Greetings, ATS!

For quite some time now, I’ve supported the gay rights movement. I believe what two consenting adults choose to do is none of my business, nor the business of anyone else. I believe that same-sex couples should have all the rights and privileges of traditional couples with regards to marriage. I believe that homosexuals are people, and should not be defined by their sexuality anymore than someone should be defined by their race, religion, or creed. I’ve been somewhat vocal about this on ATS, and other online communities. Those who know me are well aware of my beliefs and know my stance on this issue.

But today, I had to confront a very difficult question. Am I a hypocrite? I think the answer is…..yes.

So why share this with the ATS community? Because it caused me to think, to reflect, to take the time to truly examine myself. Hopefully, what I share may cause you to do the same.

Here’s what happened. My son, husband, and I went to the movies after running some errands. We went to see ParaNorman, a creepy kids’ film about a young boy who talks to the dead and must save his town from an undead apocalypse. Anyway, throughout the movie there is a “beefcake” young man and the “Barbie” teenage girl characters; the girl is obviously quite taken with the young man, who remains mind-numbingly oblivious to her attraction.

*********************************Spoiler Alert!*******************************
At the end of the film, the girl asks the young man out on a date to see a romantic comedy. At which point the young man replied, “Sure! I’ll bring my boyfriend. He loves those chick flicks.”

I gasped. The entire audience gasped (about twenty folks). And I immediately recognized the problem with my reaction.

The fact is, I didn’t like my 6 year old son hearing that declaration. It was a visceral reaction, not a conscious one at all. Almost like an instinct, I guess you could say.

But wait! I support gay rights! I believe consenting adults can do whatever they want! So why would this bother me on such a deep and fundamental level?

I’ve pondered this all afternoon and I’m sure I’ll be pondering it for days to come…and that’s good. Obviously I need the introspection, because maybe I’ve been a hypocrite all this time.

When I consider things logically, I KNOW that if I support homosexual rights (and yes, I still do), then I should have no objection to my child viewing a movie with homosexual characters (let me be clear, I think he’s too young at the moment to have any idea what homosexuality means, but I’m speaking rhetorically at the moment). After all, if I believe homosexuality to be a legitimate lifestyle, then I should expect to see examples of homosexuality in day-to-day life and THAT SHOULD BE OKAY.

Why did I gasp? Was it just surprise, as I tend to believe after much introspection? If just surprise, then why that sense of unease over the joke (which was pretty funny)?

So I’m laying it on the line and asking for your advice, ATS. Have you ever paid lip service to an ideal, only to be surprised when that ideal became a reality? Did it fundamentally change you, help you to grow as a person? I truly believe these rare moments are what help us to grow spiritually, help us better understand life and our place in it. So what events have you experienced that maybe shook your foundations, if only just a tremor?

And let me add this. I foresee the possibility that this thread will derail into a gay-bashing melee. I will not tolerate this. This thread is NOT about the rights of homosexuals, but about how personal beliefs can be challenged in surprising ways. Please, lets stay focused and keep our replies thoughtful and respectful.

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Sorry I really believe the whole line in the movie was in bad taste.... Did they really need to go there with it in a kids movie? You don't need to teach this to your kids, adolescents yes, kids no.... Where has all the innocents gone as a child? Why do people want to strip it away? There is something really mentally wrong with people in society today.....

I really respect the fact that you identified your personal hypocrisy and instead of ignoring it or making an excuse, you want to understand and change it. Maybe it would be helpful to figure out why in that moment you felt uncomfortable with your son seeing a gay person portrayed in the movie. I mean while the reaction you had was unexpected it has to be rooted in a thought process. Were scared it might influence him to become gay?

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Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

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Well then.

S&F firstly.. ( been ages since I wrote that)

Now most people know me here, gay married, 4 kids.

I never ever, ever, needed to teach my kids about homosexuals or straight kids. Actually my oldest daughter once asked me why she didn't have a mom. She was about 10 at the time.

This freaked me out..I didn't have an answer, so I told her to go ask her father.

So she did, and neither did he. We suggested she look around and try to come up with her own response and we would discuss it at family night.

Family night comes around and we sit there, nervously, thinking we've ruined this child's understanding of the family.

Nope.

When asked what she'd come up with she said " Well there are all kinds of families, just dad, jsut mom, mom and dad, two dads and two moms, so we just aren't a tradional family." " Having a mommy would probably be annoying, aunt Sheila and both Grammy and Grandma are bossy."

Moral of the story? Kids learn these things for themselves and only when you actually see or hear them expousing some kind of backwards ideology do you sit down and try and make them understand why they are wrong.

By not making a big deal out of it, our child learnt and made a decision for herself.

As for the movie, I didn't see it, but it seems from your description they didn't "type" cast the gay character if you were so surprised at the end, which is good. Shows those kids that anybody can be anything and you have to learn to deal with it.

~Tenth

Originally posted by smyleegrl
My husband and I intend to raise our son to be accepting of all, regardless of differences.

Will you also teach your son what to do when he accepts others, regardless of differences, but they do not accept him because he is different from them?

Originally posted by acmpnsfal
I really respect the fact that you identified your personal hypocrisy and instead of ignoring it or making an excuse, you want to understand and change it. Maybe it would be helpful to figure out why in that moment you felt uncomfortable with your son seeing a gay person portrayed in the movie. I mean while the reaction you had was unexpected it has to be rooted in a thought process. Were scared it might influence him to become gay?

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Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

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I don't know.

I made a thread here a few months back, I won't take the time to link it but it was called "My Son Wants to Be A Girl" or something similar. You can find it in my profile. Anyway, my son had noticed me painting my fingernails and wanted his painted. So I painted his, thinking who wouldn't want their nails an awesome shade of glitter. After that, we had about a week of him commenting that he wanted to wear lipstick and be a girl. He's back to being all boy, recently refused to use pink scissors because they were "girl scissors" and i think that's pretty normal for a child his age.

What would I do if my son turned out to be homosexual? Love him, accept him, and support him. But I can't pretend otherwise....I would feel somewhat dissapointed, too.

Hypocrisy. Doesn't dissapointment imply a subtle lack of respect? So maybe I'm only okay with others being homosexual, but not my child? I have a homosexual cousin and its no big deal; we live in different states but he brings his partner to our family reunions and its perfectly fine with everyone.

More to think about. Thank you.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

What would I do if my son turned out to be homosexual? Love him, accept him, and support him. But I can't pretend otherwise....I would feel somewhat dissapointed, too.

Feeling disappointed, would be another "emotion", that would pass, I would assume. I say this, because we cannot change peoples views, other then ours, when you really think about it.

I used to believe at one time, like you. I had thoughts, misconceptions, etc........

I then realized, life is too short, to be stuck in a perpetual loop, of disappointing situations, I have no control of. What really mattered is seeing those I love, Happy. Even those I don't know, seeing them truly happy, is what makes this World, we live in, great.

Try this. The next Homosexual couple you see, talk to them. You might get a better understanding, of what might make you feel the way you do now.

You might be surprised, that they are exactly like you. Human, and have fears, and wants, and they love, just like you and me.

Seriously, try it.......



It will change how you view, the label, society has stigmatized them with.

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by smyleegrl
My husband and I intend to raise our son to be accepting of all, regardless of differences.

Will you also teach your son what to do when he accepts others, regardless of differences, but they do not accept him because he is different from them?

We will do our absolute best. We've already had to start, because my son is different.

He's extremely small for his age; he's 6 but the size of a four year old. He has a minor eye condition known as ptosis, which causes the eyelid to droop slightly (but noticeably). He also wears glasses and has a lazy eye, so has to wear an eye patch for six hours a day.

Additionally, he has sensory integration issues and those are very complex and complicated to deal with. He sees an endocrinologist to monitor his growth, an occupational therapist to help him with is sensory issues, and he sees a speech pathologist to correct a very pronounced speech issue. He's been evaluated multiple times at school and medically. To add to it all, he displays strong signs of being academically gifted (which sounds like a brag but I can assure you brings another set of challenges to the plate).

So my son is already outside the norm....and he likes it that way. So far, at least. He definitely marches to a different tune and quite possibly to an entirely different instrument.

My philosophy, that I hope to instill in him, is that you accept all, but recognize not everyone will accept or respect you, and that's okay.