So your single? You can’t possibly be normal.

I can't relate to any of you. What's a relationship? Hell....What is a date? Never experienced one. All i know is I'm permanently depressed for not having the miserable experience.

Originally posted by religiousmurder
I can't relate to any of you. What's a relationship? Hell....What is a date? Never experienced one. All i know is I'm permanently depressed for not having the miserable experience.

If I may ask, are you younger? I see a lot of younger people especially placing a great emphasis on the status of a relationship. If not, well if you want to have a relationship, you need to do two things, 1) Get yourself out there. Hang out with friends to meet friends of friends, go out to parties, etc. No one knows your on the map if you 'aint on the map. And 2) Be confident. I've always found women like confident guys, no matter what they look like.

As for me, I been around a bit... I already know this stuff, I'm just not interested in applying it.

Originally posted by 74Templar
reply to post by corvuscorrax

 

More of an observation than a fact. I have to say that mindset is not something I condone nor want to be like.

I have had female friends tell me the good guy (or doormat) is not the guy they want, and that sometimes even they go for the bad boy that acts that way. And that's coming from them, not me.

From my point of view a few theories: It is because they want the challange and being able to have an interesting emotional life. Maybe it is also because they are bored. That is the price you pay when they have it to easy and do not need to struggle enought in life. If they lived a life where everyday was a struggle to survive then the bad boy charm would have dissapered quickly.

I have a sister that makes all the wrong choices. Seems she likes mentaly unhealthy guys and you cannot fix her whatever you say. She have had a few scare her for a while so she keep away from it but after a while it is the same kind of people she chooses. When someone is good for her she kicks them to the curb. The nice one is boring so I dumped him to be with the alchoholic player that is so much fun. And then after a few months she is pissed of because the alchoholic player still do not want to commit and still plays her. It is like battered wifes. They are addicted to the missery and you cant help people who do not want to be helped.

reply to post by 74Templar


I'm 28

To put it in just a few words, normality is only a matter of majority. If you don't correspond, if you don't mix in, if you're not like the 95% of John Doe's, then you're not normal.

A few other examples of things that you "don't do like others" and which, nearly inevitably, will bring its load of "friends" recommendations : you don't have a "smart" phone, you don't have a FB account, you have money yet an old crappy car, you don't want to go on holiday even if you can afford it, you refuse to eat junk foods, you don't watch or even don't own a TV, etc. etc. etc.

It is just so sad that people who are "like the rest" feel forced to encourage those who're not to follow them into their reality of things. Because that's merely it : it is their own reality, not your reality.

Of the things above, I would tick them all except the car thing (mine is only 9 years old and not too crappy ). I could easily afford to go on holiday, to buy another house or another car, etc. I just don't need that.

Why would I have to match?

Same as with being single. I just want to remain single, I'm better this way. Is it so hard to understand and to accept? Apparently so. Why would I need a woman around me?

Worse even than what others think, is what they do. Like those cases when someone goes "Maybe you should try". Try what? To rape her? Listen buddy, I have some friends who actually happen to be female members of the human race. I don't want to # around with that woman, she's fine as a friend ok?

Or still even worse... Like the OP said, when others try to hook you with someone. Hell I can be most detestable person then. To them, and to the potential hook as well even if it is probably most of the times unintended. It is just the situation that gets me out of myself. Why won't people let me live my live the way I want it to be?

Do I try to change other's lives? No. It's their life.
Do I try to get people together, or worse to separate them? No. It's their feelings and minds.
Do I want my friends to change their hair style or clothing style? No. It's their choice.
Do I ask anyone why they don't have an iPhone? No. It's their phone.

Why do too many people including friends and family try (and want!) to change bits of yourself?

Well I don't know, but if that is the majority, then the majority is a real sad sneaky intruder.

Originally posted by hotel1
Your single status to your coupled friends who try to hook you up with other singles represents doubts they have about their own relationship status. They see you as you are and then begin to question there lives, for others you appearing to be happy in your single state makes them angry as they beleive you should be as miserable as they are.

Your views are as narrow-minded as the ones of people you describe in your post, such a shame really.

You must be an unhappy single? Those unhappy singles always project their being unhappy on couples that try to help singles. Makes as much sense as what you suggest here doesn't it?

I'm in a relationship, and though I, nor anyone else, can say if it will last, etc... I'm very happy. I don't try to match singles though but I do feel you're trying to suggest that if I'm not trying to match singles, deep down inside I must still be angry too because I'm so jealous of single people?

This is how it is; even in the animal kingdom, some animals seek a connection with another animal, while others don't. This is the simple reality, nobody is the same, many people that are in a relationship don't want to lose it. Many for wrong reasons, but there are examples, like me, that only do it for the love they get out of it. I have a very healthy relationship, we don't exchange gifts to show our love for each other, we give each other a kiss and a hug and we're doing better than the bozos that think they need to spend half a K on their partner's birthday present.

Second, there are the people that feel they're doing a good deed, and when not told they aren't, they will keep on believing they're doing a good thing. You see, if you don't like what people are trying to do for you, you can also just say it, you know, like "I appreciate your efforts but I don't need your help".

Some people fall in love, experienced the immense joy it brings, and hope to bring said joy to other people too. It's not because their intentions are misunderstood they must be really unhappy in their relationship, what utter garbage... I'm sure there are couples like the ones you suggest, but to go and say all couples that try to match singles are like that, ridiculous, sorry. Love is a beautiful thing that can be experience as an individual, but in the first place it is found in a relationship (not necessarily a sexual one), like mother and child. Some people think, sometimes correctly, that singles don't experience this love, and want to help them.

YOU do not appreciate the help, nor does the OP, but do you seriously believe every single person is happy and hates trying to get set up???? I'm 100% sure some people are DYING to find love and and equally sure some people have found it with the help of others.

Your generalizations are really, really sad. If only some people would take the time to look at the other side of EVERY medal they encounter in life, things would be so much easier But no, everything is bad, no exceptions.





@ OP; I can completely understand how you feel. I am relatively young and there is no way to tell if my relationship will last or not, I hope it does, and so does my girlfriend, and I know we are both prepared to work when the relationship needs fixing.

I'm nut suggesting you didn't give fixing a try, I'm sure you did, and I'm equally sure that no matter how much you want to fix something, it won't work if your partner doesn't share this idea. Some people get rid of a car the second it breaks down, they immediately go looking for a replacement. Others try to fix it, or have it fixed, they have enough of a "connection" with the car that for them, it is worth getting fixed, there may be some problems, but unless it's a total wreck, there's nothing that can't be fixed.

I don't go and buy a new car the second my current one breaks down, why should I? I'd have to learn how it works etc... all over again which is pointless to me.

Now, before someone starts thinking I see my partner as a car, I don't But we've had plenty of problems, luckily nothing wrecking yet, but enough serious fixes have occurred, and they worked. Every new partner means; a new character, new preferences, new ideas, new conflicts,... that all need time to get adjusted to, time to fix,...

And at times, I do confess, I wonder what it would be like to be single again, but I don't long for it, because choices were made, and as with everything in life, there may come a time to re-evaluate those choices, but when everything works, why try to change it? I applaud your choice and that of other singles! As long as they applaud mine, I don't see why I should bother anyone unless they require it. (as I said earlier, some people do want help)

Originally posted by SpookyVince
To put it in just a few words, normality is only a matter of majority. If you don't correspond, if you don't mix in, if you're not like the 95% of John Doe's, then you're not normal.

A few other examples of things that you "don't do like others" and which, nearly inevitably, will bring its load of "friends" recommendations : you don't have a "smart" phone, you don't have a FB account, you have money yet an old crappy car, you don't want to go on holiday even if you can afford it, you refuse to eat junk foods, you don't watch or even don't own a TV, etc. etc. etc.

It is just so sad that people who are "like the rest" feel forced to encourage those who're not to follow them into their reality of things. Because that's merely it : it is their own reality, not your reality.

Of the things above, I would tick them all except the car thing (mine is only 9 years old and not too crappy

). I could easily afford to go on holiday, to buy another house or another car, etc. I just don't need that.

Why would I have to match?

Same as with being single. I just want to remain single, I'm better this way. Is it so hard to understand and to accept? Apparently so. Why would I need a woman around me?

Worse even than what others think, is what they do. Like those cases when someone goes "Maybe you should try". Try what? To rape her? Listen buddy, I have some friends who actually happen to be female members of the human race. I don't want to # around with that woman, she's fine as a friend ok?

Or still even worse... Like the OP said, when others try to hook you with someone. Hell I can be most detestable person then. To them, and to the potential hook as well even if it is probably most of the times unintended. It is just the situation that gets me out of myself. Why won't people let me live my live the way I want it to be?

Do I try to change other's lives? No. It's their life.
Do I try to get people together, or worse to separate them? No. It's their feelings and minds.
Do I want my friends to change their hair style or clothing style? No. It's their choice.
Do I ask anyone why they don't have an iPhone? No. It's their phone.

Why do too many people including friends and family try (and want!) to change bits of yourself?

Well I don't know, but if that is the majority, then the majority is a real sad sneaky intruder.

I agree with most of what you said, especially the bit about the "friends" recommendations, as it's a daily occurrence in my life that I've grown accustomed to.

But you also seem to forget that suggesting things to you that they have received joy from is THEIR choice as well

Especially when it comes to love, as I see this as a wholly different experiencing of joy than, say, owning an iphone. It's THEIR choice to try and introduce it to you, in your turn again, it's YOUR choice to say you don't want help.

I don't see why trying to set people up is such a bad thing, it's not the same as people questioning you not owning an iphone, there's a big difference, one I'm sure everyone can see. Some people experience the joy love brings and feel the need to share it with others. There is, of course, a difference between trying to force people, and just trying to be friendly. I think the two are being confused a lot here.

Next time someone tries to hook you up, first think of the fact that maybe, just maybe, they want you to feel the joy they (often mistakenly) think you don't know or have experienced. Next, just be bluntly honest with them; "I appreciate the help but it's not needed." When people don't want to listen, I think THEN the term "forcing" would be in place.

And lastly (I'm repeating myself here, see previous post), some people DO appreciate the help. Maybe you would love to see every person on the planet minding their own business, I sometimes would want that too, but there are enough people that really need others minding their business. "Ugly" people with low self-esteem often need a little push, they sometimes need to be put together in one room with a stranger of the other sex, because otherwise they would never get that far if it were up to their own efforts... And many appreciate the help too




Oh, and people can't just go asking around "hey, need help with finding a partner?". Even if someone thought they could use some help with setting them up, they would NEVER admit it due to foolish pride. And thus, there is no way for people trying to do good to find out if someone needs help or not, if they'd need help, they'd refuse it anyway The fact that the line between doing good and being annoying is really, really fine, does not mean it's not there, there's a big difference.

Some poor people don't want help either, but not offering help to any poor people because of other poor people's beliefs is foolish and even harmful.

Originally posted by ThisIsNotReality
But you also seem to forget that suggesting things to you that they have received joy from is THEIR choice as well

(...)
it's YOUR choice to say you don't want help.

I absolutely agree. It's just becoming annoying or much more when they don't seem to understand ever that you don't need or want that "help". It doesn't help, they know, I've told it nicely many times enough. Why insist?

Next time someone tries to hook you up, (...) Next, just be bluntly honest with them; "I appreciate the help but it's not needed."

You know, it's sometimes extremely unwelcome to go that way on the fly. It is very unpleasant for the person they've brought with them to hear such a thing.

And saying afterwards is too late. Particularly 20 times.

And lastly (...) some people DO appreciate the help.

Oh I'm sure. But anyone who knows me more than a few minutes will know I'm fed up with people trying to decide what's best for me despite what they believe is the obvious.

Maybe you would love to see every person on the planet minding their own business

That's pushing it a bit too far. I never meant that we have to be selfish. I'm actually very far from being at all selfish.

"Ugly" people with low self-esteem often need a little push, they sometimes need to be put together in one room with a stranger of the other sex, because otherwise they would never get that far if it were up to their own efforts...

I laughed This rejoins what I was saying above: those people are known for needing and appreciating the help. It is not the case for everybody.

Some poor people don't want help either, but not offering help to any poor people because of other poor people's beliefs is foolish and even harmful.

Don't make the mistake indeed. If all white rabbits bite, all rabbits that bite are not necessarily white. Using the excuse that some poor people don't want help, to refuse to help those who accept it is a mistake. But it's certainly not what I have defended here. What I say is, don't insist on trying to help that poor person who refuses help.

"Morale" of the story, so to say... Even though I am a very altruistic person, I do not try to influence or tamper with others' lives, because I know that I hate it when one does it to me. It goes even beyond this: some people are bad enough that they hold you responsible for their own failures when you had one day the opportunity to give them that piece of well thought advice.

reply to post by 74Templar




you're not, I've felt the same way. I'm 52 and single. I do tell people though that if I do find a mate we'd have to have seperate bedrooms. I've been a loner ever since I was a kid. Can't really explain it, space means freedom for me...I just have to have it.

Peace!

Originally posted by Podius1
reply to post by 74Templar

 

you're not, I've felt the same way. I'm 52 and single. I do tell people though that if I do find a mate we'd have to have seperate bedrooms. I've been a loner ever since I was a kid. Can't really explain it, space means freedom for me...I just have to have it.

Peace!

I have been a loaner (Introvert) my whole life also, but discovery of the MBTI has turned everything around knowing how awesome and not alone we are.

Take a free MBTI test, and read into Introverts, as your are most likely one. 25% of the population are Introverts, of that I figure around 10% are the very non-social types (Nearly 100% Introversion Score on the MBTI).
Many of us have issues with the mere thought of not being able to have alone time.


5 min test is here kisa.ca...

Once done with the test, you can read about your type here
www.personalitypage.com... (Once found you can click the link under it for a more detailed description.)

Here is the thread with the top 10 myths that changed my life. Posting the myths for quick identification.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Top ten myths about introverts
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

From
carlkingcreative.com

Click here for more information.

I've been called attractive before, but for years no girl has wanted me. It makes me sick to see the lack of love that we young adults have for each other. I know what love is, but as far as finding it, I am so lost. All I see is deception in an attractive girl's eyes, all I see is that they are not interested. The feeling is so pathetic that you cannot find another person who cares about you. It is me they don't care about a lot of the time, which should be for superficial tasks I can work on because not much is said, but it is a worldly thing - they don't care about the world. I am part of the world but not in the world, so it is creating a block since I am not aggressive. Just the way the world is - if a man that is not up to the world's standards, he can walk through a forest with every tree being an attractive girl and not one will even acknowledge him. If there are many trees then one might smile at him, being that he would have to be the first one to speak. It is probably many things, but surely I am being myself, which means that those who I find attractive find some part of me unattractive, because love is not something you would need to be aggresive for, and I see standards that hold that to be true by the world.

reply to post by 74Templar


I LOVE BEING SINGLE! Partnering up is evolution's way of procreating and somehow my genes don't want to replicate

As to the match making, start eating raw garlic and I promise they'll leave you alone

Originally posted by religiousmurder
reply to post by 74Templar

 

I'm 28

Time to start living a bit more and feeling down a bit less

Originally posted by 74Templar
reply to post by jiggerj

 

I was better friends with my first ex after we split, and I have friends who are the same after their breakup. I guess it's the no pressure thing once a relationship is over. Kinda like not having to be what your partner thinks you should be, or compromise who you are anymore. It was like that for me anyway.

Both consciously and subconsciously, people come into a marriage with preconceived notions on how it should be. The odds of two people having compatible notions is nothing short of miraculous.

reply to post by SpookyVince


My post was intended more as a confirmation of yours but with the added dimension that a one time offer is not a bad thing, and that some people do appreciate help I completely understand where you are coming from, if I say no to someone, I don't appreciate them asking me again 5 times either.

Also, the whole poor thing was not to say I think you reason like that, it was an example rather, of how applying a certain set of expectations from one part of a group, does not apply to the entire group. Just to make that clear!

I'd be miserable in a relationship too. Being alone is a part of my innate personality, so big of one that being part of a couple sends me into an identity crisis. Only after breaking off the relationship do I gradually regain my sense of self.

reply to post by Cyprex


Well this just looks to me exactly like a "Intelligent people for dumbs" book summary...

Introverts ?? Who the hell came to earth with this? Someone who didn't like to talk?

As life evolves, needs evolve, perhaps you need singleness for a while, assess the person you now are, get your bearings and do the things you need to. It isn't necessarily a permanent thing, perhaps if you met and gelled with the right partner it would happen, love is something that happens, whether looking or expecting it or not. People evolve as do their emotional needs.