Spare the Rod , Spoil the Child (today's youth)

This is probably a age appropiate thread but needs saying. I can remember doing things I knew where wrong as a child, and fearing the consequences , slap in the back of the head , hella good tongue lashing to a few whacks with the Belt. Whenever I did ,or thought to do something outta line, I knew there would be a price to pay, so it certainly served as a deterrent. Todays youth have no regard for authority whats so ever , from their parents , teachers to the police. The "modern" thinking of a "Time Out" to "Quiet Time" in their rooms have failed miserabily. Used to be a time when your mother said "wait till your father gets home" actually meant something. Now that gets met by "why, whats he gonna do?" Our schools have no control because of the Fear of the strap gone, Parents have no control being under Child Services. Society is to suffer because the youths today have no Respect. Might be time to rethink our feelings on a little parental corporal punishment.

I have to disagree. People that were beat as children are messed up mentally, I have seen it. I am 16 and my step dad used to punish me whenever I did anything wrong. I am against using an physical form of punishment, because all it does is teach the kid to fight back, or be scared of that person. I personally had to go through this and it just ended badly. I think a person should be able to punish their child with out hitting them or using a belt or whatever. I think that if you have to physically hurt your child to get them to listen then you are a bad parent.

i am 18 i think if you look at our younger generation now e.g the 10-14 year olds they are alot worse than when i was that age by attitude and respect.

i see them abusing people and shouting and fighting with there parents and i think i never did that at my age why do they have a sudden burst of confidence in them selfs to think they know whats best or how to behave. partly its parents need to lead an example and i think its just that they are not as scared of punishment maybe because parents are to scared to punish their kids.

but i do state there a limit to punishment. lil slap round the back of your ear or kick up the arse never did me any harm, it made to realise i need to be polite and nice and you get it back


Bryn Crowson

youth in peace

reply to post by ryckE


I think you misunderstood where the OP is coming from. There is a huge difference between disciplining your child to that of abusing your child. Beating the crap out of your child for doing something is wrong. But from my opinion there is nothing wrong with a minor slap to the butt or a stern talking to. When I misbehaved as a child I got a smack. It was never so hard as to leave a bruise but was hard enough to get my attention. I grew up just fine, I dont beat my wife or my children.

If my children step out of line and break the rules they get either a stern speaking to or an appropriate smack. I have never left a bruise on my child nor screamed at them to the point of making them cry. But you know what, when I take my children into a store they dont run around like George Carlin on speed. They are respectful and do as they are told. To me there is nothing more annoying then the perverbial child SCREAMING his/her head off for that new toy while the Mother/Father sits there red faces and embarassed not knowing what to do with them, or better yet ignoring them all together.

Just my 2c

In the wise words of my father when he was asked why he would smack his children in the back of the head, the asnwer was simple.

"A smack to the butt or face is embarassing, a smack to the head is a wake up call."

[edit on 3/2/0909 by Trayen11]

I have never hit my daughter. She is respectful, honest, fun to talk to and do things with. She is consierate and kind.

I give her the respect she deserves as a human, allowing her to make choices unless there is danger.

In return, she gives me the respect I deserve.

There is never a need to hit a child if you are treating them as equal humans as yourself.

reply to post by Amaterasu

im just curious as to your daughters age? If she's quite young, what im talking about is a teen to older age group, if she's in that age group, you've done a nice job. I don't think my post reflected every child, some grow up just fine with never a wary look from a parent.

I think there is an old quote that goes, "Violence is the last refuge of incompetence."

In my opinion only barbarians use violence.

Of course in my opinion most of the human race are barbarians.

Vas

Ya , theres lots of quotes , Hell mine is even Biblical "Spare the rod, spoil the child"

Originally posted by branty
Ya , theres lots of quotes , Hell mine is even Biblical "Spare the rod, spoil the child"

Yes there is a great deal of barbaric violence in that document.

What a surprise that such a barbaric document led to a barbaric society.

Vas

This is a very delicate matter. It's a very fine line from discipline to abuse, and if a parent becomes used to using physical punishment there is a tendency for it to be overused. On the other hand, all children have their own personalities and some of them are impossible to educate into adulthood without sterner measures.

Good judgement on the part of the parents or responsible adult is essential. This is not a one size fits all issue by any means. As someone who has a large extended family I have become very much aware of the different psychologies and methodologies children require, each on a per case basis.

The age of the child and the degree of bad behaviour are also factors.

My personal experience is that a very troublesome child can be corrected with one very stern measure followed by more loving reasoning. At all times it is important to make them understand what is happening, so they don't resent you for it. Again in my experience, the children that end up messed up adults end up so not so much for corporal punishment due to things they did wrong, which most people have gone to and atribute an education to, a positive, no, they end up messed up because the violence is accompanied with neglect. A child can be spanked in an extreme situation, but it has to be loved the rest of the time. If a child is not loved, even without the spanking it will have psychological baggage.

I used to be a handful when I was younger. Then I got the belt to my rear end. Still recall the feeling of it too. Let's just say after the age of 7, I didn't screw around anymore. I'd say my parents taught me fairly well, i'm a pretty well rounded person overall. Beating the crap out of your kids is one thing, a spanking on the other hand is fairly standard practice i'd think. I have no children of my own, but should I ever choose to have them, both my wife and myself agree, spankings will be in order.

I never condone any abuse, child, mental ,physical. My thread was about teaching children respect and consquences for their actions. Children growing up with no respect or thought for others are becoming adults with no respect or thought for others. Take in a movie, go to a mall, let me know if i'm wrong, that is if your already not to scared to be around crowds of today's youth.

These days I think it would be more effective to:

Cancel the internet and cable television account.

Cancel their cell phone account.

Lock up the video games.


Substitute the media propaganda machine for art projects, writing exercises and classic novels. (none of that "teen genre" stuff.)

That method of discipline from my folks kept my little butt busy, unbruised, and out of trouble.

Originally posted by GENERAL EYES
These days I think it would be more effective to:

Cancel the internet and cable television account.

Cancel their cell phone account.

Lock up the video games.


Substitute the media propaganda machine for art projects, writing exercises and classic novels. (none of that "teen genre" stuff.)

That method of discipline from my folks kept my little butt busy, unbruised, and out of trouble.

doin that in todays enviroment is akin to child abuse , little Janie's getting phones at 8 yrs old, but your point is a step in the right direction, I kept my 2 boys busy in sports, today their team mates are still there freinds , the old Idle hands theory holds water

I respectfully disagree with you in terms of what is considered "abuse".

I doubt child protective services would consider such recourse abuse either.

If the human race has made it this far without those gizmos, gadgets, and distractions - I seriously believe a teenager can make it through a disciplinary period without said devices.

If they can't - then there really is no hope left for humanity.

*edit for clarity

[edit on 3/2/09 by GENERAL EYES]

Some days I think spankings are needed. My son is out of control some days. And believe me the go to your room doesnt work. The sit with your nose in a corner for 10 minutes doesnt work either. He told a lady once he doesnt mind doing bad things because he gets sent to his room where he can read his comics. So we took them away then found out he had toys hidden under the bed.

But when you have a child that gets in trouble 20 times a day every day for doing the same crap over and over again there is a problem and you know sending them to there room isnt cutting it.

My son who is now 11 years old has never had any respect for anyone. I was shot on the job 3 years ago, and almost died. the day I came home from the hospital, He told me to go fix him something to eat. I told him I couldnt but his dad could. His reply was. "get up B**** and fix me my food. Your a lazy A$$.

We go to my Aunts and if there is a newspaper on her table he tells her to get off her fat A$$ and clean the house. yet he cant clean his own room even though I tell him to do it 10 times a day.

Yeah I think some kids would be better off with a spanking. Mine would be #1 on that list.

Which by the way he almost killed everyone this past weekend in the house by turning all the gas on. Yet he knows he is not suppose to touch the gas stove. So Yeah he needs one really big old fashioned butt smacking.

I agree with the OP. I am 30 years old. My Dad and Mom both spanked, paddled with spoons, slapped my mouth when I cursed and taught me to respect others.

Yes I agree, there are exceptions to the rule, and some people get lucky and have a perfect child. But the reality is the youth of today hate authority, lack respect for themselves as well as others, and have a blatant disregard for others.

I don't care how many respond with hate mail and flaming posts, This is the truth. Anyone who has worked or donated time to any school system, youth program, youth church event, or youth sports program, can attest.

And before my post gets misconstrued, Let me state again. This is not always the case.
However it is certainly not the norm.

Originally posted by ryckE
People that were beat as children are messed up mentally, I have seen it. I am 16 and my step dad used to punish me whenever I did anything wrong.

People that were beat as in beat for pleasure or ABUSED. yes. But no one ever got mental trauma from a swat to the rear or a good old slap to the mouth for talking back. Please prove that to me.
And punishment IS, usually the consequence for doing something wrong.

reply to post by Zepherian


I agree with you on this one every child is different some will never even need a stern look and some even a spanking won't deter. The ones who say my child this or I that need to relize the diversity in childeren and indeed humans and not oversimplifiy and pass judgement ie my method work. well thats great that it worked for you but it will not work for all. Bottom line of course don't abuse your childeren but as the parent you should be able to recognize what punishment will be most effective for your own child

People here may think I may be wrong on some of these issues and that fine. I raise my kids the way I was raised. I was never told to wash up, do my homework, brush my teeth. I was taught self-reliance at a early age. I new the rules in my house, if i broke them I was punished. Was I spanked.....yes, was it ever out of control or abusive. Not to me, but to some people I'm sure they would think so. I truely believe the way people are told to raise thier children these days is creating a generation of spoiled brats. If you can believe this I was kicked out of the local
Walmart a few weeks back for gentley spanking my child as they threw a fit in the store. Some person whom I've never met told me not to "STIRKE" my child and that I should be arrested. The manager of the store was informed I was abusing my child and threw me out.

About 2 days later a social services came to my house and was scolding me about my rights to impose abuse on my child. The funniest thing I have ever seen happened then. My daughter politley told the lady to leave the house as she did not like the way she was talking to her Dad. The lady respondes to my daughter by saying "I'm only looking out for your well being dear". My daughters reply was such as " I'm fine lady. I did something I knew i should not do and my Dad gentley reminded me. Why are you acting as if he threw me against a wall and beat me senseless. "

My daughter kindly asked the lady to leave at which time I asked her to leave as well. The woman talked to me for 5 more mins, threatening to open a case agianst me. I told her to do what ever she wanted to do.

After the lady left my daughter asked if we could sue the stupid woman for invasion of privacy LMAO

Now I dont exactly walk around and smack my children for ever thing they do wrong, but there are certain rules in my house and certain punishments that go alone with breaking those rules. I dont smack my children hard but I also let them know when a certain rules has been broken. In my opinion, and take it for what you will, smacking as a deterent can be useful. Of course I also grew up in the days when getting the strap at school was common place.

reply to post by Trayen11
I Star you sir, I wish i wrote the op as well, your daughter sounds wonderful