Men and Child support. What is the answer?

reply to post by ldyserenity


All big rich families know the deal that's why they stay together? Doubtful. It's more likely their families valued relationships, stuck together and the children learned from that and re-applied it. That is more likely then some paranoid conspiracy theory. Face facts, humanities morals are declining and it's showing in the divorce rates and child issues.

I love this statement:
TPTB are all out to split the bulls from the cows.

LMAO that's hilarious. The TPTB don't exist, if they do their busy fighting each other for control while we all just follow whatever rules they set out. All this TPTB stuff people post is hilarious, it comes with no facts and a about 10 paragraphs of paranoia everytime i read it and it's a reflection how crazy a community can be when brought together to reinforce their beliefs no matter how little facts they bring to the table.

Not everything is a conspiracy, as a matter of fact, very little is a conspiracy.

reply to post by ldyserenity


I can respect your statement, for the longest time I believed such as you.

I'm very well read, I live to research...............if someone had said anything about the possibility of an alien presence (or multiverse / other dimensional / parallel world / timeliner) I would have considered them a good candidate for a padded cell back years ago before I threw myself into researching the alien agenda issue.

But, after twenty years of research, I believe, there is the possibility. No, I won't 100% commit to my previous statement beings I will admit I very well could be wrong and I don't know it all.

But, simply research, read every book you can get your hands on, try for one to two books per week over a period of twenty years and try to keep your mind open, not gullible but open.

Fact is often stranger than fiction.

There is so much we don't know.

And, if mainstream science is just now having to admit to other dimensions, multiverses and other planets close by that are earth like, what are they not telling us? For national security reasons, the general public has never gotten the full picture on this issue.

I seriously consider when Steven Hawkings and Michio Kaku admit to what they are now admitting to, something is up and there are more possibilities than one could ever imagine.

A closed mind and arrogant heart gathers no knowledge - Ofhumandescent

Knowledge protects, ignorance endangers - Laura Knight Jadczyk





There are quite a few more videos to this group, if you are interested just click in the lower right hand You Tube link.

Simply research, and I mean diligently research...................yes it sounds really crazy, but there is more than one way to conquer a planet.

I read "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu when I was twelve for the first time and now am on my third copy.

I also highly recommend "The Threat" by David Jacobs. Have e-mailed back and forth with this gentleman a couple times and he is very intellegent, reality based and well researched.

Again, when I first heard of and started researching the "alien agenda" I thought this concept was pretty far out there.

Now, I am not so sure. Not 100% positive but am still researching and the deeper I go, the more twisted this hole gets.

A slave that does not realize he/she is a slave will never rebel.

A prisoner that does not realize they are imprisoned will never try to escape.

The people we like to think are at the very top of the pyramid may simply be the PR people.

The real power behind the throne may possibly be out of sight, hidden within the shadows and nameless.

Another book I highly recommend is Jim Marrs "Alien Agenda" and "The Gods of Eden" by William Bramley. Mr. Bramley took seven years to write this book I believe and when he first began this book he started off writing a thesis about why humans make war..................as he researched more and more he came up with some very interesting theories.

And for now that is all these are, theories and I again respect your opinion and possibly you may be correct and I may be very far "off" but from my extensive research, as stated and now that I am retired, I read and research constantly - I don't think this is as impossible as you might think.

reply to post by MessOnTheFED!


I agree. I took that responsibility as a mother. That's why when I got divorced, I gave the father a choice to pay support or not to. I was willing to shoulder the burden of two small children on my own. He agreed to it (and it was much less than the state would have set up that he pay), but then didn't live up to it. That's when the court got involved. It was out of my hands at that point. I couldn't afford insurance, so the children went on Tendercare (TN Medicaid for all children) and the state went after him for that. I wish he had just said "No, I can't do it." Then I would have been able to do something about it because it would have been in the divorce decree. He screwed himself. In all honesty, one cent never went to anything that didn't have something to do with the direct care of the children. Most of the money went for daycare and school expenses, clothing and little things the kids wanted for their birthday and Christmas.

I believe there should be a law where the custodial parent (mother or father) have to keep a detailed account of where the money goes. Every single cent needs to be accounted for. If it's proven the parent spent the money on something other than housing, school, childcare and things for the kids, the paying parent should have recourse with the payee. I also don't think the paying parent should be taxed on the income spent on child support and the paying parent should be able to claim the child tax credit also.

Also, I recommend the paying parent go through the courts when paying the support. A friend of mine got royally screwed by his ex-wife because he had been mailing it directly to her. She went to her state DHS to file for welfare. The state nailed him for an insane amount of back child support because she lied about never receiving it from him. Protect yourselves. The government isn't going to. It is skewed in favor of the woman.

My point is, though, not all women are selfish pigs when it comes to that money. I got $300 a month if I was lucky. Every red cent went to the kids. I worked for what else they needed and what I needed. I kept all my receipts to prove it in case there was an issue. I felt guilty if I had to take a little to supplement my electric bill payment although the kids were using it just as much as I was.

reply to post by bluemirage5

Too many children are dying almost every day at the hands of a parent during access and with the custodial parent.

That alone should tell you that our current divorce / custody system is in need of revamping and how many children out there are not dead physically but being abused psychologically?

My grand daughter still says she absolutely hates her mother, I have tried to tell her she may not like what her mother does but she loves her because she is her mother..................to no avail, she at ten says her mother is a mean and hateful person, she is very upset at the way her mother is allowed to treat her father in public and get away with it.

She is also upset at the way her mother talked to my son's fiance' because she loves her soon to be stepmother more than her real mother.

Her real mother is too busy still singing at bars at night, on weekends and endlessly blogging on the computer giving out paralegal advice, leaving my grand daughter with strangers or watching TV. I've gotten her a lot of books trying to open up her world that way.

My grand daughter says, when I'm with papa we talk, play games, do homework and housework together and X (her almost stepmother) takes her shopping and they do art projects together and talk about important "girl stuff".

She also cried the last time I hugged her because she says mama doesn't like to hug her................how can someone not hug a child? You tell me and I will tell you why we have so many mucked up people.

In other words, my grand daughter gets quality time with my son and his fiance' and nada from "mom".

It's not my ex daughter in law's fault, she was raised by her father and has turned out exactly like him.

Her mother abandon her and her sister and 2 brothers when she was four because the father wanted a messy , ugly divorce and she (the maternal grandmother who I met and like) was just too gentle and couldn't put up with her ex husband's obsessive meaness.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by Komodo

 

When any custodial parent and/or their new partner are abusing illegal substances or alcohol, they should loose custody immediately. However if the non-custodial father is doing likewise he too should loose visiting rights.

I hate it when either parents and/or their new partners are doing this.

edit on 1-6-2011 by bluemirage5 because: (no reason given)

yep I did and the state never did a thing~! ;((

Originally posted by Aeons
reply to post by Komodo

 

You can't go part way with this stuff. You need to do it by the book, because sometimes even your ex can't control the outcome if they want to.

I've had to brow beat more than one guy into not being stupid about this, and getting in with a lawyer pronto. You can't imagine how difficult it is to get you guys into see a lawyer so you don't end up in this situation. I've brow beaten male friends of mine until they almost didn't want to be friends anymore...

(though they later always thank me for being such a gigantic pain in the butt.)

i can't agree with you more~!! However, due to be unemployed and my 5k i spent on my last lawyer did nothing BUT lower my child support, I 'thought' after sending in all the paperwork everything was OK ...

NOT~!! However, ALL is well, WA CS received my daughter's letter and they will update the balance to $000.00... WHEW~!

More than anything I think the answer is just staying together. I don't understand what is wrong with our society? Is it so hard to stay with the mother of your children? Why not focus on making marriages work from the start.

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by CaDreamer

 

Mate; those stats were 1989........it's now 2011

HELLO! Wakey wakey!

Yes - exactly. Things are changing and there is more balance today - as far as father's rights - then there was 20 years ago.

I know 3 fathers right now that have full custody of their kids. I've know others throughout my life.

I know one woman paying alimony to her ex while still having to fully support their minor child. The ex was a well educated man in a high profile job - - until alcohol took him. The state said he was incapable of holding down a job - - so she has to support him.

Originally posted by packinupngoin
More than anything I think the answer is just staying together. I don't understand what is wrong with our society? Is it so hard to stay with the mother of your children? Why not focus on making marriages work from the start.

At least be amicable if you split.

Both my daughters managed to basically create an extended family situation. All the kids and ex's have their holidays together at one of the homes or a park or something.

It doesn't take that much to be a grown-up about it.

Originally posted by Annee

Originally posted by CobraCommander
The only way I would ever pay a set amount for support is if I had no intention of being a part of that child's life, but also didn't feel tricked into being an unwilling father. Short of that, I see no reason why a father can't buy things directly that the child needs.

What?

If you have sex with a woman and she becomes pregnant with your child. YOU are responsible.

No one tricked you into having sex.

If its your child - - you are responsible to support it. Period!

Jeesh exactly.

If people don't want to have children, who they ARE responsible for, but can't keep it in their pants until they do, then stop having sex with the opposite sex.

If everyone followed this rule, we would have a lot less unwanted pregnancies.

Problem solved.

If you men hate women this much, stop having sex with them, stop having relationships with them, and your problems are solved. Same with women.

Pay your child support, take care of your children and stop blaming others for your inability to keep "it" put away.

Protection can and does fail. So this bickering back and forth as to who is responsible for using it is just seriously childish. Both are responsible, and even when both use birth control, it can fail.

If a male chooses to have sex with a female, and vise-versa, then the chances of creating a child is ALWAYS a possibility, unless she has had a hysterectomy, as even getting a snip is not 100% at stopping pregnancies.

Meaning? Even if both parties are using protection, their is still a chance that a pregnancy will occur. Men, if you don't like having babies yet, stop having sex with women. That is the ONLY way to make sure you don't end up being a dad before you are ready. Period!

To me, you men whining like a child about paying child support, really need to grow up, you were involved in the creation of that child, so get over it, you participated.

Harm None
Peace

Originally posted by ofhumandescent
My grand daughter says, when I'm with papa we talk, play games, do homework and housework together and X (her almost stepmother) takes her shopping and they do art projects together and talk about important "girl stuff".

Courts are taking children's wishes much more into consideration these days.

If she is anywhere near 11 - maybe even 9 - get the granddaughter her own lawyer and let her tell the courts what she wants.

reply to post by Annee


A just turned ten and our lawyers (we have two now) say that the court in Illinois does not recognize her as an individual until she is twelve..............she is actually marking off the days and none of us told her to do so.

Dads Against Discrimination

reply to post by packinupngoin


I respectfully disagree. I think it would be ideal if the parents were able to stay together, but sometimes it's best for everyone, including the kids, if they split. I know of many adults that know that their parents stayed together for them, but having seen how they were affected, wish that they had split. Kids can tell when their parents are unhappy and sometimes no amount of time or therapy can fix a bad marriage.

My parents weren't together and I'm glad of it. I had to give them both "talks" before I invited them to my 30th birthday party and made it clear that any issues or fighting would be dealt with and the offender would be removed. Parent or not. I can't imagine having to grow up dealing with that.

Child Support should be HALF of costs ONLY pertaining to the CHILDREN.

The custodial parent should collect receipts for costs incurred and forward these to the other parent each month.

The non-custodial parent should NOT have to hand over money without strings attached.

I can't read this post, probably the ONLY thread I can't read, it hurts me to much to read all the issue with parents vs the states & the children involved.

I'm not a lawyer, but I did pay my 'debt' to the state, gladly for my children. 63k in payments and the state NEVER once investigated the case ... never ONCE did they go into her 'home' .. NEVER once did they ACTUALLY find out how the $$$ were being spent on the children, never ONCE did they track her work history(though there was NONE)

If your being discriminated as your basic rights as a human being moms & dads, such as NOT able to eat 3 meals A DAY, able to have decent shelter as in the amount of rooms per need for your children, drinkable water, transportation to and FROM your current place of employment,etc..

Start there with your lawyer and work up~!! IMO, Both Parties DON"T need to have the State to intervene.. you can settle some cases with your ex with a mediator, SOME, not all.

reply to post by EspyderMan


The "divorce rates are bigger" theory astounds me.

Women used to die from pregnancy complications.
Men used to die because men are more prone to death from diseases and violence.

When one partner didn't die, the statistics for "abandonment" were about 40%.

In other words - people didn't divorce because they just left or they conveniently died before you had to start wishing they would die.

reply to post by MessOnTheFED!

I can rent a small efficiency for around 400 dollars, maybe a little more, a three bedroom, in a relatively safe neighborhood, well, that might be 600 or more dollars...
my water bill for just me, wouldn't be that much, but well, add three kids, with their baths, their laundry, and it's considerably more...same with electricity....
one would have to actually sit down and make an honest estimate of just how much of these expenses are increased because of the kids, to say that she would be paying this even without the kids is nuts!!

Originally posted by dawnstar
reply to post by MessOnTheFED!

 

I can rent a small efficiency for around 400 dollars, maybe a little more, a three bedroom, in a relatively safe neighborhood, well, that might be 600 or more dollars...
my water bill for just me, wouldn't be that much, but well, add three kids, with their baths, their laundry, and it's considerably more...same with electricity....
one would have to actually sit down and make an honest estimate of just how much of these expenses are increased because of the kids, to say that she would be paying this even without the kids is nuts!!

That is part of the choice you made to be a mother and the responsibility of having custody. The father is not there to pay your bills.

While you may be frugal in your use of utilities, we have no way of knowing that and neither do the courts. I can tell you from personal experience that when I am paying the bills, the women I have lived with have had a habit of taking looooong hot showers, leaving every light on in the house, even leaving the TV running all day long when they left the house, etc.

But we could also look at this from another perspective. I have had roommates where we split utility bills, so we were both or all pretty frugal in the used of utilities. The difference when they moved out was negligible, pennies per day.

reply to post by CobraCommander


Oh no. You like women who like to SHOWER. Unnecessary hygiene - a true crime!

Unfreaking believable.