Men and Child support. What is the answer?

Originally posted by Evanzsayz
reply to post by CaDreamer

 

I can tell you what I've learned from experience...keep your thing in your pants and you wont have to worry about it. One kid seems like its alot to pay for couldnt imagine 3

All three children of mine where conceived in wedlock... marriage. i am capable of supporting 3 children and a wife not 3 children 2 ex wives 2 boyfriends their children etc.

reply to post by bluemirage5


Some do! I'll agree that theres rotten apples in the barrel every day, and because of them (men and women that dont pay cs), The ones that do are treated as examples in court. rarely for the better. Just MHO

Originally posted by HomerinNC
reply to post by bluemirage5

 

Yes I live within my means, I survive on 1300 A MONTH, thats what the VA gives me for disability

Ok now imagine if you had to house 2 children with that same amount of money because your ex feels that they shouldn't have to pay you for anything that they don't personally agree with.

reply to post by CaDreamer


Did you know, that regardless of what you hear, men who pursue custody get it 70% of the time?

That's statistics. What you HEAR are usually people who didn't pursue it. They gave in. When you hear horror stories about getting custody, they happen for men and women.

reply to post by HomerinNC


That is rediculous, They use power, they use phone, today, they use internet, I have 4 people living in my household, I had 2 others recently also living here, and my power bill was about 50 dollars more a month. As soon as they moved back out, my bill went back down, so don't tell me that they don't create extra power and phone costs. There is extra clothing to wash, food to cook, dishes to wash. Also when you have children you need a larger space, single people with no children can do a smaller place, but when you have children you need more room automatically. So yes the non-custodial parent should be helping to pay all of those things. Get your head out of the sand and think realistically.

reply to post by Aeons


All my friends tell me the same thing. It's a choice I made that I think is in the best interests of the children, it uncomplicates everything. After they have completed their education and become adults I'll branch out some more but that does'nt mean I'm not happy now. I'm in the happiest point of my life; I run a business that I enjoy doing, my kids are happy/healthy/doing well in school, I met up with my girl firends to catch up when I can......what more can I ask? I don't need a man to fullfill my dreams!

Men typically make more money than their female counterparts. Sometimes we stay home to raise the babies while the man is out working and doing his thing. Sometimes we lose skills that would otherwise keep us current in the workplace because our man wants us home raising the kids. If you spend the first five years of your kid's lives at home you may become unmarketable. Do you know what it's like going out to find a job after five years? What do you put on your resume? It takes starting down on the bottom and working your way up. To get references and experiences to get a job and then you have to work your way up from there. And just because you have a college degree does not make it any easier? So, you think you don't deserve child support for those years raising your children and then when he leaves you and goes off the deep end and leaves you in poverty he shouldn't have to help pay for his kids? Especially when he says I'd make more money in a day than you could in a week?

reply to post by CaDreamer


Ahhhhh, so this is really a sore point with ex husbands.......when their ex wives find happiness with another man while they still have custody of the children.

Chances are, those new husbands probably pay a % of the bills for their step children.

Well, CS payer here, & for the last 11rys and $63,096.00 later, and even though my Daughters are 18& 20....yep .. Washington State says ..

I still OWE because there's no 'proof' that one of my daughters didn't live with me for the last 18 months EVEN THOUGH we have school records that say she did as well as 2 rental agreements~!!

Total BILL ?? =$6,000.00 So NOW in order to 'PROVE' that my youngest was living in my household all she has to do is write a letter stating that she lived with us for 18 months; but that may not be binding enough. We'll see..

Here's what happened.. My ex says her state case worker asked if she gave her parental rights to me, No she said.. so the case worker said something to the fact that since she didn't my ex was still able to receive food stamps and insurance.

My fault is/was .. I didn't follow through with going to BACK to court and getting a change of child custody. However the case is now closed in Oregon but, not in Washington even though my past due bill with them was ZERO.

I FINALLY got my CS reduced because I had rights to them to visit with me for 2 weekends a month which was significant to get my CS reduced .. when they BOTH lived with my pathetic ex of a mom.

I had taken her to court to get a child custody turned back to me because her bf was a angry drunk and mentally abusing the girls. We didn't even get to go to court actually in Oregon because my pathetic lawyer said that, the cases where the counselor recommended the child should not change custody and stay with their mother, the Judge will side w/ the counselor's recommendation 90% of the time but, ONLY in extreme cases, the Judge will over rule the counselor's recommendation.

My lawyer said that their policy in child custody cases they wouldn't fight it. So i spent 5k in fighting for a lost cause because it was already decided LONG before it started they my lawyer ALREADY knew what decision was going to be, but, didn't tell me because.. of the $$$ involved. The state NEVER once, interviewed the bf which the allegations were brought against, but, my wife, the daughters step mother, was interviewed~!

Florida however, which i JUST found out last week, has a different spin on child custody cases. If a parent decided to give up parenting rights, they don't have to pay child support. I'm not sure if this is the case(s) in all 50 states or not....

My suggestions will be sent to the OP via U2U.. hope this helps ..

Originally posted by Aeons
reply to post by CaDreamer

 

Did you know, that regardless of what you hear, men who pursue custody get it 70% of the time?

That's statistics. What you HEAR are usually people who didn't pursue it. They gave in. When you hear horror stories about getting custody, they happen for men and women.

A true fact. My mom walked out on my dad when i was 13, tried to fight him for custody of me and lost. Same story almost exactly for one of my best friends from childhood. All these stories of crazy moms getting custody of the kids like "I once heard a mom who boozed all day and spent child support money for designer tampons" may be true but they're the minority. The system isn't perfect. It's not perfect. Sometimes unjust things happen, but I find the most vocal complainers have a complaint something like "I don't wanna pay caus my ex wife has a boyfriend!!!" and that's no basis for a rational discussion.

Those same people also seem to NOT want custody of the kids.

reply to post by SusyQ30


uhm... thats a very slippery slope there....
IMHO, without knowing what the situation is that caused the
cs battle, I would automatically say, You got the kids
and now you saying that "x" amount of money isnt enough?!"
How much money was coming into he household before the break up?
and tell me again why parent A needs more than what the available amount was
to start with? I Cal BS! I supported my ex (no job) and two kids on my meger 2400 a month
after all bills were paid and everyones needs and wants were satisfied There was plenty left over
for vacations ect.ect.ect. And now you say you need more money... To me thats
just saying, "either I cant, or want do my 50% so you have to foot the rest, in
addition to what you are already being bled for.. but then again just my opinion
and I've been on both sides of this debate and can say for fact. If you have to pay and you are a man
FORGET ever having a productive life cause the state, and the ex Own you till the kids are 18

Originally posted by bluemirage5
reply to post by CaDreamer

 

Ahhhhh, so this is really a sore point with ex husbands.......when their ex wives find happiness with another man while they still have custody of the children.

Chances are, those new husbands probably pay a % of the bills for their step children.

Why are you on this guy like a bad wart?

He also has a vested interest in the moral/ethical/academic/religious upbringing of his children.

Parents are allowed to be unhappy with their partners choices and how these effect their children.

reply to post by Komodo


When any custodial parent and/or their new partner are abusing illegal substances or alcohol, they should loose custody immediately. However if the non-custodial father is doing likewise he too should loose visiting rights.

I hate it when either parents and/or their new partners are doing this.

reply to post by bluemirage5


Alcohol is legal, though so that argument doesn't stand. Courts don't want to hear "he said/she said" stuff and they really have no patience for it. As long as the child has shelter, food and is being reasonably taken care of the courts won't intervene. Now, if meth is an issue, that's a whole 'nother ballgame as that's an instant felony doing meth in the presence of a child.

reply to post by Komodo


You can't go part way with this stuff. You need to do it by the book, because sometimes even your ex can't control the outcome if they want to.

I've had to brow beat more than one guy into not being stupid about this, and getting in with a lawyer pronto. You can't imagine how difficult it is to get you guys into see a lawyer so you don't end up in this situation. I've brow beaten male friends of mine until they almost didn't want to be friends anymore...

(though they later always thank me for being such a gigantic pain in the butt.)

its funny, all you hear about is the deadbeat parents, you NEVER hear about the good ones that step up to the plate and do their responsibilities, why is that I wonder..

reply to post by queenofsheba


B.I.N.G.O.!!! we have a winner! spot on spot on!!!! Id star this a millions times if i could...
Thats the only way in my opinion I got custidy of my kids, Doesn't matter how bad the parent (this case mother) is
you start slinging felony around then dss and lawyers and judges start to pay attention to your case!!!!! its all about
$$$$$$$$$$$$ and who they can get the most from, regular joe with a 9-5 or the criminal breaking in to your house while you are at the court house...........

reply to post by HomerinNC


cause the good ones that are doing it, are smashed down, we are pond sum simply because we couldnt hold our families together and now we must pay and too now we cant afford to have an opinion......

reply to post by Funshinez


That happens in many cases.

However, each case that goes through the family courts - no two cases are the same. The family court system is not perfect, no system is perfect. We just have to work with what we have to try to do whats best in the interests of the children. It would be a much better perfect world if both parents sat down and worked everything out BEFORE separating but a majority of the time marriages break down quickly and so does communication between the spouses. A majority of the time there is always going to be a hothead involved and when it comes to child support, thats always the sticking point yet strangely enough the non-cusdial husband did'nt mind paying towards his kids when he was married. Personally, I think ex husbands are more worried about what their ex wives are up to than their children. Economic abuse, they think, is the only way of having that last stranglehold over her and his kids. It's all about power and control.

reply to post by And Now What


Well, I'm sorry if their mom was on meth...bad, bad stuff. But kids and meth don't mix. First thing you lose when you do meth is job, house/kids...why are they always last?