How can this thread not be about religion. There are nuts out there that take things way to far. ALL and i mean all organized religions have the BS of join us or be dammed. its gotten to a point that most people are getting smart enough to see through religion. Its there to control you thats it, put you in a place where you have no control unless your god or savior says so, its pathetic. I give props to the OP for doing what she did ; enrolled in the military so she could provide a future to her children. I am truly sadden by the outcome. most ATS users who are religious,or their next generation in the coming years will not be I guarantee. why? because we deny ignorance.

[edit on 5-7-2009 by IchooseFreewill]

This is a really sad story hazel and another example of religion ripping families apart. Your mother sounds like the one headed for hell and I think muzzleflash is being a bit out of order. You cant judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes and you sound like you have had a terrible time of it. I wish you all the best in the future, hopefully your daughter will see sense before it it not too late.

I am truly sorry to hear your story. As I was reading, the thoughts that popped into my head were distasteful to your mother and the JW's. The old me would have written that they are horrible people, your mom, too.

The me that has been breaking out of this cocoon lately, is telling me that first off, you need to forgive your self. Really and truely forgive your self.
This is not easy, but it will set you free.

And then, somehow, through self counseling or meditation or other means, forgive your mother. This is even harder to do. But this, too, will set you free.

I am not a religious person, I am very spiritual. Our thoughts, whether positive or negative, have a 'butterfly effect' on the collective consciousness. If we dwell on bad feelings, that permeates outward and all are affected in some way.

Lightening your load, will lighten you.

My mother was very overbearing over my first daugher. Not like yours, but bad enough. I was not going to have my first daughter. My decision had been made, and so was the appointment. My mother found out and was in my face 24/7 until I cancelled the appt and agreed to have the baby. Loooong story short, she doted over this child, terribly. All but ignored my daugher #2.

Getting through the forgivenss process takes time, but I think it's well worth it.

As I read back over my post, I realized something... I think forgiving myself has been harder than forgiving others...

I am not out of order. I am simply being realistic.

I was the only one who gave her suggestions to fix the situation as well. Everyone else apparently just says "im sorry for you how sad".

You just do not know what it is like for your parents to leave you unless they did. There is no way in hell you can figure out how it feels, without going through it.

It is a lifelong struggle to get over it, and stop blaming my parents for everything wrong in my own life.

I had to learn that only I am responsible for me now, and when things go wrong in my life it is directly my fault.

My mother still lives in denial, lying constantly to cover up the fact she simply screwed up.

I only wanted to help the OP avoid that, and be 10000x better than my mom.

It is never too late. There is always time to fix things. But we must be honest about our own mistakes, and face up to them.

That is the source of forgiveness.

Hazelnut, this is a painful story. But the past is the past. What's done is done.

Blaming yourself or your mother is useless now. You did what you thought was best at the time. Remind yourself of that. You are not guilty of anything other than trusting your daughter to someone that maybe you shouldn't have. Apparently your mother believes she did the best she could at the time also. Your daughter has no part in any of the decision making, because she was a child.

All three of you are grown now. It's important to live in the present.
Try to accept your Mom, your adult daughter, and yourself for the people you are now.

Your daughter needs to see you for the woman you are now. A real live human being who loves her, a worthwhile human being, and one who wants to be a part of her life. The same with your mother.

Remember your mother does not hold all the cards. She has a great deal to lose here...... her own daughter, if she hasn't already. Your daughter does not hold all the cards either....She stands to lose her own mother.

Can you start over? Lay all your cards on the table. Accept one another for the people you are now.

The past has been unhappy. Maybe the future doesn't have to be?

Originally posted by Hazelnut
My mother divorced my father to marry his brother when I was 10. My cousins became my step-brothers and sisters. My father was TDY on an unaccompanied tour when she did it. My uncle-dad left us a couple years later, after he put his four kids in an orphanage. My mom abandoned us. I lived on the streets for six years. My life was not your run-of-the-mill childhood either.

I'm astonished that you would give that woman custody of your own kids for any reason. My parents are pretty "normal", but I would never give them custody of my kids, mostly because my mom would have them vaccinated, send them to public school, give them soda, and let them watch Sponge Bob...

I understand tho, you were striving for something you thought would make things better, but ended up making things far worse. Sometimes you are your worst enemy.

All you can hope for now is that your daughter will one day wake up and begin to see the truth about the cult and your mother's oppression of her. Then perhaps your daughter will want to talk to you about it.

Unfortunately though, she may never forgive you... as muzzleflash is an example of how the emotional turmoil of such a situation can stick with a person well into adulthood.

Edited to add:

Nevermind. My parents aren't really that "normal" since they let the State raise me from about age 10-17... aside of that though, they are normal working-class sheeple.



[edit on 7/5/2009 by eMachine]

My sympathies to you.

But, sadly this is a very common occurrence. Christians tend to infiltrate Social Services departments on every level, steering contracts and stealing children to give to members of the various congregations.

Please read a little history before you start defending Christians: their history, past and present, is replete with child-stealing: ask any Native American, Aborigine, or any Third-Worlder. They do it for the "best of reasons" to "save the children". Bull. They are child-stealers for the purpose of furthering their religious crap through brainwashing children, since any reasoning adult rejects it.

On a practical matter, what you have described is an illegal conspiracy. I would shop around for a good lawyer and bring civil and criminal charges against mother, school, church, and agency. If you can prove that a memebr of the congregation onvolved was employed by each of those entities and they could have or might have had input on what happened, you probably have a good case. Try checking with some women's rights and family rights centers nearby. Men tend to go through this more than women, I think, so try some fathers' rights organization, too. If a pattern develops with a lot of the same people doing the same thing to a variety of others, the cases could be combined into a powerful suit.




[edit on 5-7-2009 by apacheman]

[edit on 5-7-2009 by apacheman]

Wow, muzzleflash, that was some raw, unedited truth. I think you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.

Issues like this are never just black or white. Everyone has their own perspective. I, for one, would never leave my child. Period.

Everyday this summer I have had two neighborhood children spend most of the day at my home - six to eight hour blocks of time. They are not more than six years old. No one ever checks on them. We feed them, we watch them play, we give them a safe place to be. At the end of the day we make sure they get home safe before dark. I've never even met one of the children's parents, just older siblings.

People make some unbelievable choices when it comes to their kids. I'm not saying Hazelnut was wrong, I'm just saying these situations are complicated and in today's world, many parents opt for the path of least resistance.

Everything has consequences. I try not to judge. I wish you and the OP the best of circumstances and peace.



[edit on 5/7/2009 by kosmicjack]