Spare the Rod , Spoil the Child (today's youth)

reply to post by MatterNot


This is very true. Physical punishment is never to be used as revenge, always a corrective measure to be done with a cool head. The point is not to hate the child it is to lovingly correct it's behaviour, in the case that the child only responds to tough love. The childs behaviour and apropriate action will become apparent early on.

It really really comes down to the child. Period. Some are very sensitive. On many, like mine, time outs do work. The sensitive ones you can do damage with physical punishment. Others,that is all that works.

It is all about medium ground. Kids get into trouble. But that is also a sign of lack of attention, ambition, boredome, etc. Ambitious people don't sit around doing nothing, so you don't want to do to much to curb curiousity and ambition.

What parents need to do is guide. Figure out the source of the problem, then approach it. A one size fits all can inhibit a child's progress.

Getting in trouble at school? Are they really being bad or are they facing social issues? Is punishing them really gonna help or make things work? Do they need glasses? If a child seems to constantly get into stuff, like paint, your closet, and places they know they shouldn't be, you have an explorer or scientist on your hands, and that can be redirected.

I have a high energy, high maintenance child. So we always have to take him out. Take him places, it is exhausting. But it minimizes the damage.

A lot of problems stem from boredome!!!

When I was a teen, I had an adult say to me once: I am so glad I am not a young person these days, there is nothing to do. We used to be able to park on the side of the road somewhere and at least play with our cars. You can't even do that anymore.

I realized he was perfectly right. There is nothin to do that doesn't cost a fortune.


I spent my teens hanging out in a pool hall.(still can't play pool for crap either)
I had always had a dream of starting a teen joint with games, put put, pool, cheap food, and a place to study,etc. So kids just have a place to go to be safe.

So many parents are afraid of an ax murderer down the street that kids do not go outside anymore.

We used to play outside all day every day. And all the neighborhood parents watched. It was a given. I could be sent running up the street and my dad knew the neighbors would keep an eye on me. Even those that didn't have kids.

Gosh, I stepped on a nail once and in a moment here comes a dad to carry me down the street to my house.

Whatever happened to that?

reply to post by nixie_nox


Well, society gave in to fear, so to speak. The media blitzkrieg is so negative and constant people that don't stop to actually look outside the window think they are in hell. And become hyperprotective.

It's a mental phenomenon, and, imo, an aspect of the war on the middle class that the elitist sociopaths are waging, in the hopes they will save their upper class lifestyle and push us back down into slavery or at the very least servitude.

Everything happens for a reason. Everything has a history. Everything has opportunists hovering around for personal gain. Even fear.

Originally posted by ryckE
I have to disagree. People that were beat as children are messed up mentally, I have seen it. I am 16 and my step dad used to punish me whenever I did anything wrong. I am against using an physical form of punishment, because all it does is teach the kid to fight back, or be scared of that person. I personally had to go through this and it just ended badly. I think a person should be able to punish their child with out hitting them or using a belt or whatever. I think that if you have to physically hurt your child to get them to listen then you are a bad parent.

There is a difference between beating your child and a spanking on the butt, or a light belt slap ( my dad didn't even have to use it he would just act liek he was going to and we would shut up)

I remember getting the small smack that kept me in check every now in then but my parents could hardly even do that because they felt bad .....they are nice people....as are most and would never beat their child.

But i have noticed this. for ex: I remember being in 9th grade ( freshman year ) of highschool and being scared of the older kids or atleast I knew better than to run my mouth at them. because you knew if they wanted to they could kick your ass and you probably deserved it.

Now I see how my little brother is in highschool and all the kids. They respect nobody. You have 9th graders running their mouths to 12 graders all the while knowing that nothing will happen because if that kid kicks their ass he might get expelled for the year.


KIDS litterally have very few consequences. What room in your house would suck for a timeout?????? answer probably none because most rooms have something to entertain us for the time being.

Kids that dont' give a crap might call social services on their parents for punishing them and in severe cases even make stuff up just so they don't have to get punished.

There are no checks and balances anymore with our youth. They can do what they want, they control the media/ music market............Business's devote 100% of their time and resources to Children and youths just to make that dollar for those kids parents.


Don't beat your kids. You are a coward if you do. But they need to respect and possibly fear punishment until they reach the age of knowing when to do somthing and when not too.

My lil bro and his friends think they are invincable. They act like they will never get caught for anything or like they are the first to figure it out. I try to give him advice and it just doesn't sink in. And He is a good kid too. Imagine what it is to try and get that stuff to sink in to the Bad kids........almost impossible.

while there are old testament scripture to go along with the quote... the quote is not in the Bible.... It is from "Hudibras" by Samuel Butler, written in the 1600's.... and really has nothing to do with punishment of children....

reply to post by doc13




Thou shall not kill

is in the Bible. More people have been killed because of religion than any other reason.

Kids are stupid and parents are teachers.

I dont think any form of physical or emotional violence is effective parenting. One thing I think you need to realize is that society changes what was ok twenty years ago is looked down upon today. Twenty years ago parents were good parents if they punished their child in a stern but fitting manner, maybe a spanking.

However twenty years later after several years of research modern psychology shows that hitting a child as form of punishment first doesnt work and second is seriously dangerous to the childs mental health.
Major depressive episodes, Drug abuse and dependency, It could make the child violent or withdraw from social interaction, in short it doesnt pay off to hit your kid, you will do way more emotional harm than you seem to think.

For pete sake you messed up in school fighting ect... 10 years ago the teacher got his paddle out with hole's drilled in it..and smack our butt's in front of everyone.
Kids today are Spoiled to the point they don't even respect there parent's .

Im almost 35 years old.
I have had 10 year old kids tell me get the hell out of my way old man lol
Tell me to shut up.
and there just random kids on the streets or in store's.

I bet you 500 dollars those kids are time out kid's..not raised by the rod.

I don't think children should be beaten. but I think that most teenagers over the age of 13 should be. kids these days. need to learn their place in the world. too much feeling of entitlement. Too big for their britches. the kids these days are turning into a bunch of punks that try and stare down grown men at local fast fooderies. they need to learn that they are just little kids still, adolescents and NOT men yet. the law should be changed that teenage boys being disrespectful to their elders SHOULD get beat. Should be disciplined. Should learn a thing or two about the real world and not the little cozy wus land that their parents have been coddling them in and making hem feel so very special and precious...that they can leave the house and act like little despots and wannabe thugs. uhh no your a little kid who lives in nowheresville not some crypt member. They should be picked up and dropped off in south central or rampart and then we will see just how tough and cool they think they are. punk ass kids and their trust fund lexus they drive around in. Punks every single one of them.

reply to post by BASSPLYR


I worked with troubled teens, and I never had any problems with them listening to me. These were the same mouthy adolescent boys that some of the group home staff had trouble with. When I took them to the gym they would put the weights back and were polite to the adults who were also working out. I was not the only one who could get them to mind me, but there were others. None of us had to use any type of threat or physical force to get them to mind. We treated them as people, not property. Just because they are not the age of majority does not mean they have to be treated as second class citizens.

Some of what you write seems you have more of a problem with rich people and their teenage offspring. Remember, it is not the kids fault, but the snobby parents for allowing such behavior. They will soon enough learn in the real world that that type of behavior will get you nowhere. In the meantime, just ignore them. If they actually get in your face, you have a right to use whatever justifiable force necessary to defend yourself.

reply to post by BASSPLYR


We don;t need more law's...Thats half the problem.
The government should not have the right to tell you how and the best way to raise your child.PERIOD!!!

Yes there is a difference between a good ole fashioned butt whooping when dad got home.
And fear for your life because dad abuses me and takes it to far.

The government should have no place in how you raise your child.
Unless they are indeed abused...and you can tell a abused kid from the other...

And if giving your kid a butt whoopin for stealing your car.
Doing drugs
Hitting your wife or yourself.
cussing and disrespting you.
IS child abuse...Fak the free world is all i can say.
I want nothing to do with it

Ok.this all makes sense,We kids are really messed up.I have always known that.The way I learned not to be disrespectful:was to look at what I lost and why?60% of the kids i see today are some of the worst people I ever met.

reply to post by BASSPLYR


you are totally wrong. why should kids be beat at all? to teach us a lesson? i can guarantee that a kid who gets beat is way more likely to develop mental and emotional problems. or at least have less respect. you get respect by showing it! i will not show you respect just because you have been on this earth longer. you cant treat me like i have no place in the world and expect me to respect you. you get respect by showing respect..end of story.

if a teacher had of hit me at school i would have hit them back not because i wanted to or didnt respect them but because i have I.E.D(Intermittent explosive disorder)
when significantly provoked i act without thinking.

teachers cant disiplin kids for fear of people acting back.

i rember at school a teacher hit a child he got hit back and knocked out and the kid wasnt suspended or anything and the teacher was sacked.

nowadays kids are bigger as a general rule i was bigger than my teachers by the age of 15.

people dont all react the same to forms of punishment when i was 7 my dad smacked me and i hit him back because of I.E.D
if i hadnt have been diagnosed with it i would have been a problem child.

i belive smacking can work but it will make some people alot worse

just my ideas im only 19 btw so its quite recent for me

reply to post by batch


A temper is now considered a disorder? When did that happen? I had a temper and learned to control it. I guess the giant pharmaceutical companies found a drug to treat it, and want to sell it to parents. Ritalin and other drugs will be expiring soon, so they need a new one to charge a lot of money for. Profits before people, especially our most vulnerable ones!

I agree with you that teachers should not hit students as they are quite upset at the time of the incident. There are other methods of discipline, and hitting should not be one.

reply to post by kidflash2008


i know it just sounds like a temper but i cant control my actions what so ever its like i know what im doing but i cant stop my self evan tho i want to. its not just a bad temper.

reply to post by batch


I agree having a bad temper is a problem. I worked with troubled teen boys, and most of them had temper and anger problems. There are ways with dealing with those problems, and I don't think drugs are one of them. I do hope you have ways to deal with it, as the anger can consume you and cause many problems in the future. At least you recognize it, and that is a good step.

I would take the boys to the gym and have them hit the punching bag. That helped with their anger and aggression issues. Hitting would not solve any problem, especially an anger one.

It seems like oppinions are split down the middle on this issue but I think everyone can agree that kids today are (as a whole; not as individuals) far less respectful than they were a generation or two ago. Time out may work on small children for a short while and I don't believe that hitting little kids teaches them must more than what happens if they get caught.

However, older kids do seem to require something beyond a simple "time out" in which to "think about what they've done". In most cases, they're either waiting out the time-out (not thinking about why they're there), or thinking how they're going to avoid getting caught next time. The punishment simply isn't severe enough to discourage "trial and error" experimentation when it comes to pulling the wool over the eyes of grown-ups.

I don't believe it is ever appropriate to strike a child or teen in the head, face, or out of anger. Serious head and neck injuries could result from the strike and the consequences may eliminate any potential opportunities to teach (difference between right and wrong). A brief cool-off period is highly recommended to avoid a knee-jerk reaction to the offense in question prior to delivering an appropriate consequence.

Since most people on this board to believe in corporal punishment apply only a swat or two, I suspect these may be delivered "in the heat of the moment" (out of anger), swiftly, and without explanation to the child beforehand. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. In our home, spankings were preceded by an explanation, "You did such and such and that was wrong because of x, y, and/or z. Because you didn't do such and such, you will be spanked." Our skirts would be hiked up, pants and underwear would be taken down, and then our father would bend us over and across his knees (with one hand holding our backs) for the spanking.

Resistance of any sort increased the severity of the punishment so it was in our best interests to be cooperative. Once it was over, we were hugged, told that we were loved and an apology for our actions was expected. There was a clear understanding that our actions were directly tied to the consequences-- no confusion whatsoever. Implements were almost never used-- just an open hand over a bare bottom. There was no fixed duration or number; seemed to have to do with the severity of the offense, our cooperation during the process and our expression of remorse for what we had done. A swat or two would have been shrugged off so it was at least a few minutes before the spanking would end.

All of us grew up to be compassionate, polite, considerate human beings who contribute to society. Although my siblings and I have yet to have children of our own, whether or not our "tradition" will continue has a lot to do with who we wind up with and what our future spouses believe. I expect we'll reach some sort of consensus on the matter and go from there but clearly, time-outs alone don't work with older kids. There isn't a single brat among us and it would be nice if we could keep it that way.

[edit on 10-5-2009 by X-tal_Phusion]

In my opinion smacking is ok under certain circumstances, I don't agree with smacking a child for being cheeky or something minor, from my own expierience the only time I've had to smack my child was when she tried to run across a road, she was smacked and had a stern telling off. I've never had to smack her since, she knows that mummy means business. She's not even 4 yet but she knows where the line is and if she crosses it then she will suffer the consequences such as removal of things she enjoys.

One such example happened the other day, we were out in the garden it was very sunny so I put a hat on her after a few minutes she took her hat off and refused to put it back on so I told her she was being naughty and either she puts the hat on or we don't play outside for the rest of the day but if she wore her hat then we could play out all day, she put the hat on but picked a twig up and threw it at me in anger. I didn't say a word, picked her up and took her inside, then I told her we were not playing outside because she threw a twig at me in anger and that was naughty. Of course she asked why it was naughty and I explained why, she started to cry and apologise asking if she could play out but I refused and told her she'd made her choice and that perhaps next time she will do as she's told without resorting to lashing out otherwise she doesn't get to do nice things. See I won't take any BS like that off her, she's naughty once she gets a telling off, twice in a short time frame and I remove something she likes(such as playing outside, if we were inside and she was watching tv I'd turn that off).

I've noticed since mixing with other children at pre-school her rebelliousness has increased, before pre-school she wouldn't have dared cross me or her father, if we told her off she wouldn't answer back she certainly wouldn't throw things like I mentioned above so I can only assume she's picking these things up from the other children. Some of them there are absolute nightmares, I once witnessed a 4yr old punch one of the staff in the face because she wouldn't make her another cat out of play doh, I was absolutely horrified, if my child ever did that she'd get a smack on the bum for such bad behaviour but the point is she wouldn't because she has respect for adults some of the children at her pre-school have absolutely no respect for the staff, their parents or any adult for that matter and they are aged 2-4yrs old so I hate to think what those children will be like in 10 years time.

Children also need alot of positive re-enforcement, for example with the incident above with the hat if she'd just have put the hat on I'd have told her she was a good girl for putting it on and that mummy likes it when she's good. Same with if she's playing nicely I'll remind her that she's being very good and playing nicely and that mummy is proud of her. Children crave attention and praise especially from their parents so if all they tend to get is 'no, stop being naughty, don't do that' etc and no positive comments or even an explanation as to why they are being naughty then they will be naughty just for the attention even if it is negative and/or because they don't understand why the thing they are doing is naughty because it's not explained to them.

I think kids don't get to use their minds as much nowadays and that's not helping, they are stuck in front of TV's or video games (says the mum who spends her nights watching movies or playing video games :lol and as previously mentioned they don't get out as much and even if they do what is there to do?

Just had to edit this as my daughter just came running up and asked me to do something when I'd finished on the computer then she pointed her finger at me and said 'mummy you have to be a good girl all the time and if you are you can play outside ok' and gave me a big smile. See she fully understands that good behaviour leads to nice things, bad behaviour leads to removal of nice things.

[edit on 11-5-2009 by Kyazl]

reply to post by branty

I totally agree. Star and flag! So many teens and 20 somethings these days are so disillusioned due to the 'you can do anything you want' statement not being followed up with true discipline. It leaves them with unreachable goals, unreachable because their abilities are not as good as the parents think they are, in the real world where mommy and daddy aren't their lying to you it gets tough on them, they can't handle their jobs, their expenses, their lives in general. I think this end result is caused by 'time out' and other unrealistic measures people take to discipine their kids, the punishment is unrealistic, the outcome of the 'time out' amounts to diddly squat, no lesson learned. Then to offset the so called punishment they are often 'rewarded' afterwards. A simpler time, when spankings were the normal thing to do, crime, drugs, ect, were much less prevalent, I can't help but think that facing real punishment might have something to do with it. I have one friend that does spank, lightly and only when it is warranted, her children respond exactly as we did as kids, with respect and corrective behaviour.

edit to add: I mention the one friend who does spank, however I forgot to say that the rest of my friends children are pretty much unbearabe ungrateful little sh*ts. They are constantly causing problems because of the selfish nature that their spoiled lives have now nurtured. And the parents pretty much do what the kids ask, because lord knows what hell they might endure if they don't.

[edit on 11-5-2009 by space cadet]