wife with benefits or does he really love me in some sense, page 6

reply to post by dmonkey

---

You are exercising your rights in ALLOWING him to treat you with TOTAL DISRESPECT!

So stop expecting sympathy...

In your own words "I just want him to stop ruining our relationship"

But WHY? would he stop doing what YOU are ALLOWING him to do?


Bottom line>>You are not wanting what he is giving - He is giving what you are not wanting<<

The ball's in your court!

reply to post by GreenEyedVixen

---

Thousands upon thousands of young women have been through these things but you have a fantastic way of telling it. You should write a book. It would be a best-seller.

Seriously. If it helps even a couple of girls not to make the same mistakes as us older ones then it'll be worth it.

The problem as we can see here is, a lot of young women don't like taking advice. They have to experience it all for themselves, like they're the only ones on the planet with this BURDEN. It's like they're caught up in their own mini-melodrama and throwing that damned burden straight in the bin is an option they can't even see. And for us women with experience, looking back, it was the only option worth doing.

Well, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But what a waste of time to learn that. And there's always damage.

reply to post by wigit

---

Funny....

A lot of people tell me I should write a book about it. Maybe I will, do something constructive with my experience... maybe it'll touch someone out there enough to stop their own cycle of abuse.

I don't know how many times I need to hear something until I do it. haha.

Just wouldn't even know how to start it, where to begin....

reply to post by GreenEyedVixen

---

AND...when it's a BEST seller wouldn't that constute

Revenge is best served up cold

reply to post by eletheia

---

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement everyone

I think I'm going to do it now. I love to write.... and I have so many stories to tell. I feel empowered to do it now.

I will be sure to post any success I have here, if I do succeed.

I already came up with the perfect title, which truly resonates with me.

Thank you all so much. I know this thread isn't about me, but maybe my story being put out will help those like the OP.

reply to post by GreenEyedVixen

---

I agree you have a wonderful way with words, and I hope you will write your story. I don't know what's going on, and why so many men are so hateful toward women.

While ex and I where still together I came across this young women in the neighborhood one night, she was in her 20's and she was running down the street crying and very shaken up because her live in BF had just beaten her up, and she asked me to help her cause her BF had hid her car keys so she couldn't leave.

Ironically, my abusive BF and I went over and confronted the guy, actually I more confronted him, because my BF felt it was none of our buisness, but he did walk over with me to try and get her keys, he had thrown them in the yard somewhere, and it was dark, so we couldn't find them. The young girl waited with us until her mother came to get her.

Later that night my BF and I got into a fight because " I was such a bitch, and had no right to get involved and get in this guys face" it's just all sooo crazy and sad.....

reply to post by dmonkey

---

my ex of 12 years was addicted to porn photos and spent hours every day collecting pics. he had 43,000+ pics when i left. and to him it was no big deal. he constantly fantasized about them and me together and i felt 2nd rate. never good enough to hold his attention there was always better "eye candy" to look at. i am not a model, i have big boobs. lol. i used to be a size 10. i am not now. my current, likes me the way i am.. and doesn't want me to be anythign else. so he says. he seemed more attacted to me when i am a little heavy. weirdo. lol

While that amount is excessive, EVERY guy looks at some porn now and then. Women seem to think we are fantasizing about the women in the pics and vids. That really isn't so, at least not in my case. More often than not, it's the idea of the scenarios themselves that is the turn on (whether the actual scenario, or one we imagine)...not the gals in the pics...we're just visually stimulated is all. There is no "we'd rather be with her than you" thing, as women seem to want to believe. It just isn't so. Just like women read porn novels, and yet we harbor no fears that you really want Jean Claude or Ramone, etc. over your hubby. I'd much rather have porn with my wife in it, personally. (or watching with one with the wife...especially the parodies...they are hilarious)

Of course, like anything, there is a such thing as too much, and this guy seems to meet that criteria....he definitely seemed addicted. I'm amazed just pics did it for him, if he was that into it, as for most porn addicts, it's a downward spiral to where they need more and more sick and twisted stuff to do it for them.

reply to post by Gazrok

---

I'd much rather have porn with my wife in it, personally.

While I agree that I'm not fantasizing about being with those women instead of my wife, or mistress lol, I disagree. I personally view some porn specifically because its things I wouldn't want to degrade my wife with.

sometimes it's just about sex, where as with a partner, where love is involved, it should be more.

they ignore you.
they use you
they get what they want and forget the rest.

if they are all that way, why change to a new one? same result

No, I'm sorry, not all mean are like that, not even all mean who are leaving their wives for someone else. Boys act that way. You married a boy.

And what is worse, you enabled all of this behavior, you aren't to blame, but he will do whatever you let him get away with doing, and apparently that's a whole hell of a lot.

And it's too bad, you are probably a really nice woman, and could probably meet a really nice man and be happy, but now, you've convinced yourself he's the only one, and that all men would act in such a way.

I'm "cheating" on my wife in the sense that I've talked to, flirted with, and falling in love with another woman. It happened for various reasons and causes, some of my own doing, some of hers.

But, I wouldn't so much as kiss another woman, while I'm married.

so where does that put ME in your list ?

reply to post by Gazrok

---

It's nice to hear a man's perceptive on porn in such a healthy light, lol, and I agree there can be some "humor" and "spice" added to a healthy relationship by a couple sharing a "naughty" movie.

I think what unfortunately is happening in many cases though, is that access to sooo much porn on the internet, and more and more extreme and violent porn has warped some men's perception of reality, especially younger men. There was a very interesting thread here recently about the "porn experiment" and I was really shocked to hear several men chiming in and saying...they needed more and more, preferred it to "actual" women, if women didn't screw everything up bending gender roles and making men into "wimps" porn wouldn't be so popular?

Now alot of wonderful, loving men like yourself, also chimed in and cared about thier partners feelings, and these men are certainly NOT wimps....and I honestly don't understand what "power" some men believe they achieve by "degrading", over powering, and reducing women to "stupid whores"....The term "Bitch" actually sends me off the deep end, and perhaps I even can become one, when I feel my feelings are dismissed, and it becomes a vicious cycle....

I don't know, I have really been confused lately, I worry about OP going camping with with so much un-resolved emotions in her heart, I'm heartbroken hearing green eyes story of abuse, when I think of her being so "in love" hand in hand with her man who tells her she is his future...she takes this to HEART...makes love to him in the sunshine, and she was happy, I know she was,.....THEN he just turns on her...because she DARES to confront him about courting other women, as she is laying there naked? WTF? Then he can't even leave it at that, he throws her clothes in a dirty pond, and she has to walk home wet and broken..

As I write this I am filled with "Flashbacks", that are so awful, humiliating, that I still can not even "wrap my mind around" everything that has happened. How could I have been sooo dumb? I'm smart, pretty, fun-loving, domestic, sexual, why did he want to hurt me so much? Am I capable of ever getting over this? I do appreciate the opportunity to work out these feelings here...lol, I'm not OK yet......

reply to post by phishyblankwaters

---

You do realise I hope that the porn you view to "spare" your wife from things she might find degrading does mean that another woman is "degraded" to make that fantasy happen for you.

If you look into the porn industry it is pretty sleezy and horrible. Yeah, maybe a young, broke woman, usually from a broken home, and on drugs, "legally" agrees and is very much "pressured" into doing things, that like you pointed out, most women would not like, doesn't make it right.

As the Mom of a 21 yr old daughter who was abducted and raped...extreme, violent porn is a whole other animal then "playboy" and "fun-loving" porn.

Men, Who Needs Them?
  Posted 12 days ago with 28 member flags

Convince Us Why Marriage is Worthwhile
  Posted 3 days ago with 8 member flags

Can You Love Someone Who is NOT Physically Attractive To You?
  Posted 14 days ago with 7 member flags

Karma is a b****
  Posted 16 days ago with 4 member flags

Opposing My Best Friends Relationship, Right or Wrong?
  Posted 7 days ago with 3 member flags

The key to each heart
  Posted 7 days ago with 2 member flags

Love is blind because...
  Posted 8 days ago with 2 member flags

ladies, I would like your opinions/advice on an extreme situation. Shoot me down if you must
  Posted 7 days ago with 2 member flags

Newest topics, updated in real-time:

Newest topics getting flags, in real-time:

Newest topics getting replies, in real-time: