Damn You Canada

I am not one to complain about things in life, my philosophy has always been that there are people who have it worse. Well, now I am one of those people.

I live in West Orange, New Jersey, a fairly nice suburb of Manhattan. It's notable for having Thomas Edison's factory (which is now upscale apartments) and the first planned community in the United States, Llewellyn Park. Our next door neighbor, Montclair, is even nicer. They have a fantastic food, culture and entertainment scene which attracts people from all over on a daily basis. Between the two towns we have and have had a good deal of celebrities and notable people living here amongst the average citizens.

Many are well known names that would be familiar to you all, a few of those would be Whoopi Goldberg, Ja Rule, Bobbi Brown, Stephen Colbert and Michael Strahan. Because the only thing that attracts more celebrities is celebrities we can add one more. A person so vile and despicable that it makes me contemplate relocating to the surface of the moon. A person who has done more to destroy people's faith in humanity and the soundness of its taste, Justin Goddamn Bieber.

Yeah, that's right. Justin Maternal Parental Unit Fornicating Bieber. The Scourge of Canada. Mr. Baby One More Time Heart Thing With His Hand Bieber is moving to our neighborhood. It was lovely for a time but, just like cockroaches, celebrities seem to multiply, then spread until you cannot go to your favorite local restaurant and attempt to try and digest a meal while Justin I Want To Shove My Steak Knife In Your Jugular Bieber dines in the same establishment. It took all my years of CIA training not to go over and break the wine bottle on his empty head.

Which brings me to the point of my rant. Why Canada? Why? What the eff did we do to you that you would send this weasel bastard here to our lovely town? It's like you raped us in prison and then gave us herpes. Whiny, bratty, spoiled herpes that makes we want to jam a #2 pencil in my ears when it starts to sing. It's not like we don't treat you nice. When's the last time we invaded you to get our oil? Never. We let you play in our professional baseball and hockey leagues. We let you use our language, with the exception of those bizarre Quebecois. We eat your syrup and funny bacon. We have helped to melt most of the ice in your frozen country as a favor. I mean, who wants to be cold?

So what do you do in return? You send that sniveling wuss to us a reward. I thought you liked us. I thought we were pals. I thought one day you could even join us and rule the galaxy as father and son. Why have you forsaken us, Canada? Why have you brought this doom upon us?

Goddamn you Canada, Goddamn you to hell.

Not to be rude of any sort but every Canadian I have ever met in my entire life has been nothing short of them having an asshole attitude. I don't know what I did or what it is in general but every Canadian I meet I want to knock him the 'eff' out for being a sniveling little prick with the "I'm better than you attitude."

Justin Bieber included.

originally posted by: 4N0M4LY
...but every Canadian I meet I want to knock him the 'eff' out for being a sniveling little prick with the "I'm better than you attitude."

They are better than us! They don't live in a country that has Justin My Testicles Haven't Dropped Bieber.

As a kindness for all your country has done for us as you pointed out, we give you the highest compliment. The gift of a kindred spirit for your President. Sorry it was not appreciated eh? No refunds,no returns.

Double post

originally posted by: AccessDenied
As a kindness for all your country has done for us as you pointed out, we give you the highest compliment. The gift of a kindred spirit spirit for your President. Sorry it was not appreciated eh? No refunds,no returns.

No. no. NO. That is not cool. If you wanted to pay us back for all we have done for you send us Canadian whiskey. That would be the humane thing to do now.

I still have agita from that meal.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

What if I tell you Augustus, that Bieber is a German name and his relatives probably went to Canada around 1800-1900, like many Germans. I´ve relatives there

originally posted by: verschickter
What if I tell you Augustus, that Bieber is a German name and his relatives probably went to Canada around 1800-1900, like many Germans. I´ve relatives there

Then this would be Germany's greatest crime against humanity. Bar none.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Now should we blame genetics, the dumb name (beever) or the parents? I´ll go for a mix between 2) and 3).

Btw, my last name is also funny so I can say that.

We let you use our language

 

Wrong their bud.. Us English and then the French gave Canada words after they stopped using the word "UG"

As for Bieber... give him to little Kimmy stuck on the end of a popsicle stick. (Not even sure that little Kimmy would have him either!!!?)

Warmest

Lags

We had to send him there . Too many threats being made by Americans saying that they were moving to Canada if Trump won the election.

He's keeping an eye out on whoopie cause we sure don't want her moving up here.

a reply to: 4N0M4LY

You would love Quebecers, we're even better than Canadians.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

How dare you talk about my people.. how dare you!!

"Im the only one,
Ooo-way-ooh-way-ooh-way-oo,
Ooo-way-ooh-way-ooh-way-oh,
I'm the only one.."

originally posted by: 4N0M4LY
Not to be rude of any sort but every Canadian I have ever met in my entire life has been nothing short of them having an asshole attitude. I don't know what I did or what it is in general but every Canadian I meet I want to knock him the 'eff' out for being a sniveling little prick with the "I'm better than you attitude."

Justin Bieber included.

Well...we ARE better than you We got rid of Bieber, Celine Dion, plus you took Pamela Anderson and her old wrinkly PETA whining, and Jim Carrey and his anti-vaccing rants. You're really just our garbage dump.


(sarcasm...we kinda like you americans)

Canada is a smart country, that's why.

It seems their country understands that no government is a perfect one. What does this bring forth? It's like they are sitting at the 'Big Boy' table to eat, as the rest of the world scavenges for scraps. But, what brings a valued peace and tranquility to life in Canada, is the realities that Canada just sets a 'Middle Grounded' table for people to utilize, that is serving tastes of which are over regulated in the U.S.

It's a genius plan, and I'd be running Canada the same exact way if offered the chance. I'd build a wall of cannabis factories on the border of the U.S., while letting all Canadians grow up to 6 plants themselves. If the U.S. wants to forego its past of being a primary hemp exporter, then its stupid for a bordering country to not take advantage of that. That is exactly why cannabis will be legal countrywide soon... because the U.S. prefers the prison money to farming money.

Look at Mexico... their entire economy is ran based off of the drug laws in the U.S..

We just may have to settle in with the possibility that Canada is being set up to take the place to be the America that should be, if and when the U.S. reaches its expiration in relevancy due to its over governed lands/waters. Canadians keep a larger percentage of earnings, while achieving more through public expenditures. It's just a matter of time until math lays out that Canada is a richer country than the U.S., in most ways that aren't military related.

originally posted by: verschickter
Now should we blame genetics, the dumb name (beever) or the parents?

Yes.

originally posted by: Lagomorphe
Wrong their bud.. Us English and then the French gave Canada words after they stopped using the word "UG"
.

Look at you, trying to rewrite history.

Also, you rat bastards sent us Piers Morgan which means you aren't far behind the Canadians.

originally posted by: Sheye
We had to send him there . Too many threats being made by Americans saying that they were moving to Canada if Trump won the election.

He's keeping an eye out on whoopie cause we sure don't want her moving up here.

Don't even try it. He was here before his Orange Magnificence took office.

originally posted by: knowledgehunter0986
How dare you talk about my people.. how dare you!!

"Im the only one,
Ooo-way-ooh-way-ooh-way-oo,
Ooo-way-ooh-way-ooh-way-oh,
I'm the only one.."

You lousy hoser.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: 4N0M4LY
...but every Canadian I meet I want to knock him the 'eff' out for being a sniveling little prick with the "I'm better than you attitude."

They are better than us! They don't live in a country that has Justin My Testicles Haven't Dropped Bieber.

I saw your pics in the member pic thread.

Bieber is twice your size and gets more lady play than you could ever dream of so I see a lot of jealousy emanating from you bro.

LMAO...!


www.abovetopsecret.com...

Bieber could kick your azz js.

ETA:

Bieber gets hotter chicks than that ugly Canadian chick with you in the member pic thread.