Transgender Hell - A Matter of Life and Death

I am starting this thread so that people can discuss this topic in general, but also in the hopes of getting some views on some specific questions.

I was born male and live as a man. I consider myself transgender and as cliche as it sounds I really feel I am a woman trapped in a man's body. This condition leads to a great deal of depression as I feel this overwhelming desire inside me to be a woman, but it is something I don't feel can ever come to pass. The hormones, surgery, etc. is something I've considered but I don't think it would be ultimately fulfilling for me.


Bearing these things in mind here are my specific metaphysical issues:

1) I am depressed a great deal and what's worse I feel as though I'll never be happy no matter how good any other part of my life is. I feel like my life is complete suffering and that nothing in the afterlife could be worse than this. Can anyone give me a compelling reason not to just see what's on the other side?

2) If you believe in God, or some type of benevolent higher power: What kind of God or higher power would put this type of unattainable desire inside me and why?

3) Can anyone see any type of purpose in my situation or deeper meaning to be attained from my suffering?




[edit on 17-7-2008 by JFK Jr]

reply to post by JFK Jr


JFK, I've often thought about how hard it must be for people who find themselves in this sort of situation. I'm sorry that you have to deal with it. IMO it really does seem like hell, and as an outsider I see the people who do get the surgeries and the hormones...and they don't seem any more fulfilled. It seems to me like they're fooling themselves because in reality they're not any closer to what they want to be.

I don't believe in the traditional heaven (or hell) so I think that no matter what, whatever happens after this life is over will bring an end to the sadness that plagues you. However, life is still beautiful and shouldn't be thrown away and wasted just waiting for death. There must be other things that make you happy, even if they are small and momentary.

I honestly have no idea why some people are born with confused gender identities. To me it seems worse than having a physical deformity. I am sorry I can't give you any answer why.

All I can say is that you have no less purpose than anyone else alive and no less worth as a person. We can only do the best we can with what we have.

Do you see any purpose in this problem that you have? Why exactly do you feel like you should be a woman?

(I have another screen name here. I'm not 100% sure if it is frowned upon to start another screen name to start a thread, but I hope no one will judge me too harshly as I just didn't feel like outing myself here.)

I really can't see anyone blaming you in this instance.

reply to post by '___'eed


This post is so going to get deleted lol...

And not soon enough because you're disrespecting this guy's thread.

Originally posted by sc2099


Do you see any purpose in this problem that you have? Why exactly do you feel like you should be a woman?

It is a very difficult thing to put into words, but I have always felt it since I was a little kid and I also learned quickly to hide it out of fear. At this point I almost feel that there is no real me underneath the act that I put on for other people.

reply to post by '___'eed


As I am sure you were "trying" to be funny, I don't think it is quite appropriate in this particular thread. Its Obvious JFKjr is asking for help and all you can do is poke fun.....you should be ashamed of yourself.

Sorry but that's just my 2 cents worth.

Now onto the OP

JFKjr, I can't imagine what torment you must be going through but you might want to look into talking to a professional regarding your problem and depression. Im sure we as a community will offer as much advice as we can but we are in no way professionals that can give you the help and possible peace of mind you need.

Is there a deeper meaning be attained by suffering? To be honest I don't know. As for it being an unattainable desire....how so? there are many ways you can express your inner self. As for the hormones etc. Why do you feel that this wouldn't be fulfilling? with medical tech today it is possible.

The only advise I can truly give you is to be yourself no matter what anyone else thinks and talk to a professional.....it may do you a world of good and possibly give you some of the answers you are looking for.


Be well.

Originally posted by '___'eed
No direspect/ Just cheering him up so he can be himself, not to change him "sc2099", if that's your real fake name....

The problem is there is no change for me. Just depression and despair. It is not an issue of maculinity and femininity, all people have both traits in differeing levels.

My main issue is this: What if you felt an overwhelming and inescapable feeling that things should be one way, but they are the other way instead. This can be applied to any unattainable desire. What could bring you happiness or meaning?

Originally posted by JFK Jr

Originally posted by sc2099


Do you see any purpose in this problem that you have? Why exactly do you feel like you should be a woman?

At this point I almost feel that there is no real me underneath the act that I put on for other people.

I'm not trying to diminish your problem at all, but this is something lots of people experience. Mothers whose children have left the nest, wives whose marriages have fallen apart, company men who have been laid off, addicts who try to get sober.

You're more than your sex. I'm sure that lots of things about you would be the same if you were a woman, like your hobbies and lots of aspects of your personality like if you're nice/hot headed/funny/outgoing/kind/generous/curious. As crazy as it sounds, would it be possible to focus on these other aspects of yourself that aren't dependant on sex in order to ground yourself?

Again, I'm not trying to diminish your experience; just trying to tell you how I see it.

Originally posted by JFK Jr
I feel like my life is complete suffering and that nothing in the afterlife could be worse than this. Can anyone give me a compelling reason not to just see what's on the other side?

No one here is qualified to give you any kind of complete or accurate answer to that. But please remember: first, no one knows all of the possibilities that are open to them, even if there may seem to be no hope in sight; second: all things change with time, urges become less pressing, inconsistencies in ourselves become less paradoxical. I'm not saying don't try to be who you truly are, but realize that with any person, who we truly are is a constant process of discovery and redefinition.

So: stubbornness, serendipity, and self-discovery.

I am no expert or anything remotely close, but I hope my advice might at least be of some help..

The definition of "man" and "woman," in my opinion, is not whether you have male or female gentalia. It's how you view yourself. If you truly feel as if you are a woman, then you are, and who's to say you're not? Because you have a penis? No.

I know that is very scientifically incorrect, but I'm getting to my point Your unhappiness, from what I have gathered, stems from you seeing yourself as a woman trapped in a man's body. Your body does not give you happiness, it gives you pleasure. If pleasure is what you are after, I have wasted my time. If happiness is what you're after, I know that from personal experience, the more you do to make everyone else around you happy, the happier you are.

As I see it, happiness is an emotion. Emotions come and go. Being content is something entirely different. Be content with your situtation, and see it as a blessing, not a curse (which I know, coming from someone who doesn't deal with this situation, I could never truly understand).

Your gender does not make you "you," your job does not make you who are you, only your mind. I think maybe if you accept yourself for your many great qualities, traits, and even flaws, and strive to be content with yourself and making others happy, you might end up enjoying life alot more.

But, then again, I can't possibly imagine being in your situation. I just hope even one sentence I've said can be of some help. I wish you the best of luck!

Edit to add: I'm sorry for some of the things I said that were said before...when I was typing this post, which took me a while, those posts had not yet been on the thread.

[edit on 17-7-2008 by Alexander_Supertramp]

Originally posted by JFK Jr

Originally posted by '___'eed
No direspect/ Just cheering him up so he can be himself, not to change him "sc2099", if that's your real fake name....

What if you felt an overwhelming and inescapable feeling that things should be one way, but they are the other way instead. This can be applied to any unattainable desire. What could bring you happiness or meaning?

Like I said in my previous post, lots of people feel this way about themselves...frequently pertaining to money though. So many people feel like they should be making the big bucks and driving that new car and living in the fancy neighborhood and that life has cheated them because it's not so.

If people who feel this way can accept the things they can't change then I think they can get over the depression. Basically I think the only way to happiness is acceptance of what we can't change.

I appreciate everyone's help. Responding to all of these posts is going to be really difficult. I know a few have said you can't help because you don't understand. I guess that is the hardest part, to communicate what its like. But you are all helping me.

reply to post by JFK Jr


I think you are very courageous for bringing up the topic and admitting this about yourself. Truth is no one has any definitive answer to explain why you are the way you are. Your life may face more social problems if you decide to change your gender on the outside to fit how you feel on the inside, but I definitely think it is worth looking into if you believe you can not live a happy life otherwise.

I honestly believe it is likely homosexuality and the way you feel could be caused by nature or nurture, but that there is no “cure” for either. The best evidence suggest there is no way to reverse the way you feel so I suggest strongly that you consider you have one life to live, and don’t let anyone tell you, you do not deserve to live that life comfortable and happy with your body.


[edit on 17-7-2008 by rapinbatsisaltherage]

A person with no legs.
A person who just heard they have aids.

A person who just lost their parents yesterday in a flood.
My child being kidnapped, raped and killed.


Born a man, but wanting to be a girl.

THAT IS NOT A PROBLEM.

it's called homosexuality. If so much so, get a sex change, people will still love you and you will have to understand that people will also ridicule you.

reply to post by '___'eed


it's called homosexuality

This person is not a homosexual, they are transgendered. These are two entirely different things troll.

Originally posted by rapinbatsisaltherage

I honestly believe it is likely homosexuality and your problem could be caused by nature or nurture, but that there is no “cure” for either. The best evidence suggest there is no way to reverse the way you feel so I suggest strongly that you consider you have one life to live, and don’t let anyone tell you, you do not deserve to live that life comfortable and happy with your body.

I'm bisexual actually. And I am married to a woman who has known about my transgender feelings since the beginning of our relationship. We love each other very much and she supports me in anything I might choose. But even her unconditional love, while it gives me great joy, doesn't make me happy or content. I don't know what could at this point.

Originally posted by JFK Jr

Originally posted by rapinbatsisaltherage

I honestly believe it is likely homosexuality and your problem could be caused by nature or nurture, but that there is no “cure” for either. The best evidence suggest there is no way to reverse the way you feel so I suggest strongly that you consider you have one life to live, and don’t let anyone tell you, you do not deserve to live that life comfortable and happy with your body.

I'm bisexual actually. And I am married to a woman who has known about my transgender feelings since the beginning of our relationship. We love each other very much and she supports me in anything I might choose. But even her unconditional love, while it gives me great joy, doesn't make me happy or content. I don't know what could at this point.

I’m bisexual as well; wow as If that isn’t complicated enough (I know) you must also struggle with being transgendered. That is hard for anyone to do alone. Be thankful you have a partner who loves and understand you. I suggest seeing a psychiatrist that specializing in this matter, if you can not afford one find a valid transgendered site that, perhaps one that has psychiatrist frequenting their forum.

Wants to be female and married to a woman. You hsould know why you wouldn't want to be as illogical as female can be, but wait, your here on ats.

I think being transgender is right for you.

be like Nike, and JUST DO IT! swoosh (there goes my ...)

Originally posted by '___'eed
A person with no legs.
A person who just heard they have aids.

A person who just lost their parents yesterday in a flood.
My child being kidnapped, raped and killed.


Born a man, but wanting to be a girl.

THAT IS NOT A PROBLEM.

it's called homosexuality. If so much so, get a sex change, people will still love you and you will have to understand that people will also ridicule you.

While I disagree with you for obvious reasons, I think your posts illustrate well the type of attitudes that permeate society regarding gender issues. But ultimately, I feel your prejudice isn't the issue.

In a lot ways, I feel like a person with no legs. There is no way to make me complete. You can give me prostetics but it is not the same as being made whole again.

What advice would you give to your child if they told you they had gender identity issues?