Lets make a story!

...........and said " You better leave while you can...........I may develop unearthly powers. The clerk looked up and said " calm down sir " then gave our hero a sweet " here have a tar "...............have a tar............have a tar..........avatar !! our hero thought to himself, must have a word with Jak and UK Wizard......... " sir ! " the clerk said loudly " do you want a tar ?", stepping back our hero asked " what is in a tar ?". The clerk shook his head and said " its made from.....................................

The clerk did not finish the sentence. He was now mumbling.

For a weeny part of a second he shapeshifted in his seat. Nameless saw a big hairy gecko oozing oil or molasses from head to tail.

Then the desk shifted shape, but more slowly. It looked like a rock. Now the entire room changed shape, appearing to be the Gobi Desert.

Nameless kept his poise (outwardly). He offered a shaky hand for a shake and said, "Dr. Icke I presume."

The thing replied, "Close enough."

"How close."
"Just around the corner."
"Nice. I'll be right back then. Will I find tootsie rolls."
"I said everything. Remington 580's. 12-gauge pumpguns...."
"So can I bring you something for the kids."
"Two of everything."

He knew the man was a hologram. Maybe the whole CITY was a hologram, running out of energy real fast. Before it got out of hand and crammed him into infinite point density he stood up and made for the nearest door with alacrity....

He felt the urge to look in on his kitty, anyway......but first, he needed to get back to what he was trying to do....if he could EVER remember.

That's how bad the Shadowman pills affected his short-term memory. It was partial amnesia....

that had caused him to forget that he was in fact the president of a small island in the pacific ocean which was inhabited by a fearsome group of people called the Hamowabieloodie Tribe. So he jumped on a passing hovercraft and headed home to his island. When he got home he realised that there had been a massive civil war and everybody had been killed except........

...a group of 19 natives that had spent several weeks on a nearby island, fishing and smoke-drying sardines, unaware of what was going on.

Historians would later argue endlessly over the causes of such a devastating war, but so far no reasonable explanation has been found. However, according to E.B. Durnow, great-great-grandson of Josh Ira ...

it was because there had been a shortage of marmite on the island due to a flood at the factory.

In a futile attempt to clear up the matter once and for all, an interdisciplinary team of 90 scholars has spent the past five and a half years discussing the following list of questions sent in by college students from all over the world:

What is Marmite?
What do I do with it?
What are the ingredients?
Who makes it?
How is it made?
Is it Vegetarian?
Is it Natural?
Is it Kosher?
Where can I buy it outside Britain?
Where does the name "Marmite" come from?
What advertising campaigns have there been?
What are Vegemite, Promite, Bovril and Yeast Extract?
Why was all this discussed on the British TV/Comedy newsgroups anyway?
Are there any heavy metals in Marmite?
Are there other Marmite-flavored food products?

Yet the problem remains. The latest theory, developed by three of the most respected military historians of the Wainunu Atoll Beachfront College...

is that without their leader, they would use any excuse to kill themselves.....or is marmite really that good?

He left the remaining 19 and told them to go to the mainland for new lives....of course they ignore him and begin fighting about something as soon as he left. No one has fiugred out what it was they fought over.

Before our hero left, he found his kitty, and put it on a leash....then went back to the united states. Everone who saw the cat, ran away screaming because it was actually a......

derranged smiley that caught on fire every three seconds.

The people were so frightened that they...

...seeked out a coven of latter-day Wiccans and hired them for an old-style Druid calling up of the ghosts. They wanted to ask a spirit guide about the whys, wherefores and howcomes of burning cats. In hindsight one can say that they ought to have known better. Things got way, way out of hand. They were taken on a rough ride.

A transcription of the fateful session follows.

Q./ Could you please shed some light on this?
A./ Hardly. I am darkness upon darkness upon darkness. I am Chaos in the pure crystallized form (levorotatory). I am the dogbane, the bitter-root of unfulfilled expectations, and I love the taste.
Q./ Who are YOU? You don't sound familiar.
A./ Familiarity breeds contention.
Q./ Identify yourself.
A./ I am the one and only Lucifern.
Q./ How Colonial!
A./ Salem was my kind of show, honey. I was there.

A smoky stench filled the place. Then everybody felt sick and started vomiting on the rug. Two people were dragged across the room and pushed out through the window. These were the fortunate ones, it being a second floor, since they fell on a thick mushy lawn.

The others were found beheaded and impaled, their entrails scattered about and stuffed into the icebox...

that had been left in the lighthouse made of magic sand that changes colour when wet. Just next to the lighthouse was a large hole that was full of soil and a small wooden shack made of brick. in the shack lived a hermit by the name of......

Baba Ganoush, he liked to eat hummus for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And when the hermit Baba Ganoush didn't get his hummus fix, he would go into an insane rage, tearing at his hair and clothes before..................

doing rude things to doughnuts. He liked doughnuts, so much so that he married one back in the summer of 69. It was a lovely marriage up until......

[edit on 30/3/2005 by MickeyDee]

...the autumn of '73, when his beloved doughnut ran away with a doughbolt. This was such a deadly blow to his self-esteem that...

now whenever he sees a donut, he can't help to gorge himself on them while using garden tools and kitchen utensils to..........................

Originally posted by worldwatcher
now whenever he sees a donut, he can't help to gorge himself on them while using garden tools and kitchen utensils to..........................

Surgically open them and suck out all of the cream with his dental vaccum, he is rather large because of years of.......

eating spam sandwiches and jammie dodgers. Anyway one day the hermit decided he was going to do some decorating in his wooden shack made of bricks, so he phoned his good friend Linda Barker, but to his dissapointment Linda was busy doing.......

her nail. Her long clawlike nails, usually tooks hours just to file and paint. So the hermit, who didn't have a phone, telepathically left a message on her answering machine, telling her that he had run out of donuts and since he lived in a cave in a mountain he would need her to airlift some more so that he could continue...................

his perverted doughnut games which included.....