My Best Friends Fiasco. um, I mean Fiance

My best Friends Fiasco.I mean Fiance..


So, this is a rant...


My best friend, for over 30 years is like a brother to me. I consider him family and we actually introduce our selves as such even though we share the same first name.

We have been through everything together. We worked on the road covering the eastern seaboard for many years and have spent countless hours in the cab just talking.

When I had my neck surgery he spent two weeks at my house helping me recover. When he had his first "attack" and was hospitalized and diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I stayed with him for a month. As I said we are family.

My friend also had alapecia in his youth, an overactive immune system considered his hair a threat and he was bald through high school, no eye brows or any thing. And because kids can be brutal sphincter wrinkles, he was teased a lot and developed a cutting sense of humor and some really thick skin...

But his insecurities have lead to very bad choices in women. He puts up with a lot, for the sake of having a warm body . .

After we left the moving company he moved to New Hampshire and through a very long process got himself a really good job at a major firearms manufacturer.

He started in the forges as a temp from an agency, and now he is a team lead office guy. Which didn't surprise me one bit knowing his work ethic.

He met his first fiance many years ago when we worked at the moving company. He moved her and her daughter into his apartment and took care of that girl like she was his own.. huge birthdays and Christmas's , school supplies, clothes, plus the roof and food.

We worked long hours, and sometimes we would be gone a week or two at a time( an 80 hour work week was normal).
And she liked to party, this led to a lot of shenanigans on her part. Late nights , not coming home at all were the norm ...leaving her daughter with her grandmother and taking off for days..

Eventually he left his contracting job, to be able to provide a more stable environment for what he considered his family.So they moved to New Hampshire and he got a job at the temp agency to make ends meet while looking for something permanent.

She was used to the cash flow he provided before as a subcontractor working his ass off. And she couldn't get used to not eating out every night or more importantly going out and partying with the friends she left behind in Connecticut on his dime..

Now as I said we are like brothers so I told him once how I felt about her and never brought it up again..I let it play out silently through there breakup .. a few years later he actually thanked me for that..not constantly talking # about her, just letting him vent , without piling on her like his parents and extended family(they were engaged) would do.

So they broke up , she left, that was that.

After that the agency placed him where he is now, full time..

So now he is making really good money again, has a nicer apartment and a truck , just genuinely doing great.

Then the fiasco ...

He starts talking to a girl he knew in his teens when he was in a dark place, who is a hardcore alcoholic, with pancreas issues , hospitalization is the norm at this point for her when she drinks.. She is also not so slick about hiding her opiate addiction..

I see she is using him, she treats him like a checkbook.. whenever he leaves the room when I visit( which is rarely now)she takes that opportunity to list his faults to me..She talks # about his half brother who is there roommate, who I am also good friends with.. She talks about his half sister, who I am also friends with..

Hell she talks # about his 86 year old grandmother, the woman who uses her cane to get out of her chair just to give me a hug when I visit her..

And then he walks back in the room And she shifts gears..It's crazy.

So I have told him once just like before, what I think, and try to bite my tongue again as he vents about her.

~continued next post~

a reply to: Mike Stivic

~Continued~

So, on my last visit, she shows me her ring...

I'm not a tactless ass. I congratulated them both and wished them the best.
Then he asked me to be his best man and a witness..

How in good conscious, do I not put on my happy face and say of course..?

So I did...

But I am so conflicted, I know she is a lying , backstabbing, #e talking, user..


Her mother has some sort of legal settlement coming, which she is somehow entitled to a portion. ..

When she gets that money she is supposed to pay back the money my friend doled out for her classes from her d.u.i. And court cases..

She has said to me twice now when she gets her money she's leaving him..
(When she is drunk and he isn't in the room,she likes to send him to the store for stupid crap when she's hammered)..

Before you ask, No he doesn't do drugs or drink, he gets random drug tests where he works..His mother was an alcoholic who abandoned him at sixteen, I can't remember the last time I saw him have a beer...

Again, I told him a year ago what I thought , I spoke my mind, and let it be known. And I told him I said my peace just like with his first fiance,and would not bring it up again...

So here I am ranting to vent...

Because sometimes being friends is hard



Respectfully,
~meathead

some horses insist on going thirsty right in front of the water. Taint nothing in the world going to change it.

Im very sorry to hear that.

Take out an insurance policy on her for him then take her a case of vodka

a reply to: worldstarcountry

I hear that.

It's why I don't push the issue..

He is one of the most intelligent AND streetwise people I have ever met.

It's what makes it all the more frustrating.

Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: visitedbythem

She has bragged to me she watches all the unsolved mystery shows . . .

Maybe I should get that insurance...On HIM!

:-D

Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: Mike Stivic

Sigh...I wish I had something more meaningful to relate to you. I have been in similar situations...sadly, letting our friends, whom probably no better deep inside, make their own choices, is best.

Sometimes the blame goes the wrong way...continue being there, be his friend, good and bad...this too for him and you shall pass.

Just be his friend, that way when this goes south, he knows his family, his friend...is there as always.

I hear your heart brother.

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
a reply to: Mike Stivic

~Continued~

So, on my last visit, she shows me her ring...

Marriage is quite a bit different than just living together, don't you think? Doesn't the fact that he's going to marry her deserve 1 more warning from you???

a reply to: Mike Stivic

You should 'take one for the team' and have sex with hwr, videotape it and give the tape to him.
He can thank you after he calms down.

a reply to: BlueJacket

That's what I have always done and will continue to do.

I appreciate your solid advice my friend, at the end of the day all I can do is be here, and that is hard to do if I try to talk him out of it and we argue..

I have said my peace once, that's enough .. he knows how I feel. And this is what he wants.. I'm not his dad I'm his brother..

I honestly just wanted to vent..




Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: butcherguy
a reply to: Mike Stivic

You should 'take one for the team' and have sex with hwr, videotape it and give the tape to him.
He can thank you after he calms down.

Um... no...

Lol ..

Gross...

Respectfully,
~meathead

The closest thing I can relate it was a good friend of mine met a girl that was dating an old friend of his. That guy though had gotten her addicted to pills and would sell her to whoever wanted some of her. So he takes her away from him after a fight, she gets better and gets off the pills. They did ok for about a year. Then she convinced him to cook his powder into rock and he tried it out. They both became horrible crack addicts, lost their home, and she was pretty much cheating and lying for that last year, which I was not at all quiet about.

I offered them safe harbor in my driveway as their van was the only home they had left. Well, money goes missing when he the only one in my house that day, and after three weeks I burned that bridge and told him never to even communicated with me until the man I used to know has returned to Earth.

So as long as your buddy has not lost it all and become addicted to drugs, I think hes in an ok boat for now.

originally posted by: Iamonlyhuman

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
a reply to: Mike Stivic

~Continued~

So, on my last visit, she shows me her ring...

Marriage is quite a bit different than just living together, don't you think? Doesn't the fact that he's going to marry her deserve 1 more warning from you???

You point is valid. It is something I am struggling with.. he's a grown man, I had the conversation, should I club him over the head and kidnap him, or intentionally overdose her as another poster suggested...

At the end of the day he's gonna do what he wants..

Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: Mike Stivic

originally posted by: butcherguy
a reply to: Mike Stivic

You should 'take one for the team' and have sex with hwr, videotape it and give the tape to him.
He can thank you after he calms down.

Um... no...

Lol ..

Gross...

Respectfully,
~meathead

Well, if you change your mind, remember to take a few oxycontins along, just in case you need to entice her.

a reply to: Mike Stivic


Tell his family members, maybe they can get rid of her. Poor guy

a reply to: Mike Stivic

Honestly, I would tell your buddy what she says about him and her plans to leave. Make it brief, don't be preachy and it should be OK.

I had a girlfriend and I had just moved about 1k miles away from her and my best friend. One night I get a call from him and am told that she tried to sleep with him. I absolutely respected his honesty and bluntness. That was the moment when he became my Bro. That's all I got

a reply to: butcherguy

Urrp..

Stop..Auck...

Urrp..

Please ..

I can only backswallow so much bile...



Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: Autorico
a reply to: Mike Stivic

Honestly, I would tell your buddy what she says about him and her plans to leave. Make it brief, don't be preachy and it should be OK.

I had a girlfriend and I had just moved about 1k miles away from her and my best friend. One night I get a call from him and am told that she tried to sleep with him. I absolutely respected his honesty and bluntness. That was the moment when he became my Bro. That's all I got

I did that. He is moving forward...

Respectfully,
~meathead

originally posted by: KTemplar
a reply to: Mike Stivic


Tell his family members, maybe they can get rid of her. Poor guy

His mother is estranged, his father is passed.
His brother and sister and grandmother feel like I do, we have talked..

Respectfully,
~meathead

a reply to: Mike Stivic

Then it's out of your hands. I totally understand how frustrating it is when someone you care about is being treated like sh#.