posted on Aug, 22 2012 @ 08:20 PM
In the beginning don't "pour your heart out."
I cringe when I think of the way I came on to someone who had been a long-term friend, whom I had lusted after for years. Looking back 20 years
later, I think she was attracted to me just fine---it was just icky to hear about someone secretly having a crush, and wondering if they were stalking
you the whole time (I wasn't).
It is not PC but I've already got mine so here goes:
Women enjoy a bit of pretense, a bit of tension of "is he flirting or isn't he." For all I know, men may like that tension just as much. I never
noticed, because I was only hitting on chicks. EVERY time I have been flat out honest with a woman, every time I have "bared my soul," it was a
complete freaking disaster. I think a lot of women crave a guy who is powerful; baring your soul is too vulnerable, and it drives them away. At
least it did for me. But hey, maybe it was the wizard hat.
my second piece of advice: don't hit on strangers. Work on the women you have a passing acquantence with form a class or social group. Do NOT hit
on friends or their immediate friends. Choose a female you can avoid if she says no. But pick a contact that you know a couple of bits of info
about. Not stalking stuff, but you've observed that she is obviously bored in a class you share. Make that the entry point of a conversation (not a
pickup line.) Something like "the lecturer was actually a bit less boring today" (only say this if true).
She will respond with either an open or closed comment. An open comment leaves room for you to say something else. Example: she says, "Well, I
only registered for this class because Dr. Marx was supposed to teach it; but he is on sabbatical, and his goofy TA is teaching the thing." See,
then you say, "You wanted to study with Marx? Are you an economics major?" See, regardless of how she responds, she is inviting you into her
world, and you are welcome to pursue further. Compare that with this one:
You: "the lecturer was actually a bit less boring today"
She: "As if." [she turns from you and starts talking to someone else.]
See the difference? In the first one, at least a part of her is interested in talking with you.
If you get a positive response, try to expand the conversation. Only mention yourself when it reflects positively on her: "Oh really? I wanted to
major in economics, but I was afraid I couldn't master calculus." Then she can tell you how good she is at math. Bonus points if she offers to
.If she shuts you down, never force the issue. Always show respect for her wishes. But if she does reject you. make yourself available in the
background on another day. For instance, don't sit near her, but loiter outside the class for a minute and look at the bulletin board. She may
strike up a conversation after previously rejecting you. I have had that happen enough to always seek the possibility.
Then I'll tell you one more thing: find a female to do things with. Not to go to parties or romantic events, but just a friend to go to the mall
with, or jogging or whatever. The reason for this is simple.
The presence of a female telegraphs that you are not a serial killer.
I happened into such a friend in college. Her boyfriend was my best friend, and he took an opportunity to study overseas for a year. I never hit on
her, but we would go do things together. She liked the company, and both of us were more desirable because we had a "partner." Now, she was a lot
better looking than I was. But beautiful women were intrigued with what I was doing with someone like her. I had them hand me notes in a bookstore,
leave me phone numbers on napkins, all that crap.
Stella knew what was going on. If she saw another woman watching us, she would put her arm around me or hold my hand. She'd whisper for me to look
bored and not respond. Sure enough, when she went to the bathroom, the onlooker would feel compelled to "make contact" with me. The fact that I
looked bored with Stella's affection had a tremendous effect on other women. The whole, "Is he taken, or not?" thing.
It definitely will raise your status, and make you more popular with everyone, including your own friends(!)