should i call protective services?

a reply to: [post=22912391]TinySickTears

After reading through all the comments I would say the main thing you should take from this is: You can't do this alone. If you feel you need to take action you must talk with the other adults who interact with this girl. This kind of thing takes a group effort to fix. The bus driver and teacher are a good start. Just don't talk about it any time the other kids might hear you and gossip, not even your own daughter.

And the less the other kids know about your involvement the better off your daughter will be.

a reply to: TinySickTears

I've had CPS called on us multiple times. And I'm not joking...many times. My ex and my wife's ex are a couple of scum bag losers. Their only attack? Making fake calls to CPS.
If the kids parents have nothing to hide, then it will be just a coffee and a chat.

If there's something going on, an investigation will be opened up.

School Bus Drivers are mandated to report this.

Guaranteed there is a report filed already, but it doesn't hurt for a corroborating witness to assist. The kid's Teacher is probably already aware of issues and the kid/family may be already be receiving assistance thru the school.

That said contact the school to make them aware of the issue.

It's one step below CPS, but will give you a better idea of what to do if you see more of this behavior.

I guess I'm the only one who would suggest this-and it may be wrong-I don't know.

I have had alot of experience as PTA president, Scout Leader etc. and seen alot of bad parenting. Never called CPS. What I did was try to make a friend of the parent. It almost always worked because I showed empathy for the parent, too. These parents usually ended up being abused by spouses, drugs, financial problems and the families were a wreck.

They were usually so grateful to have someone not attack them and be able to talk about their problems; sometimes over a cup of coffee. Because I had a few connections I could usually help with advice or free psychological (being very careful-only after getting their trust) help-talking to other parents and, as they say, took her in and became her support group. That way, we saw, she quit taking out her own personal life misery on her children. Whatever her needs were, we tried to help.

Usually, it also helped that the school was made aware of this child's challenges and alot of us moms talked to our children, with sharing as little as possible, about giving this kid a break and possibly including them in afterschool playtimes which then helped at school.

Just a thought-I always tried to avoid any legal personnel as we all know what a horror that is-so you have to be careful what you share with school personnel because they are bound by oath to report any suspected abuse.

a reply to: TinySickTears

Who is doing the judging? What is taking care of a kid right in whose opinion?
One might wonder at your parenting with an avatar mood says "unstable" "Every Day Is Suicide Tuesday" etc.

a reply to: SeaWorthy

Then one would be #in stupid cause it is some bull# on a message board.

Its not the spanking, its the fact that she humiliated her child.

I don't know what to tell you to do. I know what I would have done: intervene. If nothing else, being a white knight for that little girl would likely make her take it easier on my daughter.

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
Its not the spanking, its the fact that she humiliated her child.

I don't know what to tell you to do. I know what I would have done: intervene. If nothing else, being a white knight for that little girl would likely make her take it easier on my daughter.

Except I have to live in that neighborhood. They know my card. I'm gone all day and wife is alone. I don't know how these people are. I have to think about my family too

a reply to: TinySickTears

Yeah, thats why i said i can't tell you what to do.

My experience is different than yours. TBH, someone would have to be insane to try funny business at my house.

That girl didn't get to be a bully all on her own.
I'd say it was time to get the authorities involved.

Adults acting out among themselves are one thing.
Kids are a different story.

Hopefully, this kid can still be saved.

a reply to: TinySickTears

Just me, but personally, I'd stay out it. The damage's been done, the kid has been scarred for life and you turn her into CPS and she'll be thrown into the foster care program where she'll be abused even worse then what she's getting now.
Worse, you make yourself a potential target if the mom figures out who turned her in.

About all you can do is avoid these people..........but that goes for 50% of the population which is the lesson your daughter is learning. Its a tough planet full of crappy people. The sooner she learns how to deal with these idiots, the better.

originally posted by: bigfatfurrytexan
Its not the spanking, its the fact that she humiliated her child.

.

that and the pushing is what bothers me.
let me be clear that i am not against a child getting spanked. not against them getting spanked in public but she was cracking her hard man.
the language bothers me the leas. whatever....
the pushing though. it was not a nudge. it was bad.
maybe any 1 thing would be no big but all of them together in front of everyone.
damn man.

the humiliation is what i keep dwelling on.
i can not imagine how that is messing her up. lets just call the spanking and pushing violence. acceptable or not lets use that word cause abuse may be excessive.

i think the humiliation is going to mess this girl up far more than the violence.
humiliated cause everyone saw it. does she realize she is unkempt?
maybe she is humiliated by that too...

i know it is a fiction show but on AHS there was a great quote.
"there is nothing more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man"

its true too....
well there are worse things but the point is a person who is humiliated can easily crack in many ways. they could retreat inside themselves. too many things

a reply to: TinySickTears

If that's your situation, read my comment below.

originally posted by: TonyS

About all you can do is avoid these people..........but that goes for 50% of the population which is the lesson your daughter is learning. Its a tough planet full of crappy people. The sooner she learns how to deal with these idiots, the better.

dude, 50% is way hih.
i try to avoid about 95% or at least keep my interactions as short as possible.

and the life lesson for my daughter is why i started the first thread.
the kid is mean to my daughter. nothing major. just 5 year old bull# but that hurts my feelings too.
my gut feeling is try to get her seat moved but the lesson is there are not nice people(for whatever reason) and we have to learn to deal

why not conftront the mother and just let her know how she looks and how it must demean her child by doing that in public. Hopefully she will realize she was being a royal bitch, if not, she will get pissy with you, and you can walk away knowing you tried to do what's right. Calling CPS is a big deal and once the cork is out of that bottle, it can't be put back in. Absolute last resort IMHO.

originally posted by: network dude
why not conftront the mother and just let her know how she looks and how it must demean her child by doing that in public. Hopefully she will realize she was being a royal bitch, if not, she will get pissy with you, and you can walk away knowing you tried to do what's right. Calling CPS is a big deal and once the cork is out of that bottle, it can't be put back in. Absolute last resort IMHO.

if it could go down just like that i would.
i am not trying to act like i am a saint. i am an asshole and have an attitude and i know it. i keep to myself.

even if i say it as nice as possible dude there is no way she is going to be like 'oh yeah. thanks for bringing it to my attention'
she is gonna ratchet up and i dont need that. then daddy is going to get in on it and i definitely dont need that. i dont need the cops coming to the bus stop cause i smashed some dude.

that is more likely to happen than a resolution so me saying something to her is out.

i would say something in a rational manner if it is just the dad though.
this lady seems like a real dick and i dont need her instigating # or daddy feeling like he has to save the day.

thanks for the suggestion though.

i have to pick her up at 3:30 and if daddy is there i think i will talk to him.

at least that way if he gets jumpy there will be no kids there.
too many possibilities of escalation.
i dont want to smash him in front if his own kid and you never know. i could get smashed. im confident though.

a reply to: ketsuko

Agreed, take it to the school authorities. The principle, teacher and school nurse can discover far more than you ever could. Take it to them to follow up.........

originally posted by: TinySickTears
a reply to: SeaWorthy

Then one would be #in stupid cause it is some bull# on a message board.

Yes well Tiny Sick Tears, I am sure you get what I am saying. We all see with our own eyes, you are a Man, a Father and on a conspiracy website all day, with an image. I notice on quoting you I see your language which shows as # when I view it on the website, many would feel you were probably this or that. Many of us would feel that kind of language is abuse.

You report her and she reports something on you unless you appear to be a perfect Dad could start a circle with her Friends and all joining in too.

Out and out violent abuse or like a kid with cigarette burns or something is one thing, judging cleanliness, or what a push was about and what was going on between kid and Parent at that moment is another.
Have a look at this thread.
www.abovetopsecret.com...

Its really difficult to know exactly what's going on in these situations.

My own mom did much the same thing to me when I was in.. 3rd (?) grade. She didn't get out of the car, but certainly gave me a solid shove out!

I absolutely deserved it, in hindsight. I had turned into an absolute monster. But, it was due to school rather than home life. Its a long story on that front, but it really started when, in the first month of the school year, the teacher punished something I did by putting my desk at the back of class facing the wall. This placement lasted the entire school year. This really exacerbated the issues I was already having after being taken out of very advanced classes (due to lack of funding) and put back into "normal" school. I was just too young to know how to deal with it, so lashed out.

There are so many events that can lead to a situation like this, and there are a lot of different avenues of action to take. I'd start at the most benign and work my way up from there. Depending on a lot of factors, you could end up changing this families life for the better, or very much the opposite.

a reply to: TinySickTears

With this said....it would seem to at the very least be emotional abuse.

If you have a rapport with a teacher, you might talk to them. Im sure you could get some valid input on how to handle things in the part of the world you live in, if you have that rapport with any of them (im from a small town...so don't know how it would be in a bigger area).

Or a close proxy, someone with experience in handling this sort of thing. Just think though....you're a pretty hardened dude. If what you saw unnerved you....what does that say for what you saw?