a reply to: Anaana
My apologies I have been speaking on the subject as the issue itself; not you as the subject... but seeing how you live with it? I suppose that's
synonymous speaking impersonal about something yet it being personal from that identification with it? Again my apologies; this is likely going to
sound like some dumb excuse; but yeah I recognize the situation... I speak of a lot of crap; or the manure of experience... to me that's all it is; I
don't own it and don't want too(no way I could)... it arises and it passes and keeps on arising and passing until whatever it is trying to teach me;
clubbing me on the head that felt like hey imma baby seal are a baby seal oh no why me? im so innocent... until embraced yes im a wretched SOB Im
always wrong and at fault; gimme lesson I deserve it Ill be better for it im strong enough to handle it deserve it or not is irrelevant. That's just
life; fighting it with an ego just sets oneself at odds with the entire thing instead of really living...
I have been given label after label expectation after expectation; hell we all have been and we give them too... because we learn to be this are told
to be that and of course we fit those roles or try too because thats what is expected; then enough is enough like you said: F their diagnosis it was
wrong; made your life hell and still kinda PSD over all of that yeah?(sorry for the label meant as a descriptor for being put through some sh!t you
weren't asking for) that is when it is gets to be enough is enough right? If anyone is going to label or judge me it's goiing to be me yeah? Personal
responsibility says ima own this sh!t because it is what I am choosing not just given or taking it because it is expected...
So kudos for saying hey feeling judged not cool... and I agree; I've also gone a bit further with my expelling of labels and expectations; I don't
give them to myself either any longer... a non identification with the entire mass; it has all become impersonal as it is just experience, it is
variable and subject to change even if that change requires taking life with it... so in nongrasping poof; experience arises and passes arises and
passes... and all I do is speak of what has passed and how it relates to all that has passed when a subject arises.
The path is saying I shouldn't any longer; even in empathy and only the intent is to help; but the road to hell right? As it builds karma just the
same... lays the paving for that future... that is bound by karmic law to come back the otherway being circular as the opposing energy selfish,
greedy, hateful and egotistical? Will fight or push back in response and that is the very reason good intentions pave the way for it to swing back
Well, thanks for letting me know speaking of the topic in an impersonal manner is personal being subjected to it... or basically being cold, I can
empathize i've had the same experience many times enough to recognize it and it is not nice when someone gets clinical as if you are not a living
breathing person that matters and has validity(that hey I am right here feeling ya know?) and empathy is why I've kept paving that road... even after
renouncing the Bodhisattva path lol old habits...
Of course my empathy getting cold and clinical and chiding people clinging to concepts as truth it's like drinking the Hemlock with Socrates(or at
least wrestling him for the cup :p ). It's cleary a sign for a new direction; I've seen the cycle of intention very very clearly, how it builds karma
positive and negative then flips it upside down to hide itself just to keep going round and round; watched the good intention road to hell several
times or rounds already in action...
so if it matters to you; and I suggest it doesn't as you've your own problems to deal with; I'm going to give non-intention a go... which is basically
leave people on their own. I already do that when non communicating(vow of silence) unless required out of politeness and or transaction...
I didn't make written word count in that vow. But it's time; well past due actually... it's all part of the journey; how could anything not be? I wish
you and your son the best.
Time to disconnect... and focus on a new practice getting excited just thinking about it
Good luck everyone; thanks Baddogma for the invite to come rabble and ramble babble incessently about woo.