Originally posted by boncho
I helped raise an ex's daughter. We weren't her best friend but we were close. Never had to worry about some of the things people claim they do
because we were too busy being active in her life and her friends lives. Made sure that she was involved in a lot of social activities and that her
friends were welcome to spend time at our house anytime they wanted.
Organized events for them, get-togethers, parties, etc.
The kid was well adjusted, never had many issues besides a tantrum here or there. And because of the close unit with friends and family, she never
wanted to talk to anyone unless they were vetted by either friends or family. Had a bit of a complex actually, I'm sure a lot of people her age
thought she was a snob.
In any case, everyone has their own ideas on parenting, and most people don't know the effects they had on their children until they are grown and
To each their own.
Thanks Boncho for the reply, much appreciated.
But, it sounds like you helped raise a Malleable Child, the type who will work within guidelines, who will participate in family activities, who will
accept Rules and Restrictions.. and while not perfect angels they are nothing like a Ruthless Child.
The difference between the two is opposite ends of the spectrum.
I know families who have one of each type, and who struggle to comprehend why one is lovely to raise and other makes their life hell... once I explain
the two types then they can start to understand it is NOT their Fault.. is no one's really.
A child's character is in place from around age 5, and while we can beat our heads against the wall trying to assist them in their growth, they will
be who they want to be no matter what you DO or Say.
In most cases I see the Primary Care Giver is the one who cops most of the negativity from their kids as they grow up. So, many partners only rarely
see the negative behaviours until the hellish Teen years with insane peer pressure starts to make life harder.
You were very fortunate Boncho to have had the experience you did.. be thankful the child was not a ruthless one.
Not saying they are bad kids.. just the behaviours stink.. as we can see on a lot of You Tube videos and as we walk around our streets these days.
But, these ruthless kids force you to dig even deeper than you thought you could to find the means to deal with their ruthless behaviours and
manipulations.. particularly with girls these days. And while they do wear you down, do make your life a hellish experience, do wreck any sleep
patterns for years, in the end of the child-raising years.. if you all survived it.. you would not change one thing about it.
As kids become young adults things start to change.. and after 30 when they begin to Mature things continue to change. By 40 one would be fairly
matured and many would have already thanked their "hard" parents for what they did to keep the kids on track.