I Was the Real-Life “Girl Interrupted”

reply to post by MauraDeCrapola


Thank you for sharing. Your experience sounds very close to mine though your reasons for getting there were very different.

I LOLed at the "sharps" - we had "flames" too! This was back in the day when you could still smoke inside - everyone smoked in there except me and maybe one or two others. Everyone's name was written on a board in the nurse's station with your level of restriction checked off (so no one would forget). Every time you screwed up you'd get docked points which would lead to no visitors, no off-hall visits, no leaving your room except for meals...

I too went to fake school (though while there I learned about "Gestalt" in English class. It was actually one of the more interesting classes I ever had). I somehow still managed to graduate high school after losing a whole year.

So we both had a "lost year." We now officially have something in common. One of the things that makes ATS so great...and so awful at the same time.

Be well.

People don't realize what a huge problem this is.

It's basically sending you to something worse than jail without the same civil rights.

Every time I see Dr. Drew, Dr. Phil, Nancy Grace ect, going on and on about how it should be easier to commit someone it makes me sick.

This is quite a tale of personal experience. It seems the OP is clearly stating the High Lords Of Mental Science are nothing but money grubbing scum. But they are scientists and science is never wrong, always balanced, always looking to do the best for all, never lie, never put money or control of others at the forefront of its efforts: without the humanity would be crazy!

The minions of this kind of Science should be ashamed, but in fact, they are mind controlled slaves who have no ability to be shamed at all. They are not like the rest of us at all.

To the OP, consider this. The folks at this hospital are not like you, they never were and never will be. They are like, say aliens bots, whose appearance suggest they are just like you - flesh, blood and eyes, but in fact, a quick look at their soul matrix shows a DISTINCTLY different construction: in short they are not like you. They cannot be "reasoned" with, they say the care but give no indication they do, they seem strangely dead, but insist they are supportive and want what's best for you. While there, I'm sure it was hard to imagine them anywhere other then in their job area and in uniform.

I say this because one of the HUGE, if not the biggest problem following a horrifying event like this is the internal "why would anyone do this to me?" The implication of that statement is, "why would anyone just like me do this to me?" This cannot be reconciled as the lords of science and their priest class have conveniently defined their group as untouchable human saviors, more saintly then any lowlife catholic saint and beyond reproach by the human class they stoop to serve. When one can understand, and fully accept the truth, that many of those we see are not like us at all, we can then move on. Scum are scum, they're just body centric scum as opposed to the kind that forms without a body at a waste treatment plant. I joke about the scum part, but not the energy makeup of them - not human like you and they wanted your energy, your life force, especially your pain, your fear, your hatred, they never had any intention of "helping" you - none.

Originally posted by Advantage
reply to post by otherpotato

 

ABSOLUTELY.

Welcome "Newbie".

Im very glad to have met you.. and truly enjoy your perspective. Stick around.. youll find many many like minds here.

Thank you, nice to meet you as well. And thank you for contributing to a risky but necessary post. This is what we call "catharsis in action."

And as it turns out this is actually my "intro" post...or it was going to be, until I realized I was breaking too many rules trying to fit it into the Introductions forum. I've never been the kind of gal who explains herself in a "hi! I'm me and so glad to be here!" kind of way. Which probably means I have too much baggage. And will never be homecoming queen

For a little past history, ready about Mary Todd Lincoln (the President's wife). He son had her committed to an Illinois mental institution because he didn't like how she was spending money on things like dresses and drapes.

It's been going on for a very long time.

reply to post by otherpotato


When I read this, my stomach dropped, I have not met anyone else who this has happened to.

I was in a hospital in Houston for six weeks, because at age twelve, I was doing poorly in school (bored stiff), and lied to my parents about things like cleaning my room. We went to a psychiatrist who decided I had authority issues, and needed to be hospitalized. This hospital was so full of teenagers, that I had the wonderful experience of spending the first night on the adult ward with catatonics in the halls, playing checkers with a guy who kept stroking my feet with his own, coming on to me. Virtually no supervision or counseling of any kind. I shared a room with a woman who was so depressed she would barely even look at me, let alone talk to me. Cried myself to sleep trying to figure out why I was so bad, that I needed to be in a hospital. Had a sleep deprived EEG to figure out what was wrong with my brain.

Fast forward to the teenage ward about four days later, yes about 2 hours of school, not even two days a week. I copied the books word for word, and turned in these papers that no one said a word about. Roomed with a girl that would save up her librium for a week to get high, and threatened to cut my neck a filched butter knife when I slept if I told on her. Went to group therapy with a therapist who point blank asked me why I was in the hospital.

Fortunately for me, my psychiatrist was switched at the end an a wonderful Doctor who spent fifteen minutes with me at the first session, and told me he would be checking me out. The hospital was closed down after I left (Laurelwood), and it was discovered that certain Doctors (my first one) were getting financial kickbacks to admit patients. My parents considered suing when all of this came out, but never did.

So yes, I feel your pain. I had horrible trust issues for the longest time. Hell, I just plain had issues for the longest time. I can honestly say that EMDR is the only therapy that helped me get my life back, and I highly recommend it.

Originally posted by Daughter2
People don't realize what a huge problem this is.

It's basically sending you to something worse than jail without the same civil rights.

Every time I see Dr. Drew, Dr. Phil, Nancy Grace ect, going on and on about how it should be easier to commit someone it makes me sick.

Commitment is a tricky thing, I'll agree. I have read extensively about the institutions of the past (and trust me - I was in no Bedlam) and would always choose life on the street versus institution for all but the most severely handicapped of individuals (and with reservation even for them). But then you see a person masturbating in public with matted hair and a "Jesus is coming!" sign and you think "who is helping this person???" Well no one. And part of that stems from the decade I went through "inside." Mental health is treated as a potential scam by insurance companies (and rightly so, to an extent), and the consequence is the people who need effective, compassionate care beyond the very paltry treatment limits of modern insurance end up getting progressively worse and end up on the streets, or worse - in an institutional holding cell where they can be abused by caregivers and other patients - or become the abusers themselves.

These days insurance companies WON'T pay, social services ARE limited, and families GIVE UP trying because they just can't afford it. So what happens to these people? Well they're on the street with their dick out holding that sign.

And there I was 24 years ago with a $2 million insurance policy for all manner of exotic tests. For no other reason than I was "fortunate" enough to have one (and look where that got me). I found out the bed alone was $900 a day. $900 a day for a bed. And that was in '88.

reply to post by artnut

Can I ask what year this was? I had hoped these things were not still happening so I really hope your experience is not recent. I cannot believe you were twelve. I thought I was young. You were a child.

It took me 24 years to talk about this with someone else who went through it. If nothing else I hope you too were able to derive some small comfort in knowing you were not alone.

Originally posted by otherpotato
reply to post by artnut

 

Can I ask what year this was? I had hoped these things were not still happening so I really hope your experience is not recent. I cannot believe you were twelve. I thought I was young. You were a child.

It took me 24 years to talk about this with someone else who went through it. If nothing else I hope you too were able to derive some small comfort in knowing you were not alone.

edit on 1-10-2012 by otherpotato because: You told me what state and how long... I apologize...

Sure, it was 1982, in Houston, Texas. Google Laurelwood hospital scam and you will see some of the legal action that took place.

I am disturbed that this happened all over the U.S. I lost my innocence there, I saw things that I wish I hadn't. But, our experiences make us who we are I suppose. Again, I am so grateful for EMDR therapy, if not for that, I think I would have been in counseling my whole life.

You are welcome to PM me if you ever want to talk about it.

Originally posted by artnut

Originally posted by otherpotato
reply to post by artnut

 

Can I ask what year this was? I had hoped these things were not still happening so I really hope your experience is not recent. I cannot believe you were twelve. I thought I was young. You were a child.

It took me 24 years to talk about this with someone else who went through it. If nothing else I hope you too were able to derive some small comfort in knowing you were not alone.

edit on 1-10-2012 by otherpotato because: You told me what state and how long... I apologize...

Sure, it was 1982, in Houston, Texas. Google Laurelwood hospital scam and you will see some of the legal action that took place.

I am disturbed that this happened all over the U.S. I lost my innocence there, I saw things that I wish I hadn't. But, our experiences make us who we are I suppose. Again, I am so grateful for EMDR therapy, if not for that, I think I would have been in counseling my whole life.

You are welcome to PM me if you ever want to talk about it.

You are welcome to do the same. I have never heard of EDMR therapy. I'm going to research this.

I am still trying to get my head around what you and others have told me. There is comfort in knowing I was not alone. And yet there is a deeper rabbit hole I may not be ready to fall into because so many of us did.

Thank you.

reply to post by otherpotato

What's happened to your son since? Your story sounds either like a typical childhood friend, an early indicator of psychosis or...an alien visitation... ??? I don't mean to make light if it appears that way and no need to share further if you choose not. Your son's story sounds very interesting on several levels....

They tagged him with Borderline personality disorder. Other than the pscychologist he went to right after (who was helpful for a time) he has not felt the need for further help. And he is perfectly normal. He will turn 40 this week.

I don't think you are making light of it. The situation at home was real. As for the little men...let me begin with the fact that as an infant I could not put him down for more than 30 minutes as he wanted/needed to be held (feel safe?) all the time. He would not sleep alone until he was a teen and then only with the light on. As a child he had a friend with a name but none of us could see him. He never told me about the little men until he was having his breakdown and a few years ago when I asked about it he denied it. I told his sisters about it and they verified it was true. Seems he would go to their room when he couldn't go to ours. Unfortunately, at the time (about 1988), I knew nothing about abductions and oh, how I wish I did. If anything the abuse just added to the terror he was feeling at night. No safe place day or night.

He has become a firm christian, although up until about ten years ago he believed as I do. I can't bring up anything that might possibly cause him to question. If I do, he cuts me off and their is an argument tho I would never try to sway his belief. A couple of years ago he told me outright he didn't want to hear anything because it scares him. So I think he has repressed everything to the degree possible. No doubt it will come back some day.

BTW, he was platinum blond and blue eyed until his 20's. I understand that is the larger percentage of abductees. My sister who is blond hair and green eyes has stories as well.

Another guilt trip for me because I didn't know to think about it or ask questions or support him.

reply to post by otherpotato


im on green meanies too and the only thing it does is make my mind slow down some andhave an annoying voice runn my brain.

it was good at first but now its...makes me happily depressed

reply to post by liveandlearn


Wow... just wow. I wonder how many people who get admitted were really victims of "visitors"? I never thought of that. And I never knew that about blond/blue eyed (I myself never had an imaginary friend, and am brown/brown all around).

Also, about the BPD diagnosis - if he received that at a young age I tend to doubt it. I was diagnosed BPD at a decidedly adult age (and years later I now no longer meet the diagnosis.) As a personality disorder it's tricky, and entirely inappropriate for children. But back in the day it was a catchall for "we don't know what's wrong with you and you aren't technically psychotic so you must be this." Given your son's age I suspect this happened to him.

Forgive yourself. You were caught in the cross-hairs of two extraordinary phenomena: the sketchy state of the mental health profession, and a son in the midst of some non-earthly experiences (I do believe, from what you have said, that that is what happened - mental illness can't be "prayed" or "wished" away. I have seen people try and fail.)

Your son will come to terms with his experiences when he is ready. We all do. Until then you were the very best mother you could possibly be.

Originally posted by TheToastmanCometh
reply to post by otherpotato

 

im on green meanies too and the only thing it does is make my mind slow down some andhave an annoying voice runn my brain.

it was good at first but now its...makes me happily depressed

What are green meanies, prozac? I would never take those. They only work in people who have no family history of mental disorders. If you're legitimately depressed there are better alternatives.

reply to post by otherpotato


Yes green meanies are prozac because of how they make me act sometimes. I have depression/anxiety brought on by current emotional abuse I am dealing with.

I find it hard to open up to people and just deal with my problems with fantasies, but after I told my doctor, she said that I had to go on uppers.

Originally posted by TheToastmanCometh
reply to post by otherpotato

 

im on green meanies too and the only thing it does is make my mind slow down some andhave an annoying voice runn my brain.

it was good at first but now its...makes me happily depressed

I took prozac briefly and what you describe is how I felt but I called it 'apathetic'. I didn't care one way or the other about anything. Not depressed, not happy.

reply to post by TheToastmanCometh


You might do better on citalopram (brand name Celexa). It's an SSRI but less weird side effects. I would be concerned about any doctor who said you needed an "upper." That's street drug lingo, not medicine. Read up on your drugs before you take them.

Wow 9 months in a psyche ward thats a long time. My parents had me locked up in one when I was 15. They let me go after 7 days. I snow jobbed the hell out of them. They performed all kinds of psyche evaluations on me but in the end they said I didnt need to be there. One kid said he never saw anyone leave so fast.

5 years later I was diagnosed as paranoid schizoeffective which I admit I do have. I was into street drugs pretty heavy and ended up in a psychosis. I was having hallucinations and delusions. I ended up in the hospital for a month. I never thought I was gonna get out it was horrible. I wouldn't take my meds so they gave me a injection of Haldol. They drugged me to the max and it brought me out of the psychosis.

It's been 15 years since I was in the hospital in 1997. Your parents just ended up taking you to the wrong doctors. There are some whack job doctors out there just in it for the money. I've met them first hand.

There are good doctors and if it weren't for modern day medicine I wouldn't be typing this right now.

reply to post by liveandlearn


SSRIs (of which Prozac is one) can make you feel "flat." If you're dealing with emotional extremes this is why doctors prescribe them. If the flatness feels too extreme after three days, then you are on too high a dose and should try halving it. Doctors frequently overmedicate with antidepressants. Most of the bad side effects can be alleviated by halving the dose. Ask your doctor about cutting back if you feel flat because you should not and do not need to feel that way.

reply to post by wantsome


You fit the pattern for schizoaffective so I'd say it's as solid a diagnosis as the DSM allows (but wait for the rewrite!) You were fortunate to receive the treatment you needed. I'm not knocking psychiatry when it works, because it many times does. It's when the classification system gets used to make a profit that all hell breaks loose.

I am glad you can sit there typing right now. May you continue to type many a paragraph.