What happened to the sanctity of marriage?

Originally posted by DL2000
I mean guys who lead their families and aren't afraid to disagree with their wives because they're scared they will get cut off from "nightly fun time".

you are underestimating men. thats not why they have respect for their wives.

Theres nothing wrong with the sanctity of my marriage.

We are getting ready to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary and I expect to be married to him the rest of my life.

I think the stats have been this way for quite some time. Different generations = different rules...that's the way I think it is.

2 cents

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


dont worry, I confuse myself at times. just think of it as stream of thoughts because I contradict myself almost every time. concerning marriage I think it is the best social construct there is for humans who lack life extension, which at the moment is everyone. life expectancy is like 75. but i heard an arab couple or the husband once say that they wish to continue being married after they go to heaven and want to live eternally with each other. how interesting that must be.

Originally posted by DuneKnight
Cythraul, you can have a good sexual life with your partner if you put in your head how much that person really cares about you. if you think about it you'd have better sex than with anyone else. how can one have sex with someone who cares less if you die tomorrow or not, thats my theory.

Oh absolutely, I agree. I have no interest whatsoever in a quick screw with someone I don't deeply care about. Never have. We're enjoying sex plenty, but there's no denying that when the relationship is fresh, you're at it night and day. That doesn't last, and I don't think there's anything unhealthy about that. Your relationship develops beyond merely the sex, the sex becomes just one important part of a very deep and complex bond.

On another note, I feel marriage is something that isn't for everyone. In fact, I'm pretty sure most people shouldn't get married. IMO, marriage is an old tradition that holds little, if any, real "sanctity" in our society. It's more of a business contract than a commitment to love and honor.

BUT, if you really do want to get married, I'd bet waiting until you've accomplished ALL your personal goals and dreams would significantly increase your chances of having a happy and successful marriage.

Here's a good question on this subject:

If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it?

I really cannot think of reasons other than religious ones to get married. Why would you commit financially to an emotion? Emotions like love can change like the breeze.

reply to post by DuneKnight


LOL. What I was trying to say was that men shouldn't ever fear getting in arguments with their wives/girlfriends for any reason, even if it meant not "getting some" for a night. AND, I think that men are becoming submissive to women and loosing respect FROM women in the process...not that they are loosing respect FOR women.

reply to post by jkbpkook


if thats the case, then why bother living at all. plus marriage is an established trust. how many people outside of marriage do you really trust? this world is full of strangers and backstabbers, etc. you might think that ur friends care about you but they dont really. you are expendable to them. once you become infamous or something they will drop you in a second. only your family wont. a marriage is an artificial family that soon develops to become a natural one.

Originally posted by jkbpkook
Here's a good question on this subject:

If marriage didn't exist, would you invent it?

I really cannot think of reasons other than religious ones to get married.

Other then religion? People like being traditional for some reason. Without marriage, even a bad marriage, some people just don't feel like they are normal citizens.

And don't forget about all the financial perks our society grants married couples...

Would I invent it? No. At least not in the manner it currently is. Marriage adds another layer of formality and institution on top of the idea of a loving monogamous relationship... hell it has even convinced some that the two are synonymous!

Why would you commit financially to an emotion? Emotions like love can change like the breeze.

Well that's not about marriage per se, that's about commitment itself.

[edit on 053131p://13u30 by Lucid Lunacy]

reply to post by jkbpkook


Well said! I completely agree.

reply to post by DL2000


dude i was being sarcastic, and ironical at the same time. and I mixed it all up with a brilliant insinuation with some undertones. this is my recipe for every comment I make okey.

Originally posted by DL2000
reply to post by DuneKnight

 

LOL. What I was trying to say was that men shouldn't ever fear getting in arguments with their wives/girlfriends for any reason

Fair enough. And women should also not fear getting in arguements with their husbands and boyfriends.

AND, I think that men are becoming submissive to women and loosing respect FROM women in the process...not that they are loosing respect FOR women.

You don't think this is true for the other?? That women are submissive to men? You don't think some loose repsect in the process just as you are saying for the other? I don't understand why you don't think this applies to the other sex just as much, because it does.

Also, I understand what you're getting at, there has been a "shift" in relationship dynamics since the golden years of our stubborn mysoginsts fathers of old. Still, you are generalizing when you shouldn't be. You make it sound like this is the case for ALL MEN....

Originally posted by DuneKnight
reply to post by DL2000

 

dude i was being sarcastic, and ironical at the same time. and I mixed it all up with a brilliant insinuation with some undertones. this is my recipe for every comment I make okey.

Hey, nothing wrong with chaos if it's consistent!

reply to post by ANOK


I completely disagree- Religion and morals aside; if everyone just fooled around with whomever they wanted. In a few yrs there wouldn't be any adults left on this planet because everyone will have contracted STDS and died; or everyone will have just killed each other over courtship and sexual drama.

Not to mention . . . what about the children? Children from a very young age seem to know that it is natural for 2 people to be together. Now everyone is going to cry out that it's been socially drilled into them but no. It's biological predisposition. I think that a style of living that your advocating would traumatize children and curtail their development.

I think your saying that it should be part of our culture because it would suit the way you "think" you would want to live. But I tell you that it's a shallow and non fulfilling existence.

Hi, I'm new here but have been reading for awhile anyhow, I have an opinion. I'm not sure anyone wants to hear it but, I want to put it out there. First of all, I'm not a fundamentalist Christian I have my own ideas about religion, some Christian/Catholic/Gnostic and some Wiccan, Nature etc and I am a woman. Maybe my opinion will suprise you after hearing this but, oh well. First off, I'm not gonna worry about typos or spelling etc, just pour it all out. I agree with the OP that its a sad state that marriage is in. I am not the polyamory type of Wiccan and I do see a big need for some traditonal morals in society. I agree feminism goes way to far sometimes, it should be more about equality, not superioity and greed. But my biggest concern when it comes to marriage and morals in genernal is two things (and let me state first I am not anti-gay, please read on to understand) 1. Perverted sex, porn ie. anal sex and 2. bisexuality. Ok.....now that we got that clear that I think these things are a major factor in moral decline, I will say that I believe homosexuality is not evil and gays should be able to marry. I see nothing wrong with the same sex loving each other, kissing, or practicing sexual behaviours that are natural such as manual or oral, what I find a big problem with is what we normally term sodomy (i iknow it can mean other stuff too) it is not natural and not healthy mentally or physically...BUT if gays want to do that in private, so be it, the problem is, straight couples are doing this too! Kids are getting into it from porn etc its become popular!! Its dangerous and unhealthy in generel and people are so misinformed about it. Its a rebellion that is got out of hand, and is ruining peoples lives. At least gay men have a reason, they want to be intimate in a way that is is not otherwise possible. But not all gays do this either, that is a myth. Gays should be able to marry because it might prevent so much promisciouness, it would make their lifestyle safer and mentall and spiritually more fulfiling too. But I do have a bone to pick with MOST, not all MOST bisexuals...it is a FAD, its not real, very rarely is someone that confused to actually be bisexual, this is ruing relationships and kids are getting pulled into it. Our society is falling apart from these perversions, and if you can't see it, you are in denial. Anal sex is not only the fastest spreader of HIV but also many diseases like ecoli, even if you clean, it can cause anal prolapse and ruin your intestines or colon, cause anal cancer and all sorts of problems. The butt is the dirtiest place on earth and people are in denial about this. Not to mention the fact it is meant to push things out not in...people wil be upset when they are old and can not hold there stuff in. And from a spiritiual point of view, it is unbalanced to make your chi or life energy flow backwards like that. In the back of ones mind, they know its wrong, and so don't blame religions as being unaccepting that makes the guilt feelings, its guilt from doing somehting unnatural and harmful. Its not sin agianst God, but hurts yourself. Again I know I might get a backlash for this, but I don't mean to hurt anyone, only to show the dangers and how this can affect relationships too, and self worth. Like I said, this is more aimed at straight people that gay. This is demeaning to women, who have a spot meant for intimacy, this is not life promoting its stagnating. So, you say it feels good. Not all that feels good is good for you, you know this.. Drugs? SO you say, well if its possible it should be ok....are all plants edible? No, some are poison. This anal sex and bisexuality are the biggest social break down participants I can think of. The affects are slow and insidious. Bisexual trends are confusing kids and people don 't know how to commit and truly share with a person. They think more to love is better, but it impossible to spread yourself that thin. True love takes time and commitment.

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


I do believe women shouldn't be afraid of arguing with their husbands. I never said they should. I'm not really clear on why you thought I was inferring to that. I love women, and I very much so think it's important that we find a harmony with each other in a relationship. I'm not arguing for men being the dominant one in a relationship. I'm saying there's a growing trend of men who are becoming very eager to give up all their say in a relationship. That is what I'm saying is causing women to loose respect for men. And when you say that I am "generalizing", it is because what I'm saying is "generally" true. I never said it was all men who were like this. It only takes 51% of something to be generally true.

reply to post by rubyeyes


I appreciate your post. I am happy you contributed to the thread. Personally I can't respect your opinion; saying bisexuality is a major contributor to moral decline, and the "biggest social breakdowns", is simply ignorant and not compassionate. I am bisexual, and morality and ethics is my biggest focus in life. I consider myself a good person. Anyways...

I would love to further things. Ask for clarification on your post. Have a discussion. But honestly, I am pretty sure your mind has been made up already.

You mentioned backlash for your post. Well, none from me, I am just sad for you. Your post contained a lot of misconceptions and prejudices from your lack of knowledge on the topics.

[edit on 093131p://13u11 by Lucid Lunacy]

Originally posted by JPhish

I think your saying that it should be part of our culture because it would suit the way you "think" you would want to live. But I tell you that it's a shallow and non fulfilling existence.

Or maybe he is saying it should be a part of our culture because he support and encourages freedom?

Originally posted by Lucid Lunacy
reply to post by wagnerian21

 

Nice double standard there. If the "free love" of the hippie era is solely to blame. Then how the hell are you concluding women as the culprit? Men were just as involved in that free-loving hippie stuff as women were.

But anyways, I think the idea that the 60-70s "free-love" being the cause of divorce rates in the new millenium is a really big stretch. It's a combination of our biological drives being polygamous, and our freedom to act on it.

And what TheWalkingFox said

[edit on 023131p://13u02 by Lucid Lunacy]

Ummm....can you read?

I never concluded anything about women in particular. The only time I actually used the word 'women' in my post was a reference to the survey in question which, you`ll notice, was directed toward women.

I did not design the survey, nor did I have a hand in distributing it. If you want to toss around accusations of sexism, direct them to the individuals who made the survey.

Furthermore, while it is entirely possible that there`s a biological component to the phenomenon of infidelity, it is our ability to override our base drives that seperates us from the animals.

Please attempt to read other poster`s words more carefully, in the future, before replying.

reply to post by wagnerian21


I did read it. And, as a reader, I interpreted it. How did you convey it?

Well you didn't specify directly if you were addressing women or men with that hippie-theory, but then you ended with this:

The survey says that 1/3`rd of women admit to cheating? Hell, given the above, I`m suprised it`s that low.

The "above" was your hippie-theory. I put two and two together. Was it my comprehension or your lack of clarification? I dunno. It doesn't matter. I understand now that you are saying that the men and women hippies are to blame for our modern divorce rates