should i call protective services?

a reply to: badw0lf

In my mind, you can already see that the home life is causing the kid issues, acting out against her peers.

Maybe she has siblings that are perfectly well behaved and this girl is just a problem child. This is someone elses family you gotta have better than she yelled at her.

originally posted by: notsure1
My mom whupped my ass up and down the halls once when I was in the 7th grade.

I snuck out another night and was smoking at a friends house when she showed up in damm robe and started whipping me with a belt and my friends mom was whipping his ass.

Sometimes kids just need an ass whipping.

There's always that one person who comes along to say something like "Oh well pssh, when I was little my dad smacked me once when he caught me drinking his alcohol, that kid just needs to toughen up and take it".
You being whipped for sneaking out and smoking has nothing to do with this girl or her mother, and the fact that you got whipped once doesn't give you the right to minimize someone else's potential abuse... Especially a child's.

As for the OP, it sounds like you have a legitimate reason to alert people to what you witnessed. If nothing is wrong with the girl's life and family, then nothing's wrong... But in situations like this, it's always best to allow the child to be listened to in case there is something they need to say. That child might be afraid to talk, and you making a call might save their life. Nothing is wrong with giving a child a chance to be heard.

I have been a mandated 'reporter' for many years. The basic rule of thumb is, if you suspect in any way that there is abuse or neglect, you can go online and fill out a report. It will be anonymous. Sometimes it's only a hunch. You have been an actual witness to what appears to be abusive behavior.

It is up to CPS to determine whether or not there is validity to this report. The parents will never know who did it and there may be something going on so horrible that you may have assisted this child by saving her.

Having said that, I also know people who are in CPS or were caseworkers. The average time a caseworker stays on the job is less than a year. They are severely overworked. They often make mistakes. If the child is removed, they may be put in a foster home that is worse than the home they came from. Not always, but there are foster homes in which the people only do it for the money, not for the children.

I have only had to report twice, and both times, although I still felt that there was definite abuse, there was nothing that could be found out that CPS could build a solid case with, so it was determined that there wasn't enough evidence to pursue it any further. Many abused children are threatened by their parents that, if CPS talks to them and they tell the truth, the parents will kill them, kill their pets, kill their siblings, etc.

What I am doing is giving you both sides of what is never a good situation.

So you have to ask yourself: Do you REALLY feel, in your heart, that this child is abused? Often children who bully at school are bullied at home. If you do feel this way, and you can't shake the feeling, you must report.

Let me give you an example of something that turned out well by reporting. When my oldest daughter was 6, there was a child in her class who bullied her relentlessly. I kept going to the school to stop it, they did nothing about it. Finally somebody else reported this child, whom, it turned out, was sleeping in a car under an overpass and it was because I picked my daughter up every day, and she ran to me and hugged me and I would hug her back and we would talk about her day, and this kid saw it and felt so jealous, that he took all his aggression and confusion out on my kid. His meals were gotten by the mother digging in fast food trash bins.

This kid was removed from the home, and it turned out he ended up in a foster home that was run by my sister-in-law (this is how I know the whole story). Once he started having decent meals, baths, proper discipline, and love, he calmed down. It turned out he was very musical and was a fantastic piano player, which he just started playing with no lessons.

He grew up and went on to college and did very well. His mother got a job, got off drugs, and got her act together due to help from the courts.

Sometimes, it does work out well. Only YOU can decide if your gut is telling you this is right. I believe you're posting this is because you know you need to, but are afraid. Don't be. Give this kid a chance. Maybe the mother will be sent to parenting classes and stop being so vicious to her kiddo.

If you do nothing, this may weigh on you for a long time.

originally posted by: Vector99
a reply to: TinySickTears

I would recommend calling non-emergency police line and letting them know what you witnessed. They will go out and do a wellness check, then they can be the ones to determine if CPS should be involved.

Much better than doing nothing only to later read a local headline that the girl was beat to death by her mother.

Yeah sure get the cops over to her house that always ends well.

a reply to: trollz

minimize someone else's potential abuse

Potential abuse your words. You need proof to call CPS on somebody.

a reply to: notsure1

Although there is nothing wrong with calling the police regarding a wellness check, they would want to know if something is happening right then.....and unfortunately, that will alert the mother that she is on the radar now so it could get worse.

CPS will check with the school and the teacher and gather information. The police are emergency first responders, not investigators, so all they'll do is turn it over to CPS, after the mother is aware.....and that may get that child beaten even worse. Just saying.

originally posted by: notsure1
a reply to: trollz

minimize someone else's potential abuse

Potential abuse your words. You need proof to call CPS on somebody.

This is erroneous. You DO NOT NEED PROOF. You just need to have a feeling that something is off. CPS is the one to find the proof.

a reply to: Vector99

That's a good idea vector.
I just hate to get involved in other people's #. I just feel bad for the girl.
Mom for sure not late to work unless she works in ragged out pajama pants.

a reply to: TinySickTears

Sorry - Dude you got to call...poor little thing is dirty and abused in public?

Do the right thing that your gut tells you.

LOL you guys are like call CPS and you dont know anything about anything.

Kids get yelled at OMG.. Im all for being worried and maybe asking the kid if shes allright. Maybe get to know the mom figure some stuff out.

But GD who just calls CPS.. We could all pick a day out of our lives of raising children that we yelled at our damm kids and maybe shoved them or drug them to there room when they said "make me".

How would you like it if some jackass , who didnt know you ,called cps on you that day...

a reply to: Missmissie173

Yeah I only have this one instance to go on but I have been thinking about it all day.
My gut says this girl is probably having a hard time. There are levels though.
If they checked it out and got removed it could be worse. That would meas me up if she got put in a worse spot cause of me.
It would also mess me up if she is getting #ed up and my call could fix it.

I rarely let my emotions get to me and usually have a not my problem attitude but I'm bothered by this for sure

Is this abuse?

a reply to: notsure1

It was more than a little shove and it was more than getting yelled at.
You made it clear how you feel so feel free to head out. I'm trying to have a serious chat about something and you're kind of preventing that.
Your opinion is noted.

I will await your next witty smart ass comment to me.

originally posted by: TinySickTears
a reply to: notsure1

It was more than a little shove and it was more than getting yelled at.
You made it clear how you feel so feel free to head out. I'm trying to have a serious chat about something and you're kind of preventing that.
Your opinion is noted.

I will await your next witty smart ass comment to me.

I will not this is serious to me... Its a complete dick move to call cps on someone without knowing anything at all.

They might smoke some weed at that house and find it when the cops do a surprise visit then all the kids get taken away..

originally posted by: notsure1
a reply to: trollz

minimize someone else's potential abuse

Potential abuse your words. You need proof to call CPS on somebody.

Yeah, I'd say witnessing a child being screamed at, shoved, and hit is "potential abuse". I know full well what the difference is between abuse and discipline. I grew up with an abusive father who once almost broke my neck just for talking to him when he was laying on the couch, among a whole list of other things. What the OP witnessed was not normal, healthy behavior on the part of the parent. It seems clear that there is some sort of issue there. If it's possible that a child is being abused, you can't just ignore it and pretend you didn't see anything.

originally posted by: notsure1
LOL you guys are like call CPS and you dont know anything about anything.

Kids get yelled at OMG.. Im all for being worried and maybe asking the kid if shes allright. Maybe get to know the mom figure some stuff out.

But GD who just calls CPS.. We could all pick a day out of our lives of raising children that we yelled at our damm kids and maybe shoved them or drug them to there room when they said "make me".

How would you like it if some jackass , who didnt know you ,called cps on you that day...

It happened to me one time. My daughter, at age 5, was playing with a girl who lived in the same apartment complex, who was being abused sexually by her father. She did inappropriate things at school to other children like sticking her hands down their pants, etc., and when they asked her, "Who taught you these things?" the kid panicked because she had been threatened by the dad, so she said that my daughter taught her.

I got a visit from CPS, and I had to take my kid to their office, where they had her answer questions and play with dolls and see if she knew anything sexually inappropriate at age 5. She didn't, of course, and so that was the end of it.

However, because of this, the little girl was removed from the father so that he couldn't molest her any more, and so was her brother, who was older and was being raped. The father went to jail.

Seriously. I honestly have the feeling that the people on this thread that are terribly against this either have no children, no experience with abused children, or just don't care.

a reply to: notsure1

I 100% agree it is a dick move. Again I am the stay out of it kind of guy but all I know is what I saw. Not a stretch to think it could be worse when nobody is around. I seriously doubt behind closed doors it is puppies and Ice cream.
I started this thread cause I'm torn.
I don't believe in calling the fuzz like this but I cant stop thinking about it.

You know I think I might have been the (or one of them) member talking about how often the kid who does s the bully is lashing out for other reasons, ie. crappy parents.

My advice would be this; if you are asking yourself should I call child services, then you should call child services.

How old are the kids just for a better understanding?

a reply to: TinySickTears

And dad is a burner for sure. Rocks the clothes with the leaves and #. I can smell it
That is actually one of the reasons I am torn cause I don't want them to get busted or make it worse cause that.
As a burner I think about that.