reply to post by MountainLaurel
it is hard to explain the details of emotions all in an email, one email, and it bothers me that so many people here are so black and white about it.
and they don't just say it in a nice way, several are kinda harsh about it. i am not a mean spirited person. i am not like the typical female.
when i divorced me first husband he made me feel very guilty for breaking up the family but his actions are what made that happen. because of those
actions i couldn't stand to sleep in the same bed with him, much less anything else was out of the question. he was verbally, phyiscally raped me
several times. it was bad. and YET i rose above it and did what i could for my kids. at the time, ages 6 and 5. they had no idea why i left and he
was astounded that i would divorce him. he told the counselor that i was not allowed to divorce him. after 1 session, she said to me privately, i see
why you want out.
the kids were ALWAYS the priority. no matter the situation, we worked it out for the kids. so we are on a "friend" level and refused to be like the
typical bitter divorce. we have remained friends. if i need something i ask and normally we don't fight about it. he may call me and bitch about
politics but the next time we talk he is back to the other guy. we had to get along for them. regardless if we liked each other anymore. we rose
above it. i paid child support. they lived with him. did i want them with me? SURE. i sacraficed for them so they could live in their house, and
have as little craziness as possible. it was hard enough without tearing up their world. now my kids are 20 and 21. they understand now that they
i never went back after i moved out.
i do feel guilty for leaving and breaking up the family. my kids lives would have been different but at the same time as unhappy as i was with him i
just couldn't set it aside and let it go and just stay for the kids.
so someone said it seems like guilt, so in a sense, yes. i feel like i made the commitment weither my current husband did or not. i am the one that
committed and i understand the seriousness of the commitment... weither he did or not.
part of me wants to just lay into him and tell him i know what your doing and you need to stop before i just give up and walk out the door and never
come back. part of me wants to just email everyone in his yahoo and tell them what a cheater he is.
part of me wants to ask him for is phone and if he says no, then well, i would expect WWIII
he says his phone is private and hates it when i read it.
and then the other part of me wonders, is he really seeing them or just texting them? i just don't know how far he goes.
on the other side i enjoy his company, we go fishing, camping, bowling, just bbq and etc.. and it is all good. sure i pick up after him, cook
sometimes, wash his clothes, take out the trash, mow the yard, do the shopping, it is part of life.
this is not a movie, or some reality tv, this is real life. it is hard to throw away 5 years when i do see some good in him from time to time. maybe
he has reasons from some past relationship to not take it to the level i expect. he never ever talks about past relationships. sometimes i think he
has an dis attachment to people. he was one of 13 kids so i wonder how much attention he actually received growing up. he is very independent, strong
and likes life. he usually has a good attitude, very laid back as am i. it is just this one issue.
to a lot of people it is a deal breaker. but they don't know me or what i let go because i don't want to look back and regret the decisions i have
made. am i jumping to conclusions? am i blowing it up out of proportion? these are the questions i ask myself.
and to the people that are just HATERS and don't understand and how can i be so STUPID, they can just bite me. i don't regret the person i am. i am
smart and independent, and like i said earlier, it is me that hold all the power to leave or not. it is not about how smart you are.
edit on 10-5-2012 by dmonkey because: clarification