How to stop judging people negatively...

a reply to: Newt22

I always like Robert Frost's Poems. Had to add as this is one of my fave's!



Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

The Road Not Taken


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I was always a believer in the "never judge a book by it's cover" saying.

I generally gave people the benefit of the doubt. I never kept up with trends in style, never had the hot shoes of the moment, just generally did my own thing. I also wished to be treated with the same respect.

I don't know if it's the times, or getting older, or a combination thereof, but I'm slipping. I look at the younger generation with their skinny jeans, and ridiculous expectations of society, and I just can't help but be judgemental. I never claimed to have it all "figured out" so to speak, but now, damn. These kids think they are so damn smart. They believe in their souls that everything the prior generations fought for is moot. They have no respect for their elders, they have no tolerance for being corrected in their assumptions, and they have no patience for the pursuit of "success".

My judgements are almost always validated.

I still give them a chance, for instance, I never go off of first impressions. I also regret giving that chance more often than not.

If it is a consequence of aging, it pains me to know that it will only get worse.

We've been conditioned to judge by appearances. How things look. Shallow as a mud puddle are the people that keep up appearances for appearances sake.

I prefer to dress a little shabby, that way when I meet someone for the first time and they look down their nose at me, I know where their heart is right away. Thank you, I'll pass on your acquaintance, too.

a reply to: intrptr

Hhmm, I think it's innate, not conditioned. So we can recognise other tribes, others who are not from our 'group', others we need to kill to survive, or run away from more like.

It's more the tidy, smart people I judge, for the shallow reasons you allude to.

In fact that's a very interesting point - I don't judge the scruffy people, the homeless, the drug worn faces... I trust in these more than I do those who in my mind are putting on a facade. Maybe it's because I innately fear the competition???

Pretty interesting slant you levered out there.

Hey sorry I don't have much to add to the discussion, only that I am glad you're having it! Very fascinating ideas coming up and I do agree that I have a much higher regard for the scruffy-types than the business guys in impeccable clothes and haughty expressions, the ladies whose hair and make-up suggest that a great amount of time is spent in front of the mirror, those sporting a shiny car that costs as much as my mortgage. I suppose I ascribe to the great book "the first shall be last and the last shall be first".

a reply to: zosimov

I think we respect people more when they are not trying to look better than they are. Or trying to emulate what they see in the evil media.

As for the modern man, who looks tidy-yet-scruffy, I believe we respect him less because he is trying to look a certain way.

I guess it comes down to not trying to be anything but yourself. So if yourself is a suit then you're f****d.

originally posted by: and14263
a reply to: zosimov

I think we respect people more when they are not trying to look better than they are. Or trying to emulate what they see in the evil media.

As for the modern man, who looks tidy-yet-scruffy, I believe we respect him less because he is trying to look a certain way.

I guess it comes down to not trying to be anything but yourself. So if yourself is a suit then you're f****d.

Ha! Awesome.

And let's not forget the new phenom of social media, in which a person puts all their effort into creating a virtual self. (off-topic a bit, I know)

originally posted by: and14263

How do I be less negatively judgmental - projection aside?

By perhaps recognizing that those you place a judgmental eye upon, may also possibly place a judgmental eye upon you.

Personally 1 tries to avoid judging a book by its cover (it seems socially unhealthy), as some species may have the most rugged covers until you look further within their psyche, which truly make up the book...

NAMASTE*******

a reply to: and14263

Interesting topic. As an EMT...I learned to take things as equal. In medicine...we have too. Everyone bleeds red. As a lifelong musician...I would watch that cute girl come in early**...and proceed to get drunk throughout the night to where she was slobbering all over.

That gave me several ways to judge. 1-if I saw her in the beginning and I left...that would be 1 observation. 2-if I saw her falling down wasted late at night only if I just got there? That would give me only that observation.

The truth is somewhere in the middle...and we always start with people in the middle. I treat everyone at the start the same...time exposes all. And Im always friendly and polite...even respectful no matter the person.

**LADIES? No offense meant in the example presented. It could be men as well of course..MS

a reply to: zosimov

That's not off topic. It's where a lot of the 'peacocking' comes from.

It's no coincidence I hate social media and I hate these people (extreme turns of phrase).

The virtual self is a more extreme version of the real self, that in turn affects the real self making it more extreme.

How to stop judging people negatively...

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. Hunter S. Thompson

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

It's a satchel, Indiana Jones had one!

originally posted by: Autorico
It's a satchel, Indiana Jones had one!

Indy also shot people in the face, so he can pull off a murse.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Don't make me take off my pumps....

a reply to: Autorico

No worries, I have my pumps; Remy and Beretta.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I am envious of your 2nd amendment rights. *puts swiss army knife away*

a reply to: Bobaganoosh

I fall in the 'younger generation' you speak of. My generation is screwed... I mean Skinny jeans? Where is the practicality in cutting off blood circulation?

By now I don't think it's a generation gap, or something related to a generation specifically.
It's just people and their impressionable personalities.. always going after the next big thing, never grounding their feet in reality. Sheeps...
Also, respect for your elders is a two way street. If an older person treats me like crap I'm gonna fling some crap right back.
We have much to learn from our elders, wisdom comes with age, but many of them are filled with bitter remorse over the mistakes they made and the paths they chose to follow.

originally posted by: FamCore
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Have you visited Montreal lately? The "metrosexualism" or whatever you want to call it is out of control lol

99% of the guys walking around have murses, skinny jeans, thick framed glasses and manbuns or some other "interesting" hairdo

THAT'S LIKE ART SCHOOL, LOL. I enjoy the interesting hairdo's tho.

I'm used to all of that and I own a fanny pack, actually (and even wear it occasionally). I don't mind that stuff but I am judgey, too. There are certain looks that I immediately judge people as being just slightly oblivious and not on my level, lol, like they must not know how to dress or something. Like for example the girls that wear the really light blue eye shadow on the top lid and or the bottom, and think it looks good... like in that funny movie The Room.

& sometimes I get real interesting people in my art courses, too. One girl used to come in with huge awkward fairy and angel wings and like hair crowns of flowers and stuff- total drama nerd. So funny. I liked her generally though but yeah, she was silly. & not professional... cause you can't move around comfortably in costumes like that. She'd struggle just to get to her table and then she'd have to figure out how to sit on her stool properly. I loved her, lol. But it's just not practical for regular life duties- or a 3D art course where you're moving around a lot.

Appearances do matter and display a certain level of intelligence, to me, lets be real.

And I can't help it, if someone is attractive... it influences how I treat them.

But like other people are saying, too, I'm not stubborn about my judgements. I let them change and evolve depending on a person's behavior. Because being on the other end of it, I feel like people judge me negatively all the time and all I can do is hope that they give me the chance to change their minds.

S&F, OP!