posted on Jul, 22 2013 @ 01:32 AM
Ironically, this thread has become something of a self-fulfilling prophecy for me.
Several months ago I received a message from a stranger who had been reading some of my posts. A dialogue began - one that soon became involved enough
to find its way away from ATS and onto social networking sites more adapted to real time conversation and even to a few phone calls.
A very quick and powerful friendship emerged and began to blossom.
This friendship was the first time in years that I found myself truly opening up to another person on any legitimate and real level. It was definitely
a rocky process, filled with ups and downs... Introverts don't tend to reemerge from their cocoons with a lot of grace. This friend was infinitely
patient and considerate as this all played out. Slowly, but surely, we bonded and I began to feel safe about doing so.
That feeling of safety led, ultimately, to the sorts of thoughts that led to me writing this OP. For the first time in nearly six years I could look
back into my past and not feel despair and absolute pain from even the slightest glance. I was able to see the past, good and bad, for what it was...
the past. Something that needed to, at long last, be put to rest.
In essence that is what spawned this thread... my need for closure... my need to wipe away some of the slate so that there would be fresh space to
begin writing the future upon.
Unfortunately, as is often the case with me... I couldn't escape thinking in very, very subjective and self-oriented terms. That is to say, bluntly
put, I was thinking of nothing but myself as I set about the business of putting my past to rest. I did not even stop think how this might effect my
new friend... A person who'd just spent months of their life investing in me and in helping me to come out of my shell.
In my selfish and blind mindset I wrote a glowing eulogy to a person who couldn't care less if I live or die and, in doing so, offered great insult
to a person who daily went of their way to let me know that they did care about such things.
To make matters worse, it took me days to even begin to understand what offense I had given. A thousand things ran through my mind... and this thread
didn't even register. It was only tonight that a light bulb went off and it all clicked. In trying to make peace with my past, I caused injury to my
This is a lesson and a memory that will undoubtedly stick with me for years to come... and it happened over the past several days, right here.