Transgender Hell - A Matter of Life and Death

Originally posted by HypnoAsp


You stated that you are "living as a man". How can you do yourself such a horrible injustice? Why are you letting unimportant lower souls force you into a living hell? There is a small portion of your situation that is ALL YOU. I understand you may be cross dressing behind closed doors. Why in the hell would you want to "check out" without even experiencing the full effect of what you so incorrectly consider your demon? Move to an area where there are many evolving on your own level. Beg borrow and claw your way to a surgery if thats is your dream. Put on your girdle and shake your skirt as you freely walk amongst like and more accepting minds. See a specializing therapist to help your down this experience we call life. You only got one. Quit focusing on it defining you. There is much much more to YOU & LIFE. You are not really "special" in that aspect. There are thousands of Trans genders out there. You need to find out how you are special and love yourself for it. If your gonna check out gain 450 lbs by eating your favorite food, run naked on the white house lawn or whatever your "vices" may be. Game Over is well Game over. Get your "me" on first. Before long you will realize your lifetime has flown by and you will be happy that you did not check out early. So you get beat up for wearing pumps, I've been beat up for being skinny. We are all delt our hand mate..

The "evolved" love you man, appreciate you as valuable and respect your journey.

~Hypno

[edit on 17-7-2008 by HypnoAsp]

if only it were as easy as that

If I was myself in public (a gay man) I would not just get the occasional beating. I would probably end up dead in a ditch. most of my friends know,and all my family obviously. But it's not something I feel I a-have to share with everyone,and B-should share with everyone. My local pub is a hotbed for football hooligans and such. The ammount of times "10 green bombers in the air" has been sung makes me sick. That's my whole town all over. Small minded and insular.

Now,being gay I can "cover" up for the most part. but being transgender is something that,unless you have the right features,can be very hard to pull off. Especially being able to hold your head up high and be proud. There's 1 transexual in my little town that I know of. He's a big guy,and isn't a convincing woman,but she still goes out as a woman,walks round the supermarket with his teenage daughter. And for the most part,doesn't get any grief. I always smile when I see her (I'm getting my genders all mixed up here!!) Because she has such courage to do this. i don't think most people understand just how hard something like that is,if you're not ready.

JFk jr,don't stop reading,and don't give up. You'll get there in the end,and it will all be so worth it.

if only it were as easy as that

If I was myself in public (a gay man) I would not just get the occasional beating. I would probably end up dead in a ditch. most of my friends know,and all my family obviously. But it's not something I feel I a-have to share with everyone,and B-should share with everyone. My local pub is a hotbed for football hooligans and such. The ammount of times "10 green bombers in the air" has been sung makes me sick. That's my whole town all over. Small minded and insular.

Now,being gay I can "cover" up for the most part. but being transgender is something that,unless you have the right features,can be very hard to pull off. Especially being able to hold your head up high and be proud. There's 1 transexual in my little town that I know of. He's a big guy,and isn't a convincing woman,but she still goes out as a woman,walks round the supermarket with his teenage daughter. And for the most part,doesn't get any grief. I always smile when I see her (I'm getting my genders all mixed up here!!) Because she has such courage to do this. i don't think most people understand just how hard something like that is,if you're not ready.

JFk jr,don't stop reading,and don't give up. You'll get there in the end,and it will all be so worth it.

Yeah It's true, I have not worn his shoes & I did not mean to sound like I had. As per what u quoted I suggested he "move". I was thinking San Fran or any other city with a large and accepted gay/Trans community. Ya ya moving may seem like an impossibility but its certainly a hard journey better than "checking out".

Where I live in Florida "Our gays" proudly walk freely with their heads up high and they are integrated into our society pretty successfully. Yeah there are sides of town they should be wary of. Yeah there are minor incidents. No more so than say race or financial class issues..

I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED THE MODERATORS CHOSE TO CLOSE THIS THREAD. THIS WARRANTS AN EXCEPTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~Hypno

Originally posted by Acidtastic
if only it were as easy as that

If I was myself in public (a gay man) I would not just get the occasional beating. I would probably end up dead in a ditch. most of my friends know,and all my family obviously. But it's not something I feel I a-have to share with everyone,and B-should share with everyone.

huh?!? what do you mean be yourself in public? it isn't actually a law that you must be a camped up mincing twat in order to be gay. it's perfectly acceptable to be a normal guy and gay. i can understand a transsexual or a transgendered person having issues, but being gay doesn't require you to carry a huge flashing neon rainbow around with you everywhere. if your not doing so and don't associate with these people where would the issue be exactly? how can you not be yourself?

other than being a twat, which doesn't require you to be gay, the only other thing that people might find offensive are lavish public displays of affection, which are pretty offensive regardless of your sexuality. being gay doesn't disqualify a person from adhering to social norms.

sorry, i know it's off topic, but statements like that annoy me and take away from the genuine issue the OP had, which is depression caused by an unfulfillable desire, not being a gay man with a persecution complex.

they've not closed the thread,or I'm posting from an alternative reality where they didn't I am just as upset that they've killed the account though. that is wrong IMO.


I didn't mean to suggest that you'd walked in anyone shoes,sorry if it came accross like that. I was just trying to piint out that nothing is black and white. And when you're dealing with your internal fears. They can really hold you down and be VERy hard to break open. Unfortunatly,not everyone has the luxury of upping sticks and moving. I did,but I had to,cos i was on a hit list that WAS life or death.

Originally posted by pieman

Originally posted by Acidtastic
if only it were as easy as that

If I was myself in public (a gay man) I would not just get the occasional beating. I would probably end up dead in a ditch. most of my friends know,and all my family obviously. But it's not something I feel I a-have to share with everyone,and B-should share with everyone.

huh?!? what do you mean be yourself in public? it isn't actually a law that you must be a camped up mincing twat in order to be gay. it's perfectly acceptable to be a normal guy and gay. i can understand a transsexual or a transgendered person having issues, but being gay doesn't require you to carry a huge flashing neon rainbow around with you everywhere. if your not doing so and don't associate with these people where would the issue be exactly? how can you not be yourself?

other than being a twat, which doesn't require you to be gay, the only other thing that people might find offensive are lavish public displays of affection, which are pretty offensive regardless of your sexuality. being gay doesn't disqualify a person from adhering to social norms.

sorry, i know it's off topic, but statements like that annoy me and take away from the genuine issue the OP had, which is depression caused by an unfulfillable desire, not being a gay man with a persecution complex.

nono,I'm not a mincer anyway. (which in some ways is harder to "come out" as it were,cos people don't expect it)But even to say "I'm a poof" in some circles is enough to get you stuck in a ditch. Let alone to say "I'm transgender" people just don't understand what this sort of stuff means. And to have the conviction to not care,is a massive step inside your own self. I'm not sure if I'm coming accross with the point I'm trying to make,but I hope I am.

[edit on 17/7/2008 by Acidtastic]

OP, why not use the anon. option to continue with the discussion?

acidtastic, sorry, i guess i misunderstood. the truth is, saying i believe aliens exist is enough to get you stuck in a ditch, as is being fat, or being ginger, or whatever.

i think it's more a personal thing, if your worried about how people will react, you'ld never do anything. one of the krays was pretty openly gay, no-one was going to mess with him, were they? admittedly, thats the only example i can think of off hand, except a local guy where i grew up, but do you know what i mean?

i think people are pretty tolerant if the person they are tolerating is confident in themselves. i think the OPs only solution at the moment is accepting himself as a whole, unfortunately.

OP, i assume your still reading posts, when i say acceptance, i don't be relinquishing the desire, i mean accepting it as part of you.

[edit on 17-7-2008 by pieman]

[edit on 17-7-2008 by pieman]

missunderstanding is part of bulliten board life as i see it. We can't convey emotions via words like you can in real life. So that's all good.


You're right,it's all about the confidence of the person.But if you have a low self esteme,or no confidence,then it's very hard. Which is why this poster should have been able to have twin identities. So they could relay their real feelings,behind the saftey blanket of a psudonem. (mods,bad call)

Im going to reply to your origional post JFKjr.

1) I am depressed a great deal and what's worse I feel as though I'll never be happy no matter how good any other part of my life is. I feel like my life is complete suffering and that nothing in the afterlife could be worse than this. Can anyone give me a compelling reason not to just see what's on the other side?

Well if your talking about transgender surgery, I will have to say if you feel so strongly about this, I would work on attaining this. It seems as if you would be happier as a woman so it leads me to think that you should start the process to become a woman.

If your talking about suicide, I wouldnt reccomend it. Life is a journey, not a destination. There is so much to explore in this life, and to give up because of depression is finding an absolute in a temporary situation. I know it must feel like an eternity. Especially in your situation, however I believe that your goal to become a woman should be a priority if it's either that or the grave.

2) If you believe in God, or some type of benevolent higher power: What kind of God or higher power would put this type of unattainable desire inside me and why?

What if it's not god but you that puts this desire into you? It is quite attainable. And you shouldn't feel wrong in thinking this. Many other people feel the exact way you do. It's not that they are sick, they just feel that they were born the wrong gender. They feel more compelled to be the other gender, this isn't wrong its what you feel.

3) Can anyone see any type of purpose in my situation or deeper meaning to be attained from my suffering?

Have you learned anything through your suffering? My advice is to start working towards your goal of becoming a woman. I think that once you start seriously going down the path towards becoming a woman and see progress in this area, you will start feeling better about yourself. I certainly would look into seeing a psychologist along the way. The transition between being a man and being a woman will be frustrating, and confusing. I would reccomend a psychologist to help you in your journey. Don't choose a psychologist that will try and talk you out of this, instead choose one that perhaps has dealt with this issue before and through experience knows what others have gone through. This would make the transition much easier.

OP, here's a video for you, if you're still around. Hang in there, things will get better.



"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful." -Buddha

reply to post by JFK Jr
Hey JFK Jr,

It is unfortunate you are suffering. I would really like to help out here. I would recommend you read "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.

He teaches that almost everyone has some degree of dysfunction/disorder. This is because they are trapped in an egoic (false self) state. Being that way causes suffering.

Foregoing political correctness, if the teachings were objectively applied here, homosexuality is a very severe manifestation of the dysfunctional ego.

You have a serious disorder. I don't mean that in a cruel way. To be aware of a problem is the start of breaking away from it. Acceptance will be your path from "unconsciousness."

A furry lifestyler is generally considered to be a person who has one or more of these characteristics:

Integrating a perceived animal nature into one's persona (gait, use of voice, personality, instincts, etc.)
Totemistic beliefs, specifically with regard to animal spirits
A belief that animal instincts exist within humans, regardless of whether they are separate, immaterial spirits, part of the genetic code, caused by reincarnation from a previous animal life, or anything else
A furry lifestyler may also take on physical attributes of an animal, although this is rare. Such attributes may be: hair style (including facial hair), tattoos, articles of clothing (e.g. a tail or ears), or jewelry. In a few extreme cases, some wealthy lifestylers have used elective surgery to affect a physical transformation.

Sound familiar?

Some furry lifestylers have a general dysmorphia, a strong, deeply rooted feeling that they are not in the right body. A few furries have gone so far as to use the term Species Dysmorphic Disorder, a neologism that puns on body dysmorphic disorder, though the simpler "species dysmorphia" is a slightly more common phrase. These seem to indicate a disassociation with the psychological identity of the public at large.

It should. At least this group recognizes they have a disorder. MAYBE because their symptoms are more pronounced. It really should sound familiar because a lot of these exhibit ANOTHER symptom

A common perception of the furry lifestyle is that a very high proportion of its members are gay or bisexual, especially the latter. However, some people dispute this, opining that furs are, as a rule, more likely than the general population to accept non-heterosexual orientations and that this, rather than any real difference in numbers, accounts for the perception. Estimates as to the actual proportion of gay and bi furs therefore range widely, but reliable statistics are absent since serious research into this subject is almost nonexistent.

You are in a state of constant WANTing. You WANT to be a different gender. Something you are not; a WANTing that isn't necessary.

You are resisting what is; the present moment, the now. You are viewing the now as an enemy; the fact that your body is not the OTHER gender even if the body is normal. You are complaining about not being something else. You view yourself as a victim:"What kind of God or higher power would put this type of unattainable desire inside me and why?"

The egoic structure is very apparent here.

Let's start with the 1st level of modality of being "aware," acceptance.

1. ACCEPT you are "unconscious," in an egoic (false self) state
   
2. ACCEPT your "unconsciousness" has taken on the FORM of homosexuality
   
3. ACCEPT your body is completely normal; a male body.
   

Go from there.

You ask:"What kind of God or higher power would put this type of unattainable desire inside me and why?"

Everyone's inner purpose is to awaken from "unconsciousnes." Awareness is seeping into the very universe, this dimension. Yours is to recognize your being from the FORM your "unconsciousness" has taken on.

Read the book.

reply to post by JFK Jr


i have felt the same way, for most of my life i dealt with depression, but when i started a personal relationship with god it got much better, i took some anti depressants and what not but it didnt help, just made things worse because of side effects, although i do recommend trying these things first. but for me i just started talking to god and leaving my troubles with him. i truly understand what you mean by you dont think anything after life could be worse, as ive been there myself man....try some anti depressants if you havent already. and just start talking to god and leave your troubles with god and trust he will remove these feelings from, thats what i did and it worked.
i am willing to talk to you more through u2u, as i dont want to really go over my life experiences on here. so its no bother, i can relate with everything you are saying. peace

Originally posted by whatukno
Im going to reply to your origional post JFKjr.


Have you learned anything through your suffering? My advice is to start working towards your goal of becoming a woman. I think that once you start seriously going down the path towards becoming a woman and see progress in this area, you will start feeling better about yourself. I certainly would look into seeing a psychologist along the way. The transition between being a man and being a woman will be frustrating, and confusing. I would reccomend a psychologist to help you in your journey. Don't choose a psychologist that will try and talk you out of this, instead choose one that perhaps has dealt with this issue before and through experience knows what others have gone through. This would make the transition much easier.

JFK Jr has already addressed his reluctance to go through surgeries and hormones that would in essence only allow him to look more female. He won't actually be anymore a woman than he ever has been. The reason he is suffering is that he can't ever actually change what he is; the best he can do is change the way he looks which won't actually fulfill the desire.

If JFK Jr was still here I would ask him what in his life would be different if he were a woman? Are his desires to do such and such as a woman or just to be female?

I think the only thing that can make him happy is acceptance of who he is. Females and males do most of the same things nowadays. Gender roles are pretty much undefined. He can do most things a woman can do as a man; the only thing he can't do is be a woman and no amount of hormones or surgeries will change that.

reply to post by JFK Jr



" 2) If you believe in God, or some type of benevolent higher power: What kind of God or higher power would put this type of unattainable desire inside me and why? "



He didn't, you are responding to "familiar spirits". They are the silent enemy that is running rampant against those who have no clue they even exist.

Had the Bible not been tossed out of schools, you'd have at least learned something about the spiritual dangers that are all around us and that temp us all on different levels.

If you seek out help from a shrink, you better find out if they are saved or not, because a new age [ atheist ] shrink won't be able to help you much, just stuff you full of dope, and new age lies.


goodluck

I think you shoud try meditating, When you meditate it helps you understand your feelings and what is inside you. There are wonderful books out on meditation to try. You should feel very fortunate that you have someone who loves YOU. Not a lot of people even have that. I'm sorry i really dont know how being transgender feels. I wish you all the best and try and think positive thoughts. I hope you have a wonderful day!!!!




[edit on 17-7-2008 by isa75]

reply to post by JFK Jr


Please do no beat yourself up for the hand that you have been dealt. It rains on the just and the unjust - us and all the rest of humanity. Save yourself a great deal of frustration and depression, which many of us of like persuasion, have already been through and begin ACCEPTing the hand you been dealt. I do not have any more explanation than you do for this situation. Please begin ACCEPTing yourself and see your true self as a valued human regardless of what burden or trial you might face. You are not alone. Learn from those who precede you. I have found that I , in all my trans-ness, am a wonderful gving, warm, kind, generous person who has a great amount to give others before I leave this life. I think this is a fredom, even though challenging, that most will NEVER have an opportunity to explore or experience and what an experience it is! It opens the other side of humanity to you and really reveals the whole character of God to us (in one body) and gives us the ability to experience a much wider spectrum of being than the aveage person. I am so thankful for my trans -ness in that it has freed me from the narrow viewpoint and road I was on. It is truly amazing and wonderful. Just go with it because it is you. Dont fight it and you will grow.

JFK, thanks for having the sand to come here and tell your story.

I knew a man long ago when I lived in L.A. who felt as you do. Nothing bad happened to him, as far as I know; we got out of touch several years ago.

I tried to put myself in his shoes, to understand, and though our discussions he happened to make me realize -- what if I felt exactly as I do, that is heterosexual, attracted to women, but just happened to have been born with different equipment. That would be pretty confusing, and so by virtue of my friendship with him/now her -- I have a better sense than I did. He was required to go through quite a bit of therapy and counseling prior to even pre-op hormone treatments. I think that's wise, and I hope it is still a requirement.

The counseling helped her to realize the depth of her conviction to be a physical woman as well as a psychological one. I began thinking of her as a woman, even before she had surgery. She was not effeminant, nor a homosexual male.

Surgery was unpleasant, and lengthy and her recovery and subsequent PT was extensive, but she became what she wanted to be, and went on to become an IT specialist and later still got married to a good guy. Last I saw of them, they were happy, and she was settled, and at harmony with herself.

I wish you the best, and, as others have said, I think you're so very fortunate to be married to someone who understands, loves and supports you.

Thanks again for sharing yourself. Respect.

The OP made a new thread stating that he drank several bottles of wine and was going to kill himself today, but then the entire thread was deleted. If he doesn't post again then we know what happened to him.

jeepers, poor guy. i hope he doesn't do it.

I would like to offer my support to you first of all. I think it's a blessing in disguise. You shouldn't feel depressed about the whole situation really, you should embrace it and be thankful for it. You've been given a chance to experiance both side of the playing field so to say.

You should take sometime to sit down and meditate. Ask yourself over and over what do I want. Don't answer yourself though. Over time it should just become obvious what you should do. It could be as simple as you just have a females mentality. I can relate to this in a sence because I was raised by women my whole life and really think like one at times.

You shouldn't pay any mind to those who attempt to degrade you in any way shape or form because they are just proving how far under you they really are.

Start by accepting the way you feel and embrace it, don't fight it. It's part of who you are, and I feel that if you accept this it will help you become more at peace with yourself, which in turn, will help you to be satisfied with just the way you are.

Good luck friend, I hope you are able to overcome the depression and those who try to put you down.