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WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Air Force has issued a top-secret memorandum warning its flight crews to steer clear of all UFOs -- because one out of four alien pilots is drunk!
Researchers charting the erratic movements of UFOs have found them to be "nearly identical" to those of drunk drivers here on Earth, according to the two-page report.
"Our analysis shows not only the classic weaving pattern, but even the tendency to slow down and creep along for no apparent reason, just like an intoxicated motorist trying to overcompensate and pretend nothing is wrong," said an Air Force researcher involved in the study.
The report is based on a review of more than 350 UFO sightings reported to the Air Force since the 1940s, said the insider, who insisted upon anonymity. Authorities were trying to figure out why there were so many flying-saucer crashes.
"You're talking about a technology hundreds, perhaps thousands of years in advance of our own and so you would expect a crash to be virtually impossible," the insider explained.
"Instead, the record shows dozens of UFO-related accidents all over the world, with alien vehicles careening into mountains, colliding with each other -- even coming dangerously close to commercial airliners. We knew there had to be an explanation." That explanation is that the aliens appear to imbibe a substance similar to alcohol.
"When alien remains were recovered from the wreck near Roswell, N.M., back in 1947, the autopsies revealed high levels of a chemical similar to ethanol alcohol," the insider said. "At the time, the pathologists assumed that it was a natural part of the extraterrestrials' makeup."
But the new findings suggest a simpler explanation: The E.T.s were plastered!
"Intoxication was probably a contributing factor in the Roswell tragedy," the memorandum states. In the past, Air Force pilots were ordered to pursue and identify any Unidentified Flying Objects.
The new orders state that they are to "take evasive action, remain at a distance and observe."
Said the insider, "You don't want to be anywhere near one of these saucers when they suddenly swerve or dip."
The shocking substance-abuse revelation does have a positive side, notes Dr. Gordon Zanderby, the well-known British UFO researcher and expert in alien abductions.
"This is evidence that however different the extraterrestrials may appear, they share a great deal in common with us," he said, "That includes the need to escape from stress using artificial means."
Originally posted by Sys_Config
But I gues we can add radiosity to the list, making it 5 software packages.
[edit on 18-7-2008 by Sys_Config]
Meanwhile, Jackson and the kids arrive at Yellowstone to discover that the military and teams of government scientists, led by Adrian Helmsley, have taken over sections of the park for reasons they cannot fully reveal. Jackson also encounters crackpot radio host CHARLIE FROST, who believes that all signs point to a major catastrophic event beginning in California, spreading to Yellowstone, and eventually destroying the whole world. Jackson is understandably dubious, but back in Los Angeles the previously small fissures become massive, yawning cracks in the earth.
Originally posted by freelance_zenarchist
Did the isaaccaret.fortunecity.com website just go back up?
or has it been online this whole time?
I've been going to the site, and clicking on links to the site since I started reading this thread a few months ago and the whole time the original isaac site was down. What would be the reason to put it back online now?
Also, I thought Springer was closing this thread, why did it stay open?
Originally posted by klatunictobarata
Did anyone see HPO's model today at the 'other place' or on the French Quarter site?
Better yet, Linda told Tomi she has his email, and writes to him , and had communicated as far back as late September, 2007. This was after the story that someone had hacked his account. So now the story changes, to of one of mutual accord. Linda still writes, but does not get answers to this secret address. Someone study and make sense of this now before LMH changes her story to Tomi again, And Isaac has nothing to do with TY pics, Is he in a secret place too? So LMH has given Tomi several different stories now.
Isaac Info Releases
« on: July 19, 2008, 10:07:42 PM »
As conversations with LMH continue, a greater depth of information is shared about what happened with Isaac. LMH continued conversations and emails with him up to late September 07. At which time he informed her he would like to go underground for a while. He provided an email and she continues to email him, but as far as she has told me, her last contact from him was late September.
When Isaac pulled out of the phone interview with LMH for on-air broadcast, he still continued to maintain contact. She has indicated to me that there is some information Isaac has shared that he knows has never been released by LMH at his wishes, and this will always assure him that there is a secure confidence for him with her.
LMH told me that Isaac never heard from the witnesses. She told me that she never asked him what he meant by that wording of .LMH told me that Isaac never heard from the witnesses. She told me that she never asked him what he meant by that wording of "what they should do with what they know"....
Many people forget that reporters would go to jail before betraying their sources. This is very important to them professionally