What happened to the sanctity of marriage?

Cheating is nothing but weakness and shallow selfishness. Furthermore the word love is used as a mere puchline with fewer people knowing what real love actually is.

I've never cheated nor would I, no matter the opportunity. No, I don't think I'm special nor do I expect any accolades but I can tell you that true love never suffers from infidelity. These days marriage is just something to do and if the slightest problems arise cheating or divorce is the easy, lazy scapegoat remedy.

It's too easy to take the easy way out and people do it before even getting to know who their spouse really is. Same hold true for cheating; its made easy and people are told it's OK by what they see and hear on a daily basis.

faithfulness and devotion are just as easy as cheating, all you need to do is say "no thank you". If you know you can't be faithful (and those that can't know it), then don't get married!



[edit on 12-5-2008 by jbondo]

My hubby and I are in a great relationship, we do what I call "a sharing experience" we've outlasted all of our friends in marriage and time together. The 70's word was Swinging, but not liking that, I call it sharing.

We share in our experiences and it is fun that we have together, no cheating and it's open an honest with all parties involved. It's not something we do often, but only on occassion.

My hubby and I have been together for over 15 years, and we wouldn't let some "fun" get in the way of our loving family/relationship.

To each their own. We're not religious, but we aren't sneakin behind each other's backs to "get some"....

Maybe if more people would be open minded to a realistic idea of what life has to hold and they too would be in a better place. I thank my lucky stars every day for the man in my life. He is my true love.

A_L

Forget about religion, if you get married to another person you are making a commitment to that person. If you can't honor that commitment then you shouldn't get married. Nobody said marriage is an easy thing.

On the list of things that make up a great relationship, let me tell you, sex ain't even in the top 5. If it is for you then it's a good bet that your relationship is doomed.

Peace

Originally posted by another_lurker
My hubby and I are in a great relationship, we do what I call "a sharing experience" we've outlasted all of our friends in marriage and time together. The 70's word was Swinging, but not liking that, I call it sharing.

We share in our experiences and it is fun that we have together, no cheating and it's open an honest with all parties involved. It's not something we do often, but only on occassion.

My hubby and I have been together for over 15 years, and we wouldn't let some "fun" get in the way of our loving family/relationship.

To each their own. We're not religious, but we aren't sneakin behind each other's backs to "get some"....

Maybe if more people would be open minded to a realistic idea of what life has to hold and they too would be in a better place. I thank my lucky stars every day for the man in my life. He is my true love.

A_L

You may be married but you're not monogamous, and that is what the sanctity of marriage is.

[edit on 12-5-2008 by sc2099]

I feel that people are not self-disciplined and have never felt any real devotion towards another human being.

I have been married to my high school sweetheart now for 32 years. We have seen each other at our most vulnerable during some very hard times. We are very aware of the pain and hurt we can inflict on each other, sometimes you have to communicate these feelings. If we do inadvertently cause pain to the other we talk, we know the bounds of our marriage and respect each other's needs.

I must say too we are having fun! We know when to interact and when to just leave the other alone. We are very comfortable and can completely relax with each other. We can be soft and gentle or implement a little tough love when needed. It only gets better, for us, with longevity!

I don’t see anything wrong with porn within a marriage. If watched together it can be great as long as the two agree. Some of it these days can get a bit bizarre but there are softer alternatives. Jut give each other a little space and freedom within the agreed upon bounds of marriage. It has worked for us.

In the end the grass is not always greener on the other side! Everyone wakes up with morning mouth and stinks up the bathroom eventually, real life kicks in. We all get lazy and comfortable you just got to stir things up once in awhile. If you hunger for that initial thrill of love, sex and romance and that's all that works for you, then don't get married and have children. I would like to see someone keep that pace going into their 60's, no actually that image is not a good one!

Wanted to add that we are in fact the two most monogamous people on Earth and have always been! No sharing!

[edit on 12-5-2008 by Morningglory]

*SNIP* I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I also know that my wife and I have the most absolute trust that neither of us would ever cheat.

Will there be problems in our marriage? Yes. Every marriage has problems. But to say that the idea of marriage is the institutution holding us down is like saying that love holds us down. I wanted to marry my wife, no to hold each other down but to show people, "I love my wife enough that I will stand in front of everyone I know, swear that love and show them all that I mean it till the day I die".

A little lesson for all on sanctity of marriage,

There was a gentleman about a year ago who was engaged for about 2 years. The wedding was all planned out and everything was paid for. About 1 week before the wedding he discovered that the nasty, heartless, skanky bride had been sleeping with his bestman for the past year. He didn't go confront them right then, he waited. When the wedding was taking place and the bride approached the altar he broke the news to her entire family and all her friends that the best man and the bride were screwing. This is all on video somewhere on the net but I have no idea where. Then the guy packed up his crap and split. I think he's filty rich.

That's an example of horrible, corrupt, evil people. Then I look at my parents who have been married 37 years, never cheated, raised to little jackass kids like my sister and I and managed to hold together. That lets me know that marriage isn't the problem, it's PEOPLE that are the problem. Slutty brides too.

[edit on 12-5-2008 by Ragnarok691]

Mod Edit: Discussion Etiquette

[edit on 12-5-2008 by MemoryShock]

What's worse than this simple fact of people not upholding marriage vows is what government (laws) that have been enacted to rescue women. The Violence Against Women Act and the newly enacted International Violence Against Women Act is flawed.

it becomes the perfect tool in a family court where a cheating spouse can allege abuse (with not so much as a single shred of evidence) just merely the statement 'I was afraid..." to have an exparte hearing which violates one's constitutional right to face their accuser, be driven from their home and children by court order, presumed GUILTY and branded a criminal.

I know about this personally, because I was a victim of this law, my ex-wife was having an affair with someone and wanted me "gone" and what better way than by using a legal system that's taking her side despite total lack of evidence to support her claim.

Since then, I've been kicked out of our home, had our children taken away, been jailed (on false allegations) forced to pay retroactive child support for 2 years prior to her making these claims, been refused employment because of my record...which oddly, police see and judges see I've never been in ANY trouble with the law, yet she files a Domestic Violence Restraining order, calls the police to say I violated it by threatening her (all at the guidance of the local women's shelter attorney) so that by the time I got out of jail, my request for a re-hearing would be 20 days past the civil procedures limitation of 10 days.

So instead of throwing a fit or diving into self-pity, I constructed a website with information on how one can protect themselves against this terribly flawed set of laws. it's called: FalselyAccusedofDomesticViolence

It's no wonder why men fear marriage, especially when in the blink of an eye the one you thought you could always love could so easily destroy everything you have.

I'm not saying the laws don't work, I'm just saying that their is too broad a scope in which they operate that allows for ABUSE by the accuser, it kinda reminds me of the war on terror (sic) and how badly it's destroyed all of our freedoms as individuals. Well I for one won't stand for it and will fight it...kick and scream until the truth is heard and changes are made to protect against malicious prosecution.

BTW, the states profit BIGTIME, jails get populated and YOU the tax payer foot the bill....so YOU should be angry too!

What happened to the sanctity of marriage? How do we know that marriage was sacred in the 40's, 50's etc?

Do we have reliable statistical evidence to show that married men and women did not cheat on their spouses?

Perhaps in those times divorce was frowned upon, and thus, many people did not get a divorce. But infidelity has been around as long as monogamy has, so maybe it's just that people did not get divorced as easily as they would now. And is infidelity the chief cause for divorce? What about other issues like spousal abuse?

And please keep in mind that in those earlier times, i.e. the 1920's, 30's and 40's, many women did not work and earn as much as a man would, thereby reducing their options for life without their husband.

And in response to earlier posts about infidelity due to pornography, please allow me to share my viewpoint.

I am 26 years old and the product of a failed marriage. Both of my parents were "high school sweethearts" and I suspect (although they will not readily admit it) that they only married because I had been conceived. Due to factors other than infidelity, they divorced when I was 9 years old.

I am a child of the Internet, and I have been viewing pornographic material since I was 11. I first found a magazine of my uncle's and when I was 14 I started to watch porn online.

I can say that I am addicted to pornography. I routinely watch it perhaps 4 out of 7 days.

I have been involved in a monogamous relationship for the past 5 years, and am currently engaged to her.

So, with earlier posters stating that porn is responsible for skewing the views of marriage, monogamy and social acceptability, I offer the following story:

Once I was presented with the option to cheat on my girlfriend. The other woman was quite attractive, and had all the qualities of the typical porno actress - large breasts, big lips, and the overall mindset that she was willing to do anything that my girlfriend wouldn't do.

I am ashamed to say that we were at her house and things started to get really steamy, to the point that she offered up a condom and the words, "You can do anything you want to me"

I am proud to say that I walked out of her house and went directly home.

While there was never any intercourse, I still felt guilty of cheating, as I did kiss her and caress her.

SO - with earlier posters stating that pornography leads to cheating, please consider my above story as an example.

Thanks

reply to post by another_lurker


sorry, hows that gonna work. thats not a marriage in my opinion. dont you get jealous. I personally will never 'share' because if i love someone i want them only and nobody else. life is too short wasting it on people you don't care about. when i die i want to remember only one person.

I think "Emotional" stuff and "sex" stuff are two separated issues.
Not all of us can control in same direction.
We are genetically programed.
Sex is instantly rewarded, emotions must be fed continually.
Body and main are separating more and more.
Modern times are provoking this stressful condition, time is money.
Our culture are not teaching us higher emotions as Love, fidelity, valuation, acceptance.
As humanity we are learning yet.

Snc24

if people were meant to run around and love everyone all the time whenever they felt the urge, then NATURE wouldnt have allowed those things we refer to as STD's. That is nature's way of saying hey, have some respect for your significant other, or parent to your kids.

Originally posted by Ragnarok691
There was a gentleman about a year ago who was engaged for about 2 years. The wedding was all planned out and everything was paid for. About 1 week before the wedding he discovered that the nasty, heartless, skanky bride had been sleeping with his bestman for the past year. He didn't go confront them right then, he waited. When the wedding was taking place and the bride approached the altar he broke the news to her entire family and all her friends that the best man and the bride were screwing. This is all on video somewhere on the net but I have no idea where. Then the guy packed up his crap and split. I think he's filty rich.

I heard that. Didn't he tape a photo of his bride cheating to the underside of all the seats and when he made his speech told everyone to reach under the chair and pull something out to look at? Incredible.

@ TroyB:
Assuming for the sake of argument that you are completely innocent (sorry buddy, I can't put too much faith in a stranger's word on the internet), then I really do feel for you and wish you all the best. Good job with the website too.

As was mentioned, marriage isn't easy, and in my opinion there's no excuse for cheating. I'm not married but my fiance and I have been together for 4 years (4 years today actually ) and the sexual spark does begin to dull and you get to know everything about that person - good and bad. What seperates good husbands and wives from bad ones is discipline and commitment.

Originally posted by 3rdEyeOpen


And in response to earlier posts about infidelity due to pornography, please allow me to share my viewpoint.

I am 26 years old and the product of a failed marriage. Both of my parents were "high school sweethearts" and I suspect (although they will not readily admit it) that they only married because I had been conceived. Due to factors other than infidelity, they divorced when I was 9 years old.

I am a child of the Internet, and I have been viewing pornographic material since I was 11. I first found a magazine of my uncle's and when I was 14 I started to watch porn online.

I can say that I am addicted to pornography. I routinely watch it perhaps 4 out of 7 days.

I have been involved in a monogamous relationship for the past 5 years, and am currently engaged to her.

So, with earlier posters stating that porn is responsible for skewing the views of marriage, monogamy and social acceptability, I offer the following story:

Once I was presented with the option to cheat on my girlfriend. The other woman was quite attractive, and had all the qualities of the typical porno actress - large breasts, big lips, and the overall mindset that she was willing to do anything that my girlfriend wouldn't do.

I am ashamed to say that we were at her house and things started to get really steamy, to the point that she offered up a condom and the words, "You can do anything you want to me"

I am proud to say that I walked out of her house and went directly home.

While there was never any intercourse, I still felt guilty of cheating, as I did kiss her and caress her.

SO - with earlier posters stating that pornography leads to cheating, please consider my above story as an example.

Thanks

In my post about porn and how it affects marriages, I never said it directly drives men to cheat. I said it indirectly affects the way men view women and interact with them.

So you say that you were attracted to this woman because of her physical attributes and her lack of boundaries and eagerness to please. And you say you're addicted to porn. Are you really trying to say that these things are unrelated?

If you weren't so tempted of the possibility of how worth it cheating with this woman would be, then why did you go to her house? Why did things start to get steamy? Even if you didn't consummate the act, you still were unfaithful.

It seems that you have only proved my earlier point.

As for marriage being more sanctimonious in the 50s and earlier, I can only say that that era is definitely looked upon by ours through rose colored glasses. However, that does not mean that we could stand to learn nothing from that time. It was definitely not as perfect as it seems when we watch Leave It To Beaver reruns, but people did actually get married and stay married in numbers that are inconcievable today.

Times and changed and women are no longer as dependent on a husband, and people know more about sex today than they did back then. But to learn and embrace something positive from that time in history does not mean that we need to go back to total ignorance on the subject of sex.

And as for monogamy, well people have been cheating on their spouses since marriage was invented. However, I think that if the porn culture which is prevalent in modern society didn't make cheating look so appealling, then it wouldn't be done so much.

Originally posted by Cythraul
I'm not married but my fiance and I have been together for 4 years (4 years today actually

) and the sexual spark does begin to dull and you get to know everything about that person - good and bad. What separates good husbands and wives from bad ones is discipline and commitment.

Cythraul, you can have a good sexual life with your partner if you put in your head how much that person really cares about you. if you think about it you'd have better sex than with anyone else. how can one have sex with someone who cares less if you die tomorrow or not, thats my theory.

Duneknight, The "sexy sons hypothesis" doesn't wash in an evolutionary sense. I don't think those feminine men could have existed in our early days. Once upon a time all men had to be ... uh, well....Men. Only in our modern societies has it been possible for the feminine types to survive.
Personally, I have Never been attracted to these types. I wanted my man to look like a man and act like a man.
In my opinion those softies don't make good dads. They come across as gender neutral. They are not good role models for either boys or girls.

A lot of people do get married just to get married, when they are not even good friends.

Blame the media with their influence on the down cycle of sexuall promiscuity; that "everyone is doing it/it's the cool, in thing etc". Everyone wants to be accepted as a part of the group, so they follow along. The media could as well be promoting a fine idealistic society; romanticizing monogamy and faithfulness; teaching us good behavioral habits; teaching us how to better get along with each other etc. They have a lot of knowledge on human behavior and are highly skilled manipulators TPTB know exactly what they are doing.

Do notice, that the breakdown of the family unit is going hand-in-hand with the breakdown of our country.

Originally posted by OhZone
Blame the media with their influence on the down cycle of sexuall promiscuity; that "everyone is doing it/it's the cool, in thing etc". Everyone wants to be accepted as a part of the group, so they follow along. The media could as well be promoting a fine idealistic society; romanticizing monogamy and faithfulness; teaching us good behavioral habits; teaching us how to better get along with each other etc. They have a lot of knowledge on human behavior and are highly skilled manipulators TPTB know exactly what they are doing.
Do notice, that the breakdown of the family unit is going hand-in-hand with the breakdown of our country.

exactly, thats how civilizations collapse when there is no proper social foundation. and the media is what perpetuates this, they only care for profit and not our well-being. They go into their board rooms where they sit and plan on how to make a big splash. the weak are the ones that find it easy to just follow the herd and sacrificing any values they might've had.

reply to post by DuneKnight


DuneKnight,

It's worked for us for years. It's not cheating to us if we are doing it together, and know what's going on. It's enjoying every aspect of life together. I don't feel hurt or jeleous, because we are both enjoying the moment. It's hard to explain and some people just don't get it. It's not for everyone, but it has worked for us. Our way of life has helped us to grow together, not apart. We know how each other works, what our drives are and how to keep the passion in our lives. Like I said, we don't do it often, but on some occassions, it's a little spice in our lives that doesn't cause hard feelings in the morning.


All of our friends have gotten married and divorced, and we are still going strong. It's sad to see people give up so easily sometimes, but for some these things do work, and for others, it just doesn't.

A_L

P.S. There are many more couples out there than you would imagine that also share our viewpoints on our relationships. It's not as bad as it's made out to be.

reply to post by another_lurker

I am in no way disparaging your lifestyle, I'm just not a proponent of it. For me it would be absurd to live that way, and personally thats not what I want out of life. I have great respect for monogamy and I love humanity for it.

reply to post by DuneKnight


And I do acknowledge and respect your way of life. I was trying to put a different prospective here on what people consider monogomy. To my husband and myself, we are monogamous. We don't go out and "pick up local singles" or anything of the sort. It's just the way we are, and it does work for us.

Also, touching on the porn thing, it's not really a big thing to me, either (speaking from a woman here) my hubby can look at it day and night, but I'm still the one he says "I love you" to at the end of the night. He's in my bed.

Some people are very touchy on the subject, but it's much better in the long run, no matter what, to have an open and honest relationship with your other half, and have great communication. That's what it breaks down to. How you both perceive your relationship and carry on your lives together. Togetherness and communication is what makes a lasting relationship. Life isn't easy by any stretch of the imagination, so if you can have those in your life, it can all be worked out in the long run.

We've seen too many marriages crumble under less stress, but it's the fight that you both do, that carries on the legacy of a marriage. It takes 2 and yes, I'm filled with cliches....But, I know I don't ever want to lose my husband, and I would fight to the end to keep it that way. That's what the sanctity of marriage is all about.

A_L

I may be late in coming to this thread but I do have something to say - frankly I think many of you are missing the point.

There are a number of real problems I have with this NY Post piece. Some are trivial, but nevertheless relevant, and others are no trivial, and perhaps to many, completely irrelevant.

1 - This 'SURVEY' is utter nonsense! It is brought to you by none other than Pilar Guzman, editor-in-chief of Cookie magazine, which conducted the survey in conjunction with the "AOL Body" Web site.

So a much more 'truthful' and 'direct' titular description would be: "34 percent of mothers WHO VISIT OUR WEB SITE reported having had an extramarital affair after the birth of their children."

This 'finding' is NOT an indictment of the 'sanctity' of marriage. It is rather, an indication of mothers who surf the AOL websites (or maybe AOL subscribers). Go figure..., It kind of changes the whole outlook huh?

2 - The notion of the 'sanctity' of marriage is abrasively provincial. Many - if not MOST - people do not enter the state of marriage with a view towards 'sanctity'. Unless you don't really mean to use the term 'sanctity' as it is literally intended. It would have been better to somehow use the term fidelity or the phrase monogamous marriage.

3 - The notion of fidelity and monogamous marriage is of course an ideal, and well worth pursuing. But to equate one's sexual impulses and behavior with the value of marriage is misleading. Long ago I figured out that it was a question of personal loyalty to my best friend, not about any other societal construct heaped upon us by sexually repressed religious fanatics and others who spend the bulk of their lives worrying about the personal sins of others.

Now let me ask you, how valuable can a website 'click' instant survey be, aside from enabling the site owner to make wild assertions about the world? Got them a headline didn't it? I can assure you this piece of propaganda will be cited by religious leaders all around our country, if not the world. It paints us in a poor light and opens us up for mock and ridicule as an example of extreme poor personal conduct. Could it be that this was a 'desired' result? This is what makes it propaganda.

If we don't start dissecting and resisting these outrageous characterizations we will continue to sink into the morass of group-think making us the feeble untrustworthy community that NEEDS to be controlled and regulated into oblivion.

BEWARE SUCH SURVEYS AND STUDIES - they do not 'answer' questions, they REINFORCE opinions.