Where Were You When...

Hello again ATS / BTS!

Some of you might have noticed that I took a short respite from ATS recently. I found myself burning out a little and decided that taking a step back and recharging my batteries was in order... so I did just that! Now I am back, refreshed, revitalized, and totally abusing the rule of three!

During my time away I spent a lot of time thinking about random things. It had gotten to the point where I spent most of my time on ATS and I think that had somehow inhibited my natural creativity... sort of set me into auto-pilot mode, as it were. Upon breaking that cycle my mind quickly recuperated and began to become analytically active again.

One of the things that I pondered, during this period, is those moments in life that define us as individuals. Those little nexus points that we often do not even see as important as they happen. Things like the first time we meet a person who will, one day, be very important to us... Or the day we interviewed for that job which became our career... Or the day we innocently picked up the object that would eventually become our obsession or hobby... Or... well you get the idea I think.

We often encounter "Where were you when" conversations in life. But they are usually followed by largely external and mostly universal events. Where were you when Kennedy was shot? Where were you on 9-11? Where were you when Armstrong took that first step on the moon? ( Nb4 the moon landing was faked ).

But how often does anyone ask us about those same sort of moments as they happen on a personal level? How often do we look at friends and say "Where were you when something happened that changed your life? I would very much like to hear about that!"

While my memory is abysmally and notoriously horrible... I cannot recall anyone ever asking me such a question. It is true that I have discussed these sorts of moments with friends and loved ones - but never because they randomly just solicited the information... it was always in some other context. It strikes me as very unfortunate and sad. We are creatures of compassion and curiosity - it follows, then, that these are exactly the kinds of questions that should be common.

Meh, then again I am also a big fan of random acts of kindness... and those aren't very common either I'm afraid.

OK, and to get things rolling, I'll go first:

Late, in the summer of 2001, early August, I had just moved from the north side of Atlanta to the south side of town. My sister had met a man, on a blind date, you see. And she'd decided to marry him. He lived down here so, to be closer to her and her kids, I followed. At that point in time she was working her way through school and was managing one of the two bars in this town. So it was a no brainer, me being me that I'd start going there, when she was working.

Free drinks...
New town, didn't know anyone...
Of course there were the free drinks...
Love my sister and am happy to spend time with her whenever I can...
Free freaking drinks...

Well, you get the idea.

The very first night I opted to pursue this course of action, I put extra effort into looking good. Truth be told I am usually pretty casual. I dress in jeans, T-shirts ( Often ones with anti-social slogans or concepts screen printed onto them ), boots and, if cold enough, a leather jacket. But for this night, assuming I would be meeting new people, I think I wore a Polo-type shirt and my "good" jeans ( read no holes nor oil stains ) and put my hair ( which was fairly long back then ) into a pony tail. A fresh shower, shave, and dousing in cologne and I was set.

I showed up at the bar, a place no longer extant called The Arctic Circle - and began making my rounds, beer in hand - as my sister happily walked me around and began introducing me to her staff, and to the regular customers that she was on friendly terms with. As this was happening the bartender and I hit it off instantly - after all... he was the man with the Heinekens so he made my list of favorite people right off the bat... even if he hadn't turned out to be such a great guy ( which he really was ).

At some point in talking to Bennie ( the bartender ) I realized that I'd sort of abandoned my sister mid meet and greet... so I politely excused myself and quickly hurried off to find my sister to apologize to her and to continue meeting new folks.

I found her sitting at a booth with three other people. Two that I cannot recall at all... and her.

Sadly you will have to accept that "her" is as close as you will get to knowing who she is. Some years later ( August 28, 2007 to be precise ) she and I reached the end of our shared journey. It was not a good break-up at all and it's taken me years just to begin getting past it. But in 2001, standing there at that booth in that bar? I knew none of that. In fact I did not even know that I would soon be head over heels in love with the woman I was standing in front of. At that moment all I did know is that she was unfathomably beautiful and that the skimpy shirt she was wearing was threatening to drive me insane.

So, to catch you up... bar, just hung out with friendly and awesome bartender, meeting new people, a bit nervous ( which my good friend Bennie had picked up and had tried to fix by handing me several shots of liquor during our short conversation )... and now I am standing there, in my "Sunday best", so to speak, in front of a woman who was beautiful enough to take my breath away. All this just as those several shots of alcohol were kicking in...

I'd like to tell you that I said something unfathomably profound or romantic as I stood there listening to my sister say "John, this is my friend......"

I would like to tell you that, but it would be a lie. What did come out of my mouth was...

Oh! you'll do!

Yup. I had just been introduced to the woman that I would soon love more than I was even aware I could love... and that tripe is what dripped out of the faucet of utter stupidity situated just beneath my nose.

Oh! you'll do! My God...

Needless to say, she reacted exactly as one would expect a beautiful woman to react when she is told that she will do. In fact it took me weeks of concerted effort just to get her to talk to me again. But, eventually, we did talk again and we were instantly bonded from that point forward. It took us a couple of years to seal the proverbial deal. She even married and divorced another guy in between the day we met and the day we finally hooked up. As crazy as it sounds, on her wedding day, after her vows, I was the first person to kiss her - not her temporary husband. She said she wanted to kiss her best friend first and nobody seemed to notice how absolutely inappropriate it was.

Even though, as it turns out, it all ended horribly ( the above marriage kiss story sheds a LOT of light on just how things went I suppose ) - she changed me. Before her I had never really loved anyone ( other than family ) and tended to be a very dispassionate person. I was mean. I was cold.

For all the bad? She somehow taught me to be human. I don't think she meant to. But she did. For that, I remain eternally thankful to her and for her.

So, my ATS family... Where were you when something important happened in your life that helped to make you into who you are today? I'd truly love to hear about it.

Thanks!

Wow Heff.

I can't believe you kissed the bride on her wedding day...that's impressive.
That must have been an awkward situation, and the first time I've ever heard of such a thing.
Now I can say I actually know of a story...

Sorry to hear about the heartbreak though, it sounds to me like it was devastating.


On a side and serious note, where were you when season 3 of the WD ended?
I'll have you know that when that last episode ended, I was sitting in a chair yelling at the comic book.
There is no comparison between the two and it irks me.

One of the things that I pondered, during this period, is those moments in life that define us as individuals.


Well mine was when i lost my home to the council.

I was called to court. When i got there (never been to court before this)i sat there waiting for the judge he come in asked the women who was representing the council for here case and out of nowhere she started BSing and told him that they had proof that i had rented my home out not once but twice in the last year. The judge looks at me says something that to this day i still don't know what he said and looks at the women from the council and smiles.And gets up and walks out and so does the rest of the people in there..

Now i get up walk out and all am thinking is man so this is how the game is played. she just lied to the judge hell the queen too and got away with it and made me homeless.Now get this after leaving the court room she pulls me aside and starts helping me i look at here with anger and she know, and she starts telling me were to go to put my name down for a new house (which by the way takes years to get looked at)I just couldn't believe this happen.

Then i woke up.

You have no idea how crazy it is that I've had an inability to articulate the exact thing you're saying here Heff.

That point in time when something happens that changes things forever. It does my head in.

Like those sci-fi shows where a couple fall in love and are destined to be together for all eternity, soul mates, and they'd traverse time and space to save their partner, but when they travel into the future to find their love, they discover that they've become old, frail, with an extended family and a history of all of that which makes you realise that they've moved on.

I still can't really explain it.

I do this to myself because I've reached a point in my life where I either stopped all together or started anew. The same things were not working.

It made me realise that in all of my years I'd met so many people, had so many chances.. What if I'd met that someone who today I'd break the laws of physics to protect.. Where are they? Who are they with, have they got a family.

I never connected with that person. But what if I had? If I could go back in time and change it all, would I, knowing that today they have things in their life that are as important to them as life itself?

It would be entirely selfish to think that way, yet if I had met them, it would be a no brainer - I'd do anything to protect the people I love. Anything. Where do we begin to acknowledge someone as that important to us?

It scares me that as frail biological machines, it is nothing more than our brain that creates this strength to protect the things we love. We've all heard of cases of people suffering strokes or having accidents and then having amnesia as a result. The people they love are strangers.

Every time I go out in public and see someone who takes my breath away, I wonder what would have been had I been a different person... that one person could have been everything, family, children, holidays, weekends, arguments, struggling together, growing old... And what path I took is the only difference between all of that, and them being a stranger now sitting opposite from me on the train.

Where were you when you didn't do that thing that changed your life... that is the saddest question to ask yourself..

Oo

Thanks for asking.
It was many moons ago (I was 5) but it plays like a movie in my head... very clear images.

I was sitting at the kitchen table watching my sister, twice my age, draw Snoopy on the doghouse by looking at the daily comics in the newspaper. I was in awe. I thought she was amazing! My mother had her back to us, washing veggies at the sink for dinner.

When my sister left and went upstairs, I took up her pencil and paper. I began to attempt drawing the same Snoopy pic. The doghouse was askew, Snoopy's head warped. I erased and began anew. Epic fail. Erase, rinse, repeat... until I erased a big tear in the paper and burst into tears of frustration.

My mother, unaware of my mission, turned around very concerned at my state of mind.
"What's wrong?" asked she.
"I caaan't draaaw Snoopy on the doghouse like Susan!!!" I wailed.

What she said next had a profound impact on my life then, now, and forever. See, she MIGHT have said "You're right, that's not anywhere close to 'good as Susan's" ...or she MIGHT have said "Well, maybe drawing's just not your thing" ...or she MIGHT have lied to placate me by saying, "Sure, it's as good as Susan's!"

What she did say was "Of course you can draw Snoopy on the doghouse. You just haven't done it yet! Remember, your sister is twice your age!"

Now, let me just say, there is a vast difference between "can't" and "haven't done it YET." (The latter carries hope, belief. The former has neither; it is a dead end.)

Because of that simple interaction with my mother (of which she has no recollection) and due to the fact I still believed my mother knew everything, lol... I added Belief to my Desire to draw. If you think about it, Belief + Desire = Success in any human endeavor that is humanly possible!

So, from then on... throughout my childhood, teenage angst, worries and pain of life... while others turned to alcohol, drugs, dangerous behavior... I have picked up a pencil, and later pastels, paint, etc. All due to the fact that my mother spoke some very powerful words and I believed them. (Never underestimate the Power of Words.)

People say I am 'gifted.' I don't really believe that, unless I can reframe it as I am gifted with Belief.

I don't have the picture I eventually drew of Snoopy anymore, but here are a few things from thru the years...

Pencil drawing of my kids. Blurry b/c of camera and taken thru the glass!


Pastel of my son in McDonald's playground.


Pastel of a friend's kids.


More at my profile.

Thanks, Mom!!!

PS: Heff, My mom and dad both grew up north of Atlanta. Fulton County.

Hmmm... My life has been one long string of defining moments. Where was I when I first encountered a situation which required my hospitalisation? I was in the play ground of my primary school, pinned to the ground, and watching as someone took a run up at my gonads from the other side of the playground.

Where was I when I first fell in love? I was sitting in my first English Language class at college, and a girl with a playful smile, and a glimmer in her eye sat across from me. So began what ended up being a bit of a nightmare later on.

Where was I the second, third, forth, fifth times I fell for someone? The answer to that is no more important than the previous answer. Needless to say, all was explosive and nasty despite my best efforts, so I really couldnt give a damn.

Where was I the first time I realised something incredible about the universe? The bath actually. Watching particulate matter in suspension, swirling down the plug hole.

reply to post by Hefficide


Thank you for the walk down memory lane!

I was in Army Finance stationed in Germany in 1979. I was responsible for making special payments to upper enlisted and officers. When a man walked in, dressed in a civilian suit wanting to collect on his expenses. He was a criminal investigator for the Army, therefore, I did not have access to his records. So I had to reconstruct one based on his rank so that I could make the proper payment to him. His visits to the finance office were every 11 days for his reimbursements. This went on for two months. I absolutely dreaded seeing him walk into the office. He was always very nice, respectful, and kind but the extra work involved was very time consuming.

A week after I made his final payment to him, I ran into him at the on base club. To make a long story short, we were married in 1980, and we had one son in 1985. My husband passed away in 2006. I still remember everything about him that first day in my office. It was a good 26 years with him.

Thank you again!

Norma Jean

reply to post by Hefficide


Where was I when something happened that changed my life?

I was in the hospital and it was the 19th of April in 2005. That's when I had my son at 6:05pm. Having my son has changed my whole life ....and for the better.

-nat

I should actually post a decent reply to your inquisition.

So here goes....
We all had moments in our lives that are memorable. That special someone, that mind=blown quote, or that awesome book/article...but especially those memories that spark a change in our own personal lives. To me, I clearly remember the day I happened upon this very website more than 5 years ago, a very sheltered and un-educated young man. By educated, I mean unaware. Not the definition of schooling. I had plenty of that. But more of closed minded. Unaware of the true nature of the world and politics. The true nature of greed and corruption. Also, unaware of the true nature that learning about these things and what they would ultimately change in my life.

After spending countless hours, days and weeks researching every avenue that I'd run across, I found myself with more information than I could digest. Almost overwhelmed by the scope of things, my life began to change. I began seeing the "herd mentality" that I read about. I began to see the multitude of symbolism riddled in marketing around me. I began to wake up to a world that I never knew existed. Beyond the theories of 9/11 or conspiracies of JFK, I began to actually "see" what all the countless threads were talking about. My own eyes could see the rampant consumerism, the zombie-like television culture, and the blatant "dumbing down" of our youth and society. It was apparent. I had woken up.

And it changed my life forever.


Thanks ATS.

The most pivotal moment of my life I can remember happened in two places but concerned the same thing.

I started dancing when I was 3 years old. Tap, jazz, ballet, clogging, modern, lyrical... you name it. I was very talented from the start, top of the class, and got private lessons. But hey, I was three, what did I know? The teacher knew this, my mother knew this, the other mothers knew this, but I was just happy to jump around in tights and a tutu.

Two years later I was in church, 5 years old now. I was in "Big People's" church which means not Sunday School. I of course didn't understand much of what the preacher said ever, but he said something that struck my little 5 year old brain that day. "God gives us all a gift he puts in our hearts, like a letter in the mailbox, you just have to open it".

Somehow this stuck in the back of my mind when a few weeks later I was in my little tutu going to dance class and my mom stopped at the mailbox to get the mail. I was sitting in the back seat and it dawned on me. My gift was dance. The fire started burning in my heart for dance from that moment on.

I enjoyed atleast 18 years of dance, classes, conventions, competitions, companies, and a few ballets. Still to this day you may catch me tap dancing down a grocery store aisle... or just in my living room.

Although I did not continue to follow religion or go to church, that is the one moment that I will never forget that put the fire in my heart for life and self expression.

Hi ya Heff. This is not a pleasant relating of events, but a necessary one, and its tragically sad.

Long story short....my brother and I were taking a break from our recording stuido in the basement of our band's house when we heard a loud indiscernable bang.

His wife, my sister-in-law... had comitted suicide in the doorway to our studio with a sawed-off shotgun held to her chest. No words can describe how I felt...I could only drag my brother up off her (no easy task) and upstairs away from the scene to call police. A horrendous, horrible, devasting, life altering event that changed my life forever.

Complete details are irrelevant at this point. When this happened, immediately my own life stopped too, as of course did my brother's. I loved this girl just as my own sister. There are no words to decribe how close she and I were as family and great friends. And I can never forget the death-look in her eyes. I wont ever be able to either.

From then on, I took bigger breaks and smaller and much slower steps and pauses in my life, realizing how soon life itself can end. I began helping folks more than I did before in as many ways as I could, however I could, and whenever I was asked. Even times when I wasnt.

As an experienced "traveler in life"...professional musician, world tours, 2 marraiges, medical schooling...nothing changed me so quickly and completely as that one event. Not so for my brother....It killed him sure as if he took the blast himself. Within 2 years...and with me caring for him in in-home hospice, he passed as well. He had just given up on living without her.

So, I was left here to make some sense out of it all. Hard to think both of them passing would be some kind of lesson just for me, but I havent anything else but to think that way. And life is short for us all. You know?

So, I know Im testy and sarcastic here with some of my posts, but I honestly dont mean to come across that way. I think its just realizing that like this tragic event in my life...we havent got as much time here as we think, and as I eventually realized... with them passing away.

So now I try to help one person with one thing everyday, and to learn one new thing each day too. This one event....changed me forever. Oh, for sure there were others....but none that were so profound.

Thanks for letting me vent too here with this one place in time where for me...it stopped....but I went on. MS

reply to post by ValentineWiggin

I love your post because I know the love of tap-dancing. My 3 older sisters took dance and I couldn't wait to start- then we moved after only 2 years of me starting, and just never really hooked up with the right situation to start up in the new town (5 states away.) But it was in us. Even my mother who sat through countless tap, ballet & modern jazz lessons over the course of a decade, would break into 'the soft shoe' on the linoleum floor in the kitchen. In fact, if I ever write a(nother) book, this opening line came to me outta nowhere one day...

"Frieda used to bark when Mama tap-danced on the kitchen floor..."

(And it's true... Frieda was our dachshund. We never knew if she was commanding her to stop dancing or was cheering her on. The way she click-a-tee-clicked as she jumped around with her toenails hitting the floor while she barked, I always figured she was trying to join in and be part of the show.)

But it was your letter to open (the dream, the pivotal awakening to your path) and not mine, and I'm thrilled you 'saw the writing on the wall.'

reply to post by mysterioustranger


Your post was very profound, and touched me deeply. I have never been through anything like that, but your words made me really think... about the pauses. How you came to this wisdom is deeply troubling, but what a powerful, powerful message you came away with. You are a strong person. Thanks for sharing.

reply to post by Hefficide



When I first read your initial paragraphs, I thought, geez, I can't post that it was a man...then you went on and even mentioned a day/date (not year) I remember like yesterday.

I had been divorced a year an half after a 37 year marriage. I met my best childhood friend and others at a dancehall/bar. My second time out with them. She introduced me to a male friend of hers and my first thought was " I would go out with him". Looks wise nothing special, balding, gray and glasses.

4 months later I see him again and he begins to pursue me. I would sometimes touch him with my hand and abruptly pull my hand back.(I now think this was a subconscious clue). I remember thinking 'one of us is going to get hurt but I would never leave him'. Why I didn't follow that thought to the next level I'll never know. After a month or so I decided to give it a try and see where it went. A couple days after that decision, I stepped out of the car, stumbled and fell. I immediately knew I had either fallen in love and/or fallen off my path. (turns out these knowings with an either/or means both for me).

Our first night together, after he left the next day, I thought, this is the person I have been waiting for all my life. It turned out we had many things in common tho on 'ability to see' levels we were opposite. He was blind as a bat figuratively. But we had so many things in common it was scary. Just to name 2, we used to live on the same street as teens, probably within a block or two. I didn't care for guns but my ex bought a gun after a girl was killed at a nearby college campus (there had been a series of women killed in our city). It turns out it was his cousin. There is more....

I had multiple precognitive dreams of him but wasn't able to interpret until after the fact. No, to be honest some of them I failed because of wishful thinking.

Any way last intimate contact was Aug. 28 2004. It is now 2013 and I have never gotten over his leaving. I was okay til he went back with an old girlfriend and words can not express the feeling of sheer terror and betrayal. He has been alone for a while now and can tell he has regrets.

I have never gone with anyone else to this day and can not imagine it. I would have to have at least the same level of 'feeling', 'love' if not more. There is still a hole in my gut (almost literally). When we were together toward the last I could feel his pain in my gut/solar plexus. Just raw emotion it seemed.

Depression for almost 9 years though tolerable now. Drink to much, smoke, not pursuing spiritual matters. Just lost myself.

It is not better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. There are superficial loves than all encompassing ones that envelope you whole being.

reply to post by new_here


Just wanted to say your story was inspiring.

What a great mom. Hope she knows how her words grew in you.

There were many pivotal moments.

-Losing both parents to cancer
-Being homeless
-Losing everything financially
-Being injured to where I couldn't walk during that time.
-Dropping out of college after realizing finance is a sham science
-Being shot at and surviving
-Liking women as a teenager in hillbillyville


One of these days I will write it all down but for now I will just let all those moments swirl around in my head.

Originally posted by liveandlearn
reply to post by new_here

 

Just wanted to say your story was inspiring.

What a great mom. Hope she knows how her words grew in you.

Thank you for saying so.
She knows b/c I have told her so many times (she really doesn't remember the actual event- but I do, like I said, plays like "movie in my head.") A great mom for sure... she is 82 now, and I know she won't live forever. Of course she, like all of us, said things without thinking of the damage... but the positives far outweigh the negatives... by a long shot!

What I take away from that exchange (besides what I already said in the post) is a deep understanding of the impact our messages have on people-- especially our own children, and especially when they are small and impressionable. I have tried, best I can, to follow in Mom's footsteps when speaking to my kids. Because I know how life-altering those messages can be.

reply to post by Hefficide


I have many, both positive and negative throughout my life that have been pivotal. It really makes you who you are, at your core when these events come along.

Of the negatives is watching my best friend jump from a three storey building before me. Before that moment, I had never really experienced death, especially not firsthand like that. It took years for me to even wrap my head around the how and the whys of that day, and that I nor any other of my friends at the time had any clue that my friend was in such a state that he felt to take his own life.

The most ironic thing I remember is screaming at the top of my voice the next day at all the "cool kids" that never gave us the time of day, always teased and made fun of us. They were all bunched together, crying like it was their best friend. I remember getting up half way through the memorial service the school held, and literally bombarding this group with profanity no 15 year old should know, telling the entire school within earshot what I thought of them and their crocodile tears, and wishing they would have been the ones that jumped. Horrible I know, and I regret those words even to today, but at the time I meant every word.

The biggest life changers for me were my daughters. As my eldest is adopted, I pretty much had both kids land on my doorstep at once. I remember holding my breath as my youngest came out and didn't immediately start crying, due to the painkillers her mother had been given. Moments later all was fine, and she started up (and hasn't really stopped since.... ). When I held her the first time, I was nervous as hell, but then she gave me this look. She wasn't crying, just kind of looking up at me, her eyes saying;

"What the hell just happened? Wait a minute, who the hell are you?" In that moment I knew I had this tiny mind to teach and nurture, someone that would learn and grow because of how I taught her. It sounds like an infantismal thing, but it was a real game changer for me.

I went through months of hell, a second marriage and the loss of all but a fragment of sanity to adopt my eldest. At one stage it looked like the gubment was deciding against the idea, despite the fact her mother had basically demanded in her will she be brought up by me. I got so tired of the same BS government "officials" that would come and pry into every facet of my life, seemingly looking for anything they could, to stamp a big fat NO on the application and send her off to some random strangers to be brought up by the system.

One day we're all there, I'm tired as hell, had been fighting with the ex about the whole thing. My youngest was sick, and this idiotic woman (who was half my age) was basically running me down, telling me I had no business adopting. My eldest daughter, who had been sitting there, just watching everything, suddenly got upset. She got up from her seat, walked straight past these two idiots, gave them this absolute "death" stare, and come up to me, put her arms around me, and looked back at this pair, and just said "daddy." That was it. It silenced everyone in the room. She'd never called me dad before that moment, always a scaled version of my name (a nickname I get called up to today). Two weeks later suddenly everything was approved, and even today I get that "death" stare from time to time when things don't go her way.

reply to post by new_here

Thank you...for thanking me. I still feel so incredibly alone at times, although Im not. But, I stopped wondering why she did it, and why my brother couldnt hold on. Sometimes in life, there is just no good understandable reason why things happen the way they do.

So, I learned from this to go on. For them both...and myself. Its not easy, and not a day goes by I dont think of finding her...and losing them both.

Thank you again. It means a lot. MS

reply to post by Hefficide


Late 1982, early 1983, I'm at Tower records with a friend. I only had enough money to buy one record and was waffling on what to buy. Finally settled on Rainbow's Straight Between The Eyes. Upon further visits I found they were an older band and were fallout from Deep Purple and that led to me being the person I am today.

I love music, am always looking for something that can affect me like it did back in those days(those bands are few and far between these days) and that was the start of how I became a social outcast. I listened to music that even the metalheads of the day, at least where I lived, didn't. I could barely fit into that scene, as I'd always get into an argument because I'm so damned hardheaded.

Funny enough, two of my favorite bands, Rush and Iron Maiden, are two of the biggest bands in the world nowadays(I'd even argue that IM IS the worlds most popular band today) and I get the satisfaction of saying "HAH! I TOLD you SO!" even though no one is listening. Fat lot of good it does to be right when I've missed out on so much of what most people consider normal. Never loved anyone, hell, barely ever had a girlfriend. I've been solo for about forty three of forty six years on this planet and couldn't even imagine what it would be like to fall in love. But I will always have the music that I love, even if I can never share it with anyone, no one knows what the hell I'm talking about and even when I do get to see a band I love, I'm the outcast and can barely converse with anyone there.

Such are the joys of being me and I wouldn't change a thing, for better or worse. I am what I am and everyone else can piss off, as far as I'm concerned, if they don't like me. Fitting in is overrated but sometimes, just once in a while, I wish I could, but I can't. I'm too much me, for lack of words, that that will never happen.

Life is what it is, and I will always remember that day fondly. Stacks of records, not knowing which one to buy, everyone else big into Hendrix, Sabbath, Zeppelin and then there's me, not wanting to hear the same old crap like that(especially that damned Zeppelin, god I so can't stand them) and I chose my path right then and there.

Interestingly, one would think that the moment would be when I quit drinking after years of being a massive drunk. I was already too far down my path by that time so it never occurred to me until a few minutes ago. Also interesting is how my life didn't get better when I stopped, it actually got worse, gradually. Good for a while, it seemed, but I was wrong on that one.

Whatever. I'm going to go listen to some weird music now. Rock On!