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My Best Friends Fiasco. um, I mean Fiance

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posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 06:24 PM
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As his good friend, you have done all you can do to let him know what he is getting into. I can see where it would be best to go ahead and be his best man. It takes true friendship to let him make his own mistakes and hope that he will learn from them one year.

Your only other choice would be to set a bear trap at the entrance to where they are getting married with the hope that it stops her from coming in.

Best wishes in all that you do and thank you for sharing this story with us.




posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 06:35 PM
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a reply to: LookingForABetterLife

My friend we have reached the same conclusion .

Thanks for reading, I was never really looking for advice , I needed a place to vent anonymously and you all have provided that, thank you all, it was cathartic to get it out.

The thing is I truly do love him like a brother, I want the best for him. It's hard to let people make mistakes we see coming a mile out. But it is my experience that being forthright once, clearly. Is much better than arguing beyond that.

As I see it, my job now is to be there when he needs me and to never ever say"i told you so.."

That's what real friends do...

Respectfully,
~meathead



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:13 PM
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a reply to: Mike Stivic

Friends tell friends.

The world is full of givers and takers.....he is involved with a taker who will never display any conscience for her actions.....he is a giver who will never hold grudges for his losses......if you re a friend you will simply show him what happens when a less experienced giver meets a more experienced taker.....inequity.....and no healthy relationship can be founded on inequity.



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:14 PM
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It is hard to watch a friend, that you want nothing but happiness for, walk into a situation you feel is going to be bad for him. Just walk with him, and carry him if the times warrant it.

With any luck, maybe she will learn what is so special about him. Encouragement works wonders sometimes. Every time you hear her speak of his faults, start talking about the good things that you know he is. Maybe it will change her outlook completely, or not, but it will definitely show her how much he actually has to offer.

Stay positive man, when you can anyway.

Prayers,
3DG



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:23 PM
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originally posted by: one4all
a reply to: Mike Stivic

Friends tell friends.

The world is full of givers and takers.....he is involved with a taker who will never display any conscience for her actions.....he is a giver who will never hold grudges for his losses......if you re a friend you will simply show him what happens when a less experienced giver meets a more experienced taker.....inequity.....and no healthy relationship can be founded on inequity.


How should I "simply show him"??

We are taking about a 40 + year old man who is my childhood friend.. I have told him how I feel about her, once... Because he knows me and he knows if I'm willing to say something negative about someone he loves, I have a reason... And he heard the reasons.. And is moving forward..'m not gonna beat a dead horse..I'm going to move forward with him, in the direction he chooses to go with HIS life..

And fall back with him if need be..

Point is friends stick together...

Respectfully,
~meathead



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:27 PM
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a reply to: 3daysgone

Sound advice, I plan on spending as little time with her as possible, less confrontation the better..

The last few times I have tried to change the subject, it's not my job to sell him to her..she should be ecstatic she has him...

Seriously.

Respectfully,
~meathead



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:29 PM
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a reply to: Mike Stivic

I dont let friends slide into alcoholism...drugs....unhealthy relationships...or anything that could ruin their lives....he didnt hear the reasons he heard your version of the reasons so fix that...if you are a friend you will leave your phone on and record her behaviours....then show him.....if he takes offense so be it...he is your friend right...so it shouldnt destroy a friendship should it...and if it does...was it really a 2-way friendship?....or is he just "your" friend?
edit on 1-12-2017 by one4all because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:30 PM
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originally posted by: Iamonlyhuman

originally posted by: Mike Stivic
a reply to: Mike Stivic

~Continued~

So, on my last visit, she shows me her ring...


Marriage is quite a bit different than just living together, don't you think? Doesn't the fact that he's going to marry her deserve 1 more warning from you???


Agreed!



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:31 PM
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originally posted by: one4all
a reply to: Mike Stivic

I dont let friends slide into alcoholism...drugs....unhealthy relationships...or anything that could ruin their lives....if you are a friend you will leave your phone on and record her behaviours....then show him.....if he takes offense so be it...he is your friend right...so it shouldnt destroy a friendship should it...and if it does...was it really a 2-way friendship?....or is he just "your" friend?


Please read the thread my friend, I have told him..he knows I would never make that up..he is choosing as an adult to move forward with her , and I am choosing to support him even though I disagree..

It's what real friends do..

Respectfully,
~meathead



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:38 PM
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a reply to: Mike Stivic

Yes...you have told him.....but you have not shown him......tape her and provide him with evidence not opinions which is what you are giving him so far.....yes to you its your WORD....lol....thats a wee bit vain of you.....of course someone involved in an unhealthy relationship will reject anything threatening....and opinions are threatening.....maybe he thinks you are misinterpreting her comments and behaviours.....get it on tape or it never happened.

She will run when she sees a friend who will not give up and who will bend rules to protect someone they love...she sees weakness and vulnerability and is simply doing what nature taught her....using her instinctual and empathetic skillset......show her what a real friend is and she will run like a Vampire from a ring of Garlic buds wrapped around a cross.



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:39 PM
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But now marriage is on the table, and it will be a million more times complicated when she inevitably runs up thousands and thousands dollars' worth of hospital bills with her alcohol and drug addiction. And he will be stuck paying for them, and she doesn't even love him. They get married, their finances are linked, she racks up endless debt, eventually leaves him or cheats on him, and he's left with her mess. You've got to say something.
edit on 1-12-2017 by KansasGirl because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:45 PM
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a reply to: one4all

He knows what I said is true, he doesn't need me to run around like a super sleuths recording conversations..

His rationale is she is drunk when she says it and doesn't mean it..

What would a recording do, when she's slurring like a thorazine addict on the tape,do to convince him differently?

Trust me friend I understand your good intentions, but sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants,and, sometimes what the heart wants is a steaming pile of sphincter wrinkles....

All I know is I'll be here for my brother ..


Respectfully,
~meathead



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:46 PM
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originally posted by: KansasGirl
But now marriage is on the table, and it will be a million more times complicated when she inevitably runs up thousands and thousands dollars' worth of hospital bills with her alcohol and drug addiction. And he will be stuck paying for them, and she doesn't even love him. They get married, their finances are linked, she racks up endless debt, eventually leaves him or cheats on him, and he's left with her mess. You've got to say something.


I know...And I have..


Respectfully,
~meathead

edit on 1-12-2017 by Mike Stivic because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:48 PM
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a reply to: Mike Stivic

Being a best man is pretty fun, so that's a plus



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:55 PM
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a reply to: Autorico

There's the silver lining I was looking for..

An open bar,a short speech, and a silver watch inscribed;

"This putz let me ruin my life."

Awesome! Thanks Rico!

Respectfully,
~meathead



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 07:59 PM
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a reply to: Mike Stivic

Meathead... it's good to hear from you. I'm sorry it's not a lighter subject, but that's life, eh?

He's lucky to have a friend like yourself.

The heart wants what the heart wants... it doesn't mean he will end up with her. But hopefully he can cut his losses if it gets to that point.

Do what you have been doing has a genuine friend and the rest is up to him and the Universe. Wishing you and your best bud the best of luck.

If you need someone to talk to you can always shoot me a message. I'm good at listening and giving a 2nd perspective, as much as that might be worth. Take care of yourself



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 08:14 PM
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a reply to: FamCore

Hello old friend,

Thank you for the kind words, I'm trying to do the right thing, and it is murky..

I want to stand up and say"hell no , go ask your brother to be your best man, I cannot support this bs"

Trust me I do.. but I also know the result... he marries her anyway and I lose a life long friend until the inevitable divorce..(no telling how long)

Or..

Knowing I have spoke my peace, I can accept he's gonna do what he wants and continue to be there as a friend..And support him in HIS DECISION..

And still get to hang out a few times a year on the holidays, birthdays,etc..

Looking at it like that I don't think there is a choice...


Knowing the anniversary for your brother I think you would agree that you would make any sacrifice to keep him in your life even a day longer, at any cost..

/sincerecyberhugsbro

Respectfully,
~meathead



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 08:33 PM
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a reply to: Mike Stivic


As I said we are family.


Sounds to me like you are overly critical about your friend's choices of partner. Would any of them match up in your eyes?

If she were perfect...would that be okay with you?

You say you are like brothers but you are NOT brothers; and even if you were, what gives you the right to tell him what you think of his missis? I would take offence at that!

Give the guy a break, he wants to settle down and be happy. His ideal partner wont necessarily conform to your ideal.

I know it's tough when a good friend gets hitched and you don't see as much of them as you'd like.

But hey ho, that's life.



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 08:34 PM
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Until we have our "ah ha!" moments for ourselves, nothing anyone else says will matter. We may hear the same thing over and over, but just like a math problem, until we "get it" and it clicks, the pieces don't add up.

Coming from the side of your best friend, he won't hear you until he has ears to hear.



posted on Dec, 1 2017 @ 09:02 PM
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originally posted by: chelsdh
Until we have our "ah ha!" moments for ourselves, nothing anyone else says will matter. We may hear the same thing over and over, but just like a math problem, until we "get it" and it clicks, the pieces don't add up.

Coming from the side of your best friend, he won't hear you until he has ears to hear.


So true..

I am doing the best I know how, I told him how I felt and why. I accept his personal choice and I am going to stand up before man and God and bear witness to the love they share..

I am befuddled by some of the responses here, as though I am not a good friend or jealous..

I think the whole to long did not read could be summed up as;

TL:dr

I spoke out to my friend , he listened to what I had to say ,he disagreed and still chose me as his best man, and even though I don't like it I will bite my tongue and be there for him moving forward, because that's what friends do..

Wow..

Respectfully,
~meathead



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