reply to post by jhill76
Nope, I wasn't addressed by any name or title. It was more like getting answers to my questions even before I was finished asking them. I know it
was God, because I didn't like some of the answers, and I disagreed with them, and I even argued with them, and there were things I could not possibly
have known on my own, but each rebuttal was met with an instant understanding of some other angle or concept. God made me understand the answers even
when I disagreed with them. It wasn't a voice, it was just knowledge in my own mind that God unlocked for me, or placed there for me.
I also had a scary experience with God while I knelt at an altar, in a completely dark room, just after midnight on one of my worst nights. Not a
spot of light anywhere, and I was arguing, and blaspheming, and asking for a sign, and next thing I knew the floor rolled toward me like a wave in the
ocean, and it threw me to my feet, and instinctively I turned to run, but then my consciousness told me I was being stupid and overreacting, so I
turned back toward the altar, and when I did, a black wall of just heavy thickness struck me and took my breath away and shoved me on to the door. I
stepped outside, and panicked for a second or two, and then I decided I had come there for God's attention, and now that I had it, I wasn't giving up
that easy, and I walked back into the room, and I knelt again, and I thanked God for the opportunity to have this discussion, and I asked my questions
more respectfully, and I got my answers.
For the record, this came at a time when my whole extended family was praying for a miracle to save my infant son, that was struggling for life for
many months, and had a very bad prognosis, and the doctors said he would live a short painful life, and never walk or talk, but I refused to accept
that, and I got my miracle! My son is now 4 years old, fully recovered, caught up with his classmates, advanced in language skills, and he is
entering pre-K this year. No meds, no nothing. God didn't do it though.
God's answer to me was "he asked for it." That was what triggered my anger. How could he have asked for all that struggling? But, God convinced me
that is exactly what happened, and if I wanted a miracle, I had to do it myself, and I did. I found the best doctor in the nation, I got meds from
Europe, I got daily therapy sessions for him, I forced his little brain to develop the synapses it needed, I held his screaming, writhing little body
while the nurses tried to draw blood from his little 5lb frame, I held his tiny hand while they blasted his eyes with strobe lights, and ran EEG's on
him for hours every week. I quit my job, and got a different job to allow me more time, I gave up my truck, and my home, and moved in with family so
my wife could stop working and dedicate time to helping him. He recovered, not because God made it happen, but because God responded to my prayers by
knocking me to my feet and giving me the bitter truth, and convincing me that I didn't have to accept the words of so-called experts, and also
convincing me that Jasper wanted this experience, he wanted to overcome it, and he wanted everything to come to him in this difficult manner, he
So, together, we experienced it, and we got through it, and we got our miracle, and I know God like never before, and like some will never get to know
God. I no longer fear God, but I respect it, and I realize it is everywhere, all the time, and it wants the best for us, but sometimes that includes
more struggle and heartache than many can handle, but we can't give up, if we fail, we just have to try again and again, in this lifetime or the next.
Eventually we all evolve to become one with God, or we give up and our little piece of the god-spirit eventually dies. God doesn't want that, God
wants us to succeed, but we have to do it ourselves. (Everytime I said "I," it really should have been "we" because my wife was there doing
miraculous things as well.)
edit on 8-7-2012 by getreadyalready because: (no reason given)