Why do i or others have trouble making eye contact?

Hmmf, intriguing question really... I have that problem also. Although it is similar, my case seems a little different upon some self-reflection.

A question for you:
When you first meet someone, do you look them in the eyes?

Reason being, it comes and goes for me... at first glance I always make eye contact at first opportunity with everyone. After that, I usually have a good idea of the person and depending on the impression I get from that eye contact I will either continue or not. Maybe it's all about the vibe that I get from someone, or maybe it could be something more. I'm here to find out also. I would be curious to know if your position on that.

Originally posted by David9176
... Even on television, if there is a close up of someone looking directly into the camera I have a tough time looking at it.

No offense, but that is a strange thing to say. I'm no psych Jim, and I have no idea what would cause you to find the same in a person from a different point of view on camera. Personally, I think you can rule out Aperbergers (sp?) as the cause.

The triangle thing mentioned by Elf is something that I never knew about, and I'm sure I do that frequently without even knowing it.

Maybe... maybe there is something more. This is a conspiracy site right?

Is it possible that some people like the Op and others here that are extremely sensitive to that so called "window/door to the soul" and take more information than they can handle? By looking into their eyes you learn more about them than you could want to know... data overload. These so-called dysfunctions might be the easy way of explaining it, and good for Big Pharma/Med and all, but what if it is something deeper? Something that cannot be easily explained and pidgeon-holed with pills.

What if those doors were always open?

shutting my brain off for now
T-

Originally posted by TheSingularity
reply to post by MischeviousElf

 

So, do you feel like you finally come "alive" or wake up around 10:00 pm and then feel like you have to get some kind of "living" in before you hit the sack? Even if it's just surfing the net, I feel like I'll be missing out on something if I just crash. Then, in the morning, it takes all day to get my mind back. Does that sound familiar?

Woah i can relate to this very much :O

It's 6:35 AM here right now. Always when it gets dark i feel like "aah now i'm awake and feel good." and i surf the net or whatever all night and usually i won't feel like sleeping till the morning, but sometimes i don't go to bed at all. It's like it feels dreadful having to go to sleep.

My daily rythm is a mess and i suck at keeping a job because of it.

Originally posted by David9176
reply to post by TheSingularity

 

YES!!

I've always been a night owl. I have an extremely tough time getting up in the morning. I have to hit the snooze button numerous times and i always feel absolutely terrible.

My main problem is at night...I think...often about stupid things that i shouldn't be thinking about at all. Then i get angry with myself for thinking..lol

I've been this way since i was a kid.

Crazy. I get angry aswell for thinking too much at night it's like i can't slow my mind down and if i do lie down to sleep my mind takes me back to all these memories where i did emberassing stuff and it makes me feel like #. Then i play videogames or read to keep my mind occupied with other stuff.

Your self conscious dude. Your not actually looking at them in the eye. Your looking at yourself. Probably constently.

I used to have the same problem with girls, but now I really like looking into peoples eyes. I mean if you actually look into them and not just think about what they are seeing. You can really get a feel for someone just by looking them in the eye. Its the window to the soul. Dont mean to be rude, but I cant imagine what kind of relationship you have with your wife if you cant even look her in the eye. Thats how I find women dude. I look them in the eye and Ill see an attraction within them. Thats when I know I have found someone I really like and the cool part is that it can only happen if the other person likes me too. It like we sort of fall into eachothers eyes. Even if its for a breif moment, I know, right afterwards that there is a connection.

Good luck man. Im sure you can overcome this issue of yours. You say when your drunk it doesnt happen so Im pretty sure it does happen because you are self conscious. My advice would be, you need to find a way to get out of your head.

[edit on 25-1-2009 by Wisen Heimer]

[edit on 25-1-2009 by Wisen Heimer]

Making eye contact is like taking a glimpse of others 'inner being'. everyone's eye's are unique, each set revealing a story behind someone's 'soul'.
everyday I walk the street and see so many averted eyes, something that is seeming to become more popular.
are they hiding something?
maybe it's a lack of respect for themselves and other,
maybe they want to be isolated,
maybe they're in fear,
maybe they lack the feeling of love
maybe they're already to hurt to tell you with their eye's

In my opinion eye contact is the best way for open communication
eye contact is the best way to support empathy, (ability to feel feeling/emotions of others.)
in other words eye contact is a language unsupported by words, but something where entire conversations take place.

eye contact is overrated. yeah if it's never given/rec'vd then yes it can be annoying but looking at anyone for an extended period of time jsut to be polite isn't necessary.

when you're looking directly into smoeone's eyes they can see all your reactions. so if you're talking to someone like your boss then maintaining eye contact is his/her way of changing your mind because you're not gonna give them the "piss off" look are you?

you can listen much better when you're not looking eye to eye unless you already know the person and aren't worried about giving a strange look or two.

in your case i'd imagine your smarter (or at least think you are) then lots of people you know so when you talk to them you have to keep from pointing out the stupid things they say. i wouldn't worry about it too much. as long as you're not "lying" with your expressions people will respect you. even if it takes them a while to get to know you.

i've been to job interviews where i didn't maintain eye contact and told the hiring manager things like "i don't have a strong work ethic" and "i don't take pride in work but i ususally do a good job anyway." it'll surprise you how often people will respond positively to blunt honesty.

and remember. no matter how you act lots of people aren't going to like you anyway. so what.

I think you're just shy. Some people are like that and I think you should give yourself a break. Work on it a little at a time and don't stress it.

When I was younger (19) I had a boss who would never look me in the eye. Every time he would come in my store to talk with me and do his job he would look at the top of my head. I would keep looking around like he was looking at something over my head. It really freaked me out. Sometimes I would think that my hair must be really messed up because he would keep staring at it. When he was done I would run to the restroom and check it out! LOL

Eventually I came to realize that looking above my head was his coping mechanism. I understand. We all have stuff to get through and this was his way of doing it. He was a really sharp guy. Very educated. He lived in a nice house, had a pretty wife, successful career, etc. I actually liked him once I got passed all of the hair stuff.


We all have invisible bags we carry. Some people have small paper sacks, others have big heafty bags filled up and heavy. How long you carry them is up to you, you know?

Interesting - I also have this problem but for me it is more a thing of when I look a person in the eye I always seem to think to myself 'I Love You' and that makes me laugh. Not always a good thing.

And damned right I don't want everyone to know everything about me. I am very shy although i have learned not to show that, I am also very sensitive and pick up on peoples energies without having to add to my misery by downloading other peoples feeling and urges directly to soul level.I.e through eyecontact.

I do do well in interviews and do give eyecontact when necessary but I don't keep it for long periods for the sake of some power game or because someone else tells me I should.

I think it is overrated and if you believe in psychic vampirism an excellent way for someone to get a hold of your soul energy.

If you feel it is a prolem then do go ahead and practise. I find the best way is to actually practise on strangers. On the store person, bus driver, taxidriver etc. Hold their eye for as long as you can and then just a little longer than feel comfortable for you. The more you do this the better you get at it

Good luck to you!

Much love and light your way.

Your senses are correct. Don't second guess them. Some people have the ability to transmit wickedness and their eyes are the vehicle. Yes, even through the TV which is not what it seems.

reply to post by DeadFlagBlues


I agree, the term asperger is given way too lightly,

I had same problem as a kid, but when I learned to use eyecontact to look into people it became more interesting.

and like someone before said, it is overrated.

No eyecontact doesn't mean no contact.

like most anything - practice, practice, practice...

not alot of our parents, much less teachers, coaches, or others who "made an impression" on our young minds, at least from my generation - mid 40's - did not think it important to teach us "to look another in the eye"......they should have pounded it into our heads as one of the easiest, and respectful things we can do for another....

so....if today looking someone in the eye while talking to them is a challenge.....well then....practice, practice, practice until it no longer is....

So you are sensitive. Most people are not sensitive this is why most people don't have any problems with eye contact. They just dont show their inner self so they dont sense other inner selves.

Ask yourself OP, what do you feel, when you cant resist the impulse to look away? May it be, that you want to hide disrespect for the other person? Do you sometimes just feel superior?
I see your avatars eyes. If this is you, then you are a person of honesty, dignity and emotion. Sadly in our society this is not supposed to be something positive, nevertheless most of us know for sure, this is positive.

Look into a mirror, as deep and honest as you are capable of...

The eyes are the window into the soul, You should enjoy the experience of eye to eye contact and not fear it.... You may be surprised as to what you see

Peace

Shen Long

Peter Tosh (one of the founding members of Bob Marley and the Wailers) ALWAYS wore sunglasses.... when asked why he said that the eyes were the windows to the soul.




I have always felt that same way... thats why my 'windows' are always 'tinted'





[edit on 1/25/2009 by TONE23]

A lot of good points, and i will say that the mirror technique takes all those points into consideration. You will see a hundred different things going on when you look into your own eyes. Yes, eye contact isn't always necessary or desirable. Initially, you should have good eye contact just because you want to get to know this person for good or bad. Then, naturally, you may not want to exchange glances because you may not want to get to know that person, or you don't want to connect because you don't want to get into a long conversation because you've got to go. I tend to have a low opinion of the majority of people in this world. I think there are too many SNIP, so that also keeps me from even wanting to get to know people. But, on those rare occassions when I'm feeling good, I can also relate to others quite well and almost instantly. I'm still trying to figure that puzzle out.

When it comes to the opposite sex, and women do this well, I will avoid extended eye contact (and that can mean even for a few seconds) if I don't want to lead the other on because I'm not interested.

And, yes, eye contact can be a way of trying to dominate someone and drive your point home. Remember your parents saying, "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Also, eye contact is just one more of those subtle ques that needs to be payed attention to for good report and communication with people... something AS people lack. But, it has to be natural. It's natural to look away when you are thinking about what they are saying. Some posters have said that it is overrated and they ignore eye contact for communication. But, why would you want to cut-out an entire mode of communication? That would be equivalent to a pilot choosing to not use his radar because he can just use his eyes to look out the window. Remember, awareness brings knowledge, and knowledge is power.

When I do the mirror technique, I realize that I'm actually not so transparent of my private thoughts and feelings after all... after a bit of work. I'll think, "Hmmm, even though I don't feel so good, I can't really see it. I look fine." That makes it easier to go ahead and look people in the eyes without fearing that they will see right through me. So, the Mirror Technique really does work wonders for me in this area.

And remember how everything starts with the self. If you are comfortable with yourself, you will be comfortable with others. If you can look into your own eyes, then you can also with others.

[edit on 30-1-2009 by Crakeur]

Originally posted by David9176


Does anyone else have this problem or was able to get passed it? I'd love to see any information or experiences anyone may have.

Maybe try practising looking at yourself in the eye in the mirror, while talking to yourself for 5 mins everyday. Probably is crazy, but it might help! That's how some actors practice, and that's how Jim carrey practiced his silly faces lol.

Edit: oh wow, looks like I'm not the only one who thought of using a mirror!

[edit on 25-1-2009 by _Phoenix_]

I feel that people give Aspergers' syndrome much to fast. In fact, if nobody ever told you that you have Aspergers or something like that, you will probably not have it.

Be sure to google for syndromes like BDD or OCD. This are syndromes which are not easily noticed, evne for the person who suffers from them (believe, I spent 7 years of my life without knowing what the problem was).

If you really feel that it is a problem, than it probably is. I would really suggest consulting a psychiatrist, because it may be part of a bigger problem (that you are probably not even aware of).

Good lcuk!

@amari, I did the iodine sufficiency therapy as well. Iodine really does make me feel more "solid" and healthy.

@David, Interestingly enough, hypothyroidism is one of the ailments that sometimes goes with AS.

Back to anti-social behavior. I wonder if the reason I feel better late at night is because that's when I finally am away from other people and feel free to be myself... or something. It's like being around others is too difficult and takes too much work and being by myself is just so much easier.

Originally posted by TheSingularity

Back to anti-social behavior. I wonder if the reason I feel better late at night is because that's when I finally am away from other people and feel free to be myself... or something. It's like being around others is too difficult and takes too much work and being by myself is just so much easier.

I have often thought the same thing about myself, as I too have similar problems.

The thing is, mine started when I moved to London from South Africa. Back home eye contact was normal and never bugged me at all. But in London, especially when on the tube trains, everyone avoids eye contact, if they sense you are stealing a glance at their eyes, its like they get really uncomfortable and agitated!!

So all in all, my avoidance of eye contact lately isn't due to me not wanting it, but the fear of making others uncomfortable. I've even noticed that pets in london have the same traits. They'll avoid eye contact at all cost.

I constantly notice people and pets all around me avoid eye contact, to the point where I have wondered if i dont have piercing eyes lol. I suppose one cannot help but reflect upon yourself when everyone around you acts in the same manner.

Could it be due to over crowding, I dunno. But this single thing has many times brought me to the verge of moving back home. The irony is, that in a city with so many people all around, I have never felt more alone and secluded.

reply to post by corvin77


Exactly! On the bus, people don't look at each other, except for the "crazies". And, if you don't want others to think you are a crazy, then you just keep to yourself.

I think it has a LOT to do with overcrowding. In the country, when you pass by someone, they wave. I think it's because they already have their own space and so don't mind inviting others in. In the city, there are people everywhere and people need space. Ignoring others, which avoiding eye-contact achieves, may be a coping mechanism to give others a feeling of space.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt. I wonder why? Maybe it's because brains require novelty for good health and something old is unhealthy and dead. Eating the same old thing over and over certainly breeds contempt for whatever is being eaten. Maybe that's why marriage takes some much work as well. Now I'm rambling.

[edit on 25-1-2009 by TheSingularity]