Police say mom ordered daughters out, drove off

Police say mom ordered daughters out, drove off

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WHITE PLAINS, N.Y. (AP) -- Usually, it's an empty threat: "If you kids don't stop fighting, I'm going to stop this car right now and leave you here!" But a mother from an upper-crust New York suburb went through with it, ordering her battling 10- and 12-year-old daughters out of her car in White Plains' business district and driving off, police said Tuesday.

(visit the link for the full news article)

ABC Link to story.

*edited* to place another link to story. The orignal links story changed. Hmm media manipulation, you got to love it.

[edit on 22-4-2009 by LeaderOfProgress]

With out the whole story, it becomes hard to really make a judgement call on weather she was right or wrong in the matter. The article flat out states that the police wouldn't give details about weather or not she came back to pick them up.

Personally, I would have done the same thing. The snippet about making sure the kids have their Ipods and such just disgusted me. You do not need technology to keep your kids from fighting.

So how exactly are we supposed to punish children these days? If you spank them then you are being abusive. If you yell at them you are being abusive. If you use scare tactics like done in the story above, you are being abusive.

How can we punish bad behaviour without being illegal?

hosted.ap.org
(visit the link for the full news article)

Quite frankly my parents gave me the wooden spoon (or ruler - whatever was the handiest) on many occasions and I am no worse off for it, in fact I learnt my lesson well on many occasions. I have also been turfed out of the car and left to walk home on two occasions that I remember.

As far as I am concerned I will punish my kids the way I see fit - if that extends to using a wooden spoon then so be it (within reason of course, I wouldnt hit them so hard as to bruise or cause damage - just to give them a little shock). NOBODY has the right to tell me how I should or should not punish my children for being naughty. Law be damned, cops be damned, Childrens Services be damned - half of them don't have kids anyway so don't even have a remote clue on how to manage children.

Oh yeah, and for everyone that's about to call me names and have a go at me for saying what I have just said - I simply do not care what you think.

reply to post by Kryties


Sorry for the personal questions but how old are you and what gender are you? (I ain't been here long don't know the regulars yet!)

I'm only 20 and I've had many a slap for using my mouth where I shouldn't have, had the slipper or ruler off my grandparents, and also been left to walk home after throwing a mega wobbler!!

It does keep you in line, I think to some degree it is necessary.. but obviously some poeple do take it too far sometimes.

On the whole though I completely agree with you

Sorry but I think this is totally wrong.

That's the kind of thing you threaten but don't actually do.

Empty threats don't work though..

You find that the first child (if you have a couple) normally is treated more harshly than the second, my sister is a few years younger than me and she was never hit, all she ever got was threats and it did... nothing.

While I started behaving because I KNEW I'd be punished if I didn't she would cause scenes in shops, relative's homes etc and nothing ever came of it, she was never bothered about the way she behaved because she knew nothing would happen regardless of how she was

Originally posted by ItsallCrazy
reply to post by Kryties

 

Sorry for the personal questions but how old are you and what gender are you? (I ain't been here long don't know the regulars yet!)

Im 30 and I'm male and no I will not meet you down the street for a "cup of coffee"

The punishments handed out to me worked 100%. I never did that particular thing I was being punished for ever again. Also, in terms of 'threats are just as good' NO they are not - case in point my mother would always use the threat "I'll send you to your father if you don't stop" implying it would be a worse punishment than what she would deal out and yet all he would ever do is tap me on the bum no harder than one would scratch an itch and it NEVER stopped me from doing it again.

Kids will learn VERY quickly that empty threats are just that - empty threats.

I have a twelve year old, and a ten year old, and I don't even let them out of my sight to go across the street...and I don't live in Manhattan. That place is scary.
I don't care what the kids were fighting about, or how bad a day the mother was having, or what other circumstances surround her justification for taking such an action.
Bottom line is..you are the parent and it is your job to look after the well being of the child no matter whether you feel like it or not.
Abandonment is not a choice..ever.
That 10 year old is damaged for life now because Mom threw a hissy fit and wielded her power over her children.
Just goes to show that the upper class can be just as bad at parenting as the white trash.

Looks like it was a bad idea, although it's interesting that the 12 year old caught up with the mother. I wonder why the 10 year old didn't.

Originally posted by AccessDenied
That 10 year old is damaged for life now because Mom threw a hissy fit and wielded her power over her children.

What?? Damaged for life?? As far as I see it the kids were unharmed and came out of it with a sense of "lets not do that again".

Either that or the kids will come away from this thinking that every time their mother gets angry and sends them to their rooms for being naughty, or makes them stand in a corner or whatever - that they can freely call the police and have them take their side.

Despicable.

I can remember threatening my 10 year old son and his friends with this when they were causing a ruckus in the backseat one time.

"OK, Dad! Neat! Let us out here! Right here!"

I have no doubt that they would have jumped out of the car if I had stopped..

reply to post by Donnie Darko


Children aren't stupid. They'll quickly learn that all your threats never follow through. That's when your child loses respect for you and does what ever the hell it wants without fear of consequence. Say hello to your very own future criminal.

Ha ha, no worries mate, I don't do coffee anyways!

No I jus wondered as it seems to have got less and less through the current generations, and there seems to be more and more kids acting out on the same timescale.. not just coincidence is it.

I had the same thing that my mum would send me to my dad if I acted up, BUT if I was being sent to my dad it was bad news cos he was a lot harsher than my mum, I honestly thank him for it cos I do have a lot of respect for my elders.

The youth culture in Britain certainly, is the result of lax parenting and I know exactly how I'll raise my kids, teaching them respect and discipline, you need these things to get through your life and all the kids walking round with knives and guns ain't even got respect for themselves, so how can you expect them to respect anyone else?

One thing people never let your kids alone in any police car if you have children. Lots of paedos are in police fact, and you just never know.

This is the sort of mom who should never of had kids or allowed too. What sort of person would do that.

The opposite happens when you show such a lack of concern for your child's wellbeing. First of all, no parent would drop children off unattended as its too dangerous. Secondly, no matter who thinks you should carry through on all your threats, even your worse to show consistency, you can also be an adult and show that adults are capable of feeling anger, and can change their minds to a more reasonable outcome. For example, "I was angry when I said that, but upon thinking about it that would be dangerous. However, I do mean this.."
Showing flexibility is not wrong.

However, being heartless or mean to children creates mean teenagers. The object is to turn out children who love others, not authoritareans. That was abandonment.

Regardless of where this woman lives or how well connected she is; her judgement is in question here. I agree with everyone who has posted here about the "threat" of expulsion from the vehicle......not actually going through with it though.
There are many more ways of discipline than abandonment.
She was not thinking...and deserves what is coming her way..100 %.

Children are a responsibility, a delight, a pain in the ass at times, and full time!!!!!
I only have one 13 year old son....and we have had our in the car episodes....
My silence during these times does indeed let him know that this is not to be tolerated
from him. Now that he is older, we use our driving time for chats about whatever and whomever...not fights!!!

I will be interested in seeing the outcome of this post.


Peace...

No offense to the OP but you would have to know that area of White Plains NY to understand why this is such a big issue. There are two shelters on Post Road that have a history of violence and rampant drug use (Westchester County tries in vain to get a handle on it) and the cross streets are well known for being hangouts for the less than desirable.

Leaving a 12 and 10 year old girl alone there is a very bad move no matter what they did to warrant the response. I am very happy that the White Plains PD decided to step in. It may have been different had it not been in such a "seedy" area, but fact is, it was in an area that is heavily patrolled and with good reason.

Not a smart move for a woman who is supposed to be a high priced Manhattan Atty.

reply to post by ItsallCrazy


Actually, if a small child, probably 4 or younger, throws a tantrum you are supposed to just slowly back away and let them wear themselves out. It's a natural, healthy display of emotion and messing with them while they are doing it is no good. Stomping and screaming and throwing themselves about are quite healthy ways for them to release their emotions in a nonviolent, nondestructive way. Adults should try it more often! After about 4 or so though, nothing wrong with consequences for that kind of thing.

I hate it when I see parents overreacting to their toddlers throwing fits in stores. You aren't supposed to try to pacify them or shut them up, just back off and let them do their thing. You can also get down on the floor and do it with them, teaches them empathy and self awareness. They eventually chill out, then you can get down on eye level with them and explain why their behavior was selfish and wrong.

This works wonders, whereas messing with kids who do this teaches them to show emotion in unhealthy ways, they end up doing crap like killing small animals and bullying, and if the actions taken are to pacify, teaches them that throwing fits pays off.

[edit on 22-4-2009 by maus80]

How sad that mother had no parenting skills.

I will tell you how I dealt with it. I pulled over all right, but it was to LOUDLY lecture them for quite a while, then, when I was convinced they had got the point, we took off again, only this time I lectured the entire way to destination. I always made sure they were fed, bathroomed, and had a toy/book/gameboy for the trip(if long). I played interactive games with the boys too, like naming cars (oh look at that chevy camaro!).

Kids hate being trapped in a car being lectured. My boys wish I had spanked them, lol!

There are so many ways to prevent children from fighting that do not involve abandonment or violence. This mother needs to be arrested, and should be forced into parenting classes. The best way to deal with this behavior is to prevent it, and make certain your expectations are understood by the kids. Instead of negatively saying dont do this and that, positively state expectations.

Kids fight, thats a fact. Parents have to use the fighting as teaching moments and teach their kids proper ways to deal with frustration. In this case momma taught the kids to abandon their frustrations. I wonder if this mom is a substance abuser.

Really sad.

ETA to maus80:

I agree with the temper tantrum advice. I hate parents who egg it on.

[edit on 22-4-2009 by hotbakedtater]

reply to post by LeaderOfProgress


you are dead on LeaderOfProgress. I couldn’t begin to tell all the ways my parents punished me. They would go to jail for sure. but I love them and I don’t hate them for what they did. I am glad they did it. I was a bad kid, a very bad kid, name it and I did it. and those punishments no matter how cruel someone else might think they were helped me later in life from making stupid mistakes.

but in this day and age with so many activists they blow everything out of proportion and really it makes their cause a joke. I honestly think that is why crime is on the rise because parents cant discipline their children with out the fear of going to jail. so the kids grow up thinking they wont get punished for anything they do.

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