed, even if all the people in the room are faced away from the door and cannot see that person, the collective vibrations in the room will decline to a negative bias, inversely, a person who has abundant cheer and positive energy can walk into a room where the same people will then feel happier without seeing that person entering the room.

These vibrations are within us all, you can shift the polarity you simply have to work out what works for you and dwelling upon the negative will prevent you.

Hence what i've said about debriefing from modernity for a while, then there''s more to do of course but you will no doubt feel better and more empowered to do so by disconnecting from the commonality of people and the built up and false environment for a while and back to nature.

Sorry to repeat myself but....

Paxus.

[edit on 10-8-2009 by DeltaPan]

reply to post by ldyserenity


If you don't want to get over it then you're right, you won't. For evidence of that I refer you to your quote:

"Believe you can, or believe you can't, either way, you're right!" - Henry Ford

I'm still pretty young (in my mid 20s), but I've found that there is plenty around every corner to be discontent with. However, more often than not they are not worthy of interrupting your progress - which is what life is about. Greater than your career, or your family situation, or your financial well-being, though, is your spiritual progress. Serving God is our point and purpose above all others in this life. God, who created us, means for us to live by His ways, and to do His will.

And as a side note, it doesn't do anyone any good to constantly focus on the downside of everything. Your parents and school mates may not have been considerate and compassionate enough in their approach with you, but they are not all bad. Their inadequacies also show that they suffer from the same things that you are suffering from, and suffered from (ie: whatever caused high school to be hellish rather than bearable). Have some compassion on those who do not show enough, as they were probably not shown enough themselves and only carry on in what they know. You can also carry on in the same way, or you can choose to make the change for yourself and, indirectly, those who you impact. That's another reason why we need God.

Also, don't think that you're alone in your discontent. The popularity of this post is evidence for that. There are a lot of very compassionate people here who mean well, even if their answers are less than you want to hear. Many of them suffered through the same, and they want to motivate you to get yourself out of it. But that's the key here: if you are unwilling to get yourself out of it, if you just want to go on hating people with a one-sided understanding, then nothing will change. Again: Believe you can, or believe you can't, either way, you're right!

I would like to be all compassionate and supportive about this, but I can't.

I was in the same situation, bullied, teased, and tormented throughout my school life. In elementary school, not a day went by where I wasn't being pushed into the stinging nettles or plastered with snow balls, often with rocks in them. Not a day went by where my "clique" didn't let me know that I was just a dumbass and not worth the dirt under their shoes.

My father, who had been a great play pal for my first 6 years, became withdrawn and disinterested in me as soon as I started going to school. He felt like a stranger living in our house to me. For a while, my mother was my refuge, even though she tended to smother me. But at the age of 12, my godfather started making sexual passes at me, and when I finally managed to tell my mother, expecting her to protect me, she "stabbed me in the back." All she said was to keep it a secret and not talk about it. From that day on, I felt like an orphan.

In my first job, I had to deal with sexual harassment by my superior. When I tried to set my boundaries, he started backstabbing as well, and I ended up getting fired, while he of course stayed on the job and probably got a raise or something.

I could go on and on and on about the traumatic experiences I've had, but let me tell you -- all this has ultimately made me stronger. I think there are two types of people: the ones that keep getting up when they fall down, and the ones who just stay face-down in the mud and complain about how other people ruined their lives.

Yes, I still acknowledge that people did bad things to me... but by the age of, say, 25, I think you're responsible for yourself and what becomes of you. If you're messed up emotionally and psychologically and you don't like it, then CHANGE it, for crying out loud!

That's what I did. In my 20s I bought every self-help book I could get my hands on and started doing the exercises in there. It worked, slowly but surely. Later I had two years of group therapy to overcome my emotional scars. It was quite painful, but after two years, I felt like a new person. Throughout my life, I made efforts to overcome my limitations and move on. Today I'm happily married with a lovely 6-year-old son, have a great job and a great life... because I worked for it.

And talking about college: these days kids come out of college and aren't able to get a qualified job, so they end up as a cashier at the grocery store. College is WAY overrated.

So, to make it short, I don't have any sympathy for people who just blame the whole world for their misfortune. If you were 15, I'd pity you, but since you're what, 40-something, I just think you're lazy. You, and you alone, have the power to make something out of yourself; if you don't, don't ask me to feel sorry for you.

[edit on 10-8-2009 by sylvie]

reply to post by Jools


I'm sure some advice here could be helpful if used in the right way...but I suggest the OP go to a forum meant for the troubles they are facing. Better yet get help in real life.

Most of the posts here will just be viewpoints on life.

And a lot of the people here will mention that there is people that have it worse off, and basically just to try harder in one way or another. Any therapist could tell you that is an ignorant way to try to help a person. That might work on a person who naturally has a stable chemical balance, and has just been feeling sad.

Telling a person that, "I've gone through worse stuff and I'm not wallowing in my self-pity" isn't really helpful at all. Do you tell a schizophrenic person, "Just stop seeing that crap. It's not there. I've gone through worse crap and I don't see stuff"

I believe the OP needs treatment in some form. This is coming from someone who has suffered from depression their entire life and had a difficult road to recovery.

reply to post by ldyserenity


Listen man, it happens to all of us, in one form or another.

I think that a speech from a movie, can be encouraging. Up to the part where he talks about life.

www.youtube.com...

reply to post by ldyserenity


What does being a mother mean to you? What did you feel when your first child was born? What have you done to help your children have a different future?

I think these are legitimate questions as you mention your children and your own childhood a lot. We can't change the past. It is what it is. All you can do is effect the future. It is your outlook that will help mold your children and once you commit, it is very hard to change course.

While I can empathize with you, I don't agree with your philosophy. It is at these times that we define ourselves. Don't be a quitter.

Originally posted by Nickmare
reply to post by Jools

 

I'm sure some advice here could be helpful if used in the right way...but I suggest the OP go to a forum meant for the troubles they are facing. Better yet get help in real life.

I believe the OP needs treatment in some form. This is coming from someone who has suffered from depression their entire life and had a difficult road to recovery.

I have to agree with you on those points. I am not an advagater of pushing pills on anyone but I think in Serenities case it might be of benefit especially as there seems to be almost suicidal thoughts coming out.
She sure needs to see someone like a counsellor or GP.

I am surprised on reading this thread through that the last few posts have been quite insensitive and negative. After all, we are here to share stuff and give postiveness to this person...not to kick them down which they have been going through already.

reply to post by ldyserenity
I just read your OP and I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It really sucks sometimes here, really, really....

I have been through the worst 4 years of my life, and during a lot of that time felt the way you are feeling. I won't drone on about my issues on your thread, but just know that when it gets the very very worst you can imagine it to be, that is the moment to surrender. Just surrender to it. Feel the pain, feel the emotions, let yourself cry and scream. As corny as it sounds, through surrender you will find your power.

I know from some past threads that you are a bit spiritual, or I think you are. And an earlier poster mentioned the fact that we do PLAN out our incarnations here. We are in a soul school and each and every situation that is placed in front of you, here in the illusion, is a chance for you to react to it. It is an ILLUSION. Surrender, pull back and imagine looking at yourself and your situation from the vantage point of yourself as a light being or your higher self. Just sit up there and look at your self. You can begin to detach and sort out the puzzle, and maybe even have a laugh.

My situation is still a tad challenging, well very challenging, but I continue to plod on, knowing this is the end of this cycle, only a few years left, duality is ending. If you know that your contract is up, then it is up, but I have a feeling this is just another bump in the road to test your reaction. We all love you! Chin up!

reply to post by sylvie


Speaking of stinging nettles brings me to mind of what happened when i was 15, nearly 16.

Walking through Muswell Hill, London, England, with a friend, same age, who was in a children's home near the estate i was dragged up on who wanted to collect some stuff from a relatives place in Crouch end.

As we walked to the bus stop on actual Muswell hill, he was harangued and told to feck off while i was frogmarched to the bus shelter by the pub 'The Green Man, great name.

I was accused of being a traitor to the white race, other excuses emerged after but that's what they snarled at me at the time by literally 14-16 British Movement and National Front skinheads in full garb, because my friend was Mauritian, one who said that threw a load of punches into my jaw and side of my head and as i fell i got a kicking like they were a pack of dogs, which didn't last long but because i'd been abused physically for years by my mother and given untold severe and savage punishment beatings a few years before i was in care myself between age 11 and 15, she started taking things out on me from age 7, i stupidly bounced back on my feet.

They then chased me into The Grove, Alexandra park, gave me another serious kicking there, only about 7-8 that time though, lasting what seemed ages but must've only been a few minutes.

They walked away and again i bounced straight back up and dripping with blood started to walk away, they saw me and turned, i ran and vaulted a back garden fence and tried to knock on doors for help, nobody did anything, i ran out into Muswell Hill again and walked up, some skinheads came from where i had ran from and chased me up the hill into more of them, down into the disused railway line walk between Muswell hill and Highgate woods and i was already badly beaten and out of breath etc but 3 of them kicked me along the path, under Muswell Hill subway at the start of the walk and several other joined in kicking 3.

Left me there for dead, in a pile of stinging nettles, which are still there now and i still go back there and recall it. [I did a bit of graffiti in that tunnel a few years later as it goes, now nicely painted over, "White Worlocks 4Ever" being one among my glyphs etc.]

I died in the ambulance from systemic shock and revived, of course.

[British Movement skinheads had mobilised from East London because of an arguement with a reggae group in a youth club, "The Monster Club", had cut off Muswell Hill in numbers of around 100, massing on corners etc.]
I've had adversities all my life, but however negative my reflexes are i always manage to transpose negative to positive.

My mothers physical abuse actually did me a favour in that situation through tolerance to violence.

The skinheads did me a Huge favour were they to know it i doubt they'd have touched me knowing how much they understand the occult, not much but enough to get it were they to somehow have known, which of course they didn't, roflma at them all the time now.

Everything has a polarity, depends on how ye want to see it, retrospectively, it is simple to transpose negative experience to positive however bad any experience was when experienced but dwelling upon the negatives in life is simply self destructive once you have survived them.

Not the only time i've died either, two other times neither nice, dead and back again, the sun keeps a shinin though!


Paxus.


[edit on 10-8-2009 by DeltaPan]

Never give up my friend. Some things are worth fighting for. Some things take years of fighting but in the end the effort is worth it.

Don't melt from the heat, be tempered by it.

reply to post by ldyserenity
Sometimes,when I am feeling strong,I feel pity for everyone else who just thinks they are,and are not.

The Ego is a dangerous thing

Disconnect,but don't burn bridges unless you are a Bridge Builder.

The water is deep and cold,and the critters who live in it only see you as food.

Some people are naturally stronger emotionally than others. For the OP as well as many others, they feel things more deeply, are more sensative. People's lack of compassion would be best left to themselves instead of telling the OP you have no sympathy. That will not help her in any way. Perhaps a medication for depression/anxiety might help. The trick is to get the right medicine and dosage that is best for you.

You did the right thing by coming here and sharing your feelings. It always helps to get things out rather than keeping everything inside. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Each and every human being has the potential to be the best that they can be. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes, fall down and get back up again. It is very easy in these days to get discouraged and overwhelmed by the people and world around us. We live in a fast paced environment with rules and regulations. We need to find our solace somewhere. One poster mentioned being out in nature and how that helps. I feel renewed and serene after being out in nature, especially near the ocean. Do the things that you love to do, let your light shine out into the world. The people of your past shouldn't have a hold of you. To hell with them. LOL Wishing you well on your journey.

reply to post by ldyserenity


Sorry I've nothing helpful to say, and no useful advice, but I'm sort of in the same place you are right now, just struggling to stay afloat. Here are some songs you might like though...I know I can relate to them, and sometimes that's enough to keep me going for a bit longer, knowing that I'm not alone.

Originally posted by ldyserenity
reply to post by grapesofraft

 

That's why I said it becomes self fulfilling and believe me a weaker person probably would've become a psychopathic killer! So back off!

No normal people wouldn't think of becoming a killer, Grow up !! and seriously stop feeling sorry for yourself and attention whoring , take a long look at the picture posted above, then say that your hard done by lol theres always someone worse of than you!

So as for stopping it from happening to somebody else...well all I can do and have done is teach my children not to treat people that way. I think my exit point is coming up real soon and I will take it.If you read Sylvia Browne or even know her work some other way you'll understand what that is.

I can honestly say that my early life was exactly as you described it, except I also had to deal with being born with a dad who tried to kill us all and a mom who loved to tell us how stupid we all are. on top of that I'm a little person who was born with cerebral palsy and carataconia that makes me half blind. So yeah I can feel where you're coming from OP. But having said that I want to add...
If you have kids then why are you talking about your 'exit point'? Did you think of them at all?? How that would affect them?
And how can you be tired of it all and everyone when you're blessed with children??!!!
After years of infertility hell I had to deal with the fact that I will never have children and it made me want to end it all.
So please try to count your blessings, your children. I mean honestly how can you be like you are in the OP when you have children?!!



[edit on 10-8-2009 by FunSized]