So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

Originally posted by Astyanax

This kind of personal attack is precisely what I would expect from people espousing the attitudes you hold. Unfortunately for the two of you, it doesn't advance your position one inch. All ATS knows what you're like now.

It got personal with these types of comments.

Originally posted by Astyanax
Besides, your offence is not just against your own daughter. You were reading the private messages of other children. Other teenage girls. A grown man secretly reading the messages teenage girls send each other, and exulting in it. How sickening and pathetic.

So if I tell you I understand why you dont have children,dont be offended. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE.


Now you pander to the rest of ATS in typical grandstanding,hoping for support from those who back your side.

ATS norm actually.

You were shown LEGALLY that Parents are monitoring their childrens messages. You dont like it. Thats good. Its time you go after the companys that are backing the parents,since your personal crusade here,isn't going to change my mind,or any parent that agrees with me.

Let me know how that works out for you.

reply to post by 1littlewolf


Reading a childs messages is NOT going a bit too far. There are company's that actually offer those type of services. If you have an agreement,as I do with my child,to check from time to time,it just reassures the child and parent that thing are on the up and up. As I stated in earlier posts,My daughter LAUGHED at some of the responses here. Especially from those who dont have children,trying to talk as if they KNOW how to raise a child,in todays world. Making believe you are someone else? Yeah,bit too far,something I wouldnt do. Then again thats ones parents way of doing things,and NOT every parent is perfect. Being a Parent is a learning adventure also.

And Yes,85% of Parents blamed the parents in the Columbine massacre. Why? Because their children are dead. You as a Parent,should look for signs,if your child is going through some problem. From bullying to sexting,to talking to people who are not on a list that you approve of. If it means monitoring your childs phone,then so be it.

A phone is a privilege. Children seem to forget that.

Wow this is quite a thread!

I've not been a member long at all, and do you know what, after reading this I'm not sure I'll be coming back very often.

But as a parent my self I feel I can contribute without making nonsense comments that are unfounded and un educated.

I think he was within his rights to take the phone, which it seems is agreed by most. Texting back may have been a step too far, getting this much stick is just wrong. I must say that all you people without kids have no idea. Just you wait!

Why is it that the only posters still making stupid comments (that any real parent can see are rubbish) are the ones without kids? My advice, if you don't have an educated opinion keep it shut and let the grown ups talk about grown up stuff. Sonny1, Doubledutch and the other parent still posting, keep up the good work, the rest of you need to go away and come back when you have kids.

reply to post by Astyanax

somehow I missed this

I wonder if he will dare apologize, though. Imagine confessing what he did to his daughter! Still, that's his only road to redemption, so he should try.

I think sometimes parents feel they're handing over their authority and losing their grip by apologizing - but kids already know they aren't perfect. Like most anyone - they can respect someone who owns up to their mistakes and apologizes for them. Real respect has to be earned - it's not automatic

I wonder if we'll ever know in this case - but I would like to think he would try

the fact that he got so incredibly angry here at ATS tells me he's not clueless...just proud

I can relate to what the OP's daughter must be feeling now through some personal experiences of my own.

I've said this other places in this thread - but having your privacy violated is the worst. It can be devastating even when it isn't done to you by someone close. I'm sorry this happened to you. Isn't it interesting how many adults forget what it's like to be a kid?

Originally posted by Spiramirabilis
I've said this other places in this thread - but having your privacy violated is the worst. It can be devastating even when it isn't done to you by someone close. I'm sorry this happened to you. Isn't it interesting how many adults forget what it's like to be a kid?

Absolutely, and what I think you have most appropriately pointed out, as parents we should remember that we are only human and infallible too. That sometimes we need to take a step back and think about why they are behaving in a certain way, and if there is anything in our own behaviour that could make them not want to discuss some things with us.

At some point our children are going to go out into the world without us there to be the safety net, so we have to teach them to make 'good' decisions, and as importantly give them the freedom to be the people that they want to be, not expect them to be who we want them to be. They should be allowed to make their own mistakes, within reason, and if you demonstrate to them that they can trust you, consistently, they will come to you with their problems and you can help them to resolve them.

And what I always find particularly hypocritical is how many fathers seem to think it is okay to put down women, or objectify them, and then are shocked or outraged when their daughter feels it is okay to be viewed by boys and men in the same way. Even the crappiest of Dad's is a hero in their child's eye, to a point, and that is the model that they will aim to please.

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


What exactly should he be apologising for? For disciplining her? For trying to protect her or for loving her?

You my dear you are exactly the kind of armchair expert I was talking about in my rather rude post earlier. No offence but I don't think you have the right to critisize someone on something you know nothing about. I have read this whole thread and the most opinionated posters with the silliest ideas are the ones who have no real experience.

You can wittier on about how disgusting his behaviour was and how he invaded her privacy and try to sound all 21st century earth mothery but it means nothing.

Come back when you have children and experience.

I'm done with this silly thread. I thought this website was supposed the deny ignorance not breed it...

Originally posted by Numb3r
What exactly should he be apologising for? For disciplining her? For trying to protect her or for loving her?

You my dear you are exactly the kind of armchair expert I was talking about in my rather rude post earlier. No offence but I don't think you have the right to critisize someone on something you know nothing about. I have read this whole thread and the most opinionated posters with the silliest ideas are the ones who have no real experience.

You can wittier on about how disgusting his behaviour was and how he invaded her privacy and try to sound all 21st century earth mothery but it means nothing.

Come back when you have children and experience.

As someone once said to me, you need a licence for pretty much anything, but anyone can have a child. No qualifications, no experience necessary.

The ability to reproduce, does not necessarily equate to an ability to parent.

Or as someone else once said, any prick can father a child.

reply to post by Numb3r

No offence but I don't think you have the right to critisize someone on something you know nothing about. I have read this whole thread and the most opinionated posters with the silliest ideas are the ones who have no real experience.

don't say 'no offense' when you obviously mean to offend - it only draws attention to how dishonest you are

and you didn't really read the thread - there were many posters here who are parents that were not happy with how the OP handled the situation

You can wittier on about how disgusting his behaviour was and how he invaded her privacy and try to sound all 21st century earth mothery but it means nothing.

Come back when you have children and experience.

if I had children - I would sound exactly the same. I am me after all. Don't assume that because I have no kids that I have no experience with kids.

do you have anything to say about any of this other than to come in at the last minute and attack posters you don't like? You are pretty new here - I assume you are a parent - what are your views on all this?

and let me ask you this - before you became the outstanding parent that you are now - were your views all that different? If so - please explain how they changed - how you've changed

reply to post by Biliverdin


Biliverdin - I just love your name :-) does it have special meaning for you?

They should be allowed to make their own mistakes, within reason, and if you demonstrate to them that they can trust you, consistently, they will come to you with their problems and you can help them to resolve them.

that's everything - right there

And what I always find particularly hypocritical is how many fathers seem to think it is okay to put down women, or objectify them, and then are shocked or outraged when their daughter feels it is okay to be viewed by boys and men in the same way. Even the crappiest of Dad's is a hero in their child's eye, to a point, and that is the model that they will aim to please.

This is worth an entire thread of it's own - there's so much I could say about this. But I have this sense that some dads are in some kind of strange competition with their daughters potential suitors - and I don't mean that the way it sounds. But what are daughters to learn from all this - that their dads don't think they're capable of looking out for themselves? We don't hear very much about parents monitoring their sons the way they do their daughters - or am I just missing all that?

Originally posted by Biliverdin

The ability to reproduce, does not necessarily equate to an ability to parent.

Or as someone else once said, any prick can father a child.

Sort of like any mother,can be the box a child comes in..........



Parents "learn" as their children do also. Nothing is perfect.
This whole texting thing is just another technology,that needs to be monitored for abuse.
That is why some great parents are doing it.

reply to post by kdog1982

You have heard of the father her and his daughter and her Facebook rant,right?
He posts a vid on YouTube and shoots up her laptop.

Well,I went through a similar situation with my daughter and her iPhone.

But I did not shoot it up,I kept it..

So now I get these messages from boys,I play with them awhile,then I reveal myself to them
I tell them that I know who they are,and I'm keeping an eye on them.

I could go go further with it,but just letting them know that I know about them is enough.

Back in the day,a shotgun was the warning,but I won't go that far.


Am I out of line or being a protective carrying parent.

What are your thoughts.

S&F!

Good for you!! You can never be too deep in your children’s business in this day and age. I’m still considering the SHOTGUN method but my kids are young. Hopefully when they get to the 'cellphone age' I’ll have some newer tricks up my sleeve.

reply to post by Astyanax

As I said earlier, I couldn't care less what you do. I just feel sorry for your daughter – and for the poor children whose innocent messages you are snooping on without their knowledge.

Without their knowledge? Poor children on cell phones??

We’re talking about children! If a child wants to talk on a cell phone and not have parents snooping then that CHILD should get a job and buy his/her own cell phone (and…place to live). OR…do things that earn the parents trust.

I’m old school…if you live under my roof you play by my rules. It only sucks if you’re not following the rules and doing what WE PARENTS consider the right thing. Occasionally it SUCKED for me as a kid because I didn’t follow the rules sometimes. In the long run the child will thank you for it; I know I eventually thanked my parents (though definitely not at the time).

Thanks for all the responses!
Wow!

I got back home tonight from being out of town all week.

I got a big hug and I love you daddy from my girl.

And you know,I'm the soft parent here,my wife is the one that shutdown her facebook a few months ago,and the one who took her cellphone away and gave it to me.

The ones she,my daughter ,did not know were the ones that continued to text her phone.

How many times have you heard about cops posing as young girls and nabbing predators?

That is why if your child has access to any type of communication,parents need to be vigilant in monitoring what is going on.

Man Arrested For Soliciting Undercover Cop Posing As 14-Year-Old Girl

chicago.cbslocal.com...

An example of thousands of these cases.

So,tell me again I am wrong for snooping.

Explanation: For all you parents who think you are blameless ...

Having Mortal children is a form of Murder! Thank your Mum & Dad for having Sex that Killed YOU! [by OmegaLogos posted on 8-3-2011 @ 04:03 AM] [ATS]

Personal Disclosure: ... Well NO!, you are NOT BLAMELESS!

Originally posted by Numb3r
Wow this is quite a thread!

I've not been a member long at all, and do you know what, after reading this I'm not sure I'll be coming back very often.

But as a parent my self I feel I can contribute without making nonsense comments that are unfounded and un educated.

I think he was within his rights to take the phone, which it seems is agreed by most. Texting back may have been a step too far, getting this much stick is just wrong. I must say that all you people without kids have no idea. Just you wait!

Why is it that the only posters still making stupid comments (that any real parent can see are rubbish) are the ones without kids? My advice, if you don't have an educated opinion keep it shut and let the grown ups talk about grown up stuff. Sonny1, Doubledutch and the other parent still posting, keep up the good work, the rest of you need to go away and come back when you have kids.

Thank you.
I'm sorry,but I just gave up on the thread,cause I'm not that good a fighter.
I'm a peaceful,fact driven kind of person.
When people attack my decisions,I ignore them and move on.
But if their posts prove me wrong,I will admit to it.
In this case it has not happened.

Children's rights.

Children's rights are the human rights of children with particular attention to the rights of special protection and care afforded to the young,[1] including their right to association with both biological parents, human identity as well as the basic needs for food, universal state-paid education, health care and criminal laws appropriate for the age and development of the child.[2] Interpretations of children's rights range from allowing children the capacity for autonomous action to the enforcement of children being physically, mentally and emotionally free from abuse, though what constitutes "abuse" is a matter of debate. Other definitions include the rights to care and nurturing.[3] "A child is any human being below the age of eighteen years, unless under the law applicable to the child, majority is attained earlier."[4] According to Cornell University, a child is a person, not a subperson, and the parent has absolute interest and possession of the child, but this is very much an American view. The term "child" does not necessarily mean minor but can include adult children as well as adult nondependent children.[5] There are no definitions of other terms used to describe young people such as "adolescents", "teenagers," or "youth" in international law,[6] but the children's rights movement is considered distinct from the youth rights movement. The field of children's rights spans the fields of law, politics, religion, and morality.

en.wikipedia.org...'s_rights

I didn't have any right's till I moved out of the house when I graduated high school when I was 17 years old.

When you are a legal adult,on your own,you have the rights as every American citizen out there.

If you are living under mom and dad's roof,you give up certain rights.
Plain and simple.
If you don't like it,go discover your independence and prosper.

reply to post by kdog1982


whats that noise ??? ,,,,,,,,, oh yeh backpeddling

Originally posted by ignorant_ape
reply to post by kdog1982

 

whats that noise ??? ,,,,,,,,, oh yeh backpeddling

Cute,really awesome reply.
Thanks.

Hey Kdog, been wonderin where you were! Looks like you opened up a can of worms and then some bro!

For what it's worth, this ol southern gal knows you did the right thing. Your daughter now knows you and your wife care enough about her to get into her bizness when it's called for (ie when she does something stupid or wrong), and that you and your wife will not waffle one iota when it comes to her safety. And I dare say the boys she hangs with know it too In psych parlance that translates to she has both boundaries and security, both good things to have growing up.

Kudos to you for having the cahones to track that a holes # down AND getting the cops involved Didn't doubt you for a minute. (Actually I think you handled it really well...most daddies I know would have had the dude eyeballin a piece of, shall we say, distinct hardware, and leave it at that)

Ok, for you others:
Yes I have kids, and even grandkids
Yes I was one hellva military brat
Both my sister and I gave my daddy hell, and this was way before cell phones and facebook.
You think cell phones and facebook are tough, try raising two girls during the hippie era....my dad's mantra was "just get them to age 18"! And you know what, we both luv our parents dearly and know we can count on them for anything and vice versa, a family tradition that's been passed down to our own kids.

Perhaps the phone isn't the issue here.
Your daughter will collect numbers from kids at school like they were pogs, or whatever.
If you're concerned she's talking to 30 year old cubans, perhaps you should be monitoring her internet usage, the pages she goes on, checking browser history, placing parental guards on web browsers to prevent chat rooms being accessed etc.
I don't know any normal teen who would meet a random 'old' guy off the street and give him her number. I still wouldn't do it now.
Personally, I think communication between you both would be more appropriate than reading texts and replying to minors, as a minor.
Your behaviour is similar to those you would protect your daughter from.
Don't get me wrong, I see that you just want to be a good dad. But in doing so, you might be more in the wrong than the kids she's texting.
At 13, kids learn about sex from each other, word of mouth, internet, school, TV. Yes, some avenues of this learning should not be available to her, I'm sure you don't need me to tell you which (TV and Internet).
Also, it is not just schools job to teach her sex education, or help the pupils develop morals and ethics. This is your job too.
You can't control what other people send to her phone, but you can teach her that her body is to be respected and not flaunted like it doesn't matter (ie: not to send nude photos, or bra photos), that sex should wait till she's old enough, that if she's gonna talk about it, fair enough, you don't like it, but sex should not be something on her mind right now. And that if she respects herself and her own body, others will respect that more than the girls that give their bodies without a second thought.

reply to post by Biliverdin


hi - im not sure that that was what the poster meant. As far as I can tell he/she was just trying to make the same point as me, That until you have kids it's very difficult to understand what it's really like, im fairly sure they weren't implying that as soon as your child is born you become an amazing parent (that would be ridiculous!), I don't think anyone has implied that, although you would think so going by some of the reply's...

Anyway this is a matter of opinion. I have stated mine many times.

op good to see you back, quite a thread you have going on here!