Transgender Hell - A Matter of Life and Death

reply to post by JFK Jr


Do you feel incomplete because you view yourself as a woman, but you are technically considered a man? I may have misinterpreted that, but if I am wrong, what exactly, if you know that is, do you think causes you to feel this way?

Originally posted by Alexander_Supertramp


Do you feel incomplete because you view yourself as a woman, but you are technically considered a man? I may have misinterpreted that, but if I am wrong, what exactly, if you know that is, do you think causes you to feel this way?

It is a really hard thing to put into words. So forgive me if this analogy is a little stretched.

Imagine you were in the body of a dog. Inside you would know you were a human and you woudl know you had the wrong body. And, sure, you could walk around on two legs, shave off the hair, and wear clothes, but inside you would still know you had the wrong body and it didn't match the way you were inside.

reply to post by JFK Jr


I think I can understand what you're trying to say. But that leads me to my next question...are you trying to satisfy your mind or your body? Happiness/content is found within yourself, your mind. Your body only brings you pleasure, and since your only options are either getting a sex change or staying the same, the underlying reasons for doing/not doing that would be what brings you more pleasure.

The only way you can find happiness is through acceptance as far as I can tell. You can't dwell on the fact that you were born a gender you shouldn't have, you should either accept it as you are or get a sex change. And like I said before, from speaking with a few people who have had sex changes, the only thing different about them is the way in which they recieve pleasure.

Also, now that I think about it more, when I am truly happy about something, it never has anything to do with my gender. You are your gender, but your gender is not who you are. You can only change appearance.

Originally posted by Alexander_Supertramp

The only way you can find happiness is through acceptance as far as I can tell. You can't dwell on the fact that you were born a gender you shouldn't have, you should either accept it as you are or get a sex change.

This is the problem I am dealing with. I have an unattainble need. I find that I can't accept it or learn to live with it. And there is no solution for it.

I don't know what to do. This is why my life is suffering and I can't see it ever changing. This is what I am trying to say.

To the OP I think you should just wait things out, you may be depressed because of something simple as a chemical imbalance. Before doing something drastic I would at least try some options that a Doctor will give you. There are some medications you can take today that will most likely cure the depression.

And there are plenty to choose from, so at least try those options before you start to consider something that you will most likely regret and not have the chance to turn them back. Suicide is not the option.

Life is a beautiful thing, of course it has it's ups and downs, I have seen more downs than ups but it still doesn't stop me from realizing how beautiful life and this Earth is. If you weren't meant to be on this Earth then you would have never been born.

Honestly, don't hold any of your emotions back, talk to people about your situation, some wont understand, some will, either way it's venting and helping you. Remember, mistakes aren't to be made in vain, mistakes are made to learn from them and improve yourself. Don't make the final mistake that you can't learn from.

Originally posted by porschedrifter
To the OP I think you should just wait things out, you may be depressed because of something simple as a chemical imbalance. Before doing something drastic I would at least try some options that a Doctor will give you. There are some medications you can take today that will most likely cure the depression.

I am considering getting antidepressants. I used to feel like I wouldn't because I wouldn't want artificial happiness but now I am so desperate I don't even care anymore. I just want to feel like living more than I feel like dying. I tend to self-medicate alot with alcohol.

if I remember correctly,transgender people have the brain make up of the opposite sex. (or at least part of the brain make up) It's been proven somehow,somewhere. You're not any sort of freak,you're a beautiful creation.

With reguards to your depression,as i think it's one of the subjects you should address first,as it effects everything you do. You have to remember,that this is your experience in this life. And you will make it what you do. If you can turn a negative thought or experience around. And give it a positive twist. Then you will grow and flourish beyond what you know and become greater from it. Next time you have a bad thought,thank yourself for showing it to you. Thank yourself for letting you know what it feels like to experience that feeling in this lifetime. Try and get something out of it other than negativity. The more you do this,the better life will seem. if you start to fill your life with nice thoughts,then life will get nicer.You have to stop fighting yourself,embrace you,and the experiences you have in this life. Good and bad. Life is a lesson,and we're constantly learning from it. If you try and just shut out negative thoughts,but don't work on them,then you resolve nothing. Just hide it. And you're tired of hiding,aren't you?

love be with you,I hope you can find peace within yourself.

Good porch I mean post by a good man. He never drifts away from the topic.


I wish I can be that poise. Great post.

Originally posted by JFK Jr

This is the problem I am dealing with. I have an unattainble need. I find that I can't accept it or learn to live with it. And there is no solution for it.

I don't know what to do. This is why my life is suffering and I can't see it ever changing. This is what I am trying to say.

I see now. The unattainable need. Perhaps the only way you will be satisfied or content is to look deep within yourself and learn what it is exactly that is making you feeling like this. It seems like you are looking for an answer to a problem that is still unknown..

Meditation is a great way to sit down and deeply contemplate your problems in hopes of finding the root of your sadness.

"I used to feel like I wouldn't because I wouldn't want artificial happiness but now I am so desperate I don't even care anymore."


But now you are contemplating artificial parts to feel real happiness...

That's the equivilant of me saying I need a ferrari to feel rich.

Originally posted by '___'eed
"I used to feel like I wouldn't because I wouldn't want artificial happiness but now I am so desperate I don't even care anymore."


But now you are contemplating artificial parts to feel real happiness...

That's the equivilant of me saying I need a ferrari to feel rich.

I was talking about medication.

At least read the post before you patronize me.

There is no such thing as artificial happiness. Happiness is an emotion, a mindset. All pills do is allow certain parts of your brain to release the same chemicals that are released in all of us that trigger this very thing. If there is a problem that cannot be fixed with anything but medicine, then so be it! But that is certainly not artificial.

If anything, artificial happiness would be turning to something such as alcohol, when you know the negative effects it has not only on you and your body, but those around you. There's nothing wrong with drinking by any means, just don't let it become a crutch.

Have you tried meditaion? Seriously,it might help to peice together who you really are.

Also,are you a member of any transgender forums? I'm sure yuo could get a world of support from those places,as there will be people in the same situation as you. (sorry if this is the first thing you did when you get onto the internet,but some people don't look for help this way)

Originally posted by JFK Jr

I am considering getting antidepressants. I used to feel like I wouldn't because I wouldn't want artificial happiness but now I am so desperate I don't even care anymore. I just want to feel like living more than I feel like dying. I tend to self-medicate alot with alcohol.

And it's not even that they will give you artificial happiness, depression can be caused by many things and situations, it also creates a chemical imbalance in your brain that effects the way you think and feel, Definitely go talk to the Doc because most likely you are just depleted on a chemical that your brain no longer produces enough of causing you these depressed feelings, so the meds will in effect start your brain making the crucial chemicals evening the balance and giving you better moods, you don't need to be on it for life either eventually your brain will produce them on its own again.

I would also suggest taking a b-complex every day and eating a banana a day as well, both have shown to treat depression and put you in a better mood.

Originally posted by Acidtastic
Also,are you a member of any transgender forums? I'm sure yuo could get a world of support from those places,as there will be people in the same situation as you. (sorry if this is the first thing you did when you get onto the internet,but some people don't look for help this way)

I absolutely agree with this and was going to mention the same thing. You could definitely find some needed help on these forums as well as being comforted to know that you aren't the only one going through this situation

[edit on 17-7-2008 by porschedrifter]

Originally posted by Acidtastic
Have you tried meditaion? Seriously,it might help to peice together who you really are.

Also,are you a member of any transgender forums? I'm sure yuo could get a world of support from those places,as there will be people in the same situation as you. (sorry if this is the first thing you did when you get onto the internet,but some people don't look for help this way)

I have meditated a great deal, but I don't feel like it helped me. What type of meditation do you practice?

I have been struggling with this since I was a child. I got the internet when I was 14. So I have been researching this on the internet for over 10 years. I have been to the message boards and anything else you can imagine internet wise. I did therapy for a little while. There were times when I was sure I was going to transition with hormones and surgery and what not. But none of it helped and now I am at the end of my rope because I don't feel this need is ever going to go away or be satisfied.

I don't have to patrionize you because I know you are a patriot to this country! (

But really, lets stop the madness.

My last words.

Just have fun, nothing in this world is worth worry about. Here is my message to you. Its a song by my friend Eyedea titled "here for you".

youtube.com...

"Were all born into this river without knowing how to swim
And eventually we learn how to keep this water under our chin
Some times this river is so cold to be in
Freezing my soul, solidifying my skin
Regardless of how far I see, I never see my travels end
Were carried by the current, being driven by the wind
The scenery we pass, we'll never see again
So we store it up as memories and don't let go of them
Were under a spell thinking the river should go straight
We set goals and desires to control our own fate
But all the pain we experience as a result of our expectations
Because it's the rivers nature to twist and turn
The # can burn
And I know it
I have the same conflict
But I try to sit and flow with this rivers natural process
And sometimes when I watch myself float downstream
I see the beauty of it all, and it feels like a dream
And at that time I appreciate the rivers course
Some call it God, reality, momentum, the force
I stare up at the naked moon, and she stares down at me
Outside false boundaries and (I'll look outward to see)?
The universe is not something separate from yourself
I know you feel alone, but that's why I'm here to help
I know you feel alone, but just look up at the stars
And everything that is out there is what you really are

Originally posted by JFK Jr
I don't feel this need is ever going to go away or be satisfied.

I think this need might go away once you figure out what that need exactly is. Only once you understand the need can you search for a solution. If not, anti-depressants are definitely something you should think about, but not until it is absolutely necessary, for they have bad side-effects often.