Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

I always knew I did something wrong. I was told to go out and get a birch or willow switch for my beating. Most of the time just the idea of having to go out and get the switch was enough to scare you to death. Yes, I punished my daughter with a good paddling if she did something wrong. My parents taught me right from wrong this way and my daughter was going to also be taught right from wrong even if it meant getting a good paddling.

The problem with the kids in this day and age is that they know you can't do anything to punish them other than take something away from them or giving them a time out. These things do nothing. If the courts and government would allow paddling it may just straighten out the children in our society. I have seen foreigners living in the USA whip there kids and nothing happens to them. Maybe if more parents took the time to correct there kids wrong doing the country would be in a lot better shape.

Originally posted by addygrace
If you are consistent and never punish while your enraged, it's much more effective. In reality it's hard to be consistent.

It is, but not impossible. It is the role of a parent to guide, not control. I can stop my child misbehaving with a single look, or with a certain tone of voice...and yet I have never even raised my hand to him. He has no reason to lie to me, and when he has a problem I am the first one that he turns to because he knows that there is nothing that cannot be resolved if we can talk it over, and he knows that if he does something wrong or hurts someone, that he is going to have to front up to that person and apologise for his behaviour. He knows this not only because he has been doing this ever since he could comprehend his actions, but also because I do the same, I am honest with him about my own imperfections. Children cannot learn about boundaries, social or personal, if they aren't permitted to push them from time to time, and they can do so with confidence knowing that you are there to pick them up and dust them off, and help them to make amends. Losing your temper with a child only reinforces in their mind that that kind of behaviour is okay. Literature offers loads of great examples for you to share with your child, and a busy mind and active imagination seldom leave room for nastiness, or for that matter boredom, which is the primary cause for children acting out.

What I hate to see is when parents(usually harrassed mothers in shopping malls) lose it with a toddler and start spanking the crap out of them out of anger. I actually stepped in one time and stopped a mother doing this to a beautiful little girl of about three who was doing nothing more than snivelling. This dumb bitch snapped, yanked her daughter off her feet by her wrist and was really laying into her legs and ass as the kid screamed. People were standing about, shocked as she kept on hitting her. I was consumed with anger and stepped up, asking her what the hell she thought she was doing. Obviously she told me it was none of my business but then several other shoppers stepped up to support me. She stormed off, dragging her sobbing child behind her, no-doubt intent on continuing the beating when she got home.

There are a lot of posters on here who no doubt think what the woman did was acceptable. So here's a question for you. I'm 6' 4 and weigh about 300 pounds. My wife is 5' 2 and weighs almost nothing. If she stepped out of line in my eyes, would it be acceptable for me to hit her?

reply to post by Troofseeker


Nobody at all in this thread has indicated that smacking a child for being naughty should be taken to the extreme that you describe that woman doing. In fact, those of us who support smacking as discipline have made it explicitly clear on multiple occasions that smacking too hard, anything beyond a slight sting, is too much and not acceptable.

Did you deliberately ignore our many multiple posts to that effect? Or we're you simply blinded by your zeal to get on your high horse and make a statement?

I have to say that I see a pattern here. It's a lot like any other topic that has people debating.

What I see is that people who think that spanking, smacking, whipping (or where I'm from a whuppin'... I'll use the terms interchangeably), is not right seem to think that the people who DO whip their children are using it as the ONLY form of discipline. While this is sometimes (but RARELY) the case, I do see where they are coming from. I had a parent that liked to jump the gun and spank me right off the bat. The repercussions of that have caused me to be skiddish around him and unable to open up even when I have a serious problem. So, as the main form of punishment or discipline, I have to agree that spanking is not the proper route.

On the other hand, people who are totally against it and just want to talk to the children or take the nintendo away, etc., and never give the kids a reason to respect them, are failing their kids JUST as much as a parent who simply hits their kids right off the bat.

My thoughts are, as always, everything in moderation. You MUST have an arsenal of punishments. Sometimes the child doesn't know that what they did is wrong (this excuse only works once though) and simply informing them that it IS wrong will suffice. Other times, the situation will require alternate and creative forms of punishment. Verbal, Financial, Physical, Emotional, Social, etc... All good forms of punishment and should be used where appropriate. Try to talk to your kids first, then if that doesn't work, you need to step it up to something progressively more severe, or you are being a bad parent.

And, for the record, YES, myself and anyone else in society has EVERY right to judge and comment on how you raise and discipline your children. If you fail at your job as a parent (a job which you took on willingly, since no matter your religious views, you had the choice to make the child and to carry it full term), then it is everyone else who really pays the price. If your kid ends up a juvenile delinquent, then WE have to pay for any possible incarceration or other adult punishment. WE have to deal with the long-term negative consequences if the kid ends up a bad egg because mommy didn't want to see little precious cry. I don't think that it's anyone's place to take your kids away, but it IS the responsibility of your community to help you raise the child to be a positive member of that community throughout their adult life. When someone offers you advice about raising your kid, take it as that... advice. Ninety percent of the time, that person is just trying to help. I long for the days when someone who saw a little boy spray painting foul language on a fence could turn him over their knee and give him a good swat or two. They are not trying to hurt your child, but if you're not around the child needs to know that the same rules apply if you're physically there or not.

As a parent, you CANNOT simply limit your beliefs to what you think is best for you or the child. You have to think of what is best for society as a whole. Your job as a parent isn't only to raise the child in a loving, safe home as best you can, it's to make sure the the person you are nurturing is able to be a benefit to the world and will make it a better place because of being in it. I hope you understand that it all starts with the parents. The reason you have to move from a certain neighborhood to another that is "safer" is because the parents of the people that live where you had to move from didn't do their job and raised a person that is having a negative impact on society, and it's the entire community that will ultimately pay for their failure.

So in conclusion, use whatever means are necessary in order to do the job to the best of your ability. These means will differ for each child as much as each child will differ from one another. Sometimes, taking away their TV or video games is sufficient for a child. For other children, the best punishment is taking away their books. Others will respond better to confinement to their bedroom. Still others will only get the clue when it hurts a little to sit down. There is no magic bullet as it were, it is up to the parents and the community to understand the child and be proactive in order to teach the child right from wrong in the way that is most effective.

When I was a kid, I got my ass beat if I screwed up. As a result, whenever I did something wrong, I was more worried about what would happen when I got home than what would happen at the police station, or in the principal's office.

Instead of worrying what the other kids thought of me, I worried about what my family thought. It didn't mess me up at all.

Originally posted by Kryties
reply to post by Troofseeker

 

Nobody at all in this thread has indicated that smacking a child for being naughty should be taken to the extreme that you describe that woman doing. In fact, those of us who support smacking as discipline have made it explicitly clear on multiple occasions that smacking too hard, anything beyond a slight sting, is too much and not acceptable.

Did you deliberately ignore our many multiple posts to that effect? Or we're you simply blinded by your zeal to get on your high horse and make a statement?

No, I didn't ignore those posts. But there are also posts that detail being hit with leather straps and pieces of wood. There are even posts that detail hitting OTHER PEOPLE'S kids! "I spanked my nephew" etc. And they don't see anything wrong with that.

So how about getting down off your high horse?

When I was spanked, I felt more humiliation than pain. I think that is the goal. Look at the crappy attitudes a lot of kids have these days. I think it is from lack of discipline. Some of them deserve to be busted in the mouth.

Your Views On 'Smacking' children

Physical, negative reinforcement - or 'spanking' - has been with us since children were first born and raised by humans. Those of generations that grew up when child rearing was not something our governments had intruded upon, were generally smarter and less troublesome than the hooligans and snots that run the streets today.

Does this mean that spanking is a good idea? No. But there are times when lessons of life should be enforced to prevent the youngster from getting that same lesson later on as an adult which can, quite often, either land them in prison or leave them seriously injured.

In the end, it should be left to the parents to decide. Anti-spanking laws are some of the most intrusive ever conceived by government. It's one thing to prevent child cruelty but then another to prevent cruel children.

Just an opinion.

reply to post by liqua


I did not mean to imply that if a parent does not spank their child; then the child will automatically become a bad apple. I meant that (to me) it would seem very plausible that a lot of that whinning, crying, and acting up could be minimized with a firm spanking and a talk about why the child has been spanked. I should have written that last post a little different. I don't believe in beating children or using fear to control them. I do agree with you, there is A LOT more to raising a good child than spanking BUT it is a good tool to be used. It worked for my parents with me.

I'm just going to go all out and say it..

children are not born naughty, or bad. Their behavior comes from how the PARENT has raised them, the environment they were in, and the behavior that they see as their examples.

I'm SO tired of parents blaming their children's behavior on ANY ONE or ANY THING but themselves.

Now, with that said,

Hitting, smacking, beating, pushing, shoving, pinching, hair pulling, scratching...... etc etc.

If a parent has to do these things to get their kid in line, then they are IGNORANT and it's LAZY parenting. Period.

If you cannot take the time to sit down and talk to your children, and teach them right from wrong, and get off your behind and SHOW them through examples, it is LAZY parenting.

If your children are modeling bad behavior, you know what you do? Go look in the mirror first and figure out just where it came from. Don't punish your children because YOU messed up somewhere.

Oh and if you need to lose control and hit, smack, whatever to your kids...... go get some help. Learn how to parent and how to talk to your kid.

I do NOT believe in getting physical with our children. It's disgusting, cruel, antiquated, abusive, ridiculous, and it makes you a BULLY.

reply to post by MordyHaran


I don't think any hitting is good in moderation.

If we hit our daughters, what are they learning? That when they grow up, and get with an abusive partner, that being hit is OK and accepted? Because I'm telling you..... that is ONE of THE biggest problems on the reservation we see. Our daughters who get beaten, surely grow up and choose partners that will....... BEAT THEM.

When our children are in our care, we need to teach them ..... NO one has a right to lay their hands on you. No one.

Start it young and I swear, you see more women standing up to spousal abuse.

I should also bring up that males get abused by their women too.... very very common.

We have to break the cycle.

reply to post by dfsjr51


Exactly. I was beaten with a belt, the spatula, the switch off the bushes, a shoe, a hand, you name it....

And you know what I did when I grew up? I went off and married a man who hit me all of the time..... and I thought it was just a normal thing since that's something I grew up with..... watched my mother get hit too.

I divorced him and got away from him and now I'm married to a real man who does not believe in hitting women and has never hit his daughter.

Real men don't hit their children or women, nor do they beat their animals.

reply to post by Noromyxo


That's ridiculous.

So if you hit your daughter..... what are you going to tell her down the line when she comes home crying that her husband slapped her. "It's OK honey, I hit you too.... it's no big deal"

What is wrong with this picture?

If you are hitting your daughter, you basically are telling her, it's ok for men to hit her.

Originally posted by Starchild23
I'm not even going to read the thread to post this. This is just how I feel about it.

Smacking children should be done strictly in discipline. If you feel any negative emotion, don't touch your child.

Discipline them out of love, not anger. Follow that, and you should be fine.

Very well said and so succinct.
I agree completely.

So you all can't spank your kids. WOW! I thought America was bass acwards.. But you Brits, WOW can't spank your child. Your Government is even further up you all's poop shoot than ours!! I got my arse tore up with a switch ( branch of shrub, long and thin & whippy ) if I f'd up. Plus I had to go cut my own "switch".

The problem here isnt the kids or the parents. It's the Government wanting controll of all aspects of our lives. Parents who are actually parenting their childen that's what we need...Teaching their kids Right & Wrong and teaching their kids some social skills as how to deal with all the problems that arise and the different ways to handle such issues. Maybe then "smacking/spanking will go the way of the dinosaur..

Originally posted by Thunder heart woman
reply to post by Noromyxo

 

That's ridiculous.

So if you hit your daughter..... what are you going to tell her down the line when she comes home crying that her husband slapped her. "It's OK honey, I hit you too.... it's no big deal"

What is wrong with this picture?

If you are hitting your daughter, you basically are telling her, it's ok for men to hit her.

Tosh covered this in his standup bit. Is hitting your wife ALWAYS a bad thing? And this is a paraphrase directly from his bit....... Seems like a simple answer, but what if you come home, and she has already drowned 2 kids and is about to start on the 3rd? Is knocking her out ok in that instance. OK, so there is some gray area, what if she burns dinner? Ok, so that is somewhere on the otherside of the line, but we've established a line does exist, and somewhere in there it becomes acceptable.

Smacking a hand, or smacking the butt of a little girl for doing something inappropriate by any standard is much different than beating a wife for making an adult decision.

I don't have any daughters, but suppose I had a daughter come home and say her husband got drunk and beat her up for burning dinner? You can bet he will be getting a visit from me. BUT, what if she came home and said her husband smacked her because he walked in on her having sex with their insurance agent? Well, honey, you're on your own, Daddy can't help you this time.

Originally posted by LonelyGuy

Originally posted by InfoKartel
Simple:

You do not lay your hands on a child. Do so and go to jail.

Simple enough yeh?

Why do you think many kids end up going to jail? No discipline.

Yeh keep talking like that, karma has a way of sorting your type out.

Originally posted by Cosmic911

Originally posted by InfoKartel
Simple:

You do not lay your hands on a child. Do so and go to jail.

Simple enough yeh?

Glad this is not the view of the rest of the world.

Yes, although, you will find more support for your side of the story in totalitarian and oppressive countries than in the US.

I'm a Libertarian, a strict Constitutionalist and a big fan of state's rights. I have 4 kids and 2 of them I've had to pop on the butt a couple times. I grew up in a really abusive household, I'm not talking about smacking a kid, I'm talking about full on beatings. My oldest is ten and I've never spanked any of my kids with a belt although I've dished out 4 or 5 pops on the butt over the years.

How I choose to raise my child is my business, not anyone elses. The only exception would be if my discipline endangered the welfare or life of the child. The government has no business trying to decide if spanking is legal or illegal. The government has no business intervening if Mom comes home and she catches her 15 year old son doing coke in the bathroom and smacks him.

TO everyone who is telling everyone else the right and wrong way to raise a child, mind your own business as long as the child's life isn't endanger or unless the kid is coming to school in casts or with internal bleeding.

Nobody has the right to impose their beliefs on anyone else. And you have no business stepping in unless the child's life is endangered or he's suffering a severe injury.

I would most likely never do anything other than pop my kids on the butt, but I'm not above putting some rouge on their butt if circumstances(in my opinion) require it. Nor is it my place to decide what is the right and wrong way for you to discipline your kids. I'll intervene if they are in physical danger, but otherwise it's none of my business. If you catch your kid stealing out of someone's purse at the grocery and give him a smack, that's your business.