What happened to the sanctity of marriage?

reply to post by theRiverGoddess


LOL that is the most retarded thing I've ever heard. Good on you for not being stuck with such a loser.

To Lucid Lunacy, I'm not trying to deride anyone's choices. You're right, I don't understand it, which is exactly why I posed the question.

What happened to the days when spouses were close enough that infidelity wasn't a real worry? Long past, friends. These days, married couples are separated for very long periods over several days by work. When htey get home, stress over time, money, and children further separate them.

People crave companionship with their other, and the modern life actually runs counter to maintaining a healthy relationship. It's way easy to blame external influences, like "the media" or whatever... but the reality is that if there's a problem between two married folks... It's a problem that has its origins between the two of them - poor planning or time management, inability or unwillingness to reconnect after a long day, that sort of thing.

Why do spouses cheat? Quite simply put; because they can.

The generation of the sixties, the so-called 'hippies', in their zeal to protest a corrupt system of social control, made the mistake of throwing away any and all forms for social control; anything was permissible, and as such, everything was permitted. And their chlidren grew under the supervision of 'parents' who preached from within a haze of drugs that there was no right, no wrong, and nothing to fear save the thought of living in a world without 'free love'.

And they grew up and made a religion of nihilism- and not the productive, creative Nietzschean form of nihilism, either- but rather a nihilism born from a worldview from which the base, the ethics of an upstanding, proud society, had been torn away. A nihilism that leads one to feel that the only acceptable standard of behavior is gratification of whatever momentary urge one might happen to entertain.

The survey says that 1/3`rd of women admit to cheating? Hell, given the above, I`m suprised it`s that low.

reply to post by wagnerian21


Nice double standard there. If the "free love" of the hippie era is solely to blame. Then how the hell are you concluding women as the culprit? Men were just as involved in that free-loving hippie stuff as women were.

But anyways, I think the idea that the 60-70s "free-love" being the cause of divorce rates in the new millenium is a really big stretch. It's a combination of our biological drives being polygamous, and our freedom to act on it.

And what TheWalkingFox said

[edit on 023131p://13u02 by Lucid Lunacy]

Originally posted by sc2099

To Lucid Lunacy, I'm not trying to deride anyone's choices. You're right, I don't understand it, which is exactly why I posed the question.

I don't understand it in the sense that I have experienced it. I have actually only ever been in one relationship. It was 6 years and it wasn't a marriage, and it was monogamous. I am open to the idea of being in an open relationship It just depends on who I am with, and what we decide is best for us.

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


I think some people are built for open relationships and some are not. I personally, would never be able to get over the jealousy of knowing that my partner is sleeping with someone else. It would put doubt in my head about if she wants them more than me or if she is only using me...etc.

It is such a foreign concept to me that I have a hard time believeing it is a healthy thing to do. I just can't imagine that if you truely love someone that you would be able to be in an open relationship with them. Now, if you are only in a sexual relationship and not a loving relationship, then yes I see how it could work. Then again, it would be very difficult to keep emotions out of it and only be in it for the sex.

just by reading this thread and what people have written makes me believe that women are the only cheaters. lots of guys here said they had been fooled, so my guess is that women shouldn't be trusted or what exactly? sorry but even the sexy sons hypothesis that i provided earlier proves that infidelity is natural to women. so my guess is that open relationships might be more beneficial for women than for the guy. anyone able to refute because I want to be proven wrong.

Weak willed people is the answered if you ask me. The only one you have control over in this life is yourself. Alot of people say that people cheat because of problems in their relashionship/marrage. I disagree I think they do it cause they are horny and weak willed. People have no self control and no diginity and no will power. It's pretty sad.

I have to admit, something good can come of such an alarmist article, even if it is based on the nonsensical acceptance of an instant click-survey; I am referring of course to this very debate.

I must object to this kind of thing because the words 'findings' and 'survey' bely the accuracy of the opinion embedded in the article. Also, because the viewer of such 'reports' is usually not in a position to discuss the so-called 'finding' and are usually more inclined to accept it as fact. Hence my immediate call for caution regarding something that, in its construction, contributes to a perception. This perception is destructive and demeaning and is circular in that it creates the very 'distrust' in the institution of marriage, thus weakening it by process of 'self-fulfilling prophecy.'

I am passionate on this subject because I have children, and I am fairly certain that they believe that marriage is a viable and desirable potential facet of adult life.

I can't sit idly by while the media spins the illusion that marriage is a convenient way to go 'steady' and it's not really a commitment for life. Most of the youth seem to think that divorce is perfectly acceptable way to deal with a problem in a marriage. But logic would follow, 'Then, why marry at all?' Indeed, why marry? If you cant trust yourself or your spouse, why do you marry? What was the 'real' reason?

For many of our young ladies, it's societal programming, the 'big day' and the 'Cinderella wedding' and all that. For our young men its a social convention tied to the image of success in later life.

That's the medias contribution to the mix. Ever watch 'soap operas'? Do you pay attention to children's programming on the ubiquitous TV? What is the 'projected' norm? Now follow up with the 'written' works of media..., like the OP piece.

What if, in the middle of the 8th inning when the game is all but lost, the team walks off the field, would that be OK? Never! When the team loses, you don't blame the game, you blame the team (so to speak)

Yet marriage is NOT a game, now matter who you 'think' you are, and how 'cool' your spouse is with it. The problem is people love the IDEA but when the game stops being 'fun' they want to 'change the channel.' Or some now wish to just 'pretend' their married, and highlighting their 'off' time by badmouthing their spouses or telling stories to entertain others (our audience.)

Yes, I think the institution of marriage has been corrupted by those who have taken it upon themselves to 'use' it as entertainment. They offer us the perspective that there should be a laugh track and some inspirational or romantic music playing in the background of our lives, despite the patently unreal aspect of what that means (having a 'directed' life.)

At the end of the tirade, it's about children, that's what marriage is about. Yes, this is my opinion, and yes this is a generalization, but I hate the flippant attitude that the social contract is to be viewed as a 'business' deal. That is quite distinctly what skews our children's understanding of a life long commitment to honor and cherish another person is about.

What message is here for them? Is it true that the institution of marriage is failing, or are we failing the institution of marriage?

[edit on 13-5-2008 by Maxmars]

reply to post by theRiverGoddess


LOL! If you were a newbie I probably wouldn't believe your story. That is absolutely crazy! Either your Ex was really stupid or he thought you were and I opt for the former. Of course there are people that think they can get around the truth by coming up with the ludicrous.

I didn't mean to laugh there and I am sorry to hear your story. What an absolute creep!

One poster mentioned that sex is not at the top of the list and I concur. Men are often accused of putting sex first but that's not the case with all men, at least not me.

Well, I believe there are many reasons why more and more marriages are failing, but I think the root of the problem stems from the fact that men are becoming more like women and women are becoming more like men...in the traditional sense.

Men, these days, are more likely to shave their chest, pluck their eye brows, be stay-at-home parents and are more likely to follow the lead of women. The quality of men, especially in this country, has severely dropped off. If you don't believe me, watch shows like Everybody Loves Raymond. This is the best modern representation of a typical, white, middle-class family that our country has to offer. When did American men become so afraid of women? Men are scared to make women angry, so they give in to every request and back down from every argument. Respect is earned. It isn't something that is given out, freely. I know if my grandfather would have ever seen me act as submissive as Raymond does to Debra, he would have kicked my butt!

Men aren't respected in our society anymore, and it isn't the fault of women or the media. It's our fault as men.

reply to post by DL2000


now it's metro sexuality, hehe You guys have some very funny interpretations of this issue.

So if a guy shaves his chest he is not a quality man? Heh.

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


oh so please enlighten us, would you have more respect for a feminine sensitive guy who will help you do the chores and caters to your needs or a traditional man instead who rather go out with the guys and is only available when its bedtime.

reply to post by DL2000


I second that! Although I wouldn't fault men entirely it is true that we can choose to be this way or not.

[edit on 13-5-2008 by jbondo]

reply to post by DuneKnight


Um Dune. Reread my post. You will see the ? marks placed after those statements. Also, notice it was a response to the post above mine... Let me know if you need me to further clarify?...

Originally posted by jbondo
reply to post by DL2000

 

I second that! Although I wouldn't fault men entirely it is true that we can choose to be this way or not.

[

Oh, how I love seeing the orthodox Christian mentality

It's the feminine acting men! There to blame! And it's those shows like Will and Grace and Everybody Loves Raymond! Wow. But don't worry men, you can choose to not be a modern man and instead sick to good ol' fashion Christian values. Stoneage.

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


while we are on the subject. is playing video games manly because i do that alot

reply to post by Lucid Lunacy


HAHA! Yeah, metro-sexuality is going to be the death of this country! Just kiddin'.

No, it doesn't have so much to do with style as it does attitude. I know some very metro guys who are great leaders and stick up for themselves, and I also know some tattooed "tough guys" with shaved heads who are very much wusses!

My point was more about men not being leaders and not having any strong male role models anymore. And by that, I do not mean guys who cheat on, beat or ignore their wives and families. I mean guys who lead their families and aren't afraid to disagree with their wives because they're scared they will get cut off from "nightly fun time".

reply to post by DuneKnight


Duenknight, I think you have my position reversed lol. I am not arguing for OR against anything metro or feminine. If your a good guy, and your a good father and lover, it matters not what "kind" of man you are. I think you confused my response to the other members post with my postition? I don't know, you are confusing me

reply to post by DL2000


Thanks for the clarification, that makes much more sense to me now.

As for a man being a leader in the traditional sense. I don't necessarily think that's a good thing. I think there should be equality across the board in relationships. Neither women nor man being above the other.