wife with benefits or does he really love me in some sense

reply to post by dmonkey


Really if your happy with him, understand his limitations and accept them. Some men are this way it does not mean he does not love you.

sometimes i tell myself i would rather be alone than be in this situation. and then i see a ray of light like when he kissed me goodbye this morning...he looked like he really loved me... i get to work and i see messages on his yahoo that he wants to meet one of the many women that he has been texting on craigslist. i am beginning to hate the internet. resent it. it is destroying any hope of ever having the relationship i want.

my ex of 12 years was addicted to porn photos and spent hours every day collecting pics. he had 43,000+ pics when i left. and to him it was no big deal. he constantly fantasized about them and me together and i felt 2nd rate. never good enough to hold his attention there was always better "eye candy" to look at. i am not a model, i have big boobs. lol. i used to be a size 10. i am not now. my current, likes me the way i am.. and doesn't want me to be anythign else. so he says. he seemed more attacted to me when i am a little heavy. weirdo. lol

if i am so "it" for him then why look online for more cake. he says he wants side action. he even tells them he is married and they still want to meet him.

sigh. leave. i hold all the cards. i can use any of the ammo i have on the internet to play at any time to justify leaving. it is his fault. and he will know it. so i can do it now. or later. it is getting harder to not blow up in his face for being this way. doing it all behind my back.

i dont' think i want to move. i have cheap rent. and i think he should move. lol. if i decide to do it. or when.

he is the one with broken leases, and i don't want my rent to double because he screwed up our relationship.

reply to post by dmonkey


Baz Luhrmann says...

"Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours."

this

we married just on paper, so i could have medical insurance

and the fact that not once I´ve read the word "love" in the OP,
says it all. So why are you expecting more?

Sorry I just read the OP but this is what it reads like.

hey - turn about is fair play - shouldn't take long for you to find some one...
or
divorce his worthless butt and take him for every cent (apologies guys - i have daughters)

do i love him? absolutely.

if i didn't i wouldn't care. i would just leave.

he is the only GUY i see i my life.

he reminds me to just relax and enjoy life. he works hard, plays hard. i am always serious and don't laugh much and he seems to bring me to life. yes. i would love him forever if he only knew how much.

he asked me marry him about a month into our relationship. he seemed star struck with me... and then we had a major breakup because i found out he was seeing others... even though he said he wasn't. it was the lies that i had issues with not the act itself. we weren't married. just dating and such.

he seemed as though he really wanted me in his life, like he had finally found his soul mate. he says every know and then i wish we would have met 20 years go... our lives would be so much better.

i have asked him several times if he wanted an open relationship because of what he does, he always says no. he is sort of jealous of me being shared with anyone. and anyone taking my attention.

i was bi-sexual and he tells me he has no intention of every bringing that into our relationship. i almost wish he would, i wouldn't feel so neglected. rejected. i gave all that up when he said he wanted to be just me.

so why dont you show him this thread? Tell him about your thoughts you just shared here. Then you will see if he understands you. Take him aside and simply talk. This is the only way I see that would help you.
Maybe I got it wrong due grammar but you talked about financials, too. If thats a point for you for not breaking up, it really shouldn´t!

If my wife and me have issues, we simply talk it out. We´ve been together since ever, we love each other, care about the problems of the other and listen to them.

I am sorry but I just can't believe that this post is an honest post. I am going to have to call "troll" on this one; or a background study for a fiction novel.

Step back from this post and just re-read the original post and just her replies, skipping all the other replies. Does this still ring true to you?

The more support and advice you send, the more excuses she has for staying, and now it seems that she is admitting that she is never going to leave so what is the purpose of her post?

I may be wrong, and I apologize if I am, but this does not ring true to me.

reply to post by jibajaba


wouldn´t stripping him of every cent be like stabbing him with a knife in his back? Since they only married for financials, he did a favor to her in some way.

it would not solve anything. he knows how i feel about this i actually told him he COULD text and email as long as they don't live like in TEXAS. because i knew he would text and email. it was just actually MEETING them i have issues with. the rest i can let slide, if he just has to do it.

now, currently he is talking to someone that lives in my little dinky town and another town close by not even 10 minutes from me. it is a big no-no for me. in january he drove 2 hours north to met a woman at her apartment and that is when i confronted him.

reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn


Well, I read some more now. Drawing my conclusions about all, you are either right or its all about the money and comfort. This is the way it started.

Aren't you scared you'll catch a disease?

Have you considered you probably have stockholm syndrome? He might not hit you but he is an abuser

love and stockholm syndrome

reply to post by dmonkey


be honest, did he ever said he LOVES you? Well, like you said the mariage was only for financial reasons. So you really have nothing to complain about. This all does not even sound like a relationship to me.

reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn


everything thing here is ABSOLUTELY true.. and if i am some how not explaining right to where you think it is a fake then i guess you don't see my confusion on what to do. this is REAL LIFE. real feelings.

seriously. really?

i love him. that makes it hard to just let go.

i am seriously in tears now.

I think it is called codependency. You said he has never abused you. He threw a phone at you. It will get worse. Instead of feeling guilty that you caught him, he felt anger. That is not love. He's with you because you clean his house or put out when he desires. Probably nothing more. A roommate with benefits. You are lucky you have not had kids with him yet. Eventually he will bring home some disease which you will willing accept because it's love if he's paying attention to me.....
An old best friend of mine treated his girlfriend just like you are getting treated. He only stuck around because he knocked her up twice and did not have the stones to leave. She cooked good too. It's obvious you need to end the relationship.

reply to post by verschickter


yes he said he loves me, lots of times. and then the double life guy would go off and do the things i talk about here. it is almost like 2 different people. the married one and the single one.

reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn

The more support and advice you send, the more excuses she has for staying, and now it seems that she is admitting that she is never going to leave so what is the purpose of her post?

I spent the better part of 7 years justifying any way I could, staying in the relationship I am in now. I convinced myself that I could get over the rough spots, I could ignore the past indiscretions, I even convinced myself that I could live in a sexless marriage. I spent 7 years ignoring my own feelings and needs, trying to be what my partner needed.

sometimes, it's just easier to stay.

Hell, my situation right now, I'm still married, still living with her, she knows most of the story about me and this other woman, has a complete strangle hold on my life. I have few friends left, sure, I'm in contact with a few on facebook, but most won't even hang out anymore because of the person she turned me into. I haven't had a bank account in 10 years, because she didn't trust me (had no reason then to not trust me for the record). I make good money, over 20$ an hour... I live on 20$ a week. 20$ a week is what I get because my paycheque goes into her account.

Sure, we have bills, but both of us work, and she makes more money than me. She has an RRSP (retirement saving plan) with almost 10 grand in it, over half of which is my money. Do I have access to it? Nope. Will she even change the account to a joint account? Nope.

And low and behold, I meet a wonderful woman who makes me feel good about myself for once, it's nice not being beaten down constantly verbally. We are deeply in love, she has cancer, and I'm still here, with my wife.

Because it's too hard to leave sometimes, especially when there is actual love involved, even if it's not romantic anymore.

But once you reach a breaking point, you have to make a change.

Originally posted by MzMorbid reply to post by dmonkey

 

we married just on paper, so i could have medical insurance.

You married him for convenience sake, yet you complain of his treating you casually. Why not accept the responsibility for your actions and just leave if you feel you made the wrong decision? His extramarital activities probably mean as little to him as he says they do. He cared enough for you (at least as a friend) to give you his name for your health. Why not buck up and deal with it- or leave as I mentioned earlier. Get yourself a boy toy and have some fun.

Thats my advice, too.

Originally posted by dmonkey
reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn

 

everything thing here is ABSOLUTELY true.. and if i am some how not explaining right to where you think it is a fake then i guess you don't see my confusion on what to do. this is REAL LIFE. real feelings.

seriously. really?

i love him. that makes it hard to just let go.

i am seriously in tears now.

Look, the guy does not love you, you can continue to live in the lie that is your current life or embrace the truth and make some positive changes, because your current relationship is nothing but negative or you wouldn't be hurting and you wouldn't be looking on the internet for help. This man is broken inside, and the fact that he continues to do these things knowing full well that you are his wife only proves my case. I am married and i would never cheat on my wife, i know what opening that door leads to, yet at the same time i obey a higher power in my life and his name is on my avatar.

I can tell that you do not have alot of self esteem because no woman that did would ever let a man do this to her. Cheating on him to get back at him for revenge is not the answer either, revenge is never the right way and it will not work the way you want it to. Make a clean break, and start over fresh and do not go back to this fellow. He is a liar and an adulterer, you know he is a liar and an adulterer and if you continue on this path then you deserve what you get.