Started taking medication... now I feel even more suicidal than before...

Lift weights eat meat, repeat.

reply to post by MrUncreated


Before you do anything else...STOP taking the suicide pills man.

Those things will kill ya just as surely as a bullet to the brain.

You know that's what they want....are you gonna allow them to make you kill? Are you?!

Of course not! YOU are stronger than they want you to be, than life seems to be and all the contrived circumstances would make you imagine.

There's more to you than this...this crappy website full of arses and shills and spies...and occasional kindred spirits.

LIve it...don't kill it.

Originally posted by MysterX
reply to post by MrUncreated

 

Before you do anything else...STOP taking the suicide pills man.

Those things will kill ya just as surely as a bullet to the brain.

You know that's what they want....are you gonna allow them to make you kill? Are you?!

Of course not! YOU are stronger than they want you to be, than life seems to be and all the contrived circumstances would make you imagine.

There's more to you than this...this crappy website full of arses and shills and spies...and occasional kindred spirits.

LIve it...don't kill it.

Tell us more about, "they"...

Originally posted by Propogandor
Lift weights eat meat, repeat.

lifting weights with a herniated disc is a really really bad idea......

not everyone wants to eat meat ... B vitamin supplements are avaliable...

Hi MrUncreated, Im glad you are talking about your troubles rather than just keeping it all bottled up. This is a good attitude.

It sounds like you need to get to the doctor and get your pills changed. Quite a lot of people get the same feelings you have been getting with that group of medicines. Its can take some time before you find some that work well for you. Sounds like you have had a rough time in the past so you deserve to have a shot at a decent life. It can take some time but im sure you will get there.

for exercise i find swimming is the best all round with the least stress to the body. Sometimes i hurt my back at the gym and i find an hours light swimming helps put it back into place.

As for your hard drive melting..dont think life is getting at you. People have bad stuff like that happen to them all the time. I once went though 4 hard drives in 6 months for no reason. Life will lash out out you from time to time. You just have to learn how to roll with the punches.

reply to post by MrUncreated

So life is spiritual evolution... what, exactly, is going through all this, going to evolve me into? A bitter, cynical, jealous psychopath who hates the world, and seeks only the relief of death? I spit on my life and the state of this world.

Quite the contrary! A soul who is ambitious and serious about their development chooses a body like yours to fight in. You are a warrior. Forget skydivers and mountain climbers. Those that choose slavery, poverty, mental and physical ailments--those are the hardcore ones that intended to push through their evolution and take care of their karma. How you take on this life now is how successful you will or will not be.

First of all, I'm in awe of what you've accomplished in the last two years. This huge fat slob (pleased to meet cha - I'm talking about myself) is sitting around 290 and is too embarrassed, too lazy, too depressed to step foot in a gym and get started. Sad. I was 70 lbs lighter when involved in kung-fu 5 years ago. Currently deal with constant low-grade depression & anxiety attacks that make my body absolutely friggin' sure it's experiencing a heart attack.

Second, call the doctor's office. If he's lounging around on his ass on vacation, someone should be covering for him. Get off the meds causing the problems. I had a similar reaction when I was switched to prozac. I lived up a huge mountain at 4,500'. Every trip up was a battle not to steer off. Threw the bottle away then argued with the doc whether I was *really* experiencing manic episodes. Blinkin' idiot.

Third - I heartily agree with, was it Alice? The poster giving great advice on more gentle stretches and exercise for a screwed up back. Another reason for my reluctance to get off my butt - my Geo Metro (tiny, tiny, tiny roller skate car) was rear ended 15 years ago. Two pregnancies, too much weight, too much stress and I swear my hip is out to get me. The gentle exercises like that poster wrote up really helped.

Fourth - Don't let the black dog win. I count each day I'm still walking as a tiny little victory, no matter how hard won.

reply to post by MrUncreated


First get off that medication and let your doctor know why. He or She can perscribe some other alternative that don't have those same side effects.

reply to post by MrUncreated


If Carbamazepine is having this effect on you then you need to see your physician immediately and replace it with something different. Oxcarbazepine has less side effects and may be a better alternative, but your physician will know best. A mood stabilizer should NOT be having this effect on you.

You should not be experiencing such suicidal symptoms when your on a mood stabilizer, therefore you need to have that changed for something that will not have such an adverse reaction in you.

reply to post by MrUncreated


You may be having a reaction to carbamazepine. I have been taking is for years with no problem, but I am not you, call your doctor - since it is a weekend call your pharmacy and ask to speak to the pharmacist. See what they recommend.

Don't give in to the suicidal thoughts. I'm no spiritual guru, but you are not alone in feeling God has abandoned you. Even King David felt this way. I just read this in my email today, I think it was meant for you:

Please answer me!

Psalm 13:1-3
How long will you forget me, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you refuse to accept me? How long must I wonder if you have forgotten me? How long must I feel this sadness in my heart? How long will my enemy win against me? LORD my God, look at me and give me an answer. Make me feel strong again, or I will die.

Meditation
Martin Luther once said the Psalms are the complete anatomy of the human soul; every emotion we feel finds voice some place in this book. Have you ever been where David was when he wrote this? There is no disbelief in God here, just a profound sense that God is somehow gone. A document like this gives us permission to cry out to God in our cosmic loneliness. God will answer.

Prayer
Lord, I admit my sense of your presence comes and goes. Help me to love you and trust you when I have no perception that you are, in fact, right here. Amen.

Verse of the day from Bible League International

I will pray for you, MrUncreated.

winston churchhill said when you're going thru hell, keep going.

meaning eventually you'll get thru it. just keep going.

im not a doctor but you should see a gp; the physical symptoms(minus the effects of the medication) u describe sounds like gallbladder or kidney issues.

are you supplementing anything else for your body other than the medication u mentioned?

Wellbutrin made me feel what you described in the OP. I don't normally suggest stop taking meds (I've seen that go horribly wrong before with people I know) but, sounds like this particular med is NOT for you. What might work for one person may not work for the next, even if it's the same condition being treated. Talk to your DR ASAP, let him know it got worse with the certain med. My best wishes to you OP. Life is worth hanging around for, even if you can't see that through the fog right now.

reply to post by MrUncreated


im sorry about your problems dude,but i gotta say,my brother has schitzophrenia,and he says all the same stuff about hell,and hatred,and too be honest,i know those tablets are bad news,cos i was on ones similar too them,they had a similar name,and my brother was on other ones,also with a similar name,and those things are nasty man,they come in many forms,in fact,hold on,ill tell you the ones i was on,mirtazpine? the ones my bro was on sounded exactly like yours though,i mean,i was gettin bad side effects,and i get nightmares every night,as i have my whole life,but my bro was screamin help n #,bangin his head of walls,then he said there was something in his ear or something,then he said there was a demon chasing him around trying too stab him,trust me bro...get of that medication,its not good,anyway,your doctor should put you in hospital for a couple of weeks till they straighten you out,it worried me with my brother,now im worried about you,and ive never even met you,just try and be strong ok? get yourself too the #ing doctor,tell them what youve been through,and by the way,people do care dude ok? it might not seem so with all the trolls n #,all the reality can hit you all at once and things get too trippy for ya,but you have survived this long,and youll survive for as long as you want too now,your a #ing warrior bro k? keep your chin up,now go too the docs.

reply to post by PhoenixOD


well said! im forever telling my brother that,sometimes its hard too get throught too someone who is convinced everthing is against them,and in my brothers case,life is a big dream,and were all meaningless dream beings,so he can treat us how he wants...youve no idea how much i need too talk too him,still a person in need is a person in need,im always willing too help,i suffer from anxiety and depression myself due too past trauma's,but i deal with it differently than my bro,he just goes off his head altogether,sometimes it feels too much too handle,but i know im the stronger mentally of us two,so i keep at it,he says im his hero now and again cos ive saved his life so many times from allsorts of things and situations,but theres times when he is the opposite and says i ruined his life,and space has oxygen in it and stuff like that so,you gotta roll with it...
hope this young guys ok,hes obviously seeking help,i really hope his doctor changes his meds cos i dont like that # at "all!"...

I hope I can help you out. I am a psychology major, and also a spiritual guru of sorts. I have been feeling the same way lately. So the first thing you should do is talk to your psychiatrist and see about changing the medication.

For me, I have been on a lot of medications for little things, and they all have nasty side-effects. For example, my focus medication was originally a blood pressure medicine and the other day my blood pressure went so low that I had to go into the hospital. I don't like medications... there are few I tolerate, and I keep those around.

More nasty side-effects? I was taking a sleeping pill once, and my dreams got very vivid. Then, I started having memory loss during the day. This other focus medicine I'm taking makes me paranoid and have bad panic attacks. These are side-effects that go away if I stop the medication.

Secondly, I can relate to you. I am 26 and living with my parents and can't find a job. It is really killing me. This might sound like it's different, but I also feel like I shouldn't be alive at times. Like yesterday. My mom wants me to go on disability (for mild autism) and everything but I would rather not... I would rather find a good job. I have a college education. But it looks like I might be surviving off food stamps and living in a cheap apartment around meth addicts in the near future.

Spiritually, what would you like? I think there is a universal God who is aware of you and you have the power to get through this, and anything you set your mind to. I think you should focus on what you want out of life and take a moment to regroup, find some hobbies if you don't have any or focus on the ones you have, be thankful if you have a job and your own place and a car. Hang out with some close friends or make some. Take a college course. Start gaming. I'll check this thread again later.

Hmm... other than that, it's probably a medication issue and I would seriously recommend talking to your psychiatrist.

Good luck, hope I helped.

reply to post by MrUncreated


My, you're a cheery Gus. To enquire, are you well and always hydrated? The good or deluded people at watercure.com say that depression is mainly a symptom of dehydration. This could very well be true, as the human body, made up of 70 percent or something water, probably gets angry when the water is low, and if it's low for too long (like a lifetime in some people) goes into a state like a cactus without liquid, just keeping the vital functions operating and removing water from the muscles and other needless items laying around in there, and that can put the brain in quite a funk. Does that apply to you? I dunno, but if this helps, more power to geese and to you.

reply to post by MrUncreated

So life is spiritual evolution... what, exactly, is going through all this, going to evolve me into? A bitter, cynical, jealous psychopath who hates the world, and seeks only the relief of death? I spit on my life and the state of this world

my theory is, there is good and bad in this world, who gets the good "ticket" and which the bad is pure luck. so, you could ask the powers, which "gave" you the bad luck, why they are doing it. i would not take it personal, or if you see it spiritual, before you were born, something was not in harmony between two forces, maybe your spirit and god or god and devil or your soul, which existed before you is in a conflict with some sort of non-human entities.

reply to post by MrUncreated


SMOKE W33D.

don't pop pills

reply to post by MrUncreated


My uncle has tumors all on his body, that are visible and the tumors pretty much consume 90% of his body. He's been an outcast for most of his life growing up and not having any friends. The only friends he has, is his family. He doesn't think once about ending it all and he presses on everyday with a chipper attitude. If he can do it. I know you can do it. Don't give up.