reply to post by GreenEyedVixen
He attacked me again, and I ran inside of my house and locked the door. He finally left after stalking my home for hours. He harrassed me for months
by call and text to the point where I changed my number. After he couldn't reach me that way anymore, he began e-mailing me and I had to deactivate
the e-mail I'd used since I was 8.
Thinking I was finally free of him, I walk out of my door one day to see his face cover my eyes and restrain me. He said he needed me to listen and
that he was never going to leave me alone because he NEEDED me, and he couldn't stand the thought of me being with anyone else. I agreed, said I'd be
with him and we kissed and he came in and forced himself upon me yet again. I only agreed so he'd spend his time with me, and then leave like he
eventually had to do, without me getting hurt.
He left, and I immediately called my grandmother and told her the jist of everything that happened. All of the things I'd been quiet about for so
long. And she came and got me, which is my current residence now.
So because of this boy who I'd loved with every fiber of my being, I lost all of my friends, ALL of them, lost my first child because I didn't want a
constant reminder of him, had to change my number, change my residence, deactivate my e-mail, and I lost my innocence, sense of love and trust, my
sanity among other things. Because of him, and me thinking I loved him, I let things escalate to a disgusting point and remained totally quiet about
it in fear of judgement. To this very day, I honestly admit that I have awful anxiety when I enter the state capital, which is where he lives. My work
sometimes requires that I go that way, and I am in such fear of seeing him again that I've been prescribed anxiety medicine and I am now considering
moving out of the state because when I am on vacation I am virtually stress-free. It is when I'm home that I become ridden with anxiety due to
thoughts of him.
So my point is, dear, you MUST leave him now. It WILL only get worse, I can guarantee you that. He will never change, and if he does it is only
temporary or he's still doing it but better at hiding it. DO NOT let things escalate any further because it really only snowballs. It is time to move
onto something else because it's clearly just not working.
I know this is a long story, and I don't want any sympathy, I just want you to see the severity of things I had to do to stop this cycle of abuse
after enabling it for so long. I was part of the problem, even though I'd done virtually nothing wrong. I was an enabler. You cannot be me and let
these things happen. You have to be proactive and take control, right now before it's too late!
The only thing I can do now is when I see something like this, is to spread my story so that maybe you will learn from my mistakes and stop the cycle
of abuse before it escalates, which it inevitably will! You see, it's not so bad at first because they are testing how much you can take, and once you
go along with it over and over, they will push the envelope further because they have realised that you will not leave them.
And I'm not saying just MEN do this either, it just so happens I experienced this with a male, but I know a lot of females do this aswell.
YOU require love, trust and understanding. Not just a provider. Anyone can provide, but not everyone can love correctly. He clearly does not know how
to love you, and you've already proven that to me just by posting here. If you know in your heart that what he gives isn't enough, then it ISN'T! No
matter what he tells you that you're too "needy" or "insecure", HE is the problem because of his actions. What you feel is a normal reaction to this,
you are NOT wrong at all!
I am so ridiculously passionate about this subject because I never want to see this happen to anyone else!!!
Goodluck though darling! I wish you the absolute best and I hope everything is straightened out.
Remember: ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. So if he is telling you one thing and doing another, call him on his BS!
edit on 9-5-2012 by
GreenEyedVixen because: (no reason given)
edit on 9-5-2012 by GreenEyedVixen because: (no reason given)