Spare the Rod , Spoil the Child (today's youth)

Originally posted by jd140
I got my ass whipped when I was a kid and I deserved everyone of them. I was an jack --- as a kid and because my parents whipped me I grew up into a respectful, law abidding man.

When I have children I will not treat them as my equal, because they aren't. I will treat them the way I was raised. I will be loving, playful, fair and just. I will spoil them when I can and whip them when I have to.

Just to add; the thought of the possible smack in the head , kept me outta more trouble, and Please and Thank You followed suit

I don't think parents not beating their kids anymore is the problem. It's the WAY parents behold their children now, as though they were royalty, they put them on a pedestal and make the kid think the whole world revolves around them.

This is a true story. My niece has a daughter, when the daughter was about 9 or 10 my niece and her husband went on a two week vacation; my mom babysat, stayed at their house while they were on vacation. My mom was instructed to give the daughter a wrapped gift each and every day while they were gone; my niece---as a guilt offering because the kid didn't get to go----bought gifts and wrapped them, enough to give the kid one every single day while they were gone. That is sick. That is the kind of warped parenting that plagues the children of today. When I was growing up I was lucky to get a word in edgewise. These days kids know it all and have plenty of time to tell you about it!!!

Gag me with a modern day kid. Double Yuk!

Originally posted by branty

Originally posted by jd140
I got my ass whipped when I was a kid and I deserved everyone of them. I was an jack --- as a kid and because my parents whipped me I grew up into a respectful, law abidding man.

When I have children I will not treat them as my equal, because they aren't. I will treat them the way I was raised. I will be loving, playful, fair and just. I will spoil them when I can and whip them when I have to.

Just to add; the thought of the possible smack in the head , kept me outta more trouble, and Please and Thank You followed suit

I remember one time I did something stupid (forget what it was) and I got smacked on the back end a few times with a thick leather belt. After I recieved my licks I turned around to my dad and said that didn't hurt. I proceeded to get more licks and did the same thing, each time I did they came harder and harder. After about 6 rounds of this my dad asked me if that hurt. I calmly wiped the tears from my eyes and said yes sir I learned my lesson.

Man I was stupid back then.

reply to post by Bombeni

your post made me think of a news story i heard awhile back,It was from China. How the 1 child system was blowing up in their faces. The 1 child was being spoiled rotten by parents ,grandparents : the golden child symdrom . The little Brats dont listen and totally respect everyone.

Originally posted by branty
reply to post by Bombeni

 

your post made me think of a news story i heard awhile back,It was from China. How the 1 child system was blowing up in their faces. The 1 child was being spoiled rotten by parents ,grandparents : the golden child symdrom . The little Brats dont listen and totally respect everyone.

Yeah that sounds about right. There is a documentary shown on PBS once in awhile that showcases a group of Chinese school kids and one of them is vying for class president. The brats are shown at home too and the parents dote on them like nothing else matters. I sure didn't feel that way growing up, that nothing else mattered. I would have hated that. I liked being unnoticed most of the time, LOL, it made doing my own thing a whole lot easier especially when I turned about 13.



[edit on 3-3-2009 by Bombeni]

I raised two great kids. They are both successful in their chosen fields. But they are, most importantly, great human beings. They are the kind of people that will help out their fellow man.

Now, what I discovered during the process of raising these two wonderful people is that positive reinforcement works far better than negative reinforcement.

What is positive reinforcement? It's praise for a job well done. It's attending their sporting events and cheering for them. It's going to the school for open house and admiring their achievements.

What is negative reinforcement? It's a slap on the face when they say something that you don't like. It's calling them dumb when their effort doesn't meet expectations etc.

It can take a long time using positive reinforcement do get young people to do what you expect. But, the end result is worth it.

I don't have an issue with an occasional swat on the bottom for a misbehaving child but if that's the only way that you're getting you're kids to listen to you then you as a parent need a new approach. The key word here is occasional. If you're swatting your child more than once per month, it's too much.

What is negative reinforcement? It's a slap on the face when they say something that you don't like. It's calling them dumb when their effort doesn't meet expectations etc.

I agree , thats child abuse, not what I meant while posting.

Hey,This is just ridiculous.
1.I'm a kid,and your saying I'm disrespectful.And I know I'm not.
2.If a kids disbehaving and doesn't listen to authority,Its the parents fault.
I'm not just saying that.I hear crap from other peoples parents saying their children are angels,when they're actually spoiled brats.And The parents are just afraid.With every new generation,The older try to help.Thats okay,but we gotta learn to take care of ourselves.
And if you thinks it the kids your wrong.

Originally posted by paranoidoom
Hey,This is just ridiculous.
1.I'm a kid,and your saying I'm disrespectful.And I know I'm not.
2.If a kids disbehaving and doesn't listen to authority,Its the parents fault.
I'm not just saying that.I hear crap from other peoples parents saying their children are angels,when they're actually spoiled brats.And The parents are just afraid.With every new generation,The older try to help.Thats okay,but we gotta learn to take care of ourselves.
And if you thinks it the kids your wrong.

I toataly agree. I can say Ive heard that before too. My friends parents talking saying "o he would never do something like that" but he vandalized a church. I can also say that hitting a child never helps the problem. If any thing it made me worse.

Originally posted by paranoidoom
Hey,This is just ridiculous.
1.I'm a kid,and your saying I'm disrespectful.And I know I'm not.
2.If a kids disbehaving and doesn't listen to authority,Its the parents fault.
I'm not just saying that.I hear crap from other peoples parents saying their children are angels,when they're actually spoiled brats.And The parents are just afraid.With every new generation,The older try to help.Thats okay,but we gotta learn to take care of ourselves.
And if you thinks it the kids your wrong.

As a child you're not thinking clearly. Nor could you, the brains of humans continue developing untill the late teens, so if you are who you say you are you are not yet fully in control of your own mind. I know you don't want to hear this, but that won't change reality. Some kids are more advanced than others of course, but pratically all have neurological development untill their late teens or early adulthood.

1) People are not saying your disrespectful. People are, for the most part, saying some kids are worse than others and some methods won't work on all children.

2) If a kid, a young minor, is disbehaving it can or can't be the parent's fault, depending on the case. Not all children have the same personality, some will disobey for a default, some ocasionally and others not at all. Sometimes you'll see these different personalities in one family. How is it the parents fault?

Kids, by definition, can't take care of themselves, not without great delays to their own personal development. Some kids can be emancipated around 16 years old, but that's about it. Kids do have to learn to take care of themselves, no argument there, but this process takes at least 16 and sometimes as much as 20 years, depending on the individual.

Nobody was saying it was "the kids". At most we are saying that sometimes it is "the" kid. You are not all clones, so no sense in forming a stormtrooper army over this. Each child is different and each one will be a distinct parenting situation.

When the time is right children naturally take care of themselves and the parents, even if they wanted to, are no longer able or even willing to control them. This won't happen at 12 or 14 years old, kids are simply not ready. Enjoy your childhood and don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up.

[edit on 5-3-2009 by Zepherian]

When I was younger my parents also firmly believed in sparing the rod and spoiling the child. Now my mom tells me she feels badly about spanking us, and wishes she would of done it differently. I told her that was how it was done back then, and she should not feel bad about it. I do not raise my hand to my boys, and part of the reason was that it was done to me.

A parent is much bigger than a small child, and much stronger. One can do a child serious physical harm if angry enough. Physical punishment only shows that violence is the only way to get things done. There are better ways in dealing with misbehavior.

Oh some kids do need a good whoopin! We were made to go out and pick a switch off a bush by my aunt.

Beat children NO but spank them, Yes.

My 2 cents. I decided not to have children and I didn't probably a good thing.
But I like them.

Increased physical punishment will only lead to more problems. It is psychologically proven to be ineffective. Each generation of kids has a greater will to receive and that is why they seem to not care about teachers and parents. They have a bigger ego than the adults. But supressing the ego won't work, that is what school and religion tries to do. You have to go along with the ego for a positive outcome to occur.

All kids being out of control is a blanket statement.... but its mostly true.

Not all the younger generation are like that though, always keep that in mind. some of us actually discipline our children and teach them respect.

I am complimented often on having well behaved and respectful children, by the school, by the principle... by my parents.

It is a huge issue, another parent not doing the same can be a bad influence on my child, that worries me more than anything.

reply to post by pureevil81


I have an experiment...

Lets give a secondary school the kane back. (Ages 12 - 18) See if the teacher can hit the student with it, without the student hitting back... without a gang of students harassing that teacher forever.


It wouldn't work. And you couldn't start with younger years either, because if I find out some teacher has used the kane on my little brother because he was talking during a lesson, that teacher will wish they had never been born. You don't hurt my family and get away with it... I wouldn't accept it, and niether would many others. Now if I'm the one it's unlikely to happen to anyway, imagine how the poeple who are likely to be punished would act.


We can no longer use the kane, and I for one am glad of it anyway.

reply to post by StevenDye


I agree 100%.

Punishing children at school wont work in my opinion, it needs to be done at home. Kids should not be beaten half to death.

A timeout works sometimes, just talking and explaining things thoroughly works sometimes, sometimes a smack on the butt works.... it depends.

I would never condone anyone hitting my child or yours. So we are of like mind.

Hey,I know what i say or think cannot change reality and also its obvious my brain isn't completely developed.Look,The things you say arenot going to ever change my opinion.

Also it has been extremely difficult for me to enjoy my childhood.It has rained to much for me.Don't get me wrong I love my life,but im just miserable.

Fear only promotes fear. This is an incredibly simple lesson to learn. There are so many more creative ways to teach that which you desire to teach without abuse or fear.

We are a pretty brilliant race of people, so lets act like it. We've got imagination, and passion. Those two tools can work miracles.

Do not harm others, you will only harm yourself.

Be in peace. Live in love.

I agree with a commen theme running through this thread that all children are different. I have two children, a boy and a girl, both under the age of five.

I find different punishments is called for at different times. My daughter never responds well to a smaked bottem, She gets all defient and it casues the situation to worsen, however she responds very well to being taken away from the situation and made to sit alone for a bit. My son however will just sit and daydream if I do that to him, I find a smack draws his attention to the issue best.

However as stated above it depends on the situation. If the kids have broken somthing or caused a mess through there behaviour, then making them clean it up and apologise often works better.

My mother told me one thing when I had kids and it stuck with me, I think it always will. She said Never to hit the child when I am angry, If I am angry at them for what they did then find another punishment.