So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

reply to post by daryllyn

It's only her 'private space' if she is paying her own phone bill. As long as dad and mom are paying the bill, it's fair game.

The lesson your children will draw from this is that money is the ultimate measure of everything, including morality.

If you really think that paying the bills gives you the right to invade another person's privacy, you are applying the values of the workplace or the slave-coffle to the parent-child relationship. That is a lot creepier than even what the OP did.

ah i remember the parents i used to upset. haha srsly if i had a daughter, i'd hide her somewhere

I don't have a daughter so this is just my opinion.

If you disciplined her and took the phone away. You should have told her that you are going to look through it. Playing with the others was, I think wrong. If you were going to do anything, it should have gone along the lines of "This is her father, she has lost her phone for now" or you say for how long.

You should also have her present. Let her know that you love her and as part of the punishment will go through the phone with her present. I wouldn't punish her with anything else in the phone unless their is criminal activity. Talk to her about any inappropriate things, being 13 she may not know that some things are wrong (wouldn't want her and her friends to become registered sex offenders for sending their friends/boyfriends explicit photo's)

You don't really *need* to go through her phone, but then again she is only 13. Again you are the parent, so the decision is yours. This is just my 2 cents.

I would rather her think I'm a strict parent and not want to get into trouble again than have her hate me for going through her private things.

And another thing,from day one,myself and my wife have done everything to instill respect,honesty and trust.
With my son,no problems.
With Hannah,just one of those kids that will go against authority at any given chance,much like I was.
Just trying to nip it in the bud.
But she has learned her lesson,doing better.
She is progressing and maturing.
So,maybe one day she will get her privileges back,because that is what a phone is,a privilege,not a right.
She gets that when she is 18.

reply to post by kdog1982

She might despise me,now,but she is only 13 years old and totally inappropriate for her age.

[color=dodgerblue]Someone told me that if your kid isn't mad at you at least some of the time? You aren't doing your job.

It's our job to protect them.. from themselves. If she was having conversations that were not appropriate for her age, especially on a phone you pay for, that has your name on the contract, then that's a problem. I think you did the right thing and you should talk to her.

Teenagers can be difficult, but go a little easy on her because biologically, she sometimes can't really help it. And that's where you come in.

Good luck...

reply to post by kdog1982


Dear kdog1982,

As I said, your family and you know how much freedom to give.

When you see a pic of a boy in his underwear ,that is by far crossing the line. We have giving her a little freedom,and this is where it ends.

I am glad all of my children are grown, I think it is harder being a parent now then ever before. Between the garbage on television and the filth on the internet that any kid can access, it must be tough to decide what is enough monitoring. I personally am very concerned about the sexualization of children and the general acceptance for underage sex. I wish you the best of luck in raising your child. Peace.

reply to post by calnorak


As her
parent,and she is only 13,I have every right to snoop on her phone because,who knows,it might be some 40 year old dude posing as a 13 year old.
Ever thought about that?
I am protecting my child as every parent should do,not be there friend.

To begin with your daughter is a legal minor and you have every right as a parent to know what she is doing, with who and how... and to follow up on them is something you have to do whether you like it or not these days.

Not sure I would have texted back to the boys though.

Have to laugh at all the people who have said you were wrong for taking the phone and seeing what was on it... obviously they have Malleable children and not one of the Ruthless children that make up the rest of modern youth.

I also wonder how you got the phone from her in the first place. When I asked for my daughter's phone as a punishment for very poor behaviour, she got physical with me and wanted to fight it out.. seriously.. just like the brats on the TV do.. and have learned to do from popular youth culture in the media.

Stand your ground. Who cares if she hates you for it anyway?

Teenage girls today are far more aggressive than in past decades and will hate you for a million things every single day if they don't get their own way.. so this phone thing is no biggie.

If you paid for it and supplied it to her then you have the right to with-hold it from her for poor behaviours.

Don't let the bleeding heart/gen y'ers sway you from being a Pro-active parent... tough love is a way to show that you care enough to go the hard yards with your ruthless child.

Besides, one day she will grow up, and a few more years later she will begin to mature into an adult.. it does not come with a specific set age as most tend to think it does... only years bring maturity, and then they usually come back and are thankful for being the parent you were to them... even the worst little Shytes do that at some time in their lives.

Sorry to ramble

reply to post by kdog1982


I'm on your side. You are a concerned parent. Good God a pic of a boy in his underpants??????? Your daughter is only 13! You are doing what a responsible parent should do.

Originally posted by Night Star
reply to post by kdog1982

 

I'm on your side. You are a concerned parent. Good God a pic of a boy in his underpants??????? Your daughter is only 13! You are doing what a responsible parent should do.

You better keep her away from beaches and pools - everyone there is in underwear

Ok, a few things here, but firstly i got to ask something...

You said in your OP that she's been getting texts of boys, and that you play around with them for a while before revealing yourself, so at what point did you tell the boy who sent a picture of himself in his underwear? Was you posing as your daughter to see how far he would go? Im not accusing, as it may sound, im just wondering if you was texting to this boy like you suggested in your OP or if he just sent it randomly.

Also, a major thing in growing up as a teenager is gaining trust from adults. I remember being a teen, it was frustrating more than anything being looked down upon and treated like a little kid, at an age when your mind is changing at the quickest rate in your life. You need trust, you need to be able to feel that your parents can rely on you to do the right thing. Yes i understand it's hard because she is 13 and you're her farther, she's always going to be "your little girl" (couldn't think of a different way to put it) but the truth of the matter is she is growing up, you need to loosen the ropes a little.

Yes mistakes will be made, but until you show trust in her she will never have to live up to that trust, she will purposely go against your advise just to get back at you, because what has she got to loose? Your trust? She will certainly not feel trusted having her phone peeped through and even replies to her mates.

She will act the age you treat her (obviously within reason, still look out for her and what not) but let her live her life.

It's getting worrying now how easy it is for parents to control every aspect of their child's life or spy, there's even a program on BBC 3 where parents spy on their 18-24 year old kids when their on a boozy holiday!

People learn from mistakes and grow from them, and no one can argue that a lot of things were learned as a teenager, from our mistakes, or trying to hide a disaster from their parents, or just generally doing stupid things.

I ask the adult members of ATS (i don't know the typical age range for this site but i gather its quite a large one) to look back at their teen years, at all those times you remember most, the situations you learned vital life lessons in, and think to yourself what your teen years would of been like if your parents knew every little thing you were doing, how many lessons you would of never learned, and how bleak the years that should of been the most important of you life would have been in comparison.

Let her have her phone back, gain some trust with her, and she will then come to you with her problems, looking for advice, and then at least you know what is going on with her telling you, and not snooping around, so that you can build stronger trust, and have the proper relationship a child should have with their parent.

Originally posted by Hawking
What happened to parents being the mature ones?

edit on 21-2-2012 by Hawking because: (no reason given)

They tend to lose control of themselves after a few decades of keeping their daughters in a basement.

Damned if you do, damned if you dont.

Personally, I'd do as the OP. Wait for one to make a meeting place, and then rock up.



Why don't you have a seat right over there.

Rofl.

Originally posted by Hawking

Originally posted by Night Star
reply to post by kdog1982

 

I'm on your side. You are a concerned parent. Good God a pic of a boy in his underpants??????? Your daughter is only 13! You are doing what a responsible parent should do.

You better keep her away from beaches and pools - everyone there is in underwear

Hmm, well there is this :

reply to post by kdog1982


Dear kdog1982,

Wow, I came back to the thread just to see what responses you got and some of them were fairly mean. I saw a lot of extremism. She is your daughter and 13 and she does require some monitoring and as you have to live with her, you get to decide. I also believe we as parents need to set an example, I think I might have let those texting her know that she no longer had the phone (not an attack, an explanation of what I would have done) because I wanted to teach my children to tell the truth by setting an example.

I always say that once you become a parent, you can never be right again. People need to respect the fact that you are making an effort, asking others for their opinions and trying to see if what you are doing is right. I give you lots of applause for that. I am sorry that some cannot see that you are at least making an effort and are willing to consider your actions. Peace.

reply to post by Trolloks

When her grades come bck,she will get her phone back.

As for her being a teen,13 is pretty young for such things.
She will get another chance,but she will be monitored.
Big difference between having a phone and having a privite diary..
On e can be viewed by everyone,the other can be view by her little brother.

I can see the ones who have kids and the ones who don't.

As her dad,I have every right to deny all privileges besides food,water,shelter,an education and as safe place to live.
She has all that and way more.
When she breaks the rules,she loses privileges.

Plain and simple.
She knows the rules and chooses to break them knowing the consequences of her actions.

reply to post by kdog1982


Whoaaa.... Thats boundary stepping man. Confiscate and turn off. None of this reading through texts business.

But replying under a guise of being her..... Issues.... :/


I hope she survives

I was more concerned at you reading and replying to texts than confiscating her phone, confiscating a phone for a bit is fine, but she's going to know that you've been going through her texts because of the replies you sent out. In her mind she got "Fraped" by her dad, on her phone, which is a huge breech of privacy.

I'm with the other posters,you have every right to take her phone.It's not a right that she has it.I do think texting her friends was a bit much though,even if it was just in fun..Personally,I would've just shut it off and kept it hidden somewhere she couldn't get it.If I was you I'd have done the same.My daughter is 4 so thankfully I've got a few years before I've got to deal with all the crap that comes with being a teenage girl.

Originally posted by AQuestion
reply to post by kdog1982

 

Dear kdog1982,

As I said, your family and you know how much freedom to give.

When you see a pic of a boy in his underwear ,that is by far crossing the line. We have giving her a little freedom,and this is where it ends.

I am glad all of my children are grown, I think it is harder being a parent now then ever before. Between the garbage on television and the filth on the internet that any kid can access, it must be tough to decide what is enough monitoring. I personally am very concerned about the sexualization of children and the general acceptance for underage sex. I wish you the best of luck in raising your child. Peace.

Hate to burst your bubble but underage sex has been going on for thousands of years. The only difference now is that people aren't being encouraged to getting married, having kids/starting families in their teens. But this isn't a "new" thing.

The "teenager" road to adulthood is a relatively new concept. One that modern day people think it means your kids are inept at everything until 18 years old. As if it is a magical number that instills some wisdom...



I feel sorry for kids, as I remember how dumb I thought adults were when I was a teen, nothing has really changed. Except I'm an adult now, and I still find the condescending attitude just as annoying.