Why do i or others have trouble making eye contact?

for me it also had to do with an extreme paranoia that my eyes were crossed or moved funny when i look at people, it was like a self fulfilling prophecy. i would not make eye contact or look away fast and then people would think i was shady. when i realized that was all in my head i have a much easier time making eye contact. i worked on it and i get better at it all the time, i find that men respect me more for it and that girls dig it as well lol.

Anyone who is so offended that you don't look at them in the eye doesn't deserve your time anyways. It's a good litmus test for weeding out jerks imo.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. Lot's of information here that you all have shared.

I can definitely see that quite a few of us have this problem...whatever the cause may be.

Thanks fellow ATSers.

Well dude don't worry. I was actually in the personnel at one point for a local company and anyone that gave me the bankers stare never got the job because I was looking for cohesiveness with the other workers and not for someone to smudge their way to the top through back biting and strained ambition.

You got vaccinated, thimerosal and other adjuvants in vaccines affect the hippocampus, the part of your brain that is regulating emotions and anxiety...


When you look people in the eye with a dysfunctional hippocampus your anxiety level shoots up...

The good news is that you can recover from it through detox...
look into OSR boyd haley and also amy yasko

Houman

Dont worry m8 i have to same problem , just try and work on it and always tell yourself your not alone becouse we have it too. The things that will help you, Confidence, never stop talking, more socialising and mirror practice. When i have alcohol mine goes away too so is it something to do with not being relaxed becouse alcohol makes you relax. I will make a post lator on about my dreams which come true and stuff, can you tell me if you have any special things you can do.

I haven't read through all the replies since I'm in a bit of a rush so sorry if it's been mentioned. To the OP, I feel quite uncomfortable about looking people in the eyes too, but came up with a solution that seems to work quite well.

Instead of actually looking them direct in the eyes, just look to the bridge of their nose, in between the eyes. To the other person it seems like you are looking at them, but you aren't really. It's helped me take away that uneasy feeling of having to look into their eyes directly.

Hope this helps!

The psychological establisment would label it as low self esteem.

Did you opt out of group presentations in high school and/or college?

Status, Culture, Self-Esteem, It can be many things...

www.ezilon.com...
blogs.setonhill.edu...
greenlightwiki.com...

Many don't trust people who don't make eye contact. But I think that is a broad stereotype to make.

I have trouble making eye contact because my eyes are like an open book. You can see exactly what I am thinking. Adn if I don't like you, it is gonna show.

But I dont' want people to feel uncomfortable, and feel I don't like them.

While that may seem to be untrustworthy, if someone can see that I immediately don't like their political view, then we can't have an unbiased or unaffected conversation.

Basically it is to keep things level, if that makes any sense. I don't want my emotions affecting the conversation.

Because a lot of it is just an emotional knee jerk reaction.


But this is also vice versa, if I can see what the person is thinking, then I get distracted, and I worry about what they are thinking of me.

And it throws me off if it is obvious they don't like what I am saying.

I guess I just lose my concentration easily. lol



[edit on 26-1-2009 by nixie_nox]

reply to post by toochaos4u


Too much eye staring can be bad too! It can be considered aggresive, just like a dog about to bite stares you down.

People with ADD have a lot of trouble looking others in the eye. I have ADD, I've learned to control that aspect of it, but being a genetic thing my 5 year old has it as well and can't look anyone in the eye for more than a second.

I went on a date with a girl on Saturday night and she could barely hold eye contact for a second always looking away. I thought she just needed a few drinks to loosen up but she continued to do that the whole night. It really put me off. I'm pretty sure it's a self esteem and possibly fear thing but you should definitely work on it. I find it to be really annoying. Almost as annoying as when people who NEVER break eye contact with you and just stare and stare and stare. That's very rude as well. Pick up some subtle social cues.

i have the same problem too, cant look at someones eyes for more than like a sec, and it is annoying when people make TOO much eye contact!

Originally posted by TheSingularity
reply to post by corvin77

 

Exactly! On the bus, people don't look at each other, except for the "crazies". And, if you don't want others to think you are a crazy, then you just keep to yourself.

I think it has a LOT to do with overcrowding. In the country, when you pass by someone, they wave. I think it's because they already have their own space and so don't mind inviting others in. In the city, there are people everywhere and people need space. Ignoring others, which avoiding eye-contact achieves, may be a coping mechanism to give others a feeling of space.

That's very true, I live in London, it's like an unwritten rule when your in a stuffed crowed bus, tram or train. Unless of course there's the flirty eye contacts haha.

[edit on 26-1-2009 by _Phoenix_]

Whenever I stare at myself in the mirror, I start to get tunnel vision and everything seems to zoom in until the only thing I can see are my pupils. It's frightening if I do it for too long. Another problem I've been having lately is that I can "feel" my senses enter my brain as electrical impulses and it sort of gives me this itchy brain feeling. Sometimes I am sitting back away from my eyes looking out at everything as if I were a little creature inside of an autonomous robot. No, I have never done any drugs in my life.

reply to post by David9176


Good for you for sharing something so personal with the group. You are probably just a sensitive person. There is nothing wrong with that, although if a personality trait is holding you back in life, you should and can take steps to change it.

Your picture actually reminds me very much of myself, so I think I can relate to you. I used to have a huge problem with this in my early teens. What pretty much got me out of it was just forcing myself to be more social. Once I discovered playing guitar and the band thing, it seems like I just kind of forgot about the issue.

Funny enough, and the reason your post is hitting home, is that yesterday I had a Skype video session for the first time. When my brother and his wife’s image popped up on my monitor directly in front of my face I suddenly had the most intense, uncomfortable recurrence of the old “bad feeling”. I found it nearly impossible to look in their “eyes” during our video call. Very disconcerting! I felt like I was being stripped naked in front of my laptop. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this with video calling?

“Shyness is nice – but shyness can keep you from doing all the things in life that you want to…”
That old song by Morrissey I’m quoting it from memory.

reply to post by toochaos4u


"Well dude don't worry. I was actually in the personnel at one point for a local company and anyone that gave me the bankers stare never got the job because I was looking for cohesiveness with the other workers and not for someone to smudge their way to the top through back biting and strained ambition."

Wow! What a fantastic post, toochaos4u. Good for you.

I've had similar issues. I have trained myself to make eye contact. It all depends on the situation with me. I usually try to make eye contact when I am listening to something someone is passionate about, as a sign that I am paying attention to what they are saying. Or when I am trying to make an important point. If someone seems uninterested or unfriendly I may choose not to make eye contact. If it seems someone is trying to make eye contact with me I will usually do it back. There seems to be a connection with some people when I randomly make eye contact in passing; like passing someone in the grocery store. Some folks will do it back, others wont.

Originally posted by Anonymous ATS
I feel that people give Aspergers' syndrome much to fast. In fact, if nobody ever told you that you have Aspergers or something like that, you will probably not have it.

Be sure to google for syndromes like BDD or OCD. This are syndromes which are not easily noticed, evne for the person who suffers from them (believe, I spent 7 years of my life without knowing what the problem was).

If you really feel that it is a problem, than it probably is. I would really suggest consulting a psychiatrist, because it may be part of a bigger problem (that you are probably not even aware of).

Good lcuk!

I can tell you quite a lot regarding Aspergers. My 12 year old son has it, was diagnosed at 5. It literally has taken over our lives. While classified as 'mild autism' the disorder itself is in no way mild.

AS is made up of several symptoms, ranging from mild to severe. Most with AS have ADHD, OCD, Mood disorders, severe general Anxiety. These symptoms are marked by an inability to interact socially and difficulty with communication skills. They are unable to read body language and miss cues quite often. They tend to take what is said literally, have a hard time getting the joke. they are inappropriate with communication. Kind of like they lack a filter for what to say and not to say. They can be very rigid about routine and some very compulsive.

The most important thing to remember is No 2 people look alike! It is a spectrum.

As for the sleep issues, this is quite common in children with AS. When my son was 3 before we had a diagnosis he would roam the house all hours of the night. He would get into every pantry, cupboard drawyer you name it. We ended up putting locks on the pantry. Often for years now I have awoken to a child standing directly next to my bed, holding a large blanket drapped about him in hooded fashion staring at me as I sleep. Trust me you get used to it after the years. Sleep eludes him. Unfortunately for me I have had very few nights of uninterrupted sleep for past 12 years. .

One last thing people with AS are extremely bright and most are gifted.

My point in sharing all of this is AS can be mild to debilitating. Having one symptom is not enough for a diagnosis. While this is a great place to start, it requires looking into by a trained professional who has experience in the field.

Thanks for letting me share.
If I can be of help in any way please U2U me.

Pax