My Hypocrisy Towards Homosexuality: A Personal Revelation

Greetings, ATS!

For quite some time now, I’ve supported the gay rights movement. I believe what two consenting adults choose to do is none of my business, nor the business of anyone else. I believe that same-sex couples should have all the rights and privileges of traditional couples with regards to marriage. I believe that homosexuals are people, and should not be defined by their sexuality anymore than someone should be defined by their race, religion, or creed. I’ve been somewhat vocal about this on ATS, and other online communities. Those who know me are well aware of my beliefs and know my stance on this issue.

But today, I had to confront a very difficult question. Am I a hypocrite? I think the answer is…..yes.

So why share this with the ATS community? Because it caused me to think, to reflect, to take the time to truly examine myself. Hopefully, what I share may cause you to do the same.

Here’s what happened. My son, husband, and I went to the movies after running some errands. We went to see ParaNorman, a creepy kids’ film about a young boy who talks to the dead and must save his town from an undead apocalypse. Anyway, throughout the movie there is a “beefcake” young man and the “Barbie” teenage girl characters; the girl is obviously quite taken with the young man, who remains mind-numbingly oblivious to her attraction.

*********************************Spoiler Alert!*******************************
At the end of the film, the girl asks the young man out on a date to see a romantic comedy. At which point the young man replied, “Sure! I’ll bring my boyfriend. He loves those chick flicks.”

I gasped. The entire audience gasped (about twenty folks). And I immediately recognized the problem with my reaction.

The fact is, I didn’t like my 6 year old son hearing that declaration. It was a visceral reaction, not a conscious one at all. Almost like an instinct, I guess you could say.

But wait! I support gay rights! I believe consenting adults can do whatever they want! So why would this bother me on such a deep and fundamental level?

I’ve pondered this all afternoon and I’m sure I’ll be pondering it for days to come…and that’s good. Obviously I need the introspection, because maybe I’ve been a hypocrite all this time.

When I consider things logically, I KNOW that if I support homosexual rights (and yes, I still do), then I should have no objection to my child viewing a movie with homosexual characters (let me be clear, I think he’s too young at the moment to have any idea what homosexuality means, but I’m speaking rhetorically at the moment). After all, if I believe homosexuality to be a legitimate lifestyle, then I should expect to see examples of homosexuality in day-to-day life and THAT SHOULD BE OKAY.

Why did I gasp? Was it just surprise, as I tend to believe after much introspection? If just surprise, then why that sense of unease over the joke (which was pretty funny)?

So I’m laying it on the line and asking for your advice, ATS. Have you ever paid lip service to an ideal, only to be surprised when that ideal became a reality? Did it fundamentally change you, help you to grow as a person? I truly believe these rare moments are what help us to grow spiritually, help us better understand life and our place in it. So what events have you experienced that maybe shook your foundations, if only just a tremor?

And let me add this. I foresee the possibility that this thread will derail into a gay-bashing melee. I will not tolerate this. This thread is NOT about the rights of homosexuals, but about how personal beliefs can be challenged in surprising ways. Please, lets stay focused and keep our replies thoughtful and respectful.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Your reaction is not unnatural for a person raised in our generation. The amount of cultural conditioning we are all put through often comes out in situations like this. On an intellectual level, you know what it right and wrong yet your subconscious may surprise you from time to time.

I feel fortunate to have been raised in situations where I wasn't very brainwashed against petty social taboos. Also, my daughter (who's only three) has a healthy concept of couples simply being two people who dig each other so hopefully she'll never have that preconception to begin with.

Seriously, though, don't let this be a crisis to you. Just let it be an interesting reminder of your past surroundings influencing your current situations.

This is how I feel about individuals living their lives as who are we to say?

reply to post by smyleegrl


homosexuality is 100% natural. whether you want your child to see it, hear about it or not, it doesn't matter, the more you shield him from it, the more he will find it shocking or disgusting. Let him ask questions, educate him, let him know there is nothing wrong with it. Kids learn from you, how you handle this situation is how he will learn to deal with this situation throughout his life. So keep that in mind.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Personally, my first instinct, with anything, is usually the correct reaction.

"Correct" in this instance that you mention is a little more difficult to pin-point. Your reaction has led you to contemplate your stance on something important to you and then post here for discussion. Upon reading your story the first thing that came to my mind was "lipstick".

Did your reaction to the line in the movie stem from your concerns regarding your little fella? I can't help but think there may be a correlation here and that you were trying to protect your sons interests (in forming his own view on life as opposed to having it "forced" on him through mass media manipulation) - subconsciously.

Just a thought - the two issues (your reaction to the movie line and your concerns previously raised about your son) are not mutually exclusive, imo.

Hypothetically, if your son was not present, would you have reacted in the exact same way?

Sorry I really believe the whole line in the movie was in bad taste.... Did they really need to go there with it in a kids movie? You don't need to teach this to your kids, adolescents yes, kids no.... Where has all the innocents gone as a child? Why do people want to strip it away? There is something really mentally wrong with people in society today.....

Originally posted by Cuervo
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Seriously, though, don't let this be a crisis to you. Just let it be an interesting reminder of your past surroundings influencing your current situations.

edit on 18-8-2012 by Cuervo because: clarification...

Thanks for the response. Its not a crisis by any means, but has spurred some personal reflection.

I completely understand and agree with what you are saying about being raised in a certain way. I grew up in a predominatly white town; I think we might have had a 2% African American population. I grew up with the idea that racism was a bad thing, but it wasn't something I ever really dealt with. So when I went to college with a much higher percentage of African Americans, I had to get used to a new reality. This sounds absolutely horrible, and this whole admission may get me flamed, but its like I had to adapt to the novelty of the situation. Perhaps this is the same thing? I guess I'll have to think about it some more.

I really respect the fact that you identified your personal hypocrisy and instead of ignoring it or making an excuse, you want to understand and change it. Maybe it would be helpful to figure out why in that moment you felt uncomfortable with your son seeing a gay person portrayed in the movie. I mean while the reaction you had was unexpected it has to be rooted in a thought process. Were scared it might influence him to become gay?


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

Originally posted by mac420
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

homosexuality is 100% natural. whether you want your child to see it, hear about it or not, it doesn't matter, the more you shield him from it, the more he will find it shocking or disgusting. Let him ask questions, educate him, let him know there is nothing wrong with it. Kids learn from you, how you handle this situation is how he will learn to deal with this situation throughout his life. So keep that in mind.

You are absolutely right, I agree with you completely.

My husband and I intend to raise our son to be accepting of all, regardless of differences. A lofty goal, perhaps, but you are correct. He has to see us modeling the behavior before he'll learn to accept it. I understand this, which is one of the reasons my reaction was troubling.

Well then.

S&F firstly.. ( been ages since I wrote that)

Now most people know me here, gay married, 4 kids.

I never ever, ever, needed to teach my kids about homosexuals or straight kids. Actually my oldest daughter once asked me why she didn't have a mom. She was about 10 at the time.

This freaked me out..I didn't have an answer, so I told her to go ask her father.

So she did, and neither did he. We suggested she look around and try to come up with her own response and we would discuss it at family night.

Family night comes around and we sit there, nervously, thinking we've ruined this child's understanding of the family.

Nope.

When asked what she'd come up with she said " Well there are all kinds of families, just dad, jsut mom, mom and dad, two dads and two moms, so we just aren't a tradional family." " Having a mommy would probably be annoying, aunt Sheila and both Grammy and Grandma are bossy."

Moral of the story? Kids learn these things for themselves and only when you actually see or hear them expousing some kind of backwards ideology do you sit down and try and make them understand why they are wrong.

By not making a big deal out of it, our child learnt and made a decision for herself.

As for the movie, I didn't see it, but it seems from your description they didn't "type" cast the gay character if you were so surprised at the end, which is good. Shows those kids that anybody can be anything and you have to learn to deal with it.

~Tenth

Originally posted by Sublimecraft
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Did your reaction to the line in the movie stem from your concerns regarding your little fella? I can't help but think there may be a correlation here and that you were trying to protect your sons interests (in forming his own view on life as opposed to having it "forced" on him through mass media manipulation) - subconsciously.

I honestly don't know. My son was very nervous throughout the whole movie (it was creepy). I was very aware of him; he'd been hopping into my lap or switching to my husband's lap the entire show. So he was definitely foremost in my mind.

But is that the reason I was shocked? Because he was present? I don't know, but I think maybe yes. After all, I've encounterred "surprise" homosexual characters in movies, television, books, etc before and was not shocked.

My exact thought when it happened was "But this is a children's movie." So I guess that answer is yes.

Wow. Thanks for helping me to see that.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Your response, to the movie isn't something that should shock you. Having a movie proclaim homosexuality, especial to children, as this movie is targeted on, shouldn't be shocking to people either. The reason I say this, is because MANY Disney movies, Cartoon based movies, have involved a Princess meeting her Prince, and living happily ever after. No one EVER gasps at that. I think you were surprised, because Heterosexual relationships, have always been the Norm, when it comes to children's movies.

Now, you being a Hypocrite?


WE all are Hypocrites, and Liars. Even to our best abilities, EVERY human on this Planet, has had their moments of changing their responses, to situations. We are allowed to change our views, on subjects, that we are passionate about. The ability to reason, is a great human trait.

Personally, I don't care about gender, and who is with who, or what. Our children will learn, how to reason the right way, if we are open to discuss every, and all possibility's with them. If my son or daughter, tells me one day, they are Gay, I will still love them, regardless on how they feel, or how others view them. I am 100% sure, you will feel the same way, as you sound like a great parent.


Thanks for sharing your experience.



S&F

Originally posted by smyleegrl
My husband and I intend to raise our son to be accepting of all, regardless of differences.

Will you also teach your son what to do when he accepts others, regardless of differences, but they do not accept him because he is different from them?

reply to post by smyleegrl


Hmmmm, all we need is

:

If anybody is a good relative, friend or lover all you need is, Love.

They are human, just like you. If they harm nobody, what difference does it make to you??

Originally posted by acmpnsfal
I really respect the fact that you identified your personal hypocrisy and instead of ignoring it or making an excuse, you want to understand and change it. Maybe it would be helpful to figure out why in that moment you felt uncomfortable with your son seeing a gay person portrayed in the movie. I mean while the reaction you had was unexpected it has to be rooted in a thought process. Were scared it might influence him to become gay?

 

Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

 

I don't know.

I made a thread here a few months back, I won't take the time to link it but it was called "My Son Wants to Be A Girl" or something similar. You can find it in my profile. Anyway, my son had noticed me painting my fingernails and wanted his painted. So I painted his, thinking who wouldn't want their nails an awesome shade of glitter. After that, we had about a week of him commenting that he wanted to wear lipstick and be a girl. He's back to being all boy, recently refused to use pink scissors because they were "girl scissors" and i think that's pretty normal for a child his age.

What would I do if my son turned out to be homosexual? Love him, accept him, and support him. But I can't pretend otherwise....I would feel somewhat dissapointed, too.

Hypocrisy. Doesn't dissapointment imply a subtle lack of respect? So maybe I'm only okay with others being homosexual, but not my child? I have a homosexual cousin and its no big deal; we live in different states but he brings his partner to our family reunions and its perfectly fine with everyone.

More to think about. Thank you.

reply to post by tothetenthpower


That was a moving story about your daughter. Thank you for sharing.

You are right....letting her decide for herself was an invaluable lesson.

Parenthood is both a blessing and a bewilderment, isn't it?

Originally posted by smyleegrl

What would I do if my son turned out to be homosexual? Love him, accept him, and support him. But I can't pretend otherwise....I would feel somewhat dissapointed, too.

Feeling disappointed, would be another "emotion", that would pass, I would assume. I say this, because we cannot change peoples views, other then ours, when you really think about it.

I used to believe at one time, like you. I had thoughts, misconceptions, etc........

I then realized, life is too short, to be stuck in a perpetual loop, of disappointing situations, I have no control of. What really mattered is seeing those I love, Happy. Even those I don't know, seeing them truly happy, is what makes this World, we live in, great.

Try this. The next Homosexual couple you see, talk to them. You might get a better understanding, of what might make you feel the way you do now.

You might be surprised, that they are exactly like you. Human, and have fears, and wants, and they love, just like you and me.

Seriously, try it.......



It will change how you view, the label, society has stigmatized them with.

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by smyleegrl
My husband and I intend to raise our son to be accepting of all, regardless of differences.

Will you also teach your son what to do when he accepts others, regardless of differences, but they do not accept him because he is different from them?

We will do our absolute best. We've already had to start, because my son is different.

He's extremely small for his age; he's 6 but the size of a four year old. He has a minor eye condition known as ptosis, which causes the eyelid to droop slightly (but noticeably). He also wears glasses and has a lazy eye, so has to wear an eye patch for six hours a day.

Additionally, he has sensory integration issues and those are very complex and complicated to deal with. He sees an endocrinologist to monitor his growth, an occupational therapist to help him with is sensory issues, and he sees a speech pathologist to correct a very pronounced speech issue. He's been evaluated multiple times at school and medically. To add to it all, he displays strong signs of being academically gifted (which sounds like a brag but I can assure you brings another set of challenges to the plate).

So my son is already outside the norm....and he likes it that way. So far, at least. He definitely marches to a different tune and quite possibly to an entirely different instrument.

My philosophy, that I hope to instill in him, is that you accept all, but recognize not everyone will accept or respect you, and that's okay.