The 2014 SAD / Holiday Depression Discussion Thread

Wife got orders over seas we were ecstatic, but I had one huge concern, my mother's health I was in Germany 2 weeks when I got the call I dreaded.

My wife's sqaudron was fantastic once the red cross called I was on a plane less than 24 hours after she entered a hospice.

Unfortunately it wasn't fast enough, and all through the holidays I have caught myself going to message her or call her.

I don't think it's really hit me yet, but being an unemployed spouse at the moment gives me way to many hours in the day to brood.

So far my game face has held through my birthday and two holidays, heres to hoping it holds on... Just had to say this somewhere. Hope everyone had a good holiday season.

a reply to: Irishhaf

If you've held the game-face this long, you've got what it takes to keep going. The key is not to hold the negative feelings in, let them out somewhere - somehow ( in a non-violent and healthy way ).

Acceptance is key. You're self-judging based upon guilt over a socially implied normative. The bread winner not bringing home the bread. Been there and done that when I first got sick. I know exactly how it feels and the shame that one feels from it. For your health you need to temporarily let that paradigm go and accept that you are in a partnership and that the part of the structure of that partnership is that one half sometimes has to help the other half out when things get rough.

You'll balance the scales, one way or another, eventually. So stop keeping internal score.

And Happy holidays!

a reply to: Irishhaf

Open up a bottle of Tequila mate, we need to sip some booze

As seems to be the way my body works, I made it through Christmas without a hitch and kept it all together. Maybe it's the PTSD or just the fact that I was raised in a very Conservative environment where weakness was not tolerated - but I tend to have delayed emotional reactions to things.

Long story short - the depression and meh that others were feeling two days ago, I am feeling now.

It is tolerable and I am not in any sort of crisis, but as anyone who has these types of feelings knows - it still sucks. That reptillian, hostile, aggressive part of the subconscious gets riled and, with no target to attack, it feeds upon the host. It attacks itself.

Loneliness, sadness, melancholy...

I'm not posting this to get pats on the back and assurances that it'll be OK. I already know it will. I am posting just in case there are others out there who have this same sort of time delayed reaction. To let them know that they're not freaks, and that they're not alone.

a reply to: Hefficide

I wonder if there is any correlation between being raised in a conservative environment and depression/anxiety issues. I was brought up in the conservative bible belt. Most everyone I know from there today has some sort of depression/anxiety issue.

Just wanted to say for all those who are all alone there on this day and "celebrating" The New Year by their TV, computer, ATS, or just at home with a bottle of champagne:

You are not alone in this crap.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! or at least, may the odds be in our favour during the whole of 2015 as it's gonna suck pretty hard at times as we already expect it do ...(at least some of us).




Still...
The New Year is a chance to trade the memories we hold for stories yet untold... cheers.

a reply to: Necrose
Thanks Necrose, I`ll be kissing my computer screen at midnight.
Happy New Year to all the ATS family.

a reply to: stosh64

Yeah, me too! Hopefully this new retina macbooks have moisturised silky lips....

a reply to: Hefficide

Hi Heff. I am not sure what what you are or were going through but I hope everything is ok now. Very weird mood I am in myself at the moment- angry and a bit down. Christmas was ok ( father in law still alive) but wife's family brought up things that were better left alone. Father in law freaked out and struck eldest daughters hand and she was devastated.
New years Eve last night. I wasn't working for the first time in over 20 years (in a band) so that was really weird but got to see fireworks so that was different. I hope you have dealt with that PTSD somewhat as the effects will linger on forever but I guess you know this. I never had mine treated and still suffer the effects. I am not good to be around right at the moment.
But it is New Years Day and I hope everyone has a good or better year than the last.
cheers

a reply to: grumpy64

New Years is worse for me than any other Holiday. I was a much wilder man in my younger years and New Years eve always seemed to involve major life events, like hook-ups with people I'd end up dating or knowing for a long time and that sort of thing. Even when I was in relationships, it was kind of the one night to get sloppy drunk and wild as wild can be.

Now, sober and single, with a head filled with memories ( or at least partial memories ) of the ghosts of New Years Eve's past? I don't know how or why, but it just eats at me in a way that nothing else really does. Kind of the loneliest night of the year for me.

I guess getting older doesn't help. I was reading an article about how Back To The Future got 2015 all wrong - and it dawned upon me that I remember being pretty young, watching that movie, and thinking and feeling that 2015 might as well be 20 million BC because it was so far off...

Now here we are. No mini-instant dehydrated pizzas - no hoverboards - no self drying , self tailoring clothing.

Meh.

PS: All things considered, I'm OK. Meds taken, movies to watch, cat snuggled up in my lap, dog laying at my feet and a HUGE pitcher of sweet iced tea in the fridge.

PPS: I hope all of you are handling the end of the Holidays effortlessly and happily. If not? You know you're loved and have family and friends here! Also, this thread can be bumped at any time should anyone need it! There's always some Federal Holiday just around the bend!!!

Best of luck and life to all of you in 2015!!!!

John

a reply to: Hefficide
I'm thankful for the community here tonight.
For the first time in over 30 years I spent the evening alone because the love of my life was spending his evening in a hospital bed. Our "Happy New Year!" was a phone call and that's a real bummer.
I'm not much of a drinkin' woman so like you, I brewed up a pot of sweet tea and decided to count my blessings instead of my heartaches. Just me and the cats and a fire in the fireplace. I just curled up and had a good cry. Washed away the stresses that holidays bring.

I'm afraid 'depression' or 'sadness' is catching up on me. I'm still at my mom's house, I don't want to leave yet and it's probably a form of escapism. I'll probably go tomorrow but so many things are going haywire and I feel so inadequate at everything, and I really feel sombreness looming.

Next couple of months are likely going to be difficult. I need to do so many things yet can hardly muster to do basic things and I have to admit that I'm feeling rather miserable as of yet. This too will pass and I focus on the 'here and now' despite me thinking 'but the here and now is crap!'

I want to retreat badly. Mom is okay, but I feel sad and like crying actually. I don't think I want much contact now but the risk with times like these is that I might lose contact or low-key friendships because I stayed away for too long.

Maybe I can warn them, say: I'm going to be offline/not very available in the following weeks/months...

I just wanted to write that and figured this is the appropriate place. Thanks

a reply to: Pitou

We will keep the lights on for you! Anyone looking will be able to find your post here with ease.

a reply to: Hefficide

Hi, friends sorry I haven't been in this thread for a while I've been really down lately and im not sure why and my phone screen shadderd so im now stuck on a crappy phone till I get my new one. Posting on this phone is horrible so I wont post much. Hope things get better for all, im working on getting outta my funk, and have been for the last 2 weeks. I usually just come back to this thread and reread all of it and that helps quite a bit along with my bunny and my supportive girlfriend.

Anyway im pretty sure i can get through this, just wanted to post in here because I feel the folks in here actually care to know how were all doing.

Peace.

a reply to: Lichter daraus

Don't be "pretty sure" my friend. Be positive. It's a temporary thing and it will pass! If it helps ( strange words because it never really does ) I,too, have been having a rough patch. I've had a toothache from Hell and a depression at the same time. It's like the one feeds the other and it's all mixing together to keep me from calling a dentist.

So I sit here, eating aspirin as if they were skittles, and trying to ignore it all. Instead of posting well researched threads, I've been writing short stories - as it takes me much further out of my self-awareness to create than to research.

You're not going through this stuff alone - and, by God, we can do this!

a reply to: Hefficide
Yeah your right I can get through it, I think ill start a painting today as creating is totally my thing and I haven't done any art in a long time, im sure it will help. I think ill paint something for my niece, yeah that sounds good a painting for my niece, a kitten painting with flowers in it somewhere, she loves those things. By god I think this will work as im kind of starting to feel better just by thinking of painting for my niece, I have no clue why I didnt think of this a long time ago. Thanks for the support John.

As for your toothache, if you haven't done so already, try oragel max strength or peppermint tea, works great for my girl.
Hope it helps you if you decide to try them, toothaches are horrible.

Peace.

Seems like a few of us are experiencing a slump, just wanted to pop in and say hi, and share a smile with everyone. None of us are alone!

Heff, I know that this thread was created for SAD/Holiday Depression issues... but I bet a lot of the membership would benefit from having a year long dedicated Depression thread without the feeling of having an 'expiration date' if you will. Have you thought about making one?

Both the season and new circumstances are making it difficult for me currently but I'm going to cycle to Germany this weekend, I think and hope! Such things helped me tremendously during times of sadness, the exercise, the new environment, the fresh air, the unknown forests (love 'em!) and towns and the sense of accomplishment can be a massive boost. I'm really looking forward to it!