How to stop judging people negatively...

I'm pretty sure we have an innate compulsion to judge others by how they look, I guess this is for survival reasons which I won't go into here.

In the modern world I judge people on how they look, if I'm playing poker I'll judge looks, movements and sounds - it helps round the poker table.

However I have a compulsion to judge others negatively just from looks. I'm almost always wrong. Slick hair, a man bag, tight jeans, I'll judge you as a tosser. But I know I'll be wrong.

A lot of it is projection, I understand that and have my own ways to pull me out of the negativity. But how do I make it stop completely? Do you guys do it?

I'm like that old fart who doesn't give you a job because you have a certain haircut or a tattoo.

How do I be less negatively judgmental - projection aside?

originally posted by: and14263
...a man bag, tight jeans...

...

How do I be less negatively judgmental - projection aside?

Sorry, any dude with a murse or skinny jeans needs to be judged harshly, they are fashion challenged. And if he has mandles with socks he should be drawn and quartered without a trial.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Thank you for teaching me two new words, I hope I can use them positively soon

originally posted by: and14263
Thank you for teaching me two new words, I hope I can use them positively soon

You've been on this forum almost as long as me and you're hoping to use something I said positively?

*sigh*

I must be slipping....

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Have you visited Montreal lately? The "metrosexualism" or whatever you want to call it is out of control lol

99% of the guys walking around have murses, skinny jeans, thick framed glasses and manbuns or some other "interesting" hairdo

a reply to: FamCore

Buckwheats. Buckwheats for everyone.

a reply to: and14263

True... It took a while for them to change things for Postmen. Now they can look any way they like. Apart from the uniform that is.

a reply to: FamCore

Just signs of times... that the Planet is about to implode.. sigh... It always happens at the peak of Human Ingenious.

a reply to: and14263

I'm sill "young", but I'm also judgmental. It comes in handy, in that I often am able to avoid annoying people.

But, when it comes to business relationships, I often have to put it aside. I just tell myself that everyone of my fathers generation thinks young people are arseholes because of the way the dress; but I have pictures of my father in horrific corduroy bell bottoms that my grandparents thought would turn him into a jobless, childless, loser. He turned out fine.

My grandmother turned my grandfather down several times because he wore baggy suits and "gangster" hats. Her father told her, no man who dresses that way would amount to anything but trouble. They were together for
64 years. My grandfather became a pioneer in horse racing and provided for their nine children.

Older generations will always judge younger generations for petty things like fashion. In the end, it makes zero difference.

Honestly I do judge people on their appearance, but it depends on the situation. If I see you at the store and you are in those pajama bottoms that became the rage a few years back and haven't had a shower in days [ yes We CAN smell you ] you're lazy. Period. If I see you in a Drs office and you look like you just crawled out of bed, I'm not going to waste time even talking to you. I see a pain Dr and some of the people in the waiting room look like that. If you're too lazy to take a shower and get dressed for a trip to the Dr once a month, I don't want to know you.
On the other hand, if you show up at the grocery store sweaty and a bit smelly, but just got off work and are stopping to get something for dinner....that's fine. Grooming doesn't have to be a manicure and a $3,000 suit. I usually dress in jean shorts and a good T shirt for just every day wear. I work in the garden and with wood a lot and my hands are calloused as all hell...but they're clean when I go somewhere. I don't do manicures, [ I'd ruin it in a day ] but I try to keep my nails clean, when I'm not grubbing in the dirt.
If you've got a man purse, a man bun, tight jeans and think growing a beard makes you look manly.......just...LOL. LOL long and hard.

a reply to: DAVID64

lol David, when you said that, Walmart came to mind. 'shutter'.

The world has gone MAD!!!

a reply to: awareness10

I really don't mind someone who smells a bit, when you know they just got off work, but those people that go days with no shower, no deodorant and waving their arms around so everyone gets a whiff, just repulse me. Water and a bar of soap are cheap. Use them. I don't really care if you have old clothes or they're worn, as long as they're clean. I know many who don't have much money or nice clothes, but they're clean and would never go out stinking to high heaven.
Some people are just lazy and nasty.
And yeah...usually at Walmart.

Hey I've found that just doing something nice for somebody makes them more likable. I think the worse we treat someone the less we like them (to justify our actions) but the converse is also true.

a reply to: and14263

Meh. Judge the crap out of everyone you meet as long you're able to change your mind too. It's not like most of the people you're thumb-downing will ever know about it.

Don't even think they're not giving it the "bleurgh" when they silently judge you too. Cos they are and ALL THE TIME

Course, I'm assuming you're a normal person. If you're in a piss-soaked sleeping bag, drunk on cider and posting on a phone you mugged off a kid...then errr, no. Stop being so judgy, you back alley scummer.

a reply to: Kandinsky

lol, your post made me laugh so hard i choked on my tea!

originally posted by: awareness10
a reply to: Kandinsky

lol, your post made me laugh so hard i choked on my tea!

Sorry!

a reply to: Kandinsky

That makes me feel better, so it is normal. I just need to remember this.

Haha, I am a bit smelly this afternoon but I'm not drunk or in my grotty sleeping bag yet. Lol.

a reply to: Kandinsky

When I got out of the Army I moved to a small, insular, mid-west town. Took about 8 months and a near death experience to get the town's folks to open up to me.

That was when I changed the inner dialogue to stop being so damn judgmental. If fact, I adopted a mindset the 'Everyone is valid, until they prove otherwise'.

And, in doing so I was richly rewarded with knowing some of the finest people on earth... and let me tell you... they were not much to look at.

Ex-druggies that most had written off. Losers that couldn't handle the social situation at hand (in around a bunch of motorcycle mechanics you don't have thin skin). The nerds, wall-flowers, and castaways were all 'valid' in my eyes. They deserved the same right to opinion as me and mine.

Now, after 20 years it seems to have stamped itself on my face that I am open for people because people come out of the woodwork to me.

I have heard some of the CRAZIEST stuff. Experienced crap people make into movies.

I guess it's the old path in the woods choice when it comes to meeting people... for me, I took the one less traveled by and it made all the difference.

a reply to: and14263

Before speaking to someone treat everyone the same.
To quote a very wise man "do you speak to me like you speak to God? All the love and understanding between the father and the son".

I treat everyone with the utmost respect, when we are on terms of tabula rasa, after they make their personality and intensions clear I change my dispossions.

Basically - every one gets a clean slate until you show me you don't desrve my respect.
Looks are useless when it comes to judging individuals - don't assume before you have spoken to.