My Hypocrisy Towards Homosexuality: A Personal Revelation

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Originally posted by acmpnsfal
I really respect the fact that you identified your personal hypocrisy and instead of ignoring it or making an excuse, you want to understand and change it. Maybe it would be helpful to figure out why in that moment you felt uncomfortable with your son seeing a gay person portrayed in the movie. I mean while the reaction you had was unexpected it has to be rooted in a thought process. Were scared it might influence him to become gay?

 

Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

 

I don't know.

I made a thread here a few months back, I won't take the time to link it but it was called "My Son Wants to Be A Girl" or something similar. You can find it in my profile. Anyway, my son had noticed me painting my fingernails and wanted his painted. So I painted his, thinking who wouldn't want their nails an awesome shade of glitter. After that, we had about a week of him commenting that he wanted to wear lipstick and be a girl. He's back to being all boy, recently refused to use pink scissors because they were "girl scissors" and i think that's pretty normal for a child his age.

What would I do if my son turned out to be homosexual? Love him, accept him, and support him. But I can't pretend otherwise....I would feel somewhat dissapointed, too.

Hypocrisy. Doesn't dissapointment imply a subtle lack of respect? So maybe I'm only okay with others being homosexual, but not my child? I have a homosexual cousin and its no big deal; we live in different states but he brings his partner to our family reunions and its perfectly fine with everyone.

More to think about. Thank you.

My boyfriend has two gay sons. One is really flamboyant, while the other i subtle. I love them both and one of them turned me onto this vid.............gays are way sensative, feeling people
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reply to post by smyleegrl


Remember that kids aren't born with hate in their hearts or prejudice, that's something they learn along the way from the people around them. I've recently had to sit my son down and really make him think hard about how he's been treating people.

He's become beligerant and rude and we don't put up with that in our house. Once he really understood how it felt to be treated that way, to be brought down to his level, he's now getting better at it.

As long as you and your better half don't teach him these things, most of the time he'll take a very balanced approach to what he considers normal.

~Tenth

reply to post by Sulie


Love your song choices. Positivity is definitely something of importance to me.

It doesn't matter what someone else chooses to do, at all. They are people, and that's all that's important.

Originally posted by sonnny1

Originally posted by smyleegrl

What would I do if my son turned out to be homosexual? Love him, accept him, and support him. But I can't pretend otherwise....I would feel somewhat dissapointed, too.

Try this. The next Homosexual couple you see, talk to them. You might get a better understanding, of what might make you feel the way you do now.

Two of my best friends are homosexual. Both of these friends I've had since high school. The female friend is not in a serious relationship at the moment. The male friend has been in a committed relationship for close to ten years now. He is a college professor, funny as hell, and quite possibly the most intelligent person I know (he was even on Jeopardy! a couple of years ago). I admire him greatly.

I have another male friend, career military so I rarely see him. He was estatic when they did away with the don't ask, don't tell nonsense. He'd always been forthright about his sexuality, and was very happy not to have to keep it quiet. He's currently in the Air Force, deployed in Japan. I only get to converse with him online and through Skype.

reply to post by tothetenthpower


The challenges you have met, as a parent.

Now, what will you do when the time comes for this girl to ask you how to insert a tampon, or how to use a condom. Just saying..........if your a parent, you better know how the hell to explain these things.......Don't pawn them off on your partner...........please, have a plan!

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Remember that kids aren't born with hate in their hearts or prejudice, that's something they learn along the way from the people around them. I've recently had to sit my son down and really make him think hard about how he's been treating people.

He's become beligerant and rude and we don't put up with that in our house. Once he really understood how it felt to be treated that way, to be brought down to his level, he's now getting better at it.

As long as you and your better half don't teach him these things, most of the time he'll take a very balanced approach to what he considers normal.

~Tenth

I agree wholeheartedly.

I teach first grade, have a class with caucasians, African-Americans, Latinos, bi-racial students.

They don't care about race, beauty, money, or any of those labels we think are so important. All they want to do is play, and all are welcomed eagerly as potential playmates.

Its a beautiful thing to see.

Originally posted by Sulie
reply to post by tothetenthpower

 

The challenges you have met, as a parent.

Now, what will you do when the time comes for this girl to ask you how to insert a tampon, or how to use a condom. Just saying..........if your a parent, you better know how the hell to explain these things.......Don't pawn them off on your partner...........please, have a plan!

What?

She's 21, we've been through that phase. And she had dozens of female role models; from aunts, to grandmothers, to friends of the family. I've never pawned anything off on my partner, I simply didn't have an answer and since I consider him to be smarter than I am, I suggested she check with him before accepting my non response.

Parenting is a two person job and I never had all the answers, hell I still don't and I have 3 living at home.

~Tenth

reply to post by smyleegrl


It is beautiful.

I run an afterschool daycare program for the kids in our neighboorhood as most can't afford actual day care ( I'm retired and we don't need any money so I do it for free) and I'm always amazed at how the younger kids are so much friendlier.

The teenagers get along out of necessity cause they sure as hell ain't allowed to fight under my roof. But I've organized some friendly competitions for them when I noticed they really needed to blow off steam and learn to appreciate one another.

~Tenth

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Remember that kids aren't born with hate in their hearts or prejudice, that's something they learn along the way from the people around them. I've recently had to sit my son down and really make him think hard about how he's been treating people.

He's become beligerant and rude and we don't put up with that in our house. Once he really understood how it felt to be treated that way, to be brought down to his level, he's now getting better at it.

As long as you and your better half don't teach him these things, most of the time he'll take a very balanced approach to what he considers normal.

~Tenth

Great Post.

I agree 100%

My oldest daughter scolded Grandpa, for some disparaging remarks he said, about my neighbors, who are Gay.
I was very proud of my daughter, who is 14, as my Father, who is in his mid 60's, still has this Idea, that being Homosexual, is a sin. She is at that age, that she has MANY questions, regarding her own femininity, Boys and Girls, and life in General. I was not only surprised, at her remarks, but was proud of her standing up, for my neighbors. Making my father realize, and shaming him, for his comments, have made him rethink, his views on the subject. She blatantly asked him, "If he would still love her, if she was Gay". What could he say? What could anyone say, especially since love, crosses EVERY boundary, known to man and woman?

My father now talks to my neighbors, and has a genuine understanding, that just the littlest comments,disparaging comments, do have an effect, on my children, and children in General. It took him 65 years to understand this. We still learn daily, and he has come to accept those around him, for who they are, not the label society has placed on people.

Reply to post by smyleegrl

I will look up your other thread. I do think its cool that it you allowed your son to have his nails painted. And it also seems like you did not overreact when he wanted to wear lipstick and be a girl. A lot of parents would have flipped and berated him because hes a 'boy' and 'boys' dont do that. But they fail to understand kids are just curious and innocent. They like to try new things and are largely oblivious to gender expectations until they are taught them.

I don't think dissapointment automatically implies a lack of respect though. It could be a lack of respect but that would hinge upon the reason you are dissapointed. I mean we all have our expectations and hopes for those we love and when they do something contrary to what we want for them its natural to be dissapointed. So if you would be dissapointed because you wanted him to marry a woman and looked forward to having a daughter in law one day or just hoped he would marry a woman and start a family the 'natural' way, thats not automatically a bad thing. You can respect other lifestyles while having your own ideal of what you want for your children personally. That does not make you a bad person. It would get sketchy if your reason for dissapointment was something like my son is going to make our family look bad now. That would be extremly disrespectful.


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Originally posted by tothetenthpower



What?

She's 21, we've been through that phase. And she had dozens of female role models; from aunts, to grandmothers, to friends of the family. I've never pawned anything off on my partner, I simply didn't have an answer and since I consider him to be smarter than I am, I suggested she check with him before accepting my non response.

Parenting is a two person job and I never had all the answers, hell I still don't and I have 3 living at home.

~Tenth

..

T

Then what did you reply for? Are you just making a point that you are a gay parent?

Who cares then, as long as you have done your job. Get over yourself already for being a gay parent raising kids.

As long as you have done your job as a parent, which is the issue here, who gives a crap?

Too add, I think you think you deserve some sort of medal for bringing up a female in a homesexual setting/ Get over yourself because you did have to pawn thid kid off on female role models, which were missing from you immediate family.

Originally posted by Sulie

Then what did you reply for? Are you just making a point that you are a gay parent?

Who cares then, as long as you have done your job. Get over yourself already for being a gay parent raising kids.

As long as you have done your job as a parent, which is the issue here, who gives a crap?

So just a few posts after you mention that all we need is love, you're accusing someone of egotism? Interesting.

His experiences as a gay parent are very relevant to this thread, and much appreciated.

Originally posted by Sulie


Then what did you reply for? Are you just making a point that you are a gay parent?

Who cares then, as long as you have done your job. Get over yourself already for being a gay parent raising kids.

As long as you have done your job as a parent, which is the issue here, who gives a crap?

Sorry, but being rude, does EVERYONE an injustice.

The point is shining some light on the situation. Because of the misconceptions, the prejudices, etc.......

How else can one talk about the thread title, and NOT let someone know, they are Gay, and have first hand knowledge, on the subject? Cant the person be proud of who they are? Im a Parent also. I cant be proud of it either, without having someone lambast me, because I have a good viewpoint on the subject too?


Deny Ignorance Indeed........

reply to post by Sulie


So you attack my character for providing anectodal evidence in a thread where being gay was the primary topic?

I'm a bit confused as to why, you replied, considering you had nothing to add but criticize my parenting, which you know nothing about.

I don't pat myself on the back for being gay and raising kids, I know a dozen or so same situations in my tiny little community alone. I was attempting to help a fellow member and friend.

As for not having females in my immediate family, do you not consider your sister or your mother to be immediate family?

~Tenth

Originally posted by smyleegrl
[.

So just a few posts after you mention that all we need is love, you're accusing someone of egotism? Interesting.

His experiences as a gay parent are very relevant to this thread, and much appreciated.

..

No, don't you see it? This person is proud of raising his child in a non-traditional family setting, and when I mentioned the use of tampons and instructing a child how to use them, got defensive.

That's not my bag, to insult, but if a person is so self centered to say they raised a child, out of a homosexual relationship. and didn't think that would come up, for themselves to explain while raising a child, I think it's damn selfish. As a parent, one should be able to figure out how to explain that to a child, through love. If the parent raises a child it should come from them, not a relative or friend,

To raise a child takes planning on the part of a parent, not some outside source. There was no love given to this child from a parent in regards on how to insert a tampon.

Originally posted by Sulie

Originally posted by smyleegrl
[.

So just a few posts after you mention that all we need is love, you're accusing someone of egotism? Interesting.

His experiences as a gay parent are very relevant to this thread, and much appreciated.

..

No, don't you see it? This person is proud of raising his child in a non-traditional family setting, and when I mentioned the use of tampons and instructing a child how to use them, got defensive.

That's not my bag, to insult, but if a person is so self centered to say they raised a child, out of a homosexual relationship. and didn't think that would come up, for themselves to explain while raising a child, I think it's damn selfish. As a parent, one should be able to figure out how to explain that to a child, through love. If the parent raises a child it should come from them, not a relative or friend,

To raise a child takes planning on the part of a parent, not some outside source. There was no love given to this child from a parent in regards on how to insert a tampon.

I think you are reading too much into the response.

This is not an attack, but you were the one who brought up the question about how he'd explain tampons to his daughter. It wasn't something he mentioned at all. And when he replied, he simply stated that his daughter was in her twenties and past that stage.

Go back and reread the comments. Hopefully you'll see where you've jumped the gun.

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by Sulie

 

So you attack my character for providing anectodal evidence in a thread where being gay was the primary topic?

I'm a bit confused as to why, you replied, considering you had nothing to add but criticize my parenting, which you know nothing about.

I don't pat myself on the back for being gay and raising kids, I know a dozen or so same situations in my tiny little community alone. I was attempting to help a fellow member and friend.

As for not having females in my immediate family, do you not consider your sister or your mother to be immediate family?
~Tenth

..

How am I attacking you based on the fact that you said you raised your daughter based on others explaining how to insert a tampon. It has nothing to do with you being gay, other than you lacked in being a parent to explain to your daughter how to do it yourself. I take it you did not assume the mother role in your homosexual relationship,l so what do you want? A medal, or a chest to pin it on?

Originally posted by Sulie
If the parent raises a child it should come from them, not a relative or friend,

WRONG

I am a single Parent, and need as much help, as I could possibly get. It is hard to raise a child or children, as a single Parent. I am not ashamed to tell anyone, that help is needed. I have asked my Mother, and a few female friends, to help with certain situations, I didn't feel comfortable, or lacked the knowledge on , on explaining certain things to my daughter. Parenting is a learning experience, and not everything is Black and White, as you want to make it out to be.

Honestly, I don't think you know ANYTHING when it comes to Parenting. If you did, you would understand the nature of it, has many roads and obstacles, and not everything is handed down, in some fancy book of knowledge.

About traditional Parenting? There is NO traditional Parenting out there. There is Parenting, and that's it.

Originally posted by sonnny1

Originally posted by Sulie
If the parent raises a child it should come from them, not a relative or friend,

WRONG

I am a single Parent, and need as much help, as I could possibly get. It is hard to raise a child or children, as a single Parent. I am not ashamed to tell anyone, that help is needed. I have asked my Mother, and a few female friends, to help with certain situations, I didn't feel comfortable, or lacked the knowledge on , on explaining certain things to my daughter. Parenting is a learning experience, and not everything is Black and White, as you want to make it out to be.

Honestly, I don't think you know ANYTHING when it comes to Parenting. If you did, you would understand the nature of it, has many roads and obstacles, and not everything is handed down, in some fancy book of knowledge.

About traditional Parenting? There is NO traditional Parenting out there. There is Parenting, and that's it.

Amen.

My hats off to you. Raising a child is difficult, and I have a wonderful husband who shares that responsibility. To go it alone, that takes a special something. You sound like a wonderful parent who is wise enough to know when to ask for help. Kudos to you, my friend.

Originally posted by Sulie

How am I attacking you based on the fact that you said you raised your daughter based on others explaining how to insert a tampon. It has nothing to do with you being gay, other than you lacked in being a parent to explain to your daughter how to do it yourself. I take it you did not assume the mother role in your homosexual relationship,l so what do you want? A medal, or a chest to pin it on?

Show the quote where tenth said this.