What happened to the sanctity of marriage?

reply to post by nolany40

When you say you have an "open marriage" do you mean you both are free to have sexual relations with other people and it is not considered "cheating"? I don't quite follow your statement, please clarify.

OP, the one argument that I would make, is that 99% of men cannot get half the woman that a porn star is. I have known a few in my time, and they wouldn't touch a regular guy with a ten-foot pole... (bad imagery) But the point that I think you are making, is that it keeps mans mind wandering. So how about this. I always hear that people either lose attraction to a person, or fail to spend time together, yada etc....

So why not work out together, like my parents do.
Why not share responsibilities, so that parenthood is more brady, than manson?
Why not, take pride in your kids as a reflection of your own values, rather than complain about how our society has raised them?

Why not?

Because it takes work. It takes work to keep an old faithful car running, but it's much easier to drive it into the ground, and then just junk it, and get a new one.

Marraige is the last disposablke creation of America. Now we just need a recycling program for it.

[Edit to point out that I am divorced.

[edit on 12-5-2008 by jasonjnelson]

Originally posted by jasonjnelson
OP, the one argument that I would make, is that 99% of men cannot get half the woman that a porn star is.

why are you implying that porn stars are of high stature? even sexually. thats really weird. I personally am turned off by porn stars and how they look. They are victims of trauma that happened in their lives. nearly all of them were raped when younger. I will never want a woman to even resemble or remind me of a porn star.

reply to post by TheRooster


An 'open marriage' has the same meaning as an 'open relationship' It is mutually agreed and supported that they are allowed to have sex with others. That is not disturbing the 'sanctity of marriage'. When you cheat yes. But that's not cheating. If you have an open marriage, but have the "house rules" of requiring that you are in each others presence when you have sex with others, and you decide to break that rule and have sex with another alone... well that's still cheating and is a hit against the marriage. It all depends on what the couple has agreed on mutually.

reply to post by TheRooster



yes both of us are free to have sexual relations with other people and it is not considered "cheating. she is happy with it and soo am i.




sorry i am at work and did not see when you post i work for the US GOV.

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy

I understand the loose definition of an open marriage or open relationship, my question was specific to the poster's statement. But you bring up a point that mystifies me...

How can you wake up next to someone you love with all of your heart and be so bored with them sexually that you find any fulfillment with the act of sex with another? For me, an orgasm starts at the base of my heart, then goes through the plumbing IMHO, anyone in an "open marriage" is a hedonistic individual lying in wait of a divorce. Can the practice or the marriage really stand the test of time? I have several friends who "opened" their relationships up, all of them are no longer married.

I don't think the sanctity of marriage went anywhere. Since ancient times there have always been spouses who step outside the bounds of marriage, hmmm even that term says a lot to me.. (bounds of marriage, sounds like a prison, even though I know it is not)

I think that more women cheat now because there are more working outside the home, around other men who might treat them better than their husbands, they may be bored with their spouse, the guy might just be really hot. I mean why do men cheat?? Why is it all of a sudden that the sanctity of marriage is at stake now when men have been cheating on their wives for god only knows how long.

Sanctity of marriage is always going to be there for those who were taught to value it prior to entering into that sort of relationship. Sadly though, not many parents teach their kids about marriage. I was lucky that I got advice about marriage before I got married. Mom used to say about my very serious boyfriend "watch how his father treats his mother and you will have an insight as to how your boyfriend will have learned to treat women" She used to talk about what marriage was and why it was different and more important than just dating, why it made you a more complete person, but that it could only be what it is meant to be with just the right person. We need to teach our kids more about marriage, through more than just example. We need to talk to them more I think. Then maybe more people will have a stronger value and connection to the very idea of marriage.

Another thing is that if people are not getting what they need/want in a marriage then they tend to look elsewhere. I think people need to be taught prior to marriage how to be a good friend and spouse. Maybe more women are cheating on their husbands because more husbands are failing to meet the needs of their spouse in some way. And of course there are just the selfish ones who just want it all and don't think of anyone but themselves, but this is not unique to women.

What is the rate of men who cheat on their wifes? Where has the sanctity of marriage gone..

1. i love my wife with all my heart 2. we are not sexually bored 3 we have friends that been in there open marriage for over 10yers and still married for some people its not for them.

I would say it the the lust for more. More of eveything that makes your days better. Money Power God.

5/12/08

reply to post by DuneKnight


well then, obviously you don't look at porn. I was refering to those that get the majority of their sexual satisfaction from porn. OBVIOUSLY, they like those woman. Obviously the same doesn't go for you. But I can almost bet that the movie star, or celeb, that best represents your ideal woman would not date you either.
Its not a knock, Jessica Alba has yet to return my calls.

reply to post by TheRooster


Your post has a key distinction that needs to be made. Marriages that were 'open' from the get go, and then the ones you just described, which became 'open' later down the road... Sure the later might be indicative of wanting to get out of the marriage. I was speaking of marriages that were understood to be 'open' from its conception. You assume that it is boredom, but you are not entertaining the possibility that is just in their mutual understanding of what they always wanted their life to be. Hedonistic? For some maybe. But for some in monogamous relationships sex is purely hedonistic. It can and is, an extension of their love-life and intimacy, for many 'open marriages', just as monogamous sex is for 'closed marriages'.

[edit on 073131p://12u19 by Lucid Lunacy]

reply to post by jasonjnelson

wow how weird am i for having a fetish for normal looking women. and yes there are celebrities that i hold ideal but it ain't because of their looks. and i dont get your argument what do celebs have to do with marriages? actually that brought up something; celebrity marriages always never last, do you think that is one of the factors that make divorces fashionable to women.

Well it all depends on what your definition of is is....sorry it was just begging to be said


Survey results are indeed skewed due to the sample taken.

Open relationships "just work" for some people, for others they do not. One time I had a nurse that was a friend that was really down and I gave her a long heart-filled hug to cheer her up. At the end she pulled back a little and said "I don't have an open marriage and I love my husband very much." I said "Good, because as a friend I would hate to have to whip your butt for trying to pull anything." I answered her puzzled look with a smile and explained the difference between a friend and lover.

As for myself, never been married because I dont believe in divorce. But to clear that statement up: I will only share my life with one person and she has to be the right one for me. It is something that I will know in my heart, soul and every fiber of being. So far that have been two that were very very close to that...neither worked out when the time was right. One I knew from the moment I was introduced to her that we would one day be together. Timing and circumstances were solidly against us because she hated me with a purple passion from the word go. It took several years and an isolation from her friends before I could talk her into spending a weekend with me that nothing but walking and talking and getting know me. As for the other, well long story short...she had a different idea of what love meant to her and it was more about what I could do to her than what I could show and share exeriences with her. No, not even close to right in the end but I still always have a love for her, just not of her.

For me, it is sharing in a lifetime's of exeriences with someone that you truely want to share them with that is the key. Funny how at 37 I can sound like a sage to some but honestly those were my exact thoughts at 17 as well.

And since the celeb thing came about...yeah, I could hardly get a true honest "hello" out of Carmen Electra today, but 20 years ago when she was just Tara Patrick she did ask me out once. But as my luck would have it I was seeing someone at the time who happened to be standing beside me when she asked. The temptation level would have been the same had I been alone though, quick but rapidly fleeting as I politely turned her down.

Some would say that makes me a chump, but despite being alone I am really never lonely. And although I do think that there is still someone out there I still do not let my desire for a relationship allow me to just "settle" on a pretty face that isn't the person I would really want to be with for more than a one night stand or friends with benefits. I have had plenty of those in the past and quite frankly they are a boring waste of time to me now.

edit to add for Duneknight: Despite what I have implied. I have had greater relationships with the normal women over the super-hot babe arm trophy types...always it boils down to a depth of character, and they tend not to let their looks make up for other things if you catch my drift.

[edit on 12-5-2008 by Ahabstar]

I don't exactly think the media glorifies all these cheating celebrities. I think it ridicules them. The media hasn't been nice to Britney Spears for a loong time.

I don't have an opinion on marriage either way. It's a double edged sword really. I know some people who I can tell they'll be together forever and a lot of people who won't. It's more a problem of all the people who shouldn't be married making the institution look bad.

reply to post by Merle8


Have you ever heard the phrase "any publicity is good publicity"? That almost always applies to celebrities. It most definitely applies to Britney Spears. Her song lyrics reflect this fact.

reply to post by DuneKnight


Are you not reading my posts? You seem to be ignoring the fact that OTHERS place these woman on a pedestal, not me. Whatever, I'm off to a thread with someone who reads what I say.

For anyone who is in an "open marriage" seriously, why even bother getting married? It can't be for the tax breaks...

reply to post by sc2099


Because they are still in a life-long union together. And chose to get married for the same general reasons a monogamous couple did. You not understanding their relationship dynamics doesn't change that. That's why.

this is the PERFECT place for me to talk about this.....

After 8 YEARS of marriage I learned my husband was a serial cheater and had been lying to me for YEARS!

Needless to say it ended in divorce and I have remained UN MARRIED for the last 8 years.....I just doubt I can ever trust anybody again. NOT like THAT...

OK here is what I want to share as it is quite funny During the interrogation aspect of me finding out about all his affairs....he got all full of himself and said "Well you KNEW I was going to cheat on you! We HAD an open marriage!!" I looked at him like the crazy lying dog he was and he went on to tell me...."We got married OUTSIDE!!! EVERYBODY KNOWS when you get married without a roof over your head that means 'OPEN MARRIAGE' ...if YOU had WANTED a monogamous marriage you would have INSISTED that it be INSIDE a dam building like all monogamous weddings are preformed.....this ENTIRE thing is YOUR FAULT for getting married outside and YOU KNOW IT!" and then he laughed at me.



After that moronic diatribe I could not wait for the divorce.

reply to post by theRiverGoddess


I am sorry to hear that. That must have been a terrible experience. I can't believe your husband tried to say that with a straight face. I guess I am glad I got married inside under a roof, so that won't be used against me. This is the first I have heard of that one. I wonder how many other people have used that to justify their infidelity?