"The Porn Myth"

Originally posted by thegdfather There is nothing more embarrassing then hearing a fellow male refer to another women as a "hoe" or "bitch" because thats what the current term is...

Are you talking about rap music or mainstream porn? I really haven't watched much porn but I find it hard to believe they use terms like "ho" in mainstream porn.

how can there exist a relationship between man and woman , if the woman is constantly compared to porn Queens which are based on fantasy and lies.
The woman end up competing with ghosts in the imagination of men.
how can their be a spiritual common ground where man and woman can enter together as equals. When in the mind of men there is lust but no needs of the woman is rationalized in the mans brain.
For the woman to cope with this they often are reduced to doormats , lustful
playthings and many woman have begun to accept this as normal.
if there is no equal partnership ,emotional embrace,no mutual understanding.then there is no spiritual relationship either.the relationship is not
based on mutual love but of lust on one side and an emotional break down on the other. 60% divorce rates are the result.
where neither man or woman can have their needs met.

reply to post by solo1


Here are some stats on pornography. You are very close to the mark on the divorce issue:

healthymind.com...

www.divorcewizards.com...

• Cyberporn is giving rise to a new form of sexual compulsiveness. 15% of online-porn habitue's develop sexual behavior that disrupts their lives.

• At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago.

Originally posted by kosmicjack

•At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers who attended said the Internet played a significant role in the divorces in the past year, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases. Pornography had an almost non-existent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago.

That statistic could be VERY VERY misleading. That could be like saying "most heroin addicts drank milk as children, therefore milk must lead to heroin addiction".

People in bad marriages look for other outlets. Many of them will find online relationships, or if the marriage is bad and the sex is gone they may turn to online porn.

It is very difficult to say if the online activity ruined their marriage, or if the bad marriage resulted in online activity. Plus we are talking divorce lawyers here, angry spouses sueing for divorce may have lots of reasons to portray the other spouse in a bad light.

I think the "women are constantly comparing themselves to..." idea is rubbish and is rather insulting to women in general.

Women are not as weak as it is normally claimed, which is a lot in this thread, because men are judged by all sorts of things as well and aren't all half crazed and depressed.

Men are compared to "Chick Flick" guys, Abercrombie and Fitch models, Calvin Cline, romance novels, Hollywood men and "McDreamy",etc, etc, etc.

Men are not one dimensional, regardless of what culture tells you or people might think.

Women are not either, nor are they as weak and pathetic as people seem to say whether they know it or not.

Also consider that many Marriages do not end in divorce but are endured.
because children,monetary issues or other.
there clearly is a problem.
The internet has reduced great distances, brought people together that would not have normally come together,enabled people to meet soul mates which would not of happened and also inversely caused nightmare scenarios to occur .

Once you become addicted to it, and I look at this as a kind of addiction, you look for more potent, more explicit, more graphic kinds of material. Like an addiction, you keep craving something which is harder and gives you a greater sense of excitement, until you reach the point where the pornography only goes so far - that jumping off point where you begin to think maybe actually doing it will give you that which is just beyond reading about it and looking at it.

Interesting quote above. Who said it? Guess....

Edit: See below for the answer.

[edit on 4-8-2008 by Buck Division]

Originally posted by kosmicjack
So many times on T.V. or in a movie the couples are horribly inequitable. Gorgeous girl. Dumpy guy. It's infuriating. As if just any average joe can pick up a hot chick. Has anyone else noticed this?
[edit on 4/8/2008 by kosmicjack]

Why yes, yes I have.
My best friend is one of the most attractive girls I've ever met. Her boyfriend (who she's been with since she was 12 or 13) is possibly one of the ugliest. And not even remotely good to her.
That's more of an issue of dependancy, but still, it started at some point, and most men she meets calling her gorgeous and her own boyfriend never doing the same hasn't clued her in.
Poor girl, if you're stuck with someone you can't show off, they should at least be a good person...

Then again most people don't understand my relationship choices.
I like a little chubb. Not big enough to crush me, but skinny boney guys aren't very comfy to cuddle with.

I've had quite a few arguments with one person online who claims that "hot" guys have to settle for "fat whores" becase there aren't enough women around.
But I never see that...
Larger women (I don't mean average made to seem big from media hyping scrawny, I mean clinically overweight and noticeably big) tend to be single more than larger men, as far as I've seen.
But who am I to make blanket statements...People of both genders can appreciate and/or settle for larger/less attractive mates.


[edited to add because i remembered another thing right as i hit submit]
Women can, and do, watch porn too.
And let's not forget silly romance novels that are completely unrealistic.

And I don't have a problem with my boyfriend watching porn.
And I can safely say it can't POSSIBLY have lowered his sex drive (if it had, he'd be sexing in his sleep )
As long as he's watching porn with unattainable girls that is, I wouldn't be so agreeable if it was a girl who was in his stats class, or down the hall in his dorm.
I don't expect him to think of me every time, just as I know I'm not thinking of him every time. People need variety, and space to fantasize, especially considering the subject matter.
There's some things I just can't do! (like have big boobs, and stretch that far, lol)

[edit on 4-8-2008 by BiohazardsBack]

Porn is a medium that has the tendency to portray the woman as some kind of slut puppy that some how can't seem to get enough. The men are portrayed as being hung like a horse and can preform 24/7. Any male that thinks that a woman should be that way has issues. I have heard far to many women tell there boyfriends or husbands; "be a real man" and never let them know what they mean. Then they wonder why the male leaves or they leave and the male doesn't know why.

Porn plays upon the visual and exploits this area in males. It cheapens everything regarding the male/female interaction and relationship. However, the feminists want to ware the pants in the family and push the male into porn or other ventures without knowing it. On the other hand the men need to be real men also if they are to get a grip on the situation. Boys if you don't know what it means to be a "real man" I'll give you a clue. Following, groveling and begging after a woman is no man.

As for myself, I have been looking for a real woman and sadly I haven't found one yet. Ladies, if you don't know what it means to be a "real woman" I'm not going to tell you as you don't get it anyway. Believe me it is not being like a porn star either, they are fake just like the rest. Some might think I have issues with women, not really, we all have our defects and I am not looking for perfection. War paint, faux breasts and plastic surgery are just a crutch and the man that thinks it makes for a better woman is only deluding himself. Though there are valid reasons for all of them in there proper context. Porn supports the crutch not the reality.

Answer to my riddle, posted above.

One more quote first...

In the beginning, it fuels this kind of thought process. Then, at a certain time, it is instrumental in crystallizing it, making it into something that is almost a separate entity inside.

There are lots of other kids playing in streets around the country today who are going to be dead tomorrow, and the next day, because other young people are reading and seeing the kinds of things that are available in the media today.

These were the comments of Ted Bundy, in his last interview, on the evening before he was executed, January 24, 1989. He considered pornography an essential catalyst of his life.

Here is a link to his last interview.

www.pureintimacy.org...

Of course, I'm not saying that pornography always triggers psychopathic behavior. But it is a cautionary story. There might be reasons to limit pornography in society.

[edit on 5-8-2008 by Buck Division]

Porn certainly has changed since the 60's. I agree the two women and one cup is totally disgusting.

I must admit that men and women's bodies are beautiful to me.

IMO there is nothing wrong with a man and a woman watching a porn movie together. When you've lived together for a while it can stimulate each other into having a good romp in the hay. It's especially helpful when you are my age, 61.

To sit down and watch porn for entertainment is something I never have done. It's like drinking alcohol to me. I do it for the effect it has on my body. I don't do either one often enough.

Sex is healthy. Porn is simply a tool to enhance sexual relationships.

I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.

Oh, about fake boobs. I'm naturally well endowed in that department. I see nothing wrong with a woman enhancing their breast if it makes them feel better about themselves.

Back on the topic of porn.........it is fantasy. It's the violence in movies that disturbs me. I would rather watch a couple have sex than watch someone torture and kill someone.

Make love not war.

While I personally concur with much of what is being said I believe one of the reasons that I look at the Porn Industry in a different light pertains to the great good porn producers have achieved in the area's of free speech.

Larry Flynt put his life on the line for free speech.

Hugh Hefner summed it up well...

This nonsense about the body of man being evil, while the mind and spirit are good, seems quite preposterous to most of us today. After all, the same Creator was responsible for all three and we confess we're not willing to believe that He goofed when He got around to the body of man (and certainly not when He got to the body of woman). Body, mind and spirit all have a unique way of complementing one another, if we let them, and if excesses of the body are negative, it is the excesses that are improper rather than the body, as excesses of the mind and spirit would also

www.playboy.com...

Sometimes people are different then your average joe church on sunday thing and they live different lifestyles.

Maybe, to some, porn is a lifestyle.....Hugh Hefner seems to be doing alright as does the man in the golden wheelchair Larry Flint.

I don‘t know if this is going to take this off on a tangent , but here‘s my two cents:

I think porn (and by extension forms of casual sex) has something to do with a larger issue in the material and spiritual sense. The real issue is Love. Real Love is a rare and sacred thing. Sex is the physical component and the expression of that Love and is a literal melding of two who share Love for each other. In it’s highest form it brings one’s Soul and body into a connection with another. This meeting is a rare and blessed achievement that is sought by all and achieved only by some. Because, to achieve it in it’s full grace and form, it requires effort and sacrifice and a willing submission to the heart of another. As with any great reward it demands much in order to give; it requires courage and sacrifice - as in all Good things.

But with all Good things that exist there is also a shadow form. A substitute that promises satiation without sacrifice. It promises Victory without courage. The easy way to fulfillment. Always the darkness offers an instant fix, a quick reward without any giving in return. But always the need for the next fix lingers. As the victory is gained…it is found to be hollow. For inside, one’s spirit knows that it has not truly earned the reward and so the soul remains empty. Soon it must turn to another victory - or victim - to conquer. Always the last image fades into memory and a new, darker, shadow must be brought forth to feed the hunger. The first gift is given freely but the debt always remains - as in all Bad things.

True Love, and the physical expression of that Love, grows like a planted seed that provides fruit for the Souls of the planters and those that grow from it. The shadow form of Love is like the stolen apple that only satisfies one’s hunger for a moment and then compels to steal another, and another…

reply to post by _Phoenix_

Fake boobs really is a turn off. When are you ladies going to realise that!!

Fake Boobs ARE a turn-off. It's true. Most of them don't even resemble real breasts. They mostly look like a perfectly round bowl has been inserted under the skin. I'd much rather see the real thing, small or not.

I think that porn can be a problem in a lot of relationships, but I think the bigger problem is the poor communication between couples. If people were able to freely discuss their sexual desires, wants, needs, turn ons and turn offs...etc, then perhaps they wouldn't choose to use porn as a sexual outlet. I think in a healthy relationship that porn could be used in a relatively "healthy" manner.

Most men do not use porn as any sort of measuring stick for women. Women seem to torment themselves with this belief for some reason. I think that most men just enjoy looking at naked women.... It is kind of a natural instinct ya know? When the subject becomes taboo and the man feels like he has to do it in secret or still looks at it even though his significant other has asked him to stop , then it becomes a problem. If a relationship isn't healthy, then I can easily see porn being used as an outlet for sexual frustration...which then compounds the unhealthy relationship.

Originally posted by kosmicjack
It seems every guy wants to date a girl who looks like a porn queen

Like most women, you probably keep falling for the wrong men. I don't know a single guy who fits that description.

Anyway, I agree with the premise of the first post. Porn is very negative for one's sexuallity and should be banned altogether !

If anything the diversity of porn has massively increased in the past years. There is porn to cater to almost any taste.

Straight, natural
Straight, big boob
Straight, big butt
Lipstick Lesbian
Butch Lesbian
Interracial
BDSM
Femdom
Gay
BBW
Hard Sex
Soft focus romantic
Hardcore
etc etc

The fact that MANY men only want to see women with huge breasts and wasp-like waistlines can be blamed on the mainstream media.

Personally, I think porn is great. I watch it weekly together with my gf, and we both enjoy it. Even stimulates our sex life.


Why are the islamic ´martyrs´ so excited about receiving 72 virgins in the afterlife? Seems like too much work to me.
I´d prefer just 1 experienced pornstar!

Well i for one like porn...and i will continue to watch it. Nothing remotely wrong with it in the slightest,its good and its good....double good...plus...some of these woman do things no other woman does or can do...porn is more fantasy than real life sex.....And no i have no gf or wife which makes me even more entitled to watch it...good day!



[edit on 5-8-2008 by Lethil]

Originally posted by OutoftheBoxthinker
Anyway, I agree with the premise of the first post. Porn is very negative for one's sexuallity and should be banned altogether !

I think that what people choose to do in the privacy of their own homes is their business - as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else, and I really don't see any evidence to support the idea that porn is in any way damaging.
Women seem to be naturally sensitive to the idea that there is some ideal that they must live up to....and it really isn't the case at all.

Every man I have ever known has differing tastes in women - heavy/slight/strong/vulnerable -- it all depends on what he wants and humans are just too complicated to generalise at all, especially when it comes to sexuality.
There may be some freaks out there that exploit men or women through pornography - but exploitation would occur with or without porn.

Someone above quoted divorce cases and the increasing number of divorcees who cite internet porn as an issue in their dissolving marriage - why wasn't it as large an issue with video porn? Video porn (at least in my area) is as widely distributed as internet porn. Years ago my husband and I were given a bundle of bootleg vids as an anniversary gift.

A guy once told me that the sexiest thing in a woman is confidence - it doesn't matter so much what she looks like - it is how she carries herself and how comfortable she is with herself and her opinions.
I think that stands true for most men, and is the reason that sensitive women often have trouble attracting a mate - not porn or any other media.


[edit on 5-8-2008 by ilandrah]

I think that most men just enjoy looking at naked women.... It is kind of a natural instinct ya know?

Agree.

My only issues with porn is that I very rarely see real women in them. Real women have hair, dimples, and lots of imperfections. When I see a porn star I can't help but wonder " Does my man want me to look like that?"

We very rarely watch porn. He actually doesn't like it - claims I am the most beautiful women evah and he doesn't have any desire to see anyone else naked * shows off*... When we do we end up giggling at the silliness of it. I do suspect that he feels a bit self conscious because the men in porn are often super men in bed. I explain that things are edited for effect and he shouldnt compare himself - I think that porn can effect men and women's body image and their self worth in that they think that is how they behave/look.

The truth for me is that I like sex, a lot, WITH MY MAN. Not the milkman, pizza delivery guy or some other random guy. I guess that makes me his porn star, except I have dimples, body hair and other so called "imperfections".

One good thing about porn in my opinion is that it shows women enjoying sex. It shows men that women can and do enjoy sex.

But then again I'm weird, or so he says. (: