posted on Mar, 3 2009 @ 11:38 AM
There is a book every parent should be required to read called" How to raise an emotionally intelligent child" by John Gottman. Gottman has done
amazing things not only in children's psychology, but he is the one who, after years of study, found that he can predict up to 90% accuracy, which
couples are gonna get divorced. he developed the Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse of Marriage,t he four surefire things that break couples apart. The
really big one being contempt.
What psychologists are finding now that is a lot of problems extend at parents are completely dismissive of children's feelings. Now before this
gets a rise out of anyone, there is more to it then meets the eye.
Parents can do this even when they are interacting with best of intentions. Everyone assumes because a child is not mature and little, that their
feelings can be dismissed. Parents also operate under the notion that children must be happy all the time, and have no idea what to do with sad, hurt,
and angry children. So we bribe them, distract them, and do everything but teach the child how to effectively and maturely deal with their
Another doctor, who wrote the "Happiest Baby on the Block" and should be dubbed with sainthood for it, IMHO, wrote the Happiest Toddler on teh
Block. And came up with a completely unorthodox method of handling tantrums. By actually mimicking the tantrum back to the child. You feel silly, and
you have to get away from the feeling that you are taunting, but you sincerely mimic a tantrum, using three words or less, in a an empathetic form
back to the child. And it works like a charm, unless your kid is hungry or really tire. The reason being, is that children have tantrums because they
are not being heard or understood.
When you use their level of communication, on their terms, they feel heard. Half the time they don't even care that the problem has been resolved,
they are just happy someone speaks their language, and didn't try tricks like distracting or avoiding the problem or telling them to shut up.
Dr. Gottman makes a point that parents are so focused on academic or physical achievement that the emotional gets ignored. But emotional intelligence
is the most important, for if you can't function in society and you can't finish a project without leaving in a tantrum, it doesn't matter how
smart you are. How man "genisus" have you known that are flipping burgers?
Hence my whole statemen earlier about children not getting enough attention.