Separate Bedrooms?

Lately, I’ve been thinking that it would be nice to have my own bedroom.

I am happily married, and have been for 7 years. My husband and I get along very well, and have no rifts in the marriage or anything like that. He doesn’t snore, or hog the covers. I’m actually the one who snores! I like to sprawl out across the bed.

But I wonder, how good for the marriage would it be for us to move into separate bedrooms? Also, how would it affect our young daughter to see us sleeping in separate rooms? Would he be offended or hurt by this suggestion (would you?)?

I’ve done some research, and most articles I’ve read seem to indicate that separate sleeping arrangements between married couples can actually be a good thing.

What say you, ATS?

Different strokes and all that, but what does your husband think about this? For me, it would be a deal killer and I'm not convinced by your lighthearted tone about this. Maybe if you're both 80 years old it could make some sense, but seven years into a marriage? That's just sad.

reply to post by MojaveBurning


I wouldn't dream to advise you on this

But I will share this with you, My wife and I always go to sleep touching each other, whether it be a full blown body embrace or just one foot each.
If she asked me to have a separate bedroom to sleep in I would be bemused to say the leas, I would ask why, and would listen as she explained it to me.

At the end of the day she is my wife and I love her and must respect her wishes, so I would agree to it at least for a trial period. If she loved it fine if not she would always be welcome back.

Hope that helped

reply to post by MojaveBurning


I can only speak for myself BUT... My grandparents had separate rooms and their relationship was terrible. I grew up thinking it was weird why a married couple would have separate rooms. My grandmother didn't even go to my grandfather's funeral...

I don't know your husband but I'm willing to bet that he is pretty confused when you tell him this. Nobody likes to hear the "it's not you, it's me..." bit.

If you just want some space of your own, that would be very understandable. But why do you need to sleep in different rooms?

I've been married for almost 9 years. My wife and I are both in college right now and hope to get a house one day. We want our own spaces, she wants an office/library, and I want a "mancave." But we don't want separate rooms. If she told me she wanted separate rooms I would offer to just move out.

Sleeping in different rooms was how married couples used to sleep, well nobility and upper crust people. Before you do talk to your husband first. You can always do like I used to do work different shifts. Just do what is right for your relationship.

I do question why after only 7 years as well.

For me, I just couldn't imagine it. My hubby snores outrageously some nights. Yes, it's annoying. Apparently, so is my "taking my half out of the middle". But I've learned that when he is not there, I can't sleep. I've tried everything. I wake up immediately if I don't "feel" him.

It may work for you, and I wish you the best. Have you considered a bigger bed? Might be a simple solution.

Originally posted by MojaveBurning
Lately, I’ve been thinking that it would be nice to have my own bedroom.

I am happily married, and have been for 7 years. My husband and I get along very well, and have no rifts in the marriage or anything like that. He doesn’t snore, or hog the covers. I’m actually the one who snores! I like to sprawl out across the bed.

But I wonder, how good for the marriage would it be for us to move into separate bedrooms? Also, how would it affect our young daughter to see us sleeping in separate rooms? Would he be offended or hurt by this suggestion (would you?)?

I’ve done some research, and most articles I’ve read seem to indicate that separate sleeping arrangements between married couples can actually be a good thing.

What say you, ATS?

LOL I noticed you didn't say things were good in the "Bed"...not that it our business but you brought it up.

Separate beds maybe, but separate rooms says you are lying...Either about your relationship, or to your self or you are withholding some facts about your relationship.

Yes, he will be hurt most likely even if he is a good enough man to say sure let's do it. Bedroom time for most couples is time to unwind and have a little pillow talk or re-affirm your marriage.

Maybe it will work for you but you would both really have to agree with it. Or pretty soon it is separate bedrooms, then separate homes, finally separate lives...

My husband and I went for separate bedrooms for a few years due to his snoring. Now he has a sleep apnea machine, but I got so used to the quiet of a separate room, I still wear earplugs.

Now, without the snoring, we're back in the same bed.

I even had to wear the earplugs in the separate room, he was so loud.
He's a long haul truck driver, so he's only home for a couple of days out of the week, or else we would need a king size bed. I move all over the bed when I'm on my own, so the space isn't there when I have to share

In the summer, when truck drivers all have their windows open, the other drivers would wake up and move their trucks away from his

The separate room started out as his idea, because I would kick him when he snored, and neither of us got any sleep.

I can't recommend for anyone else to sleep separate, but it works really good for some people.

Some people cannot take being away from their spouse at night. I've heard from women trying to get away from snoring husbands, that their husband would come and find them to take them back to bed, even when it got so bad the wives were actually hiding from the snorer. :shk:

I still want a king size bed though....

reply to post by MojaveBurning


After just 7 years of marriage you are contemplating wanting your own bedroom?

Despite what you say here, and what you have read online, your sudden desire for separate bedrooms is a sure sign of a marriage about to head south.

Why don't you start by asking yourself "why do I want my own bedroom & not just 2 beds in the same bedroom" and contemplate whether your answer is based upon your own desires and a disregard for your husbands.

Would you be upset if he said NO............now think about that - he says NO you cannot have your own bedroom.

Your reaction and feelings to that answer is what you need to think long and hard about........

The road to destruction is paved with good intentions.

I use the same analogy as "fences make good neighbors". Happy relationship here, the other half snores like a freight train though. After ten years, it don't really matter if you share a bedroom or not. Now I have the freedom to pee standing up.

Originally posted by silverflame
Sleeping in different rooms was how married couples used to sleep, well nobility and upper crust people. Before you do talk to your husband first. You can always do like I used to do work different shifts. Just do what is right for your relationship.

True but their marriages were usually political alliances, I doubt very much the OP married hubby for political purposes LOL

As for the OP, If my wife or even GF suggested this Id consider it the end of the relationship, maybe hubby is different and he wont mind

My wife and I sleep in separate beds. Have done all our life.

And one day I'll find that woman, and ask her if she wouldn't mind sleeping in mine.

until that day, separate beds for us...

Not one person has actually mentioned the word sex yet? If you want separate rooms I can imagine that there isn't much of it going on, or you think it might be going on too much and want to curb it a little? What's the situation? Does he want it more often than you do? Are you wanting it more than him?

I would be done with a marriage if my wife wanted a separate room AND there weren't 'relations' on a regular basis.

There's a deeper issue here I think you might be avoiding though, imo.

reply to post by jessejamesxx

Not one person has actually mentioned the word sex yet?

That can be done anywhere (well, stay off the dining table ), at any time

The separate bedrooms should only be for sleeping.
If that part of the relationship (sex) is suffering, separate bedrooms would only make it worse.

I see it as healthy in a relationship to sleep in the same bed as your lover. The only relationships I've seen where people sleep in separate beds we're broken families, and they wouldn't even touch eachother. How does sex happen if you aren't in the same bed? It would be weird to just plan a time for sex with someone you love. Falling asleep with someone you love is one of the greatest things ever. Makes waking up to reality so much better.

In my opinion if you are re-thinking sleeping with your partner, you may want to look more into why you want to do that. There is obviously something missing that you need and feel you can get it by being alone? I couldn't imagine not falling asleep next to the love of my life.

reply to post by winofiend

Separate beds for sleeping
It's healthier .. and everyone sleeps better.
For some reason people in the USA get uptight at that thought.
But really ... Go ahead and don't worry about it.

(you can do like the royalty of europe did ..
'visit' the other person in their bed when you are 'in the mood' )

ETA - reply to post by snowspirit

Oh man .. I totally understand the LOUD snoring husband thing ....

Originally posted by jessejamesxx
Not one person has actually mentioned the word sex yet? If you want separate rooms I can imagine that there isn't much of it going on, or you think it might be going on too much and want to curb it a little? What's the situation? Does he want it more often than you do? Are you wanting it more than him?

I would be done with a marriage if my wife wanted a separate room AND there weren't 'relations' on a regular basis.

There's a deeper issue here I think you might be avoiding though, imo.

Actually I did but rather too politely about what was going on in the "Bed"

But yeah I think we have some missing puzzle pieces.

reply to post by MojaveBurning
There have been times over the years when my husband and I have slept in separate rooms, mainly because I have an on going battle with insomnia and my tossing and turning would keep him awake all night. During those times we would go to bed together, do "what comes naturally" and then split off for sleeping purposes until my insomnia spell subsided. That all changed when we invested in a king sized bed with a mattress that doesn't move around when I'm tossing and turning. Expensive? Heck Yeah! Worth it? Without a doubt!

My wife and I might as well have separate beds...as we have a few dogs in there with us that keep us pretty separated, hehe...

We have a King, but still, we also have 4 Chihuahuas, a Lab/Chow mix, and intermittently, a couple of cats in the bed sleeping with us. Ridiculous, I'd agree, but it's what she likes, and I could actually sleep fine even on a bed of nails...vs. the craftmatics.

Seriously though, as long as one of the beds is big enough to get it on when in the mood, I don't see why separate sleep should be an issue. Not like anything is happening while actually sleeping...although....

The honey moon is over eh?

Not sure if it's good or bad, never been married, but I do hate when I start dating a girl and she thinks it'd be a good idea to move in with me.